Our debate about women stashing “mad money” in the event of a relationship emergency continues. Regardless of the motive, do you think women should stash “mad money”? Some men find this unsettling while some women find a sense of comfort in being able to do so:
VictoryByDesignwrote, in response to Ginger:
Ginger, you are correct in that there are no biblical mandates to endure financial abuse. The biblical mandate is to become united in all areas of your life including the spiritual, physical, parental, and financial aspects. If a woman is being abused and needs to take care of herself, then by all means exit as fast as possible.
I agree that if a woman (or a man for that matter) chooses to have a sufficient income to support the household, family, and/or themselves in case of emergency then that is a sound plan. My concern is not having clarity on emergency and the motives behind the plan.
As an example, if the motive is to ensure stability in case of emergency, then that is a good plan. If the motive is to have a since of security in case of divorce, then that person is planting a seed of mistrust and will eventually walk out what they were planning for.
My deepest concern for anyone on the receiving end of financial abuse is that the person take action and protect themselves.
Ultimately, establishing trust, improving trust, and learning to trust have to be at the core of a marriage and the basis for making any decisions. When you separate finances and put controls in place, trust is endangered along with your relationship.
I ask this question because as you can see above the answer from some men is a resounding, no.
Yet, men are encouraged to present prenups to their less financially well off wives to be. We are also encouraged in life to maintain an emergency fund that we break in the event of an emergency. There’s even “eff you” money when we get tired of the day job doldrums. But we aren’t accused of walking into a new car, home or new job with a distrusting attitude, yet we are preached to over and over again ad nauseam about being prepared financially for the worst. I just think that regardless of the motive, we should have a stash to fall back on because no one walks into a situation hoping for the worst. Yet, life happens.
Here’s my take (and my response to the comment above:
Regardless of the motives, life happens. Just as buying a new car off the lot, you have nothing but great things in store for the long drives, trips to the beach and even short trips around town to soccer practice. But as time goes on, things start to break down and it becomes apparent that you need to put aside funds to help you just in case the timing belt goes kaput or you need new tires and a new transmission. You’re not walking into the purchase with evil thoughts about the car breaking down but – life happens and we should be prepared.
People are even more unpredictable than machines.
This is analogous to marriage in that you start off with good intentions but as life progresses, things happen and you need to be prepared. Regardless of the motives, distrust or you just want to be prepared – remove the emotion from it. In order to handle those surprises women need to buckle down and make sure they have their finances in order should hell break loose in their marriage. I’ve never had to hide money in my own marriage that my husband didn’t know about but I am not against it either. If the husband is a good person and recognizes that he would want his wife to be Ok in ANY event then he shouldn’t have an issue with it. He should trust that she has good intentions and as with any rainy day, should he be the cause of the storm clouds then her “stash” is her umbrella.
I find that men who are threatened by a woman having her own money share these sentiments about planing seeds of distrust.
If we’re to be prepared by having car, home and rental insurance then why aren’t we allowed to be prepared just in case something happens and your other half becomes abusive or someone you’re unable to trust?
Again, remove the discussion around motives, this is purely about LIFE and being prepared for it. Whether someone slashes your tires or you just get a flat on the highway – you still need new tires. There’s a stash for that.
Should women have a stash they can use in the event of a “relationship” emergency? This can include any reason which necessitates a physical separation from a partner. If so, should the partners know about the “stash”? Should it remain secret?