Everyone loves a deal. Deals and coupons give us discounts which stretch our food, travel and entertainment dollars.
Some of us clip coupons as if our lives depended on it. And that’s fine. We work hard. We save hard. Play hard.
However, if you’re not a coupon, for heaven’s sake, stop giving discounts.
I’m not referring to the daily deals we collect online or in newspapers. No ma’am. Today I’m calling out the women who allow men to take them on cheap dates and the men who love them. Because everyone loves a deal.
Here are my disclaimers:
I am not addressing women who date for free meals and to avoid feeling lonely. Y’all can have a seat.
I am also not addressing gold diggers.
I am also not addressing the men who date in hopes of sex later on that night.
We clear? Good.
What I am addressing is the frugal date which all fiscally conservative women love. But there’s a difference between being frugal and cheap. I am addressing the latter.
Ramit gave the best definition of frugal vs cheap which I’ll share here:
Cheap people care about the cost of something.
Frugal people care about the value of something.
Cheap people try to get the lowest price on everything.
Frugal people try to get the lowest price on most things, but spend a lot on items they really care about.
Cheap people are inconsiderate. For example, when getting a meal with other people, if their food costs $7.95, they’ll put in $8.00, knowing very well that tax and tip mean it’s closer to $11.
Frugal people won’t order a Coke if they’re on a budget, so that when the bill comes, they don’t look cheap.
Now that we’re all familiar with my angle on cheap vs frugal, let’s continue, shall we? This weekend, while engaging in all forms of tomfoolery on the interwebs I came across this article. And it’s like the heavens opened up because I’ve long waited for a guy to say this!
….when my male friends reach out for advice on date suggestions or tips, I usually can tell whether I’m going to give them some advice by how they ask.
“Yo Jay, what’s a nice spot to take a chick that isn’t going to hurt my pockets?”
That guy… shouldn’t be dating.
“Yo Jay, what’s a gift I can get for a chick that doesn’t cost a lot of money? Like I’m not trying to spend a whole lot of money at all.”
That guy… shouldn’t be dating. There’s no crying in baseball and there’s no discounts in dating. The fact is dating is expensive. It’s supposed to be that way. You’re going to spend time, effort and money; in that order. If you’re good at dating, you’re going to spend a lot of those three things. If you’re worried about how much money you have to spend, you’re really cheap or plain old broke.
I’ve been waiting on women to start saying NO – just say NOOOOOO to cheap dates! But we don’t. We call ourselves getting dressed to the nines for a date at Starbucks! Starbucks. It costs me more to get dressed than it takes me to get to Starbucks. Nails. Hair. Dress/Outfit.
And you go through all that effort and he comes up with….Chili’s….
What’s I’m saying is – if finances are a concern then focus on being creative rather than being cheap.
This is about the effort and creativity. I can get with the low cost (read: not cheap) dates which might include a creative movie night, stroll in the park, backyard movie etc.
Guys, I know you’re ready to string me up by my pearls but one of your own penis people, James Sama said it best:
“Many men will then say “But it is about the money, why does the woman always get a free ride?” Well first of all, if you are taking a woman out who is only spending time with you for a free meal, then your instincts may have to be re-calibrated so you don’t spend any more time or money on people like that.
This, however, is still not about the money. It is about feeling good and looking good for you. It is about making a good impression with you and it is about hopefully, in the future, getting to spend more time with you.
But since this all happens behind the scenes, men tend to give a “wow, you look beautiful” at the beginning of the evening and really overlook the work and effort it took to achieve the result they wanted. I don’t care what Beyonce says, they did not “wake up like this.”
Romance is about spending time, not money. Your competency at it will not depend on what you are willing to spend, but on how creative and thoughtful you are going to be. I guarantee you that a woman would rather you put real effort into doing something less expensive together than she would taking her to a five star restaurant and having a lousy time with lousy conversation.
She doesn’t need you to take her out for a nice time, but she wants you to. That’s why she said yes to the date, and she doesn’t care what it costs. There are two things a woman should never touch on a date: The door, and the cheque.
The lesson? Be creative.
So many men are being “raised” by social media/mass media and its reduction of women as pawns in the dating game. If they spent some time being honest with themselves about who they are, what they want and what they can afford, this could be avoided altogether.
I’d rather you tell me that you’re not in a position to spend a lot and put more effort and creativity into it than money into the outing. That I can get with.
And if the lady can’t get with it, dump her. She probably just wanted to hang out for a free meal anyway.
So ladies, let’s just start saying no to cheap men and their dates. You’re not a coupon and you don’t give discounts. Cheers to being worth it!