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Stay At Home Wives: The New Status Symbol?

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Add this to the list of decisions that women are now criticized for with regards to their life decisions. If it isn’t the Mommy Wars between the stay at home and working moms, then before that it was the women who chose to get an education and work for a living instead of choosing to settle down and get married with children. Today we have Stay At Home Wives. Ahhh, let the games begin.

I’ve read much about this “phenomenon” this week and still scratching my head, asking, “what’s the big deal?” Granted, I have not held a REAL full time position since 2005, mainly due to graduate school but in some ways I plan to be a stay at home wife. I see no problems with that decision.

Before leaving my last job, I told the pregnant intern that I would be a stay at home mom/wife once we started our family and/or moved back to NYC. She gasped and then asked me what would be the point of finishing school? I exclaimed, because I can! Bless her heart.

My husband and I live on one income which makes our financial situation more secure than a two income household where if one person loses a job, the other must shoulder the burden until the other spouse obtains new employment.

Why knock something that works for someone else?  This isn’t 5 steps back for the feminist women movement as some have said outright, this is a choice, and we should be happy that more women have the choice to work, not work, work inside the home, work outside the home or hell, sit at home eating Bon Bons all day while curled up on the couch.

Stay At Home Wives can get involved in volunteer projects, pursue hobbies, go on vacation, pursue interests they may not have been able to in the past all while running their homes like well oiled machines.

The vitriolic comments I’ve seen all over the blogosphere insulting these women is frankly unbelievable, especially from other women and the men who have the nerve to say they wouldn’t “let” their wives stay at home:

Meggan writes

L – A – Z – Y
Of course they’re “strangely happy”…they don’t do anything! Why not at least go out and volunteer? If you have the “luxury” to stay at home while your husband works, at least give something back to the community through charity work!

NY1974 writes:

I’m not judging anyone’s right to stay home if they can well afford it, but I find it hard to believe that anyone with half a brain could find fulfillment in housekeeping and#38; errands. Just coming off an extended …more

I’m not judging anyone’s right to stay home if they can well afford it, but I find it hard to believe that anyone with half a brain could find fulfillment in housekeeping and#38; errands. Just coming off an extended, and rainy, long weekend, I can’t imagine staying home each and#38; every day with nothing to strive for except a clean house, paid bills and#38; the ‘status’ that goes along with having a well-paid husband who doesn’t mind if you leach off of him. After 2 days of an empty house, I found myself reading aloud to my dog and watching the clock for Monday to come. I would be bored senseless if that were my everyday routine. But, as my granfather used to say, numbskulls are easily amused.

Gregg writes

These couples are really deluding themselves if they think people can’t see through this bullcrap. It doesn’t take 8 hours to clean a house or cook dinner or to do the shopping. I mean really, how dirty does a house g …more

These couples are really deluding themselves if they think people can’t see through this bullcrap. It doesn’t take 8 hours to clean a house or cook dinner or to do the shopping. I mean really, how dirty does a house get with no kids and one spouse gone most of the day? It’s one thing to stay home and take care of kids, but these women are just lazy.

Paul writes:

My stepmom is a "stay at home wife" and I can honestly attest to the fact that women who do this are simply taking advantage of men. She also considers herself to be a "feminist." He pays someone to clean the house, …more

My stepmom is a "stay at home wife" and I can honestly attest to the fact that women who do this are simply taking advantage of men. She also considers herself to be a "feminist." He pays someone to clean the house, so she just sits around all day online and watching TV. Men beware: There are a lot of selfish women out there with a sense of self-entitlement that won’t think twice about jumping on the chance to be a stay at home bum. You’ll feel taken advantage of and come to resent her for what she is: a parasite. A healthy dose of reality is needed immediately before the parasite can fully latch on and begin eating the man from the inside, eventually leaving him an empty husk of a man.

But let’s play Devil’s Advocate for a moment and ask some hard questions:

Do these women have a pre-nuptial agreement in place?  Post-nuptial agreement?  I am ALL for staying at home but let’s get real for a moment.  Should the husband decide he no longer wants to be married, then what’s the back up plan?  A man is NOT a financial plan and Prince Charming isn’t Coming!. Are they keeping their resumes updated by keeping one foot in their chosen fields?

In the event of the wage earning spouse’s demise, is she provided for in the will?  Are the assets in BOTH both names, IE is her name also on the deed to the home and not just the mortgage?  Both names on all bank accounts?  Check on that.  Does she have access to and full disclosure around all household and personal finances?  Does she know if she has also been factored into 401k contributions, IE, is the husband making enough contributions for them to both retire comfortably or will they be eating cat food in retirement?

These are questions that would make being a true stay at home wife a tolerable situation for me.  If she simply looked at her husband as a means to earn a living or create and live a certain lifestyle without consideration for the above-mentioned then I would question her financial security as women need to earn more money than men.

Question: Do you think these women are freeloaders or doing simply what works for them?  What about the feminist movement?  Have we taken a step back women women choosing ot stay at home sans children or any real responsibilities?

  • daddeo

    Okay so I have been reading a lot of these comments and i must say WOW! Between the great support to the over judgmental people, as a Man, i never realized this debate was at all this heated. With all that said my wife and i have a nineteen month old child. We have both worked since shortly after she was born and it has been a strain not only on our marriage but physically as well (each of us taking turns having her when we are exhausted ourselves and working opposite shifts). We are not the elite of America by a long shot, it is probably a long shot to say we are middle class, we live week to week when unexpected cost hit us and month to month on average. I currently work two jobs and my wife works a full time job on night shift in telecommunication. We have just recently decided it would be really nice for her to stay home and raise our child and tending to her every need. To all the judgmental people out there notice it is not a she decided or i decided but a we decided. Yes we are going to have to budget and yes it means not going eat out and no we will not be able to give our daughter every toy she ever desires but raising a child in a home that she is loved more than anything else in the world is worth it to both of us. To the people saying SAHM is leeching off their husbands to this i say nonsense, it was a decision for both of us not just one and i would willingly and happily work another 2 jobs to give my daughter the best child hood i can and have the only other person in this world that loves her as much as i do (if not more) nurture her and guide her through the most influential time in her life.
    Is the decision we made for everyone, of course not, but also don’t judge people because they want to better their home life or improve the likeliness their child will have the best fighting chance in this world.

  • Kaniska

    To each her own. I use to be a workaholic but now my husband makes enough so I can stay home with our daughter. I know other stay at home moms and none of them are lazy either. My husband loves that I’m his stay at home wife. I cook from scratch, homeschool our daughter, raise and butcher our own meat animals, take nature hikes with our daughter and dogs, build fencing, keep poultry for farm fresh eggs, and so much more. Since becoming a stay at home wife my husband hasn’t mowed… not even once! How awesome is that?! He actually gets to relax when he gets home. I woke him up this morning to a wonderful breakfast that I prepared: farm fresh pasture raised eggs on fresh homemade bread with organic vegetables. Yum! We aren’t rich but we own our home, have an emergency fund and savings, have a retirement plan, etc. Since I’m able to stay home we are working on baby #2. My husband and I are so excited! What will I do once my kids are grown? That’s easy… I’ll be an amazing stay at home wife. I’m looking into online schools so I can continue my education from home as well. I’ve even entertained the thought of starting my own business. If I can make enough my husband can retire early. Are there lazy stay at home wives/moms? Probably. Am I one of them? No. Do I aspire to be? No. I enjoy my very busy life and my husband is the happiest man I’ve ever met. Also, my daughter LOVES being homeschooled. This is what works for us.

  • Maggie

    I’m a stay at home wife, I have been for over 4 years now. Here’s the story:
    My husband and I both bucked conventional opinions seeing most of them as wastes of time. His father worked part time and his mother didn’t work at all so my husband grew up with his parents and siblings basically always around, they were dirt poor but happy. He was raised to believe money and careers give you nothing but strong family ties and friends do. My mother didn’t work and my step father retired while I was very young because of a work related injury. My parents were always together.
    Neither my husband or myself went to collage as most everyone we knew who had, had education debt and their degrees either made life more complicated or did nothing for them. Our parents encouraged us to make ourselves who we wanted to be. My husband. opted to apprentice and started his own successful business while still a teenager. I graduated high school 2 years early and starting working right away in dread “retail” saving every penny to travel the world when I turned 18. By 18 I was a manager raking in more then most of my friends parents and I was all saved up for my trip around the world. I quite my job and on my first stop I met my husband in England – we were married 6 months later.
    Even while dating we didn’t need me to work, he immediately started supporting me even though we weren’t living together (we didn’t believe living together was a good idea before marriage- we wanted to really know each other without clouded ideas caused by sex). I still worked simply to pay for our wedding.
    After we got married we still didn’t need me to work but we wanted to be together all the time so I started working with him. I did the customer service stuff he hated and the customers loved the cute young couple working together. We used that to our advantage and eventually we were able to start selling off the businesses we made. It was no longer a full time business but part time which was great because my mother was sick so we had time to take care of her – we did that together too.
    Eventually we moved back to the U.S. to take better care of my parents and started working on creating businesses here. Not long after we got here though, my husband was head hunted and after a very nice incentive he agreed to start working for a company. He still only worked part time but was now in the office, so while he was gone I would stay home: clean, bake, exercise, read. When he came home we would run errands together, cook together, going running, hike, lay on the beach- basically do whatever we wanted.
    After 2 years my husband approached his employer and said there was no point him coming in to the office to do what he could do more efficiently at home, either he could work from home whenever he choose or he would quite. His employers caved and we spent the next 2 years travelling the world and living/volunteering in 3rd world countries teaching children and indigenous people how to read.
    Now after 8 years of marriage at the ages of 26 and 29 we are living back in U.S. again, happy to own our first home, with an acre of land out in the country. He still only works part time from home and I still don’t work. I clean and exercise while he works and then we do everything else together. We have all the same friends from all over the world and locally. We have the same hobbies and interests. We don’t have children, never wanted them or the stress they often bring so my husband got snipped so we could be certain.
    My husband loves me not working. It gives him great pride that I don’t have the pressure and stress of a secular career but can focus on my goals and self worth. He loves seeing the jealousy on other women’s face when he says his wife doesn’t need to work.
    We are not rich though it may sound like it. My husband is just very cleaver with money and we are very content living within our means. This is the way we choose to live.
    My husband has made sure that I am prepared for if anything happens to him, I will have a home, savings, a regular source of income and a support network.
    This is what we want. If he were to lose his job we would settle for nothing less then working together again or a job the same as his present one.
    So what’s the point of me telling you all this? Social convention tells us there is one way to live your life. You must get a degree, you must get a high paying/high stress job, you must own a house, don’t get married till your 30, you must have children, you will get divorced …… But those who break social conventions and use their head instead – are usually the happy ones, who feel fulfilled in life, who have happy marriages.

    • Barbara

      That’s great that it works for you, but it’s certainly not for everyone. My husband didn’t want me working, and I just felt dead inside for those two years that I did not. You say you focused on your goals by not working, well, for many of us, our goals are centered around our careers. I came alive again once I started working again, and I’ve never looked back. We’re now both 45 years old with two children and have been very successful in our respective career paths (and like you we have also traveled the world, thanks to our ample vacation time). I love my husband, but what he and I both needed to realize all those years ago was that I too am a real person with dreams and goals– things I could not achieve by being a stay-at-home-wife. So, good for you, and best of luck to you and your husband, but just know that the whole “non-working wife” thing is certainly not the best for everyone.

  • http://www.facebook.com/oduma.oduma Oduma Oduma

    I want to say thatnks to priest Oduma for all the help, i and my lover are back together as you promise i want to say you are real spell caster, if you are having any problem contact this man for help and you will be a happy person again … contact priest oduma via [email protected] OR call him +2348153363047

    PRIEST ODUMA THANKS FOR BRING BACK MY LOVER YOU ARE A GREAT MAN ….

    Dustin

    spain

  • Ja’Njah

    I WANT MY EX HUSBAND BACK

    Am Jisha By Name from Colorado United states, am here to testify Good job of Dr Love spell caster solution like i promise him that i myself will write an article about his job well done if my ex boyfriend come back to me between 48 hrs that him promise Me , now am very grateful for your kind help Dr Love and returning my promise back to DR Love .i don’t know how much i can thanks you in my life but now am fulfilled my promise to you to let the world know you are great spell caster in the world, without Dr Love i wont have my ex boyfriend back to me after having family issue Race for 4 months because am white and his black. Ladies and gentlemen if you are in the same shoe am having please kindly to contact Dr Love for help [email protected] , drlovespellcastersolution@yahoo. com, Tel +2348038096203 .

    Thanks

    Jisha

    Colorado United States.

  • sandy jack

    I am Mrs Sandy from USA, i want to share a testimony of my life to every one. i was married to my husband Williams Jack, i love him so much we have been married for 6 years now with three kids. when he went for a vacation to UK he meant a lady called Mary?, he told me that he is no longer interested in the marriage any more. i was so confuse and seeking for help, i don’t know what to do until I met my friend miss Lina and told her about my problem. she told me not to worry about it that she had a similar problem before and introduce me to a man called Dr Joel who cast a spell on her ex and bring him back to her after 3 days. Miss Lina ask me to contact Dr Joel. I contacted him to help me bring back my husband and he ask me not to worry about it that the gods of his fore-fathers will fight for me. He told me by Three days he will re-unite me and my husband together. After three day my husband called and told me he is coming back to sought out things with me, I was surprise when I saw him and he started crying for forgiveness. Right now I am the happiest woman on earth for what this great spell caster did for me and my husband, you can contact Dr Joel on any problem in this world, he is very nice man, here is his contact [email protected] He is the best spell caster how can help you within three days.

  • Paul Kite

    Hello,everyone i am from Canada i never ever believed in spell until i meet a man called dr ogala who help me cast a spell that bring back my ex-lover who left me for two years before our marriage,His spells works beyond my imaginations and today i am happily married with two kids and me and my [ex-lover] now husband are very happy more than ever before,what more can i say rather than to say thank you dr ogala for been there for me,contact him today and your life will never ever remain the same his email is [email protected], may the lord continue to use you to save people as you did to me, He is the best spell caster that can help you.

  • kate willimas
  • lva

    FAITHFULNESS LOVE SPELL

    If your lover is cheating on you, or is about to do so, this spell will stop immediately the temptation to go with someone else. The powerful effects of this White magic spell will make your partner’s attention and feelings focused on you alone. Once the spell is successful, your lover will never look at someone else with the eyes of desire and you will be forever his or her everything! [email protected]

  • smith
  • Alex Coleman

    I am Alex Coleman and I’m American. I am so full of Joy today because of something I thought can never happen has happen in my life and I must share it with the world majorly because, it might give you that is reading, hope and maybe solution to whatsoever that might be your concern.

    Around Late-August, something happened at my working place that gave way to my out of work and as if that wasn’t enough, I was charged for assault on one of my superiors in office which I never did but a set-up thing to tarnish my personality and record because I am black and was doing better than the whites in the company. When this thing happened, my family was in jeopardy as I couldn’t cater the needs of the family, my children that once ate anytime they love to couldn’t eat up to twice a day and I couldn’t pay their college tuition fee. I and the kids have to depend on the little income of my wife and it was a shame to me for I was supposed to be the bread-winner of the family. And still in those difficulties, I will have to go to court and paying visits to my lawyer for the sake of freedom.

    In all this, I was confused, frustrated and anytime I embark on searching for a new job, my offer is always turn down and that made me sick. I did all I could do just to make the company call me back and drop the charges but no way. Something pop my head on a certain day to visit internet for help and while I was surfing, I came across a website in which someone by name, George Merrick gave a testimony on how he was cured of weak erection that made his wife to desert him and how he became reunited with his wife through a powerful spell and magic lord on [email protected] and I said to myself “Maybe, this spell and magic lord can help me out of my problem” and I contacted him for help, immediately, he gave me a reply and assured me that I shouldn’t worry that my situation was one that shouldn’t weigh me down. Then he told me that before he could help me, that I need to provide some traditional recipes to consult and seek the attention of the gods of his ancestors to my aid.

