Some of you reading are in relationships where you’re dating, living together, engaged or married and ultimately at some point may have to decide how to deal with finances…..together.  But what about those of you who want to maintain your financial independence?  You may not want to mingle money or even depend on your partner for anything outside of a morning cup of joe.  If this is you then read on….

Set the stage….

The Talk. Lay out your reasons and expectations for maintaining your independence.  Couples often go wrong in this area because they don’t communicate expectations and even moreso their reasons for having such an expectation.  What do you talk about?

• Some of us come from households where our mothers did not mingle money with our fathers/step-fathers, we didn’t quite understand why but choose to operate this way in present relationships.   Keep in mind this way of operating in relationships can breed distrust and financial infidelity.  Make sure to understand your own reasons for wanting to do this before implementing in your own relationships.
• Fear of financial abandonment is another reason why some women choose to maintain their own financial independence.  If you’ve watched other women abandoned as a child by their partners, such as your mother, aunt or grandmother then you may be inclined to never put yourself in a situation where your partner is your only source of income.

Be sure to to have The Talk with your partner as this lays the foundation moving forward so there’s no confusion around why you want things to be this way financially.

Action…

Separate Financial Accounts

• Bank accounts
• Household Bills
• Stocks/Bonds/IRAs
• Utilities

Separate everything get them in your own name, both names shouldn’t be on any account unless it’s your lease or mortgage.  If he earns 100k and you earn 50k or vice versa then make sure that the obligations are split equitably.

Split Every Financial Obligation Down The Middle

This includes shopping, eating out, gifts and anything outside of routine monthly obligation. In other words?  Go dutch all day every day.

Save For Maternity Leave

Write it down, save towards how much money you will collectively need when baby arrives (typically 6-12 weeks). Make sure that your name is on this account and that all important transactions need your approval before being completed.  Your best bet is to to have this account in your name only if you are in a situation where you and your partner are not on the most solid financial ground.  <—Real talk.

Get Your Own Stash.  Mad Money.  Eff You Money.

If you’re a stay at home mom/wife and concerned about your situation or for whatever reason you need a stash of your own money then you might want to start stacking your stash for a rainy day.  Sometimes we call this mad money or eff you money.  I know that some may be in situations where your partners or husbands think you can’t leave unless you have money and since all money comes from them then that may be difficult.  Get a part time job or just get a personal account that he doesn’t have access to and start saving towards your goal.  This can be money you use personally for shopping, helping family with certain obligations or money you plan to use to leave a bad situation.  Whatever it is, do what you need to do so that you’re not stuck in a situation where you’re living hand to mouth with your partner.

Remain Staunchly Independent

This means through every financial event, you pay your way and do your part.  Part of financial independence for some women is knowing that they aren’t being a financial “burden” in their relationship and puling their weight.  There’s something about knowing that with or without your partner you can hold your own and hey it’s an aphrodisiac for many women.

What are your thoughts?  Are there any other ways a woman can maintain her financial independence in a relationship?

I will admit that this post was a bit difficult to write since it goes against how I operate in my own marriage as it relates to finances.  My belief has always been that if you can’t mingle your credit or finances with your partner then you should rethink being with them until you can trust them in this area.  Finances are a huge part of any intimate relationship and I just think things can get complicated quick if trust issues abound.   But I understand that some are in situations where they need and must maintain their independence.

Let me know what you think in the comments area!

Now isn’t the time to be the office bitch.  You have a job to keep, bills to pay and a peace of mind to maintain.  It also isn’t the time to be the office wallflower, never in the know about the next axe to drop.  Put on your heels, get in the game and work the room.   This series is titled SYA-Save Your Ass, and our first installation is about managing your workplace relationships.

Check Your Attitude At The Door

In today’s economy, most of us know someone who’s received a pink slip and believe it or not, sometimes decisions are made based on whether or not your boss and coworkers like you.  Some of us want to believe that our education/work, pretty smile and fashion sense gets us far, but it doesn’t.  Recession or not, it’s time to think about how your workplace relationships impact how you’re perceived and whether or not you’re saved during the next round of layoffs.  When it comes down to a choice between one who gets along with everyone and has satisfactory performance and another who is known as the office bitch but does a stellar job, guess who get’s the axe?  The bitch.

Why?

Who wants to deal with someone who walks in with an anti-social attitude every morning?  Check it.  Attitude is everything and your boss and coworkers perceive more about you through body language than what you actually say to them.  So start warming up to the quirky admin and offer to bring your boss coffee once in a while.  You can be the best at what you do but if I can train your coworker to do just as good a job then you’re getting a pink slip.  Who wants to deal with that?  I don’t.

Be Helpful.

Is there a critical need right now?  How can you position yourself to become the rockstar who filled the gap?  Strategize and make it happen.  Nice girls who come in at 9 and leave at 5 don’t get the corner office.  Put in some extra time on a project that makes the office run smoother, save money on overhead, increase sales, finesse a relationship with a cotr (contract officer).  You get the picture.  WERK it bishes!

Increase Your Emotional IQ

You can be the best at what you do in your office, graduate top of your class and/or receive employee of the month every month for a year, but if you don’t have the interpersonal skills needed to be keenly attuned to what people need then you are emotionally bankrupt in this area.  You may ask, why do I need to bring emotions to the workplace?  Business is business right?  Wrong.

Think about your favorite boss or teacher.  What did you like most about them?  Most will say their ability to give you what you need when you need it.  Whatever that might have been.  Someone who is tuned into the needs of others is skilled in relationship management and self awareness also known as emotional IQ.  Try it out sometime.

Manage your emotional walls in the workplace.  I’m not advising that you cry with your hysterical coworker who just foreclosed on her house, but you may want to take on a few of her accounts/clients until she gets herself together.  Or offer to bring her coffee or something you know she likes.  This doesn’t mean you will now share your personal lives in the workplace, but it means that you’re cultivating a relationship that’s certain to reap benefits in the long run.  Connections are everything.

Get To Know Your Boss.  Really.

Have lunch with him/her and get to know them so they can do the same.  Sometimes we pay more attention to clocking in and out, never really thinking about how a personal connection might save us at the last bell.  If your boss can connect with you on a level deeper than just another subordinate, when the time comes to think about who she’ll cut, that connection matters.  Contrary to popular belief, business is personal.  Why do you think the top sales people are so charismatic?  They know how to build relationships.  You should too, now isn’t the time to wallow in the I hate my boss rhetoric.  She/he is now the person who signs your checks so you can sleep at night.  Hop to it.

Question:  Have you been the office bitch?  What are you doing to rectify that?  Do you think managing office relationships is the difference between the pink slip and a check?