Some of you reading are in relationships where you’re dating, living together, engaged or married and ultimately at some point may have to decide how to deal with finances…..together.  But what about those of you who want to maintain your financial independence?  You may not want to mingle money or even depend on your partner for anything outside of a morning cup of joe.  If this is you then read on….

Set the stage….

The Talk. Lay out your reasons and expectations for maintaining your independence.  Couples often go wrong in this area because they don’t communicate expectations and even moreso their reasons for having such an expectation.  What do you talk about?

• Some of us come from households where our mothers did not mingle money with our fathers/step-fathers, we didn’t quite understand why but choose to operate this way in present relationships.   Keep in mind this way of operating in relationships can breed distrust and financial infidelity.  Make sure to understand your own reasons for wanting to do this before implementing in your own relationships.
• Fear of financial abandonment is another reason why some women choose to maintain their own financial independence.  If you’ve watched other women abandoned as a child by their partners, such as your mother, aunt or grandmother then you may be inclined to never put yourself in a situation where your partner is your only source of income.

Be sure to to have The Talk with your partner as this lays the foundation moving forward so there’s no confusion around why you want things to be this way financially.

Action…

Separate Financial Accounts

• Bank accounts
• Household Bills
• Stocks/Bonds/IRAs
• Utilities

Separate everything get them in your own name, both names shouldn’t be on any account unless it’s your lease or mortgage.  If he earns 100k and you earn 50k or vice versa then make sure that the obligations are split equitably.

Split Every Financial Obligation Down The Middle

This includes shopping, eating out, gifts and anything outside of routine monthly obligation. In other words?  Go dutch all day every day.

Save For Maternity Leave

Write it down, save towards how much money you will collectively need when baby arrives (typically 6-12 weeks). Make sure that your name is on this account and that all important transactions need your approval before being completed.  Your best bet is to to have this account in your name only if you are in a situation where you and your partner are not on the most solid financial ground.  <—Real talk.

Get Your Own Stash.  Mad Money.  Eff You Money.

If you’re a stay at home mom/wife and concerned about your situation or for whatever reason you need a stash of your own money then you might want to start stacking your stash for a rainy day.  Sometimes we call this mad money or eff you money.  I know that some may be in situations where your partners or husbands think you can’t leave unless you have money and since all money comes from them then that may be difficult.  Get a part time job or just get a personal account that he doesn’t have access to and start saving towards your goal.  This can be money you use personally for shopping, helping family with certain obligations or money you plan to use to leave a bad situation.  Whatever it is, do what you need to do so that you’re not stuck in a situation where you’re living hand to mouth with your partner.

Remain Staunchly Independent

This means through every financial event, you pay your way and do your part.  Part of financial independence for some women is knowing that they aren’t being a financial “burden” in their relationship and puling their weight.  There’s something about knowing that with or without your partner you can hold your own and hey it’s an aphrodisiac for many women.

What are your thoughts?  Are there any other ways a woman can maintain her financial independence in a relationship?

I will admit that this post was a bit difficult to write since it goes against how I operate in my own marriage as it relates to finances.  My belief has always been that if you can’t mingle your credit or finances with your partner then you should rethink being with them until you can trust them in this area.  Finances are a huge part of any intimate relationship and I just think things can get complicated quick if trust issues abound.   But I understand that some are in situations where they need and must maintain their independence.

Let me know what you think in the comments area!

Totally provocative and tongue in cheek, but you get the underlying message. Choose your partners wisely.

I am not suggesting that women marry solely for money, I am after all a believer in love and commitment as a solid foundation for marriage. However, I am suggesting that women  marry partners that are financially savvy. I will detail the benefits of choosing a partner that has a solid financial plan in place and uses money as a tool and not a crutch.

Financially Savvy
Women who choose financially savvy partners fare better than their counterparts who don’t. Why? These women know that in order to have a marriage built to last that finances play a huge role in the viability of the marriage. I know it sounds like we’re discussing a corporate merger but there are elements of marriage that resemble a business.  Think about it, how many people can’t afford to separate because they can’t afford it?  We want financial freedom, well we have to choose a partner who knows what that means.

Personal finance issues are the leading cause of divorce and in order to live happily ever after, you must be on the same page as far as your finances are concerned. No, if, ands or buts about it.

So what makes these women smarter?

Aligned Financial Values
When smart women meet a partner, while wooed by good looks and the smooth talk, they are interested in how their potential partners spend money. Does he have an emergency fund? Is he current on their monthly bills such as the car payment and rent/mortgage? Does he spend more than he earns? They’re listening keenly to understand how their potential mates relate to money. Is it a tool? Is it a crutch? They know the difference and conduct business accordingly. Should the potential mate fall into the category of the above mentioned then it’s time to say good-bye or work out a plan to get him financially fit. After all, who wants a man who isn’t interested in learning how to manage his money effectively? They are in it for the long haul, not a few cheap dates.

Motivated by Money to Create the Life They Want
Smart women are up to date on the latest issues in personal finance. They understand rate chasing, investing for the long haul and understand that while they may have substantial savings, practice and embrace frugality. They look for similar if not the same qualities in their potential mates. Smart women want to be able to relate not only on a romantic level, but also on issues regarding personal finance.

A Man with a Plan
Who wants a man with no financial plan in place? I certainly don’t. Where does he see himself in 2 years? 5 years? 10 years? Is he thinking long or short term? That answer will determine the course of the relationship. Ideally he should be able to think past next month’s car payment and have a financial plan for the current year. This an expectation for smart women, not a hope or a dream, but something they demand and require in a potential mate.

Take a few minutes to let it all sink in. Gone are the days when gold diggers were secretly envied because they were able to go for the gusto and stifle high pitched screams during musty sex with a shriveled up oil tycoon. Smart women can marry for money, and guess what!?  It’s ok!  Move over and make way for women who are in control of their financial destinies and not afraid to say it. They are armed with a positive net worth and not afraid to flaunt it.  They are breaking financial ceilings one stiletto at a time!

Are you a smart woman?