    And the recipes, he enlisted to me and directed me to a hunter in Kenya to providing the recipes. At first, I were scared and afraid it might be crook but I remembered a friend of mine who was Ghanaian and then I told him about it and he understood my ordeal and told me he could help me with the recipes, that they were common in his country and then I told the great Dr. Esiendo about it and he said to me, “fine, tell your friend to go near a river and call out my name seven times with the recipes at hand; and then the recipes shall appear at my temple. I told my friend what this god said and he promised to do it and surprisingly, at dusk, I received email from Dr. Esiendo that the recipes were at the temple and I quickly call my friend and he told me he had done that which I requested him to do and I was happy.

    Later that day, Dr. Esiendo emailed me and told me he had completed the spell and he gave me instructions on what to do and I did as he instructed and to cut my testimony short, exactly a week, a letter of reinstatement back to work was sent to me by the same company that fucked my ass and charges were dropped. And amazingly, I was promoted and those that blackmailed me were demoted.

    Today, I cater for my family’s needs; my children are back to college and we are all happy.

    If not for Dr. Esiendo at [email protected], I am not sure if I will be testifying now. Indeed, he’s a problem solver and a restorer of lost glory.

    Please if you’re experiencing some couple of shits now, don’t fail to contact Hoodoo magic lord, DR. ESIENDO because I am well-sure that if he could help me then he can help you.

    FARE-WELL

  • Silvia Quelal

    my name is miss Silvia Quelal When I married my husband I was already pregnant and so I didn’t have a job. He had a really good job though so I was able to stay home and take care of our son when it was born. When we had our second child we moved to a bigger house, but then strange things started to happen. Things would fly off the walls and doors would slam at night. Our oldest son talked about seeing figures and hearing voices. We consulted a medium and they said the house was haunted. After living there about a year more with only minor occurrences we moved out. That was when the bad luck started to happen. Everything started to fail, with my husband’s job, our money and our luck in general. I went back to the same medium and they told me that a spirit had followed me and placed a curse upon me for disturbing it and not being respectful in the previous house. He tried to remove it but was unable. The misfortune kept going on and getting more severe as I tried to search out someone to break the curse. But when I found DR UKAKA spell he finally did it. Things started turning around almost immediately after he cast the spell and have been great from there! This was really a miracle for us, thank you DR UKAKA TEMPLE spell from the bottom of my heart!CONTACT UKAKA VIA THIS EMAIL: [email protected]…CAN NEVER STOP TALKING ABOUT YOU SIR HIS EMAIL ADDRESS IS: [email protected] HIM NOW FOR SOLUTION TO ALL YOUR PROBLEMS
    Posted by. miss Silvia Quelal

  • Jane Thamson

    Santana Valdez Says

    i am giving this testimony cos l am happy

    My name is mrs. Santana Valdez from Houston,taxes.i never believed in love spells or magic until i met this spell caster once. when i went to Africa in June 28th 2013 this year on a business summit. i ment a man called dr. Atakpo.He is powerful he could help you cast a spells to bring back my love’s gone,misbehaving lover looking for some one to love you, bring back lost money and magic money spell or spell for a good job.i’m now happy & a living testimony cos the man i had wanted to marry left me 3 weeks before our wedding and my life was upside down cos our relationship has been on for 2 years… i really loved him, but his mother was against me and he had no good paying job. so when i met this spell caster, i told him what happened and explained the situation of things to him..at first i was undecided,skeptical and doubtful, but i just gave it a try. and in 6 days when i returned to taxes, my boyfriend (is now my husband ) he called me by himself and came to me apologizing that everything had been settled with his mom and family and he got a new job interview so we should get married..i didn’t believe it cos the spell caster only asked for my name and my boyfriends name and all i wanted him to do… well we are happily married now and we are expecting our little kid,and my husband also got a new job and our lives became much better. in case anyone needs the spell caster for some help, email address [email protected] Great Atakpo i thank you very much thank you in 1000000 times.. if not you i would have been losted and wasted thank you. Email Him Through his email address… [email protected]
    please make sure you contact him for any financial difficulties okay..
    What a powerful man such as Dr Atakpo.. he is so much powerful..\ email him for any difficulties.. [email protected]

  • Silvia Quelal

    my name is miss Silvia Quelal When I married my husband I was already pregnant and so I didn’t have a job. He had a really good job though so I was able to stay home and take care of our son when it was born. When we had our second child we moved to a bigger house, but then strange things started to happen. Things would fly off the walls and doors would slam at night. Our oldest son talked about seeing figures and hearing voices. We consulted a medium and they said the house was haunted. After living there about a year more with only minor occurrences we moved out. That was when the bad luck started to happen. Everything started to fail, with my husband’s job, our money and our luck in general. I went back to the same medium and they told me that a spirit had followed me and placed a curse upon me for disturbing it and not being respectful in the previous house. He tried to remove it but was unable. The misfortune kept going on and getting more severe as I tried to search out someone to break the curse. But when I found DR UKAKA spell he finally did it. Things started turning around almost immediately after he cast the spell and have been great from there! This was really a miracle for us, thank you DR UKAKA TEMPLE spell from the bottom of my heart!CONTACT UKAKA VIA THIS EMAIL: [email protected]…CAN NEVER STOP TALKING ABOUT YOU SIR HIS EMAIL ADDRESS IS: [email protected] HIM NOW FOR SOLUTION TO ALL YOUR PROBLEMS
    Posted by. miss Silvia Quelal

  • SANDRA26

    Maxispelltemple,I am SANDRA26 from USA i am finally enjoying my relationship with MARK it seems like yesterday when my boyfriend lift me for some ass hole bitches for no reason i tried all i could to make him stop he never works until i contacted Dr MAXI for a very urgent help of spell casting.today all that is over now my boyfriend then now husband is back to me and it is stick to me permanently,All thanks to you Doc.email [email protected] for urgent help.

  • cvhn

    This is a testimony that i will tell to every one to hear. i have been married four 5years and on the sixt year of my marriage, another woman had a spell to take my lover away from me and my husband left me and the kids and we have suffered for 2years until i meant a post where this man Therapist Oniha have helped someone and i decided to give him a try to help me bring my love Husband home and believe me,i just send my picture to him and that of my husband and after 96hours as he have told me, i saw a car drove into the house and behold it was my husband and he have come to me and the kids and that is why i am happy to make every one of you in similar to met with this man and have your lover back to your self. His email: [email protected] he is a good man and straight forward human again his email is [email protected]

  • Paul Kite

    am Miss Tricia.,From united states of America.I will start by saying to all that have experience heart break and also cant do with out there lover should please stop here and read up my story, So as you will know how to go solving or getting your ex back from this spell caster..AND AGAIN I WILL WANT TO ALSO TELL ALL THAT THIS SPELL CASTER I WILL WANT TO TELL THE WHOLE WORLD ABOUT IS HARMLESS AND DO NOT HAVE ANY SIDE EFFECT, BUT TO RESTORE AND GIVE YOU BACK WHAT YOU DESERVE, COS WHEN I MEET WITH THIS SPELL CASTER THAT WAS INTRODUCED TO ME BY THE WIFE OF MY BOSS IN MY WORKING PLACE, HE MADE IT CLEAR THAT HE CAN CAST SPELL ON SO MANY OTHER PROBLEMS EXCEPT IN GETTING YOUR EX OR MAKING YOUR LOVER TO LOVE YOU MORE THAT WILL SUITE YOU. Last year December, My lover was cheating on me and was not also give me the attention that a man should give to a woman,And really that was troubling my mind and tearing my heart apart to the extent that i was not concentrating in the office the way i use to before the break up by my lover.And before that incident,I always see how my boss use to love his wife so much. I was binging to think that i was not doing the right thing to him that will make him love me forever,So i really gathered my courage and went to my boss wife office to ask her the secret that made her husband love her so dearly,In the first place she refused in telling me,She asked me why i am asking her such a question,That if is it not normal for every man to love his wife.I told her the reason that made me ask her about this question,That my lover started cheating on me lately,When i knelt down before her for her to see my seriousness in this issue that i went to ask her,She opened up to me by telling me that i should not tell anybody about what she want to tell me,The wife to my boss started to say to me that she used a very powerful spell on his husband to love her,And the spell that she used is harmless, But the spell is just to make him love her and never to look for any other woman except her. I QUICKLY ASK HER HOW DID SHE GET TO KNOW THIS GREAT,POWER,DURABLE AND PERFECT WORK SPELL CASTER,she said that a friend of hers also introduce her to him. Then i also ask her how i can meet with this spell caster.SHE SAID EVERYTHING TO ME,THAT THE NAME OF THIS SPELL CASTER IS Dr. OLOKUM.My next question to her was how can i get this wonderful spell caster,She said she is going to give me the email of the spell caster for me to contact him for my problem,Really she gave to me this spell caster email and i contacted him and explained all to him,And after every thing that needed to be done by the spell caster, In the next two days, My lover that hated me so much came to house begging for forgiveness and i was so glad that i have finally gotten my heart desire..I was so grateful to this spell caster for what he has done for my life.. So i made a promise to him that i will always continue telling the world about his wonderful work towards me and also to other that came to you before and also the people that will also get to you from my story that i narrated online now..I will want to say to the entire world that you should not cry over noting again, That there is a great man that has been helping individuals to restore there Joy and smile in there faces !! The direct email to get this man is :[email protected] ,This is what i want to tell you all out there,That is thinking that all hope is lost ok..Thanks

  • Lauren

    I don’t think people should judge because a lot of women suffer from depression and severe anxiety to the point of which it cripples them. Also a lot of women have post traumatic Stress Disorder from many different reasons. It’s not about being lazy, it’s about what the women of today are facing. Look when women can be more comfortable in these tough times, the better the relationship. The man shouldn’t think he is being taken advantage of because for one he married her so he should love every aspect of her, he will understand her decision, if he doesn’t then obviously he shouldn’t be married.

    I finished high school in March, graduated in May with very high scores and got a medal and a achievement for having superior performance in my classes. I got accepted to many different colleges. I tried working for Wal-Mart. I thought about it and told my boyfriend and my parents that I want to become a stay at home wife. They understand because of my severe depression and my severe anxiety. Not having to worry about making an income is a huge stress relief. I mean even though we will have hardly money to survive on I feel better knowing that I have the option to stay at home and feel free then to be stuck in what society says I must do.

  • Barry

    I am gay and my lover of 5 years just left me one day. I was devastated. I found out that he was stolen from me, by my so called best friend. He told my lover so many lies about me… I could not eat nor function for months, until one of my coworkers gave me this email: [email protected]. So I contacted Dr. Lee ordering a love spell for my case, told him my story. He cast the spell for me 2days later, jack and his partner broke up. He came to my job, apologized to me and begged me to give him another chance!I was stunned! THIS SPELL DID REALLY WORK. I do not know how to thank you! Dr. Lee of [email protected]

  • smith

    Greeting to everyone that is reading my comment, All Thanks goes to dr.Perfect, i was married to my husband, and we were living fine and happy. it come to an extend that my husband that use to love and care for me, those not have my time again, until i fined at that he was having an affair with another woman, i try to stop him,all my effort was in-vain suddenly he divorce me and went for the woman. he live me with two of our kids, i cry all day, i was in pains, sorrow and looking for help. i was reading a news paper, i saw how dr. Perfect help people with his love and reuniting spell. so i decided to contact him and explain my problem to him, he did a love spell that make my husband to come back to me and our kids and never think of the woman. this man is god sent to restore heart break and reunite relationship. may the lord be your strength and continue to use you to save people relationship and any problem they encounter contact him for help on [email protected] ,i promise you that he will put a smile on your face and make you feel happy. good luck.

  • gumbala

    I am ELIZABETH i want to start this way by giving a huge thanks to this man DR IGODO
    for what he has just done today in my life . at first i thought it won,t work because many has failed me before but on a second thought i said let just try and to my best surprises PAUL my husband that said and insist he has nothing to do with me and my family called me immediately this great man DR IGODO of [email protected] cast a love spell on him and started begging for forgiveness well i love him so much and at once i accepted him back and today we are both living in peace and harmony, all the same the glory is to this man DR IGODO of [email protected] DOC I THANK YOU once again for you are worthy of all the thanks in my mouth today and forever am grateful and shall ever be to you . i also want to say if you are out there passing through a similar stuff or issues you can contact him today and i believe him will also help you out ,,,,THANKS BE TO THE GOD OF IGODO.

  • FRANCISKA

    HELLO EVERYONE

    i just want to say a big thank you to DR.OLOKUN for what he has done for me,He brought back the man i loved and cherish with all my heart,A man who left me for another woman for good 3 years,with 2 kids,i just decided to check some spell caster’s But all kept deceiving me,Until i meant DR.OLOKUN,Who told me everything will be over i taught he was also a scam,until he told me that my ex will be back in 2 days time.Am so grateful today that my ex is back to me and we are happy and he always wanna be by my side,I will advice you people not to fall in the wrong hands but to contact DR.OLOKUN who his trustworthy and straight forward,You can contact him via [email protected] tel.+2347051841955.

  • Gerrald Brandy

    I am so happy to let the whole world
    know how this powerful spell caster saved my marriage. Everything was
    going down the drain as my husband can not stop cheating on me with
    other women.He became used to always heating on me. I tried to make him
    stop, but I couldn’t help the situation, the more I tried, the harder it
    becomes. At times we will fight and go apart for some months and we
    will come back again just because of our kids. One day a friend told me
    about this spell caster who helped her too, his name is Dr.TEBE she said
    he uses white magic spells to solve spiritual problems. I decided to
    give it a try, I contacted him and he told me it will take just 2 to 3
    days and I will see great changes in my husband. He actually cast a
    spell, believe me after 2 to 3 days of the spell, my husband was
    confessing different names of woman he has slept with. He begged for
    forgiveness and never to try it again. From that day till now, my mind
    is at rest. My husband dislike every other women on earth except me. And
    am so happy to have him for myself alone. The spell caster’s contact is
    [email protected]
    or call him with his number +2348074433380. You can contact him for any
    help, he is very powerful and can solve any kind of problem below.

    Do you want your ex lover back?

    Do you want to get pregnant?

    Do you want to be famous or rich?
    Do you want to be a celebrity?
    Do you your business to grow excessively?

    Do you want to be honorably good academically?
    Do you need a job?

    Do you need a husband?

    Contact him today for speed help and you shall testify to great work of Dr. Tebe like i have just did.

  • bestspellcaster

    I want to use this opportunity to thank Dr. Book for helping me get my lover back after he left me few months ago. I have sent friends and my brothers to beg him for me but he refused that it is all over between both of us but when I met this Dr. Book he told me to relaxed that every thing will be fine and really after three days of contacting him, I got my man back. so thank you so much Dr. BOOK. here is the email address if you want his help. [email protected]……..MIRANDA

  • Avita john

    I am Avita john by name and i am located in Spain,I recently saw a
    testimony about a spell caster of some sort in a blog I visit for
    relationship and dating counseling problems because i had been having
    serious problems with my boyfriend and we had been dating for 1 year, He
    just suddenly changed, He wasn’t returning my calls, He started
    cheating, He was hurting me in so many ways i never thought possible and
    I just thought I should try this spell caster called Dr Paloma Cos
    there are so many good comments about him on the website, But before i
    could read his post,I have already contacted many spell caster that
    cheated me out of my hard earned money without given me result.But when i
    meet this spell caster out of desperation of some sort.I decided to
    contact them to please render there help to me, I explained all the
    problems that i was going through to him and he told me all i needed to
    do to get this spell castes. At first everything felt dreamy and
    unbelievable, Their consultations and solution was a little bit easy and
    strange and I was scared a little cos I had read and heard lots of
    stories of fake spell casters, scams and i never really believed in
    magic. I played along with a little hope and faith and I was sent some
    few stuffs after everything and it worked like a miracle, everything
    went to a whole new direction, it was and is amazing. I guess it was all
    good faith that made me read That particular post that faithful day.I
    hope they could help other people too like they did to me. I did a
    little and I got everything I wanted and wished for, My husband, My
    family and my life back You can contact Dr Paloma at: great.
    [email protected] because he changed my life..

  • M

    I think your assertion that: “My husband and I live on one income which makes our financial situation
    more secure than a two income household where if one person loses a job,
    the other must shoulder the burden until the other spouse obtains new
    employment.” is utterly asinine. What happens when he loses his job?

  • Mike Anita

    WONDERFUL WORK OF Dr Okakagbe.

    i want to use this opportunity to tell Dr Okakagbe of love temple, that i am very grateful for helping me get back my lover’ after he abandoned me for good six months with pains and tears in my heart. i am Miss kite from united states. my husband before the break up usually insult and see nothing good in any thing i do, i felt as if i was cursed. my friends advised me to let go but i couldn’t because of the love i have for him. which was so strong and could even move ten mountains in a speed of light. after two days of my contact with Dr Okakagbe my husband came back with apologies and love that he had never show me before. right now he doesn’t insult me any more rather he tells me how pretty and wonderfully made i am by God each morning. ([email protected]) one thing i love about Dr Okakagbe , is that he is so accommodating and free.you can still call Dr Okakagbe on his personal line at +2348156885231

  • sharon

    My name is cynthia and my ex-boyfriend dumped me 8 months ago after I caught him of having an affair with someone else and insulting him. I want him back in my life but he refuse to have any contact with me. I was so confuse and don’t know what to do, so I visited the INTERNET for help and I saw a testimony on how a spell caster help them to get their ex back so I contact the spell caster and explain my problems to him….. he cast a spell for me and assure me of 3 days that my ex will return to me and to my greatest surprise the third day my peter came knocking on my door and beg for forgiveness. I am so happy that my love is back again and not only that, we are about to get married. Once again thank you Dr Olokum spell caster, you are truly talented and gifted contact his email:[email protected]

  • sharon

    I am Miss Tricia.,From U S . I will start by saying to all that have experience heart break and also cant do with out there lover should please stop here and read up my story, So as you will know how to go solving or getting your ex back from this spell caster..AND AGAIN I WILL WANT TO ALSO TELL ALL THAT THIS SPELL CASTER I WILL WANT TO TELL THE WHOLE WORLD ABOUT IS HARMLESS AND DO NOT HAVE ANY SIDE EFFECT, BUT TO RESTORE AND GIVE YOU BACK WHAT YOU DESERVE, COS WHEN I MEET WITH THIS SPELL CASTER THAT WAS INTRODUCED TO ME BY THE WIFE OF MY BOSS IN MY WORKING PLACE, HE MADE IT CLEAR THAT HE CAN CAST SPELL ON SO MANY OTHER PROBLEMS EXCEPT IN GETTING YOUR EX OR MAKING YOUR LOVER TO LOVE YOU MORE THAT WILL SUITE YOU. Last year December, My lover was cheating on me and was not also give me the attention that a man should give to a woman,And really that was troubling my mind and tearing my heart apart to the extent that i was not concentrating in the office the way i use to before the break up by my lover.And before that incident,I always see how my boss use to love his wife so much. I was bringing to think that i was not doing the right thing to him that will make him love me forever,So i really gathered my courage and went to my boss wife office to ask her the secret that made her husband love her so dearly,In the first place she refused in telling me,She asked me why i am asking her such a question,That if is it not normal for every man to love his wife.I told her the reason that made me ask her about this question,That my lover started cheating on me lately,When i knelt down before her for her to see my seriousness in this issue that i went to ask her,She opened up to me by telling me that i should not tell anybody about what she want to tell me,The wife to my boss started to say to me that she used a very powerful spell on his husband to love her,And the spell that she used is harmless, But the spell is just to make him love her and never to look for any other woman except her. I QUICKLY ASK HER HOW DID SHE GET TO KNOW THIS GREAT,POWER,DURABLE AND PERFECT WORK SPELL CASTER,she said that a friend of hers also introduce her to him. Then i also ask her how i can meet with this spell caster.SHE SAID EVERYTHING TO ME,THAT THE NAME OF THIS SPELL CASTER IS Dr.super .My next question to her was how can i get this wonderful spell caster,She said she is going to give me the email of the spell caster for me to contact him for my problem,Really she gave to me this spell [email protected] and i contacted him and explained all to him,And after every thing that needed to be done by the spell caster, In the next two days, My lover that hated me so much came to house begging for forgiveness and i was so glad that i have finally gotten my heart desire..I was so grateful to this spell caster for what he has done for my life.. So i made a promise to him that i will always continue telling the world about his wonderful work towards me and also to other that came to you before and also the people that will also get to you from my story that i narrated online now..I will want to say to the entire world that you should not cry over noting again, That there is a great man that has been helping individuals to restore there Joy and smile in there faces !! The direct email to get this man is:[email protected])This is what i want to tell you all out there,That is thinking that all hope is lost OK..Thanks

  • Natasha Mpongie

    My name is Natasha Mpongie. I have been scammed 4 time by spell casting proving that they can do body switch spell for me. This made me financially down. I was introduced to [email protected] last month by my facebook friend and when i tried him, the body switch spell was successful. I am happy now that i was able to switch to what i need. He is the best one can contact for solution to any problem.

  • elen

    Thank you thank you DR IMOMOH for what you have just done, for helping me getting my husband who left me with two kids years ago to me I thank you so much the great ogodomi of [email protected] for Bringing back my family i am great full and will always be if you also Need his help his email ([email protected] ) My name is elen jones I am from spain i want to share my happiness with the general public of what DR imomoh of india but now in africa has done for me in the last few weeks i was once in love this guy called McCarty we in love with each other until traveled out of my state for two year and we promise ourselves to be together forever, but before return from my journey he where now having another lover when i try to come back to he. He told me i should go away i love him so much that i could not let he go just like that then i told a friend about it and she advice me and recommend this man imomoh for me when i visit he at [email protected] he only ask me to buy some items for sacrifices to help me get my ex back and he actually did it and it work well and today I am happy with incase any one is out there with same problem or any kind I advice he or she to contact this man today at [email protected] and with what he did for me I believe he can also help you thank once again Dr Imomoh

  • Sharon

    A job is usually much more boring than spending time doing exactly what you want. I think the working wives are just envious. I spend a lot of time improving my body and mind, gaining knowledge through reading, enjoying my hobbies of playing the piano, raising food in the garden, and sewing clothes. I only worked a couple of years when we were first married. My husband had a high income and paid high taxes. I would have been a fool to work, seeing as how the state and feds would take 2/3 of what I might make and paying for work clothes, child care, transportation, and a maid would have taken the other 1/3. Men used to be able to support a wife on one income, but the government wanted more money, so they taxed us so much that it now requires two incomes for most people. I was lucky.

  • Mary

    i want to tell you about my past and how blessed i am today. please i understand how it feels to be heartbroken.i have a 5years relationship with my boyfriend not until when he brought me an invitation letter that he was getting married to somebody else because i love him so much and we promise to live our lives together ever since my life have been filled with pains,heart break and i almost took my life because of him.A friend of mine told me how DR OLOKUN helped her to get her husband back together after 3year,before i contacted dr olokun([email protected])call number tel.+2347051841955 is the spell caster who cast a spell in two days my boyfriend and i are back together.i am so happy for what DR.Olokon had done for me and my family too it a miracle for me, life have changed for the best.i dont need to explain it more than this but for you to contact him and your life will change for the best i promise you.

  • lucy
  • http://www.smittenbybritain.com/ SmittenbyBritain

    I don’t think anyone owes anything to any movement! We only have one life and we should be able to choose the life we want without caring what others think. How is this any different than all the people I see online with travel blogs – those who have quit their jobs and are traveling the world? What are they contributing to society? Isn’t that selfish? Why is there a demand that everyone be contributing to society? I think many people who leave the type of comments you quoted above are jealous because they either a.) can’t afford this choice, either because of bad luck or choices they have made in their lives or b.) are too afraid to make the choice. Lots of people fear ideas and ways of life that are outside the “norm.” Pity them.

  • petly

    i think just found a man that is very real and very nice and perfect, just help me bring back my lover back to me in 3days the spell was cast she left me because of one man called jack and she said she never wanted to see me again when she left me when i met this man called Dr.zack Balo online he told me not to be worried and that is going to help me in not less DAN 3days he real did that was when i real believe him now i am happy with my girlfriend now this is my testimony to every body across the world email to contact him [email protected] all my thanks to this great man who help me.

  • lizzy

    i am 32 years old turning 33 this July, i have a partner for almost 3 years now, we have 1 year old and 3 months baby girl. we are planning to get married next year, my partner is a seaman, he just arrived 2 weeks ago. I noticed his changes, he used to be sweet before. The other night I asked him what happened to him because he was very cold. I forced him to speak, then he did. He told me that he is having an affair for almost 1 year now with his co-worker. I was shocked! He told me that he love the girl and he only stay because of our daughter but if given a chance he want to be that girl. because of my pride, I packed his things and advised him to leave because we don’t need him. i told him that Ican take care of our daughter. i spoke to my in-laws this morning and they told me that my husband was hurt of my actions.i think it was his ego who i’ve hurt most. because i don’t want his presence nd help on our child. according to him i can live without him.one day i was on internet and i found [email protected] online helping people build there marriage and casting a love spell that last forever, i email and told him all that happened to us, [email protected] help me out just three days i was very surprise my husband came home telling me other sweet story, my marriage is as save as any other thing on earth, thank you once again [email protected] my husband is in love more than before.

  • Jenna

    I actually just read another article that stated that it was a misconception that the majority of stay at home moms did so because of luxury. They actually found that a larger percentage were lower income households who couldn’t afford to have the mother working (Cost of childcare being more than a potential income). So everyone here calling them lazy freeloaders need to do a little more research before you go on judging.

  • Gillian

    Am so grateful to this great man DR.OLOKUN who has brought back happiness to my life,At first i taught he was a scam,Because i saw a testimony about him how he helped someone in bringing back her ex within 48hours so i decided to give him a chance in bringing back my lover back to me who left me for 5years,So DR.OLOKUN said my lover will come back to me soon,So really when the 48hour was completed my lover Frank called me and said he was sorry and that he was ready to make it up with me,Am so grateful to DR.OLOKUN,Please in-case you are in need of help you can contact him on is private mail [email protected] Gillian

  • johnyiyi

    Hello To The World At Large,
    I am Miss Wacks.,From united states of America.I will start by saying to all that have experience heart break and also cant do with out there lover should please stop here and read up my story, So as you will know how to go solving or getting your ex back from this spell caster..AND AGAIN I WILL WANT TO ALSO TELL ALL THAT THIS SPELL CASTER I WILL WANT TO TELL THE WHOLE WORLD ABOUT IS HARMLESS AND DO NOT HAVE ANY SIDE EFFECT, BUT TO RESTORE AND GIVE YOU BACK WHAT YOU DESERVE, COS WHEN I MEET WITH THIS SPELL CASTER THAT WAS INTRODUCED TO ME BY THE WIFE OF MY BOSS IN MY WORKING PLACE, HE MADE IT CLEAR THAT HE CAN CAST SPELL ON SO MANY OTHER PROBLEMS EXCEPT IN GETTING YOUR EX OR MAKING YOUR LOVER TO LOVE YOU MORE THAT WILL SUITE YOU. Last year December, My lover was cheating on me and was not also give me the attention that a man should give to a woman,And really that was troubling my mind and tearing my heart apart to the extent that i was not concentrating in the office the way i use to before the break up by my lover.And before that incident,I always see how my boss use to love his wife so much. I was binging to think that i was not doing the right thing to him that will make him love me forever,So i really gathered my courage and went to my boss wife office to ask her the secret that made her husband love her so dearly,In the first place she refused in telling me,She asked me why i am asking her such a question,That if is it not normal for every man to love his wife.I told her the reason that made me ask her about this question,That my lover started cheating on me lately,When i knelt down before her for her to see my seriousness in this issue that i went to ask her,She opened up to me by telling me that i should not tell anybody about what she want to tell me,The wife to my boss started to say to me that she used a very powerful spell on his husband to love her,And the spell that she used is harmless, But the spell is just to make him love her and never to look for any other woman except her. I QUICKLY ASK HER HOW DID SHE GET TO KNOW THIS GREAT,POWER,DURABLE AND PERFECT WORK SPELL CASTER,she said that a friend of hers also introduce her to him. Then i also ask her how i can meet with this spell caster.SHE SAID EVERYTHING TO ME,THAT THE NAME OF THIS SPELL CASTER IS JOHN YIYI ORACLE TEMPLE.My next question to her was how can i get this wonderful spell caster,She said she is going to give me the email of the spell caster for me to contact him for my problem,Really she gave to me this spell caster email and i contacted him and explained all to him,And after every thing that needed to be done by the spell caster, In the next two days, My lover that hated me so much came to house begging for forgiveness and i was so glad that i have finally gotten my heart desire..I was so grateful to this spell caster for what he has done for my life.. So i made a promise to him that i will always continue telling the world about his wonderful work towards me and also to other that came to you before and also the people that will also get to you from my story that i narrated online now..I will want to say to the entire world that you should not cry over noting again, That there is a great man that has been helping individuals to restore there Joy and smile in there faces !! The direct email to get this man is : [email protected] ,This is what i want to tell you all out there,That is thinking that all hope is lost ok..Thanks
    Regards,
    Miss Wacks.

  • johnyiyi

    DO NOT SUFFER YOUR SELF FROM ANY BREAK DOWN,CURSE OR ANY KIND OF SPIRITUAL SET BACK. COME TO JOHN YI YI ([email protected])

    Authority is king! The spell that i provide is the ultimate fast results, It can be hard to find the exact spell caster you need, when you don’t know what to look for in a professional spell caster. The best spell casters are not easy to pick out! Many hearts are broken every day and many people suffer in vain. Don’t be one of them. Let me help you with your case. My powerful spells can STOP A DIVORCE and much much more! and I am considered one of the most powerful spell casters with white magic. I can help you. I have a big range of powerful spells to use for your needs. What outcome do you want? You might wonder how the spells will affect you? Will the spell be helpful? YES! The spells I cast for you will not have any unwanted side effects such as bad Karma. As long as the intentions are pure out of love as I am sure they are, right?. Magic is actually an energy from mother earth that can be controlled. You yourself might even be able to do it after years of practice.
    I give 100% in every spell casting and as a professional I make sure all goes right. I give 100% to make you are satisfied with my service.
    specializing in the fields of Love, Money, Power, Success, Sickness, Pregnancy, Marriage, Job, Protection, Lottery, Court Case, Luck. etc.
    provide the information below

    INFORMATION NEEDED:

    Your Full Name: ________________
    Your Partner name: ________________
    Your Contact number: ________________
    Your country/Location: ________________
    Your Partner’s address________________
    The picture of both of you: ________________
    Your complete address: ________________

    With this information the spell will commence immediately and you will have to stay tune for more feed back from my shrine. You can as well call me today any time of your choice and i will give you all the attention.. CONTACT ME VIA EMAIL NOW:[email protected]

  • johnyiyi

    I had been sick for years now, I lost all of my possession due to this illness, every member of my family became tired of me because to them i was now a liability, i bless the day i got introduced to this fellow at John Yi Yi Temple who uses this email address: [email protected] when he requested for 350 dollars to buy the items for the spell to cure me of my illness i felt he was a spam then i told the person who introduced me to him and she said to me that she paid 500 dollars to save her marriage so i was convinced to pay the money and i did two days after , he cast the spell i was cured of all of the diseases that i was attacked with. And also he said to me that my husband that had ran away will be disturbed to come back home to be with me and exactly what really took place…This man at [email protected] is just so good at his spell work. CONTACT HIM TODAY VIA EMAIL:[email protected]

  • johnyiyi

    MY NAME IS JANICES WALLOCKS FROM HOUSTON,TEXAS.I NEVER BELIEVED IN LOVE SPELLS OR MAGIC UNTIL I MET THIS SPELL CASTER ONCE WHEN I WENT TO AFRICA IN DECEMBER LAST YEAR ON A BUSINESS SUMMIT. HE IS REALLY POWERFUL AND COULD HELP CAST SPELLS TO BRING BACK ONE’S GONE,LOST,MISBEHAVING LOVER LOOKING FOR SOME ONE TO LOVE YOU, BRING BACK LOST MONEY AND MAGIC MONEY SPELL OR SPELL FOR A GOOD JOB.I’M NOW HAPPY & A LIVING TESTIMONY COS THE MAN I HAD WANTED TO MARRY LEFT ME 2 WEEKS BEFORE OUR WEDDING AND MY LIFE WAS UPSIDE DOWN COS OUR RELATIONSHIP HAS BEEN ON FOR 2YEARS… I REALLY LOVED HIM, BUT HIS MOTHER WAS AGAINST US AND HE HAD NO GOOD PAYING JOB. SO WHEN I MET THIS SPELL CASTER, I TOLD HIM WHAT HAPPENED AND EXPLAINED THE SITUATION OF THINGS TO HIM..AT FIRST I WAS UNDECIDED,SKEPTICAL AND DOUBTFUL, BUT I JUST GAVE IT A TRY. AND IN 7 DAYS WHEN I RETURNED TO TEXAS, MY BOYFRIEND (NOW HUSBAND) CALLED ME BY HIMSELF AND CAME TO ME APOLOGIZING THAT EVERYTHING HAD BEEN SETTLED WITH HIS MOM AND FAMILY AND HE GOT A NEW JOB INTERVIEW SO WE SHOULD GET MARRIED..I DIDN’T BELIEVE IT COS THE SPELL CASTER ONLY ASKED FOR MY NAME AND MY BOYFRIENDS NAME AND ALL I WANTED HIM TO DO… WELL WE ARE HAPPILY MARRIED NOW AND WE ARE EXPECTING OUR LITTLE KID,AND MY HUSBAND ALSO GOT THE NEW JOB AND OUR LIVES BECAME MUCH BETTER. IN CASE ANYONE NEEDS THE SPELL CASTER FOR SOME HELP, HIS EMAIL ADDRESS IS:[email protected] ……HOPE HE HELPS YOU OUT. HURRY NOW AND CONTACT HIM NOW VIA EMAIL ADDRESS:[email protected]

  • johnyiyi

    My Name is Dan Anelos ..I never believed in Love Spells or Magics until I met this special spell caster when i contact this man called [email protected] Execute some business..He is really powerful..My wife divorce me with no reason for almost 4 years and i tried all i could to have her back cos i really love her so much but all my effort did not work out.. we met at our early age at the college and we both have feelings for each other and we got married happily for 5 years with no kid and she woke up one morning and she told me she’s going on a divorce..i thought it was a joke and when she came back from work she tender to me a divorce letter and she packed all her loads from my house..i ran mad and i tried all i could to have her back but all did not work out..i was lonely for almost 4 years…So when i told the spell caster what happened he said he will help me and he asked for her full name and her picture..i gave him that..At first i was skeptical but i gave it a try cos have tried so many spell casters and there is no solution…so when he finished with the readings,he got back to me that she’s with a man and that man is the reason why she left me…The spell caster said he will help me with a spell that will surely bring her back.but i never believe all this…he told me i will see a positive result within 3 days..3 days later,she called me herself and came to me apologizing and she told me she will come back to me..I cant believe this,it was like a dream cos i never believe this will work out after trying many spell casters and there is no solution..The spell caster is so powerful and after that he helped me with a pregnancy spell and my wife got pregnant a month later..we are now happy been together again and with lovely kid..This spell caster has really changed my life and i will forever thankful to him..he has helped many friends too with similar problem too and they are happy and thankful to him..This man is indeed the most powerful spell caster have ever experienced in life..Am Posting this to the Forum in case there is anyone who has similar problem and still looking for a way out..you can reach him here:[email protected]… CONTACT THIS GREAT AND POWERFUL SPELL CASTER CALLED JOHN YI YI … HIS EMAIL ADDRESS IS :[email protected]… CONTACT HIM NOW AND BE FAST ABOUT IT SO HE CAN ALSO ATTEND TO YOU BECAUSE THE EARLIER YOU CONTACT HIM NOW THE BETTER FOR YOU TO GET QUICK SOLUTION TO ALL YOUR PROBLEMS…

  • johnyiyi

    I am not here to convince you or to make you buy anything from me. As I always say… if it does not feel right, don’t do it! When it comes to spells, love spells and spell work it is important that you select an authentic and genuine spell caster that you feel good about. My advice to you is to really take the time to read the good new about me in any site. You will find many valuable information about me, my services and products as well as authentic spell casting, love spells, magic spells, witchcraft and spiritual help. Only you can decide if I am the right spell caster for you, let me tell you one thing you have to know is that most of the fake spell caster do have a site just convince you to see my thing about them, and they will take your money and they will never respond to your mail again don’t be deceive brothers and sisters. My door is always open to you and you are very welcome to email me at any time email to contact is:[email protected]…. CONTACT ME NOW VIA EMAIL:[email protected] FOR MORE INFORMATION……

  • http://www.facebook.com/profile.php?id=1080087458 Dawn Zitzka

    Stay at home wife here! And WOW! I just started to research this topic and just as a I suspected: HATERS! Look, if you are human being you are no stranger to envy and jealousy. We have feel it at times. When women have such a strong emotional response, it is due to suppressed/repressed desire to have what you have. I a lot of women say “I wish I could stay at home” — Just admit it.
    I will also say that I used to feel pissed because I have been a plus size woman and wishes I could afford the luxuries of thin women- its no different than working women being pissed that they don’t have the OPTION, to stay at home. But for me yes, it is a wonderful thing to be taken care of – it meets one of my deep feminine needs. I have an awesome husband, and while he is not rich, he makes enough that he doesn’t have to depend financially on me. Now—- Out of all the haters out there I wonder which ones are taking care of their men financially? That’s something that I would never do, but then again to each their own. I think I am going to start a club for stay at home wives. Southern California Ladies?

  • KC

    Also, to “Paul”- way to stereotype!

    There are plenty of stay at home wives out there who are actually RESPECTFUL of their husbands and treat them very well.

  • KC

    I despise some of those comments.

    Some women stay at home because- NEWS FLASH!- they don’t have a choice!

    Take military spouses for example. They feed you all this bull that you can get preference for jobs on base. It’s all lies. There’s very rarely any jobs even on the larger bases, and then it’s all about who you know. And because we move every few months, our employment history doesn’t look so great with all those gaps and short term jobs.

    I’m a stay at home wife with a bachelors degree. My days consist of searching fruitlessly for jobs (applying to hundreds and never even getting the consideration of an email back), cleaning the house, running errands, and being the family accountant, balancing a budget, and following Dave Ramsey’s debt snowball plan to work our way out of old debts. And I do a darn good job of it.

    The benefits: Freedom. I can spend my husband’s off time with him rather than making minimum wage and being forced to work weekends an holidays, when we barely see each other already. I can also do all the little things for him during the weekdays that he can’t do because nothing is open on weekends, such as the post office, the bank, and assorted military-related stuff. I also have a little free time to write, to learn new things, to work on projects for the house, etc. Also- no work commute, which is great because I can’t stand all these idiot drivers texting all the time.

    The cons: It’s boring. I’d much rather get out of the house more often but I don’t particularly like doing things on my own. I have no real friends because we move so often. (I had tons before marriage, and we keep in touch, but they’re not around.) I don’t sit around chatting and gossiping with other wives, I don’t go shopping and buy myself pretty dresses or go out for drinks. I work. It’s a different type of work than these self-righteous morons understand, but it is what it is. If you call all stay at home wives LAZY, you deserve a good smack.

    We live on one income. It’s not fun. It’s not glamorous. It’s the smartest thing to do. Everyone, even with working wives, should live on one income and save the rest. The husbands who force their wives to work just want to finance lots and lots of STUFF. So in reality, they’re even MORE shallow.

    I’m glad to have a husband who supports me whether I work or not. Once he’s out of the military I’ll be working again, most definitely. We’ll move to an area where we can both get jobs. We will live on one income and save the rest.

    It’s time for people like those who made those comments to quit judging and find something more productive to do.

  • http://twitter.com/RFIndependence Pauline

    I believe any marriage works based on a financial and mutually beneficial agreement. If the husband is ok for the wife to sit at home and do nothing because she will look rested at night to parade her around, and both parties find it normal, go for it. I stay at home because I do not like the corporate environment, and am financially independent, having saved aggressively for the past 10 years. I have a few projects, just supervised an extension on a new house that I plan on turning into a guest house, I am also developing a 90 acre piece of land, running a blog and supervising my investments. We split common expenses in half. But I like to stay home, cook healthy meals from scratch, grow a garden, and hope to homeschool my maybe kids. You can be an independent woman at home.

    • http://www.girlsjustwannahaveufunds.com/ Ginger-GirlsJustWannaHaveFunds

      Love it Pauline! I’d love to have you guest post herw if youre open to it.

  • Chris

    “Are the assets in BOTH both names”

    Disgusting.

    I am in my 2nd marriage, and I looked for two key things in a wife this time around:

    1. Someone who was good with my kids
    2. Someone with a similar career/income so we could share financial responsibilities

    Well after a year of marriage, she stopped going to work… kind of like Office Space, she wasn’t missing it. After a couple of months, she was “laid off” with a severance package. Well there’s one month left of severance, she’s contributing significantly less than her fair share, we no longer have insurance. And she still hasn’t looked for a job.

    She says she hates the IT industry after 25 years of working in it. Well I’m still going to my job every day and supporting her, but how long can I let this go on? The resentment has built to the point where I am telling strangers on a message board

    • KC

      Wow. The problem here is you wanted to marry a paycheck and a babysitter, not a woman.

      I see nothing in this post about someone who makes you laugh, someone who is affectionate, someone you have fun with. Therefore, you should never have gotten married.

      You only think about what benefits YOU. You don’t think about her happiness or your happiness as a couple at all. Maybe it’s time to stop being selfish and help her find something she enjoys. Perhaps she would like a career that makes even more money, if you’re lucky!

      If you’re paying your rent and utilities and you have food on the table and gas in your car, then get over it. You don’t need any more STUFF. You need to decide which you care about more- the STUFF, or your wife.

      Although honestly, I think you’d be better off ending the relationship,
      because you’re not mature enough and you’re not in it for the right
      reasons. Nobody deserves to be viewed as a tool so you can get the things that YOU want.

      • KC

        I’m not saying you’re the only one to blame here. But since you’re the one posting, I can only help you.

  • Adrian G

    Wow, I have a hard time with this one. I am a career woman and I come from a long line of them. I’m not going to say it’s always a bed of roses, but it works out well for me. But I am in Utah so I am surrounded by stay at home moms and stay at home wives. Sometimes I do get a little jealous and a littie dismissive of them, but the interesting thing is that very few of them seem to just do the stay at home thing. Most of them are big bloggers, or run home businesses, or volunteer to the point of insanity, or just spend boatloads of time doing useless stuff on the Internet.

    I think there is a little spark in each one of us that wants to DO something each day and not just sit on the couch eating bon-bons. But since the culture tells us that isn’t a healthy and good impulse, I think a lot of them (not all) have the title of stay at home mom or wife, but need to have this little side gig to keep from going nuts from the boredom.

    I just wish there were more flexible options in part time jobs or telecommuting to give women the freedom to have a decent balance between work and life. It’s coming along, but very sloooowly.

  • Kris

    I was raised with running the home and taking care of kids as the main point and getting an education and training was the back up plan. As I got older (now 22) why this is the goal is the biggest question in my life.

    So here is my view of what a stay at home wife(husband) is:

    the person runs the house, balance the house budget (track where the money goes, of course making sure both partners agree on the spending and saving should be talked of often) and make sure everything is covered ( household supply wise) that way the one working can just focus on excelling at work and relax when they are home.

    And that is as far as I am…if they are doing this then no problem or in anyway doing what they can to help their partner.

    • KC

      Exactly Kris! You have the right idea. Working with no support is EXHAUSTING. I’ve done it. Now I support my husband, who works, and he’s much happier because of it. When he’s deployed he misses home cooked meals and someone to do his laundry and provide a comfy environment for him. He has to do everything himself.

      I think that’s why he’s so appreciative. But then again, he’s just a great guy in general. And I appreciate him SO much as well.

  • Merry Clark

    All women need to work for more reasons than I can count

  • marley

    I cannot even imagine how unfulfilled I would feel as a SAHW. I think women who work hard have so much more to offer (not just financially) than ones who hobby all day long.

    • http://www.smittenbybritain.com/ SmittenbyBritain

      LOL!

  • John YiYi

    My Name is Erick Wilson..I never believed in Love Spells or Magics until I met this special spell caster when i went to Africa to Execute some business..He is really powerful..My wife divorce me with no reason for almost 4 years and i tried all i could to have her back cos i really love her so much but all my effort did not work out.. we met at our early age at the college and we both have feelings for each other and we got married happily for 5 years with no kid and she woke up one morning and she told me she’s going on a divorce..i thought it was a joke and when she came back from work she tender to me a divorce letter and she packed all her loads from my house..i ran mad and i tried all i could to have her back but all did not work out..i was lonely for almost 4 years…So when i told the spell caster what happened he said he will help me and he asked for her full name and her picture..i gave him that..At first i was skeptical but i gave it a try cos h ave tried so many spell casters and there is no solution…so when he finished with the readings,he got back to me that she’s with a man and that man is the reason why she left me…The spell caster said he will help me with a spell that will surely bring her back.but i never believe all this…he told me i will see a positive result within 3 days..3 days later,she called me herself and came to me apologizing and she told me she will come back to me..I cant believe this,it was like a dream cos i never believe this will work out after trying many spell casters and there is no solution..The spell caster is so powerful and after that he helped me with a pregnancy spell and my wife got pregnant a month later..we are now happy been together again and with lovely kid..This spell caster has really changed my life and i will forever thankful to him..he has helped many friends too with similar problem too and they are happy and thankful to him..This man is indeed the most powerful spell caster have ever experienced in life..Am Posting this to the Forum in case there is anyone who has similar problem and still looking for a way out..you can reach him here: [email protected]…… CONTACT THIS POWERFUL SPELL CASTER TODAY VIA EMAIL:[email protected]

  • John YiYi

    DO NOT SUFFER YOUR SELF FROM ANY BREAK DOWN,CURSE OR ANY KIND OF SPIRITUAL SET BACK. COME TO JOHN YI YI ([email protected])
    Authority is king! The spell that i provide is the ultimate fast results, It can be hard to find the exact spell caster you need, when you don’t know what to look for in a professional spell caster. The best spell casters are not easy to pick out! Many hearts are broken every day and many people suffer in vain. Don’t be one of them. Let me help you with your case. My powerful spells can STOP A DIVORCE and much much more! and I am considered one of the most powerful spell casters with white magic. I can help you. I have a big range of powerful spells to use for your needs. What outcome do you want? You might wonder how the spells will affect you? Will the spell be helpful? YES! The spells I cast for you will not have any unwanted side effects such as bad Karma. As long as the intentions are pure out of love as I am sure they are, right?. Magic is actually an energy from mother earth that can be controlled. You yourself might even be able to do it after years of practice.

    I give 100% in every spell casting and as a professional I make sure all goes right. I give 100% to make you are satisfied with my service.

    specializing in the fields of Love, Money, Power, Success, Sickness, Pregnancy, Marriage, Job, Protection, Lottery, Court Case, Luck. etc.

    provide the information below

    INFORMATION NEEDED:

    Your Full Name: ________________
    Your Partner name: ________________
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    With this information the spell will commence immediately and you will have to stay tune for more feed back from my shrine. You can as well call me today any time of your choice and i will give you all the attention.. CONTACT ME VIA EMAIL NOW:[email protected]

  • John YiYi

    My Name is Dan Anelos ..I never believed in Love Spells or Magics until I met this special spell caster when i contact this man called [email protected] Execute some business..He is really powerful..My wife divorce me with no reason for almost 4 years and i tried all i could to have her back cos i really love her so much but all my effort did not work out.. we met at our early age at the college and we both have feelings for each other and we got married happily for 5 years with no kid and she woke up one morning and she told me she’s going on a divorce..i thought it was a joke and when she came back from work she tender to me a divorce letter and she packed all her loads from my house..i ran mad and i tried all i could to have her back but all did not work out..i was lonely for almost 4 years…So when i told the spell caster what happened he said he will help me and he asked for her full name and her picture..i gave him that..At first i was skeptical but i gave it a try cos have tried so many spell casters and there is no solution…so when he finished with the readings,he got back to me that she’s with a man and that man is the reason why she left me…The spell caster said he will help me with a spell that will surely bring her back.but i never believe all this…he told me i will see a positive result within 3 days..3 days later,she called me herself and came to me apologizing and she told me she will come back to me..I cant believe this,it was like a dream cos i never believe this will work out after trying many spell casters and there is no solution..The spell caster is so powerful and after that he helped me with a pregnancy spell and my wife got pregnant a month later..we are now happy been together again and with lovely kid..This spell caster has really changed my life and i will forever thankful to him..he has helped many friends too with similar problem too and they are happy and thankful to him..This man is indeed the most powerful spell caster have ever experienced in life..Am Posting this to the Forum in case there is anyone who has similar problem and still looking for a way out..you can reach him here:[email protected]… CONTACT THIS GREAT AND POWERFUL SPELL CASTER CALLED JOHN YI YI … HIS EMAIL ADDRESS IS :[email protected]… CONTACT HIM NOW AND BE FAST ABOUT IT SO HE CAN ALSO ATTEND TO YOU BECAUSE THE EARLIER YOU CONTACT HIM NOW THE BETTER FOR YOU TO GET QUICK SOLUTION TO ALL YOUR PROBLEMS…

  • John YiYi

    My name is Diana Rossay i am from United States, I was in a relationship with Ben and we loved and cherished ourselves for 3 good years and every thing was going on smoothly but February 14, 2012 a day i can call a lovers day we both had misunderstanding because i answered a call from a guy that is asking me out for a date but i refused,and he told me that the relationship is over and that he is fed up with me and i begged him because i love him so much but he refused me i was so down cast and i felt the world has come to an end for me but my friend told me about a spell caster that helped her sister out in getting her relationship back,a good job and favor in any of her endeavor but at first i was scared but i have to give this man a trial because i love Ben very much and i am not willing to loose him to any woman,so i ordered returning my love spell from this great spell caster that made me a happy woman again to say it all my ex came back to me with much love and a caring heart…i am testifying to this great spell caster Prophet of Goddess. if you need his help you can contact him on:[email protected]. THIS MAN IS A GREAT SPELL CASTER HIS EMAIL ADDRESS IS:[email protected]

  • John YiYi

    MY NAME IS JANICES WALLOCKS FROM HOUSTON,TEXAS.I NEVER BELIEVED IN LOVE SPELLS OR MAGIC UNTIL I MET THIS SPELL CASTER ONCE WHEN I WENT TO AFRICA IN DECEMBER LAST YEAR ON A BUSINESS SUMMIT. HE IS REALLY POWERFUL AND COULD HELP CAST SPELLS TO BRING BACK ONE’S GONE,LOST,MISBEHAVING LOVER LOOKING FOR SOME ONE TO LOVE YOU, BRING BACK LOST MONEY AND MAGIC MONEY SPELL OR SPELL FOR A GOOD JOB.I’M NOW HAPPY & A LIVING TESTIMONY COS THE MAN I HAD WANTED TO MARRY LEFT ME 2 WEEKS BEFORE OUR WEDDING AND MY LIFE WAS UPSIDE DOWN COS OUR RELATIONSHIP HAS BEEN ON FOR 2YEARS… I REALLY LOVED HIM, BUT HIS MOTHER WAS AGAINST US AND HE HAD NO GOOD PAYING JOB. SO WHEN I MET THIS SPELL CASTER, I TOLD HIM WHAT HAPPENED AND EXPLAINED THE SITUATION OF THINGS TO HIM..AT FIRST I WAS UNDECIDED,SKEPTICAL AND DOUBTFUL, BUT I JUST GAVE IT A TRY. AND IN 7 DAYS WHEN I RETURNED TO TEXAS, MY BOYFRIEND (NOW HUSBAND) CALLED ME BY HIMSELF AND CAME TO ME APOLOGIZING THAT EVERYTHING HAD BEEN SETTLED WITH HIS MOM AND FAMILY AND HE GOT A NEW JOB INTERVIEW SO WE SHOULD GET MARRIED..I DIDN’T BELIEVE IT COS THE SPELL CASTER ONLY ASKED FOR MY NAME AND MY BOYFRIENDS NAME AND ALL I WANTED HIM TO DO… WELL WE ARE HAPPILY MARRIED NOW AND WE ARE EXPECTING OUR LITTLE KID,AND MY HUSBAND ALSO GOT THE NEW JOB AND OUR LIVES BECAME MUCH BETTER. IN CASE ANYONE NEEDS THE SPELL CASTER FOR SOME HELP, HIS EMAIL ADDRESS IS:[email protected] ……HOPE HE HELPS YOU OUT. HURRY NOW AND CONTACT HIM NOW VIA EMAIL ADDRESS:[email protected]

  • John YiYi

    I had been sick for years now, I lost all of my possession due to this illness, every member of my family became tired of me because to them i was now a liability, i bless the day i got introduced to this fellow at John Yi Yi Temple who uses this email address: [email protected] when he requested for 350 dollars to buy the items for the spell to cure me of my illness i felt he was a spam then i told the person who introduced me to him and she said to me that she paid 500 dollars to save her marriage so i was convinced to pay the money and i did two days after , he cast the spell i was cured of all of the diseases that i was attacked with. And also he said to me that my husband that had ran away will be disturbed to come back home to be with me and exactly what really took place…This man at [email protected] is just so good at his spell work. CONTACT HIM TODAY VIA EMAIL:[email protected]

  • Alex Olson

    I find this discussion riveting and feel I must comment, because I am fortunate enough to have experienced THREE statuses within the last decade ;

    I worked my butt off for several years, had a career and loved it.

    Then, I was blessed with marriage to a wonderful man, and became the step-mother to a teenage girl. I have no biological children.

    Then, she unexpectedly had a baby girl, I offered to stay home and take care of my new step-granddaughter, as daycare was too expensive for her. This was a sacrifice I made totally of my own free will. It was not compelled, as if I’d had children of my own. And I have never regretted it.

    Then, the little girl started school and my services for daycare were no longer needed.
    Within weeks, I had a health crisis that required surgery. Obviously, I decided to stay home and recuperate before going ‘ back to work.’

    While I was recovering, my husband received a huge promotion worth an extra $30 k per year. Yes, we are very lucky.

    But now, I find myself in the enviable position of not having to work, unless I want to. And after being out of the workforce for 6 years, I am not sure i really want to go back to work. I was a mid-level health insurance representative, and I can’t honestly say I miss it. For now, I prefer to stay home, and have undertaken all the chores, cooking and errands.

    But I have learned not to judge people, especially women, for their choices. None of us really ‘owes’ anyone else an explanation or reason for choosing to work, stay home, or whatever.

    Sometimes, sheer circumstance and luck ( or lack of it), helps shape our choices, as in my case. I never thought I would stop working at 38, or that I would become a grandmother without ever having children, and become the wife of a very successful man. I know I could go back to work, if I needed to. But for now, I am simply enjoying the opportunity not to work, as my husband could be laid off tomorrow.

    And I live each day as a blessing for this opportunity

    • KC

      Alex…

      You are a wonderful person. Best of luck to you!!

  • roeth

    when my
    husband first leave me to fallow another girl, i want to meany spell caster to
    help cast a spell so that my husband we come back to me,they all made away with
    my money.until i men a grate caster name prophet osula.when i meant him i told
    all my problem and he told me that he will cast a spell for me,that after seven
    days that my husband we be back to me. I did not beloved him because of what
    other spell caster have don to me, after three days the spell was being cast,my
    husband that have left me for long call me to tell me that he still love me,that he love to come back to [email protected]
    roeth

  • standinmyshoes

    i have two children five and two i take car of my kids like god intended. I don’t push my motherly responsibly’s on anyone else, Nor do i ever sit on my ass. My husband goes to work and never has to worry about anything else. I take care of the kids, pay bills, clean house, go shopping, go to the bank, and all with my kids. I would love to have a job in the future but i don’t have any means for childcare and love rising my own children. My house is cleaner then any ones i know, i also tutor my children at home and give them a stable life. My sister in-law was a working mom her house was a mess and her children where deprived of love from their mother and acted out in bad behavior. She is now a stay at home mom and her kids have improved and she says she can’t handle being a stay at home mom and it’s too hard. So she is looking for another job. I respect the women who work and take care of their families also. So don’t put me down cause i’m doing the same. Women with child know how hard it is to be a mother why would we put each other down. With out us our families would fall apart we all work hard and should stand by each others side.

  • SK

    I think they are lucky to be so free. I grew up with a stay at home mom, but wasn’t really groomed to be one. Wish I was now because an MBA later, I’m struggling to feel like it was worth it anymore than financially. I had no idea before I had kids that I’d feel this regretful and angry with myself that I didn’t see it coming. I’m conditioned to now require the intellectual stimulation and facade of control I get from working, and when I’m there I feel like i should be with them and when I’m with them I feel like I should be there. I like both, but would rather not be required to work 40+ hours because 2 hours a day with my kids is not enough for them. Does anyone know a job where you can work M – F 8:30am to 2:30pm and make enough to pay for daycare? This would be ideal. Some of both instead of too much time apart and my kid having to basically work a 9 hour day away from home. Way more than I had to deal with in my idealistically free childhood. Time management is my challenge.

  • Susanmj83

    I have a degree and can’t find a job that’s worth more to me than 8 dollars an hour. I stay home because it costs me more to work. Stop judging people you don’t know or understand. Before my husband and I moved overseas, we split everything 50/50. Circumstances change. You can’t place a whole subsection of people into one little lazy box. Incidentally… I have volunteered and spent time with some really awful women… frankly… it’s not worth some asshole shooting down everything I say. Think before you write people. It’s upsetting reading crap like this.

    • http://www.girlsjustwannahavefunds.com/ Ginger

       @Susanmj83 If you’re Ok with your choices then why does it matter what others think? 

      • Susanmj83

         @Ginger ha! That’s hilarious. I’m fine with my choice… I don’t like people judging me though… Doesn’t mean I dislike the way I live… I just dislike wankers

        • http://www.girlsjustwannahavefunds.com/ Ginger

           @Susanmj83   Cool  And you have to be OKwith your choice regardless of what people say or think.  They will continue to judge regardless of whether or not you like it.  I always say, ride your decisions until the heel falls off.  Own it.  Not saying you dont but I wouldnt care.

  • Beth

    I don’t have a strong opinion one way or the other on this matter. I’ve done it, despite spending years and lots of money on an advanced degree. I could never do it for more than a year or two… the decision was to allow me to redirect my career. But I take issue with this claim, which I’ve seen elsewhere, too. It’s been repeated as if it’s true and makes sense on its face, when it isn’t and doesn’t:

    “My husband and I live on one income which makes our financial situation more secure than a two income household where if one person loses a job, the other must shoulder the burden until the other spouse obtains new employment.”

    This doesn’t make any sense. First of all, you have to make the distinction between a two-income family which can’t survive on only one of the incomes, and a two-income family in which one income is disposable. If your husband makes enough that you don’t have to work, how would you working – adding even MORE to the household budget – make your situation less secure? And how is having only one income ever the most secure arrangement, even if that one income is large? If that one bread-winner loses his or her job, no one else is working to bring in ANY money. I fail to see the logic in saying that a situation in which one spouse must shoulder the burden until the other spouse obtains new employment is less secure than a situation in which there isn’t anyone else to shoulder the income burden if the one bread-winner loses his/her job.

    • D

      I absolutely see your point, but would remind you that it is a very rare household whose expenses do not grow to meet its income. Also, I feel that my staying home helps to ensure the security of my husband’s position. He has never had to miss work due to a child’s illness or doctor’s appointment. If he needs to stay at the office until midnight, it is not an issue. It is something that has been noticed and appreciated throughout his career.

    • KC

      LIVING on one income is different from HAVING only one income.

      You can be LIVING on one income when you have two incomes. This means you rent a cheaper place, drive cheaper cars, and don’t waste money on endless STUFF you don’t need that will end up in a storage unit. The second income is saved. This means that when one spouse loses their job, there isn’t nearly as much stress because you’re not up to your eyeballs in debt.

      The most ideal situation in my opinion is to live on one income and save the second. But not every family has that option.

  • Way ahead of the game!

    Thanks so much for caring about me. However, unlike most Americans, my family has no debt, owns our home (no mortgage), owns our cars, eats a healthy dinner together every night, are properly insured, and have almost a million saved (marital property). My husband and I both have professional degrees and everyone in our familly is fit. My children are healthy, excel in school and sports, and I am constantly told how well mannered they are. You don’t have to have your name on the deed to have it be marital property- you are misinformed. Why do you assume stay at home moms are not financially saavy? If anything, most Americans are much less aware of their finances and carry debt. I build wealth…..BTW, we don’t earn that much, we are smart. Survival of the fittest. You don’t need to worry about me!!! The people with half a brain are the idiots who don’t save money and raise brats.

  • Jenna

    I have been a stay at home wife and Mom for almost 30 years. I will tell you there is not one thing that has to do with being lazy. On Monday I cut the grass we have an acre and a push mower. On Tuesday I do the laundry , pay bills and schedule appointments, On Wednesday I Iron (he has a number of uniforms that have to be pressed) On Thursday I run errands, take care of the car if that needs to be done, any doctor’s appointments that need be, any other household errands that need to be done and I volunteer on this day as well. On Friday I clean my entire house top to bottom. I also take care of all healthcare issues for everyone in our family, balance my husband books, and sew any costumes kids need for school plays, make one hand made christmas item for each member of our families plan vacations get the best deal on every item we shop for take care of the home/ like last year we had to have a roof put on after a storm I am the person who talks to the crew and the insurance and overseas the project. I schedule all handy men . I take care of everything in our home and every member of my families lives.I have zero time for hobbies, watching tv. I also try to keep in great shape so my family will never be embearassed to be near me I wear a size 2 and I am 52. I never got my education but I have worked side jobs over the years to help pay for things that we wanted and were out of our reach unless we could come up with the extra money. I have taken in other peoples children (babysitting) had boarders baked home goods and sold them at profit/ held yard sales,extra sewing, tutoring etc. So that we could accomplish what we wanted to do as a family., So the next time some says Stay at home wives are parasties maybe they should follow a stay at home wives schedule for a few months my guess is that they would be exhausted. I also clean our pool take care of the flowers on our property, wash both cars , inside and out. Help at our church and the kids schools.

    • Jenna

      I also pick up and drop off the kids from school each and everyday and for four years I homeschooled as well (as my husband wished) so watch your tongue boys. One day you may have to become a stay at home spouse and you might see how much work it is.

    • http://www.smittenbybritain.com/ SmittenbyBritain

      Exactly! Especially when most people go to a job where they sit in a cubicle for eight hours! They would be completely exhausted after one day with you.

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  • http://twitter.com/louise_philp Aspiring good woman.

    Has anybody considered the possibility that a stay-at-home wife is in fact taking care of her husband? 
    Having had the international engineering career, I have come to believe that a really *big* career takes two: one to go forth and conquer, and one to make that possible.
    Not just housework, but everything. My job is to make sure that he is worrying about nothing but his career.
    Home. Taxes. Style. Drycleaning. Social life. Entertaining. Spelling. Confidence. Health. Nutrition. Exercise. Brainstorming. Scheduling. *Everything*.
    It’s my job to unleash my husband on the world. And I’m doing a pretty fine job of it, if I say so myself. He’s awesome!!
    And, should there be any doubt, it all goes downhill if I go away or get sick.
    I think a clear division of labor like this makes things much more workable. Who needs arguments over who had the worst day at work, and who needs nurturing?
    Vive la difference! ?^?^?

    • Merry Clark

      nice attitude but you probably have more potential and ability than your husband. You should have the executive job

      • Sandy

        Merry, I am not quite sure why you are so caught up in the lives of others. Every reply I’ve read of yours seems to represent a chip on your shoulder for some reason I don’t know. I worked 27 + years full time…and now I am home, at nearly 50, and loving it. Kids are grown and out and making their way in life just like we did. We’re grandparents. My husband LIKES me home and it works for us. I would have loved being home when my kids were young, but I wasn’t financially able to do it. Now, it is possible. We had to move due my husband’s new job and we decided I didn’t have to go back to work unless I wanted to. I make a little money on the side, run the household and make the meals. Big load off my husband, who works his ass off and has stressful days at work. He appreciates coming home and just being able to relax and unwind with me. I consider myself quite fortunate and I appreciate what I am able to do, knowing others cannot. I am definitely able to enter the work force if it ever becomes necessary again because I have the skills and experience. Have a nice day!

        • http://www.smittenbybritain.com/ SmittenbyBritain

          Well said! I’m almost in the same situation as you.

        • Latosha

          Well said, Sandy! It is the same for me and my hubby as well. I feel like I am contributing to society, because I am taking care of my family and handling mine, through the Grace of God.

      • http://www.smittenbybritain.com/ SmittenbyBritain

        Jealous?

    • Latosha

      Preach it Sister!

  • justine boober

    Here’s “the big deal” – In a work environment with no work/life balance, the Top Dog is the person who can work the most hours/”show the most dedication”. Men with stay at home wives can work all day, every day, because they don’t have to go grocery shopping or clean the house or do a million chores that need to be done or else the house falls apart. 

    Where does that leave the single working woman? Lagging behind her male colleagues in terms of promotions, etc because she isn’t seen as being as dedicated if she wants to go home before 7pm or wants to not work through the weekend. In the worst case, she ends up being the one let go first during budget cuts because she doesn’t work as many hours as everyone else. It’s not like she’s being lazy; in that scenario working 50 hours a week is seen as nothing because all of her married male colleagues can work 70-80 hours a week. 

    Effectively what ends up happening is the stay at home woman undermines the working woman by subsidizing her husband so he can spend crazy hours at work. In an ideal world people would not be required to work so many hours, but in the world we live in, that is what’s going on.

    • Merry Clark

      agreed
      we see eye to eye

    • Kris

      This is why people get married is so they can get farther than they could go on their own, who cares if it is the wife at home or the husband, the point is it takes two to make it.

    • Sandy

      Complete baloney. My husband does not work insane hours. How ridiculous to think a stay at home woman undermines the working woman. My husband would be where he is today whether or not I was working or staying home. He earned it. Just like you can. You are allowing your status to dictate what you can or can’t do. Do you think men with stay at home spouses never have to go to the store, the doctor, or do chores. You are acting like the things you do in life are why you have not gotten ahead, or ahead of a man. Please. Cry me a river. You have not gotten ahead because you believe these false perceptions.

    • http://www.smittenbybritain.com/ SmittenbyBritain

      Oh boo hoo! So women should be required to work outside the home because we’re undermining women in the workplace? Pah-lease! Women’s lib is about women doing whatever they want to do with their lives, even if it’s being a stay at home wife. No way am I living my life for YOU!

  • peter

    Here in the Netherlands there’s alot af family’s in which both father and mother doesn’t
    work, much time for each other but often thats not beneficial for the relationship.
    To much time to fight which eachother.
    Here are less co working parents than in america also, more time is being spent with children
    and thats a good thing.
    I myself am educated as a psychologist but am forced to do computerwork at home
    because of my wife’s illness and to take care of our 2 children, children are in my opninion
    the greatest gift one can ever have, they keep me going, without them i’d be lost.
    I mean, taking care of a invalid person is very demanding and combining that with
    a full time programming job at home and i’m not even talking about doing the household.
    Not one day i missed with my kids and i’m very glad with that.
    My wife hasn’t always been ill but ‘ve to admit though i love her i’ve never gotten as
    much back from her as i get from the children, children give unconditional love and deserve
    much time and attention.
    In contrast, a man can do everything his wife asks and every day but at the end of the day the man will be very exhausted and not even get a thank you or a smile. How about that?
    Being educated as a psychologist even i can only guess why that is.

  • Belinda Ramirez

    I’m amazed with so many comments with regards to this topic. I’m not a SAHM but I know that they are far form lazy. Because of the flexibility of my job, I have experienced the life of a SAHM for several days in a month. And I tell you, it’s far from being relaxing. There seems to be endless things to be done at home. Then you have additional task by late afternoon when kids get home from school.

    Being a Mom, may it be SAHM or working mom, can be the most stressful  and most rewarding job at the same time.

    Best regards,
    Belinda

  • Ms_trisha69

    Staying home means, I do all the yard work, house cleaning, laundry, ironing, cooking healthy meals, appointments like registering the vehicles.  It means when my husband is home he doesn’t have to worry about anything around the house.  It is all done for him and we can spend quality time doing projects, planning and taking vacations (since I am home I do most of the packing).  He can come home from work and we can go to the gym, or the park, or the movies, or walk.  It means for a healthier lifestyle.  Trust me, being lazy is not an option.  Vacuuming and cleaning a 3,000 sf house is a good days work.  Mowing the lawn, weeding the garden, canning our veggies and fruit is all work and saves us money in the long run.  The draw back is the lack of security.  My husband could at any point and time decide to leave me for a younger more fun model.  We have to work more on open communication and trust.  Relationships, private communication,  with the opposite sex are not an advised.  The commitment to each other must be strong.

  • Emel5070

    People just need to mind their own business. If everyone would take care of their own life and family and quit focusing on others’ lifestyles, the world might be a more productive place. Who gives a shit what anyone else does for a living?! It’s THEIR life! Concentrate on yourself and quit acting like a bunch of squabbling kids in a pissing contest.

    • Merry Clark

      I agree

    • KC

      Well said.

  • Rower212

    jealous skanks put them down. jealous they cant have a family, enjoy it and a husband who earns enough to allow it.  jealous

  • http://profile.yahoo.com/TTUWKQMOCZQT3SYHOPASZ7JELI Carolyn

    I’m a house-wife and it feels wonderful.

  • Meesh

    My work friends and I all do very well, we’re lucky to have great jobs. It was very satisfying for me to be able to pay my mortgage by myself when my husband and I separated to work out some of our marital woes, and now that we are back together we keep our money completely separate.  It’s great having power in the relationship to say “You don’t want me to buy that?  Well, too bad, it’s my money”.  I feel really bad for women who don’t make their own money, but to each their own.  I personally would never let a man (even my husband) make any financial decisions for me or have financial control.  No matter how great of a person anyone (man or woman) is, if they decide they want someone more than you, you better be able to stand on your own.   I have several friends who worked who quit to become SAHM’s and they are very isolated and 5 out of the 6 were divorced after 2 years, and now they are working again anyway, they just have crappier jobs because they left the workforce.  I’m also not trying to be mean but their conversation was so boring and child-focused when they were SAHMs no one wanted to talk to them.  I went to some BS home party with a bunch of rich bored housewives the other day and wanted to jab a pen in my eye over their conversation.  Then they were trying to get me to sell crappy jewelry in their pyramid scam.   

    • http://www.girlsjustwannahaveufunds.com/ Ginger-GirlsJustWannaHaveFunds

      Meesh I think you and I are long lost siblings!   I could have very well written that myself!

    • KC

      My husband works, I’m currently between jobs. When I was first married I tried giving control of the finances with my husband, but he would forget to do budgets and pay the bills. I have more financial knowledge. Therefore, we ended up deciding that we’d both be much happier with me handling the budget since I had more time. He’s involved in every decision, of course, but I’m the one who does the excel spreadsheets, pays the bills, formulates our debt attack plans, does financial research, etc. It works VERY well for us.

      The power struggle is something we only faced on a very small scale during our first months of marriage. Our only money argument was whether or not to buy a particular item at the grocery store. And that was the end of that. We’re both so laid back about most things, and we have the same goals when it comes to money. I sort of think that this method of having separate accounts distances a husband and wife and makes it so you can’t build trust and form goals together- which is SO important to the health of a marriage.

      To each their own of course, it’s definitely not a BAD idea. But the trust thing is something you may want to consider.

      I definitely know what you mean about the stay at home moms with boring conversation, haha! That is one of the many reasons I haven’t been able to make friends as a stay at home wife. I have a degree and a diverse array of interests, and I get so tired of hearing everyone’s childbirth stories for hours and hours on end!

  • Mai

    I don’t think think these women are lazy at all. It’d be one thing if couples who co-habitated shared the responsibilities equally but all too frequently it is the woman who ends up doing the cooking, cleaning, etc in addition to holding down a job. It’s called a “second shift” and I think women (or men) who are able to stay home are able to bring the family together. 

    • Gennie2877

      I think that those who criticize these women are only jealous because they don’t have the luxury and choice of being a stay-at-home wife. It would be a different story if the couple were struggling, but in some cases, there is nothing wrong with it!

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  • catherine

    It's work for some women to stay at home. They spend hours coupon matching so they can spend 50 cents for a bottle of listerine or score free name brand shampoo or razor that day. They bake their own bread, plan menus, grow their own tomatos..etc. You can sure bet they are washing cloth diapers, making baby food( at a huge cost savings) and drying bushets of apples that they found on sale-in the oven of course to .spare the expense of buying a food dehydrator Then there is the child care they don't have to pay for..etc. ..leeches no. Lazy..no.

    • Merry Clark

      This stuff is only for those unable to get into college

      • Kris

        nope most that do that have higher ed then high school. At least in west SD.

      • Kc

        Wow, you really are a snob aren’t you Merry?

        Someone’s just trolling.

      • Daniela

        Right -I had a six figure salary and a masters degree -but am a SAHM now at 43. Mary, you are a disgrace.

  • Jaime

    Each couple is different. If a couple works, have savings whether joint,separate or a mix of both, they can both ride out hard economic times if both of them have had continuous jobs throughout the years, and one of them loses a job they can ride out harsh economic times if they had been previously financially savvy and saved money all along.

    Employers are more impressed with you if you had recent work even if you got laid off or did something productive like volunteer rather than stayed at home. Employers tended to ask me what I did while I was unemployed. IMO , I don't care if you are a two income or one income household, both of you will be fine if you have SAVED money along the way.

    Yes I do have a bias towards two income households, but at the same time, frugal is frugal no matter what household you belong to. I also think that it would be easier to worry less and not to have a burden on your shoulder if you didn't have to support another person.

  • Jaime

    You assume that just because the husband/wife have both names in their bank accounts, 401(k)s, & other finance accounts that things are "safe" but that's not the case. If one spouse wants out, its too easy for that spouse to wipe out an account, and for that other spouse to be vulnerable. Just because a couple works doesn't mean that they're less frugal than a one income household.

    Its wrong for you to judge based on that. Pre-nups aren't always held up in court, sometimes if the woman works and not the man, the judge makes the woman pay alimony to the man. When my stepdad and mom wanted to divorce, he wiped out their joint savings accounts, I will never have a joint savings account with anyone, no thanks. Its too easy for someone else to take out your savings should they decide they no longer want you.

    I don't believe BF would do this to me, even though our finances are separate,but I'm not blind to the realities of life.

    • KC

      I sort of think that if you can’t trust someone, you shouldn’t marry them. There is no love without trust. If you wouldn’t have a joint bank account with somebody: THEY ARE NOT THE ONE! Keep looking. :P

      Not all men in this world are bad.

  • missmel

    I have been a stay at home mother/ wife since I was in high school. When my son was old enough to attend school I went to college to focus on myself. Then several years later I had another child and stay home and care for her as well. She is soon off to pre K and I will return to my personal goals. I understand not everyone has the luxury of choosing to do so, and feel blessed I have. Through the years of being at home I have ran myself ragged with PTO mom,charity events and fund-raising, baseball, football and golf for my son. Keeping a perfect home and cooked meals. I feel like it is my job to handle al of the house hold chores since I am home most of the day. On top of that, preparing my youngest for basic skills for school, trying to be my husbands sex goddess… It is the most full time responsibility I could ever imagine. I dislike women who stay home and can’t keep it kept, and expect the husband to come home and take over with the kids, are you serious? I look forward to getting some independence back, but have enjoyed installing my personal morals and family values in my children. I don’t believe a woman has a reason to stay home if no children are home, then again I don’t mean to offend anyone, its only my opinion.

    • Merry Clark

      I hope he is your sex god too

  • mermaidbride

    SAHW here- I suffer from a chronic health problem and having a full-time at a job wouldn't work- I am always going for health treatments but hope to get the health problem to a manageable way. I work part-time now as a freelancer and business is slow- working 10 hours a week but I also network and attend my profession's conferences. My doctor and husband want me to relax and reduce stress, which will certainly help in dealing with my medical issue. And if I do get pregnant, I will have to stay at home anyway because of my health condition. People who stay at home and take care of the domestic front are not a drain on society, they can mentor kids, volunteer at non-profits, and serve their communities during working hours.

  • susan

    I am a stay at home wife and it is not out of choice. we move to different countries due to my husband's job and it's tough to get a temporary jobs. Also volunteering is not a option in most countries due to the language. Do i get bored ? hell yes.

  • toledogirl

    women are supposed to be at home.we end up with two jobs when we work,home and the outside job.The wife should run the home and the man should provide for it.you end up with a couple who never see each other ,growing apart when the wife works.that's what's wrong these days..women trying to act like the man and the man letting it go on.

    • http://www.smittenbybritain.com/ SmittenbyBritain

      While I don’t agree that a woman should stay home if she doesn’t want to, I do agree that in many marriages the woman ends up doing two jobs if she does work outside the home. I know quite a few women who work full-time, come home, cook dinner, take care of the kids and cleans while the husband sits on the couch. NOW, why aren’t more women screaming about that one?

  • gold0742

    >>Do these women have a pre-nuptial agreement in place? back up plan? A man is NOT a financial plan and Prince Charming isn’t Coming!. keeping their resumes updated?
    ## It would be Interesting to do pre-nuptial for military soldiers, isn't it? if it's getting tough, just quit, no big deal. Why not??
    Soldiers keep their commitment and promise till death, why not housewives? it's not even close to death, Geeze…
    Yes, financial planning is always important, but do NOT FORCE happily married wives into Slavery!… by Looking Down Upon them!!!

    Govt can make more TAX $$ if women work outside, while twice amount of people do the same jobs, wages are cut in half… they call this modern women's Liberation! Oh yeah! What a Slavery!
    Google it:
    Taken in Hand
    women liberation movement Aaron Russo Alex Jones
    60 Minutes Australia Under the thumb
    Surrendered Wife by Laura Doyle
    Fascinating Womanhood by Helen Andelin
    Antifeminism in Wikipedia

  • Sarah

    I think being a stay at home wife/mom is a full time job. I came from a home where my mother was home and my husband came from a home with a working mother, and I have a much closer relationship with my mother. My husband loves having me home, he has nothing to do when he gets home, the house is spotless, the laundry is done, dinner is cooked, his clothes are ready for work, his lunch is packed, all he has to do is spend time with our family. I honestly think the reason divorce right is so high is because both spouses are working and don't have time for each other, they grow apart, they have their own lives not one life together. Also there is no way you can be the best mother and best worker it is impossible no matter what anybody says there is no way that you can give 100% at home and give 100% in the office, and the who suffers the kids. With nobody at home the kids are shipped off the day care so somebody else is raising your kids. I am not saying a woman has to be at home but somebody needs to be there for the family, to keep everything together.

    • Merry Clark

      does not have to be a job job
      start a business
      have a passion
      realize that not all women have this choice

      • http://www.smittenbybritain.com/ SmittenbyBritain

        Maybe her passion is taking care of her family?

  • http://www.guide2prince.org guide2prince.org

    I found your blog on google and read a few of your other posts. I just added you to my Google News Reader. Keep up the good work. Look forward to reading more from you in the future.

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  • Samantha

    What happens if God forbid your husband falls ill? What happens to your income? Your resume? Could you SAHMs & SAHWs enter the workforce and support the both of you and your children if you had to? What happens if he dies?

  • puppymom

    Hi there! I'm a stay at home fiance and couldn't be happier. My days are full of doing thing that I actually enjoy (trying new recipes, making jewelry, walking the dogs, yoga, reading, writing, getting together with friends, etc.). It's kind of crazy that people act like not working a 9-5 = lazy. I'm far from lazy… before deciding to stay at home I owned my own business and the reason that I decided to be a SAHW is because my fiance makes in a month what I used to make in a year. Why on earth would I bust my butt doing something that I don't enjoy when it doesn't even make a dent in our income? I'm spending every moment of my day doing what I choose to do and enjoying my life. So anyone out there who thinks that stay at home wives are just lazy and must be bored all the time or have no goals in life…. you're wrong.

    • Merry Clark

      your husband owns and controls you
      good luck

  • http://missmmoney.blogspot.com/ Miss M

    I'd be OK having a stay at home husband, my other half is currently out of work and stays home all day. Problem is, he's a lousy house husband! Doesn't cook, doesn't clean, lousy at laundry….I truly wish he had the inclination for homemaking cause I don't, well other than cooking. I think a partner can contribute to the family in non-monetary ways and support whatever arrangement works for a couple. Would I love to stay home and not have to deal with the headaches of a career, definitely, but unless we win the lottery it's not in the cards. I don't see myself staying at home while my husband works to support me, it doesn't work for me. I pride myself on my independence, I get a certain pleasure out of knowing I am the main breadwinner. I look forward to the day when stay at home dads are just as common as stay at moms.

    Miss M's last blog post..If My House is Underwater, Where is My Ocean View…

  • http://www.awomansblog.com Tawnya

    Ginger – this has been a fascinating discussion. One thing I wish people could take away from this is that, as women, we should support each others decisions regardless of what they are. For me, feminism should be about choice. The choice to make of life what one desires – not based on what society dictates, whether that be working or not working. By casting stones or making snide comments or snap judgments about certain choices we certainly don’t support women’s rights.

    Kudos to such a stimulating post!

    Tawnya’s last blog post..I Didn’t Vote for Obama

    • Merry Clark

      feminism is not about choice. It’s about all women reaching their full potential and being full equal partners in the operation of the world. Every person should be challenged every day.

  • http://www.awomansblog.com Tawnya

    Honestly, I do get bored sometimes, but not from lack of stuff to do. I miss the accomplishments, the communication with adults that I had when I worked out of the house.

    I remember working full time, going to grad school full time and raising my son (at that time the only one) and I managed to clean house, cook, all that. I was busy – no denying it. But now that my ‘office’ is at home and my ‘work’ is all house related, it seems like the work never ends. There is always some new thing to do, project to tackle around the house, etc. I do things when I can to keep my mind nimble. Right now, I am learning how to speak German and writing, but I don’t get to do it as much as I would like since I never get to ‘punch the clock’ and call it a day on my job. But then – what mom does.

    Having stayed at home, worked from home and worked out of the home I have a unique perspective and can say without judgement that being a mom/wife is a big job and is hard and will keep you busy no matter how you do it.

    Tawnya’s last blog post..I Didn’t Vote for Obama

  • Ginger

    “Bottom line, my value as a person isn’t based on how much money I make any more than it is based on how clean our house is or how good my casseroles are. And I certainly don’t have to be superwife, working a full-time job outside of the house and also doing full-time chores at home, too, just to prove to other women that my husband and I are “equal” partners in our marriage. Feminism isn’t “you can work — just so long as as you still get your ‘chore”

    Well said. It doesnt have to be a staunchly doing one thing to prove that you’re a woman. It’s about the choice to do so…or not. And nothing I do defines that. I am a woman worthy of anything in this world simply because I am, not because who I am not.

    Oh yea, just because I am the author of this blog doesnt mean I dont have an opinion. I do. Dont let that sway you from stating yours.

  • http://www.allaboutappearances.info Meg

    To everyone,

    What a heated discussion, huh? Thanks to Ginger for bringing up this subject. I think it’s an issue that we as a society have only started to really discuss. The “mommy wars” are still a hot topic, but with more couples not having kids or delaying having kids, I think this discussion is far from over. There are, after all, so many issues here (financial, social, marital, personal, feminist, etc.) and it’s bound to be heated since I think, underneath it all, the big question is how do we measure our value and that of other women. In questioning each other’s decisions, it’s easy for us all to feel like our value is questioned.

    However, I think the importance of the feminist movement isn’t simply that we can wear pants, use contraceptives, work “male” jobs, or even get paid equally for equal work. For me, at least, feminism is about knowing that I — and every other woman — has inherent value as a human being not one bit less than a man. That is not to say that I don’t have a lot of respect for the superwives and especially supermoms out there. Some women like that life. Some women have to live that life regardless. Either way, it definitely can be a tough job (though to assume that it’s tougher than my life is also a big assumption since we can never truly walk in another’s shoes). Some people’s idea of fun is climbing Mount Everest; we praise those who make it, but none of us are any less for not climbing it.

    Bottom line, my value as a person isn’t based on how much money I make any more than it is based on how clean our house is or how good my casseroles are. And I certainly don’t have to be superwife, working a full-time job outside of the house and also doing full-time chores at home, too, just to prove to other women that my husband and I are “equal” partners in our marriage. Feminism isn’t “you can work — just so long as as you still get your ‘chores’ done”, or vice versa. The true feminist revolution will have arrived when women can choose to do different work instead of just more work.

    And then, maybe we can have a revolution for the guys so that they can be stay-at-home husbands and dads without society treating them even worse than us SAHWs.

    Meg’s last blog post..The Fabulous! Festival for October ‘08

    • http://www.smittenbybritain.com/ SmittenbyBritain

      Hear, hear!

    • Lauren

      Hit the nail on the head!!!! The first question when you meet someone is, “What do you do?”. Basically your identity is based on the job that you do, not the person you are. In this world we judge and are judged. It’s sad that we place so much value in what kind of person we are by what are job title is.

      Devils advocate. My grandmother was the one that explained having job is security. If something were to happen with your marriage or your husband couldn’t provide. It’s understandable.

      But, truly it is about the husband and wife. No one else has a right to judge someone else for the choices they make.

      • http://www.girlsjustwannahaveufunds.com/ Ginger-GirlsJustWannaHaveFunds

        I agree. We shouldn’t judge someone else’s decisions because they have to deal with the consequences. But sometimes i wonder about the women in situations were the marriage is about to end and their husbands are the sole providers. How do they on ramp back into the work place? How will they provide for their children? For themselves? Retirement? Sure, it’s great if you’re in a situation where you don’t need to work. The problem becomes if and when that situation changes, ho will they handle it. It seems to be the question that many women shy away from answering, instead choosing to live the “dream”.

  • http://www.allaboutappearances.info Meg

    Brianna,

    Re: #1, You said, “First off, “they” are not affording to stay home, the working spouse is ‘affording’ it, and the stay at home is reaping the benefits, that right there creates inequality.” That and similar comments are insulting because they imply — if not accuse that — SAHWs leech off their husbands. I don’t have to make as much as my husband to be an equal partner in our marriage (or any money, for that matter).

    Re: #2, Yes, doing chores is one thing. Some women can be superwives, both working outside of the home and coming home to do chores — often for both people. And yes, others have to let things slide a bit and I don’t judge anyone for a messy house! However, I’m not one of those women and I don’t want to be — even if I’m not Martha Stewart, either.

    However, there are a number of other things that I do for my husband in addition to more traditional household duties like cleaning. For example, I garden and tend to the yard, I care for our chickens, I find ways to save money, I research many of our purchases, I research political candidates and issues for the two of us, I read up on things that may help in out in work (and just generally make myself a walking encyclopedia), I’ve done web site work for him, I’ve helped him build radios for his job when he was overloaded, I help him edit some of his business correspondence, I fill out paperwork for him (his handwriting is pretty bad), I take care of my health and try to stay fit, I plan our social life, I fetch things for him, I deal with any roommate issues if there are any on a given day, I do the compost, I hang clothes, I cheerlead him, I network for him (I helped get him his current job), I help file paperwork, I run errands…the list of little things then runs on and on and on and can include things as small as filling his water bottle up before we go to chorus, but it’s a lot of little stuff that he appreciates. And there are plenty odd projects to keep me busy, too. On his last business trip I stayed home and repainted the trim in the living room (it really needed it). And heck, giving up my original career plans to stay here have allowed him to pursue his (and he was much more excited about his than I was about mine). And on top of that, I also work online as a writer, community manager, online video host, wiki admin, etc. etc. etc. The pay is almost nonexistent for that stuff, but I’m not doing it for the money and I’m glad to have the opportunity to work on those things. Some people volunteer at nursing homes, I write about ways to save money and look great for less.

    Re: #3, When my husband gets home from work, I’m there for him. He doesn’t come home to an empty house because I had to work late. We don’t have to worry about our vacation days lining up. A lot of the time he works from our home office, so I do see a lot of him then, even if he’s busy a lot of that time. Sometimes I even go with him on business trips so we can spend time together when he’s done with the day’s work, not to mention that I can keep him company on long drives. And because I do what I do, he doesn’t have to worry about those things when he gets home. My husband puts in a lot of hours at work, which he gets paid well for at least, but he’s able to make those hours because I take care of other things for him. And because he works the hours that he does, we value our time together even more.

    I hope that answered your questions.

    Meg’s last blog post..The Fabulous! Festival for October ‘08

    • Ms_trisha69

      EXACTLY!!! 

    • Merry Clark

      I hope he is as devoted to you as you are to him

      • http://www.smittenbybritain.com/ SmittenbyBritain

        Wow, did you have a bad breakup or something Merry? We’re awfully down on men. My aunt worked until she had children forty years ago. She has been a housewife every since. She’s now 65 and still married! Imagine! She has a great husband and a great marriage. It happens!

    • http://www.smittenbybritain.com/ SmittenbyBritain

      So basically, in many ways you’re putting your family and marriage first, over and above making money outside the home. I think that is focusing on good priorities when additional money is not needed. Some couples decide that two high powered, high earning careers are damaging to their relationship. It’s what happened to us. We both got tired of putting work in front of everything. We grew tired of both of us being stressed and fighting. I decided to go part-time and both of us are a lot happier! At the end of the day how much money do you need? We can contribute to the world by being happier, less stressed people. Happiness and joy are contagious, not to mention that it reduces stress which reduces disease. Fewer visits to the doctor! There’s the contribution to society that everyone seems to be so worried about!

  • Ginger

    Brianna, that really doesnt work on me. After close to 60 comments on this post alone, I am more than open to a debate. If you can’t take my opinion as the blog author pointing out a few things in your post, it just means the kitchen got too hot. You’re more than welcome to excuse yourself. But please, have a seat, if you can stand the heat.

    Now on to your comment….

    “It only becomes an issue when the SAHW attempts to justify it by saying that housework/caring for their working spouse/etc “are like a full time job”?

    Why do you care? Why do you use their comments as a measuring stick for your life? Yes I am the blog author but I also happen to have an opinion. This inspires debate. I dont believe in remaining neutral. I have women who comment here who stand behind their opinions. I am one of them. I inspire all of you to come in here and rip me a new one, respectfully of course.

    So again, why does someone else’s choice have to color your or anyone else’s experience? If I chose to abandon all the goals in my journal and sit at home and eat bon bons because I want to clean house, plan my menus and make sure I get to all the things I long to do then how does that color your situation? Yes if I were staying at home ALL THE TIME with no outside endeavors then yes I would have more time to do laundry, cook, keep the house clean etc etc. Keep it real, the women who spend more time at home have more time to attend to the home.

    Im not attacking you, I just have a valid question based on my observations of your interactions. Why does anopposing choice validated using reasoning that you wouldnt have to color your or anyone else’s experiences?

    I am one of those kids who did not work in college but I had a job as a resident assistant where I got free housing. I did not work in graduate school because I respect the fact that I am not built to manage school and full time work. Part time yes but school was more important and I did not do well at juggling both. Does that make my decision any less than the woman who goes FT, has kids a hubby and a home? No. It doesnt. We are different women with different choices.

    This is what I try to inspire here on the blog through these debates. I want us to come together and realize that we are all individuals making decisions about our lives, however we choose to justify them, because they work for us. And, just because mine is different than yours, doesn’t make it any less and it isn’t supposed to be a measuring stick for yours.

    So please spare me the sarcastic rewording of my question as that reverse psych doesnt work on me. I have a Masters in the discipline and I see it coming a mile away. State your opinion and back it up. Simple.

    I look forward to your response.

  • http://www.awomansblog.com Tawnya

    LOL! I have to say I understand your comment, but having been on both sides of the issue (I worked out of the home MUCH longer than I have been at home)I can honestly say it really does take all day to do those things.

    Why? I have no idea. It just does. Perhaps, its because I am constantly picking up after the children all day. And I cook (or at least prepare) 3 meals that all have to be washed up after. And there is NO extra time for me to do a lot of those things you mentioned.

    Tawnya’s last blog post..Palin’s Hairstylist Earns More Than McCain’s Advisor

  • Brianna

    Ginger, you first!

    I too have many days where I’d love to sit at home, get the house in perfect shape, and catch up on my reading. I think you are exactly right, some are able and some find it challenging, which is all I was trying to convey. I still do not understand the equation of two working people, minus one working person, equals BOTH having more free time, but I guess that’s not up for discussion here (my mistake!).

    As far as the respect thing goes, if you just want to stay at home, are able to because of your husband’s work ethic and admit it, that’s totally fine with everyone I’m sure. I can say with 100% honesty that I respect it in its own right. It only becomes an issue when the SAHW attempts to justify it by saying that housework/caring for their working spouse/etc “are like a full time job” and begin comparing their load with those of working wives/women, who have to do it all on their own and still manage to get it done. Don’t compare or assume that those working are lax in the homecare/spousecare department unless you want opinions to the contrary.

    It’s kinda akin to those who worked their way through college, and those who got to do it on Mom and Dad’s dime. Those with Mom and Dad’s financial support will always say that school was a full time priority for them, and that they couldn’t possibly have worked full time while attending….but people work full time while finishing full time school everyday, so it obviously can be done and be done well. Same goes for this topic.

    Buuuutt, it’s your blog, your post, and if you didn’t want object opinions on the matter I’m glad to back out of this discussion. I would just suggest wording your question (listed below for easy reference) differently on future blogs.

    “Question: Do you think these women are freeloaders or doing simply what works for them? What about the feminist movement? Have we taken a step back women women choosing ot stay at home sans children or any real responsibilities?

  • Ginger

    @ Brianna

    Ill come back and reply fully….but

    @ your #2 comment have you thought that perhaps you just dont have enough respect for their choices? That’s how it comes across in your response.

    #3-I disagree, I think you’re making it way more simplified that it is. There are some couples where this option truly works for them. The wife likes her free time and the husband likes his wife available to him. They like it so what’s not to respect?

    Some are able to do this and some find it challenging. I think you just dont respect the choice. Say it out loud instead of making this out to be a debate. You dont respect it and it’s clear.

    Truth be told I am just as driven as the next woman, but there are days when I dont mind sitting at home, writing this blog and attending to my home. Seriously. But it’s a choice you’d have to respect in order to understand.

    Just an observation.

  • Brianna

    Dear Meg/other readers…

    1) “please don’t judge us because you think you know what my husband or I really want in life — and that you think you know the best way for us to get it.”

    None of what I wrote was done with the intention to make anyone feel bad about themselves. This is a blog discussion where the author asked for opinions and ideas, not an online support group where all respondents must provide positive feedback on the subject. The topic on the table is SAHW, it’s whats up for discussion and debate. Debating involves various ideas and viewpoints that are GOING to clash, especially on a topic like this. In the pro-SAHW posts there is a lot of working-wife bashing. Am I taking offense to the insinuation that as a working wife, I DON’T have time to keep my house clean, my husband feeling loved, or that I can’t possibly be finding fulfillment from spending 50+ hours a week at work? No I am not, yet it is at the root of why I do not believe in the SAHW. If there is any judgment on this board it goes both ways.

    2) “One of the main reasons I stay home is so that I can support my husband in other ways.”

    Which other ways do you support him? Specifically, which ways are you able to support him as a SAHW that you weren’t able to do when working? I’ve yet to see a straightforward answer to this as most of the other respondents here cite things such as being able to do chores, being in a good mood from being home all day instead of stressed at the office (thus more able to spend ‘quality’ time with the working spouse),being able to provide more love/homecooked meals to their spouse etc. etc. These are all things that are GIVENS in terms of being an adult (chores always need to be done, food needs to be cooked or purchased) and being in an adult relationship.

    3) “I love that I have time for my husband NOW”

    If you being at home is what allows you to have time now for your hubby, but he is working, how does he have time for YOU? He is still working, thus his “free time” is not increased at all by you staying at home, if anything it might be reduced since he is carrying the full financial load. You may have more time for yourself and household chores (a full 40 hours minimum!) but your hubby is still gone 40+ hours a week. I don’t see how one spouse staying at home increases the time that both get to spend “together” by much more than a couple hours a week at best, if those hours that were previously used to do chores after work or on the weekends are now free. The working spouse will still come home from work during the week just as stressed, and may have work that feeds into the weekends just the same as they did before. Nothing has changed for THEM, so how does that equation equal more time together?

    Overall what it comes down to for me, is that being able to juggle work, or some other sort of part/full time commitment, hobbies, friends, and have a personal life is an art. You have to be able to multitask and prioritize without spreading yourself too thin. I realize some women may just not want to put forth the effort to juggle all of this, but it might also be that the inverse relationship is true: women who are able handle many things in their lives and enjoy challenges are those who chose to be working wives AND have fulfilling family/social lives as well, those who can’t handle it or believe they can’t become SAHWs? Just a thought..

    • Jenna

      The way there is more time is that when he gets home he does not have to help share the chores. He does not have to worry about cutting the grass, washing the cars, going over the taxes or even if there is gas in his car it is all taken care of for him. True he works a ton but if he was doing that anyways without a SAHW then he had two shifts as well with all the home duties after he was done working all the admin of life.

  • http://www.allaboutappearances.info Meg

    Brianna,

    You make it sound like us SAHWs just decide one day we’re not going to work and tell our husbands that they have to support us. I can’t speak for everyone, but this wasn’t a decision I made alone. One of the main reasons I stay home is so that I can support my husband in other ways. He makes enough money for us to get by just fine, including putting money towards retirement, in part because we both live frugally. He’s also doing what he wants to do and he appreciates my support just as much as I appreciate his. This is the life that we both chose — not something that I forced on him or that he forced on me.

    Sure, more money would be nice, but it’s simply not worth it to us. There are many things that we value more than money. For example, I love that I have time for my husband NOW — not after he retires (and who knows when that will be since he loves working in his field). We don’t have to wait. We can enjoy each other’s company now, even if it isn’t all day everyday. And in the rest of the time, I find PLENTY of productive things to do for him, for us, and yes, for myself, too. Those aren’t things that I want to sacrifice right now just for some more money in the bank. I haven’t ruled out getting a regular job at some point if it’s right for us, but it’s not going to be just for the money unless we desperately need it. And I don’t need someone else to hand me a paycheck to know my self-worth.

    It is great that your in-laws got to live the life that they chose and that things worked out so well (a lot of people run themselves ragged waiting for golden years that never come). But as much as their lifestyle may appeal to you, we don’t want their life. It’s ok to want something different, but please don’t judge us because you think you know what my husband or I really want in life — and that you think you know the best way for us to get it.

    Meg’s last blog post..The Fabulous! Festival for October ‘08

  • Brianna

    Ooops! Last part got cut off. Continuing on with you working so that you can both achieve your financial goals sooner, I have a great example of that: my in-laws.

    My father in law made a great amount of money as a small business owner, and he was more than able to support himself, my mother in law, AND their children (once they came along). My mother in law had no college education when they were first married, and could have EASILY chosen to stay at home and live off my father in laws earnings, however, she chose to work, got through school all the way to her masters, and in time earned MORE than her husband. They both worked until they were able to retire TOGETHER at a VERY young age and raise their family, much younger than they would have if they had just depended on his salary. It’s lovely to be able to stay at home, but wouldn’t it be great to be able to do that WITH your spouse in years’ time instead of by yourself now? I that is much more of a ‘status’ symbol than having one spouse stay at home, since both worked to be ‘stay-at-homes’ and are able to enjoy it together.

  • Brianna

    “Why is there a loss of partnership or equity of a woman stays at home? Why cant her value (what works for her) be what she does in the home to make her husband comfortable? If they can afford it why not? All why pursuing the things in life she really WANTS to? Explain that to me please….”

    Glad to Ginger! First off, “they” are not affording to stay home, the working spouse is ‘affording’ it, and the stay at home is reaping the benefits, that right there creates inequality. There have been countless studies which show that SAHW (and even SAHMs) are more likely to put up with infidelity and abuse of various types in their relationships because they feel dependent on their working husbands, this is not a new idea by any means. When you and your husband met, who was supporting you? Hopefully you were supporting yourself, and I’m sure your independence and drive were among the qualities that attracted him to you. Where does that go when you give it up and depend financially on him? Having your hubby shoulder the financial burden alone robs him of the chance to pursue what he ‘really wants to in life’, why should only the wife get this opportunity and not the husband? If your husband were to want a career change, would you be able to provide for him the way he is so generously doing for you?

    I speak from personal experience on this subject, as my husband made well enough to support both of us when we were first married. All of his co-workers’ wives did not work, and they could not understand why I did or why I was working on my masters to further my career. But when my husband decided he wanted to go back to school a few years later, I was able to provide that for him by stepping up and supporting both of us on MY salary now, which was a great feeling, especially after learning that many of his former co-workers felt stuck in their positions as the sole bread winners. Your board is all about frugality, if you two are lucky enough to be able to live off your husband’s salary, wouldn’t your salary (however small or large) be an AMAZING addition to your guys’ savings and help you to achieve your common financial goals that much sooner?

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  • Ginger

    Great points Tanya, I LOVE that, working is a luxury especially when childcare costs so much where you live.

  • http://www.awomansblog.com Tawnya

    Women are generally super-critical of our own sex. I think this is based in widespread insecurity and confidence in decisions and the desire to be seen as ‘right’.

    I’ve done/been it all, SAHM, WAHM, WOHM – and I can say they are all hard and each presents its own unique challenges. I’m a SAHM now and I can honestly say it’s purely economics, although I am getting used to it. It used to drive me nuts. Where I live, it would cost me nearly 3K a month to have someone watch my children. Maybe I could get a job that would cover those expenses, but I would be keeping much less than I would be spending on child care. Just can’t do it. For me, working is a luxury. When I was working? Staying home was.

    Oh well – the grass is always greener…

    Tawnya’s last blog post..ACORN Death Threats – What Monster Did You Create, McCain?

  • http://www.MonicaMingo.com CreoleInDC
  • http://www.girlsjustwannahavefunds.com Ginger

    Brianna,

    The point is that both couples can AFFORD to do it. Think about it, what is an occasional consulting job going to do for household income if she does it when she feels like she can? Bills still have to be paid with money that is expected to come in from the husband’s salary. If she doesnt take a job, the bills are still paid. In fact, it’s smart to take an occasional job here and there bc it will keep her resume fresh and updated.

    I have a friend who is a SAHW, is in film school, has two dogs a husband and a maid. She does not work, ever. She is a SAHW by any and all definitions regardless of whether or not she chooses to do anything with her degree. Why? Because her husband makes enough such that she does not have to work.

    I get that you are trying to define it based on the lack of “ambition” of the woman staying at home but I think the issue around status is denoted by the very ability of the husband to provide for both in that situation.

    Why is there a loss of partnership or equity of a woman stays at home? Why cant her value (what works for her) be what she does in the home to make her husband comfortable? If they can afford it why not? All why pursuing the things in life she really WANTS to? Explain that to me please….

    Ginger’s last blog post..Recession Blues? What Color Is Your Parachute? (Plus: 6 Steps)

  • http://www.allaboutappearances.info Meg

    Brianna,

    Yes there is a difference, but they’re both SAHWs. The point is that most SAHWs probably aren’t staying home eating bon-bons all day. Do you know any that you know — for certain — are? And if you do, it’s likely because she’s depressed, not because she’s a SAHW (though even most depressed people I know are more productive).

    I don’t think that the husband making enough money is a *reason* to stay home and I doubt that many SAHWs would think of it that way. That’s like saying we bought our house instead of renting because we could afford to. We bought it because we wanted more space, to have a place to call our own, to put money towards building equity, etc. That we could afford to wasn’t the reason, it was what enabled us to make the choice.

    As far as equity… no, it wouldn’t be very equitable if a wife was just eating bon-bons all day. However, I’d hope that her husband would be supportive and try to figure out what’s wrong, and not just leave her if she is indeed going through depression or other problems. In the grand majority of cases, though, I bet that the wife is doing plenty of things to earn her keep. I can’t speak for everyone, but my husband has no complaints. He might support me financially, but I support him in many, many other ways. And if I could afford it, I’d love for him to stay home — especially since he’s really the domestic one and I could write a long honey-do list.

    Why are there more stay at home wives than husbands, though? Part of it is social, part financial (which is social at its roots, too, of course). Guys still tend to make more than women. My husband makes a good bit more than I ever dreamed of making in my original career path. Also, guys that stay home are — no matter how productive — viewed as not just bums, but as failures by society. I think society is a bit easier on women because there is a traditional expectation that women will stay home because they’re also expected to raise children soon after getting married. However, guys can make great stay-at-home husbands and dads. My dad was the stay-at-home parent while my mom worked. He was in early retirement for health issues, so it’s what worked for them.

    Meg’s last blog post..The Fabulous! Festival for October ‘08

  • Brianna

    “Here in DC there are TONS of stay at home wives here with MAs, PHDs and JDs who simply choose not to pursue FT work but may take consulting gigs here and there because they want to and it keeps them active. I dont see any difference between the that and the woman who just stays at home eating bon bons all day.”

    To me there is are many HUGE difference between a woman who works part time or consults and a woman who sits at home eating bon bons all day, how can one even compare the two? One, although perhaps on a hiatus from full time work, is still working, one is not. I would be interested to know how many women have stay at home husbands for the mere reason that they make enough to support the two of them. What happens to the equity, the sense of partnership, if one is carried completely by the other? Although many posters here will say it would be fine with them, why is this situation mostly applied to women?

  • http://www.allaboutappearances.info Meg

    Well said, Ginger!

    And to Ash,

    The thing is that we make choices based on our circumstances! I could work outside of the home, but frankly, I don’t like my options and I’d prefer not to right now. You can have a chronic illness and choose to work outside the house even if it kills you.

    I do understand how for some people might see it as a status symbol — I don’t doubt that. However, I certainly don’t anymore than I see being DINKS or a SAHM as status symbols. There are just, to one degree or another, choices. It’s nice when one partner has the option of supporting the other financially, but it’s not like it takes a six-figure salary in most places — especially if you live very frugally. Granted, one might not always have the option, but most couples I think do if they’re willing to make enough sacrifices (as they often have to when one person is disabled or otherwise out of a job). And like any choice, each person has to figure out for themselves if it’s worth the sacrifice.

    I guess the big difference between people would be whether they see staying at home a sacrifice you make or a choice that is sacrificed for. I’ve felt a little of both. I made the choice to stay at home because the other options just didn’t seem worth it to us, but we’ve also made sacrifices so that we can live on one income (and at least it gives me plenty of material for FruWiki.com — shameless plug, I know, lol!).

    Anyhow, I didn’t sit around as a child dreaming of staying home supported by a husband, but all in all, this part of my life isn’t too bad.

    Meg’s last blog post..The Fabulous! Festival for October ‘08

  • http://www.girlsjustwannahavefunds.com Ginger

    Ash,

    I diagree with that scenario.

    For example, I have not worked FT since 2005 but I have kept my resume fresh by taking on PT jobs here and there so that when I had to do my internship for grad school I would be qualified for certain positions. I have also taken on numerous volunteer positions over the last three years because I like being active in my community. Im able to do that bc my husband makes enough for me to pursue my interests and not HAVE TO work a FT job to make ends meet.

    There are couples not in the position to have one, NOT WORK so that they can go back to school. If my husband did not make enough money for me to return to school then it wouldnt be possible as it is my CHOICE to go back to school. If I choose not to work after I graduate the situation remains the same. I would be home until I decide to do something with my degree.

    I think the qualifier here is the CHOICE to stay at home and not seek FT work because the couple can afford to do so bc one person makes enough for both to live on. Not, whether or not the wife is actively pursuuing anything.

    Here in DC there are TONS of stay at home wives here with MAs, PHDs and JDs who simply choose not to pursue FT work but may take consulting gigs here and there because they want to and it keeps them active. I dont see any difference between the that and the woman who just stays at home eating bon bons all day.

    What it boils down to is that the woman is staying at home because she wants to and the husband makes enough so they can afford to do so.

    Ginger’s last blog post..Blog Action Day: Women and Poverty in 2008 (Plus: How You Can Take Action)

  • Ash

    Meg,

    The reason that I wouldn’t think of those looking for work, in school, or in between work as stay-at-home is because a)those are examples of circumstance, not choice and b)they imply that the person is not aiming to stay at home. In the original post, the question is of a SAHW as a status symbol, not a result of uncontrollable circumstance (job loss, career change, etc). The use of a SAHW as an item of status operates under the following scenario: couple #1 husband makes enough to support both spouses, so the wife stays at home. Couple #2 husband does not, so wife must work. So there’s where the status comes into play, with the SAHW an indication of wealth. The assumption the other way around is that the non SAHW must work because her husband cannot support both of them. The prejudice goes both ways, and I’ve felt it many times. I’m sure you’re not the type to think that, but we’re speaking in general terms.

    For example, I had a good friend who was recently out of work for almost a year, didn’t think of her as SAHW because she was actively looking for work the entire time, she didn’t want to stay at home. Fortunately she could pass on the lower-level jobs that kept coming her way and hold out for one benefiting her career path because her husband made enough to support them for the time being. I also have a different friend who’s husband makes a decent but not remarkable amount of money, yet because he makes juuuuust enough to support them both she chooses not to work. So I consider her a SAHW because its her choice. She has no desire for school, pro bono work, anything, she just wants to be at home. To her, a ‘working’ wife is an indication of a husband with a low salary, which I find amusing because I make about as much as her husband does, but that’s a different story.

    It is a personal choice though, and I’m sorry you get those reactions from people. You are giving up a lot by not pursuing your career and letting your husbands take priority.

  • http://www.allaboutappearances.info Meg

    Ash,

    There seems to be a lot of people here saying things like, “Well, I didn’t mean people ____”. End that with “looking for work”, “disabled”, “volunteering”, “who work from home”, etc., but the fact is that stay-at-home-wives are a diverse group of women. How fair is it for people to talk about stay-at-home-wives as being lazy leeches, but then exclude any examples to the contrary with that sentiment that somehow they don’t count simply because they don’t support that stereotype?! Especially since many people I’ve met offline have assumed that as a stay-at-home-wife that I’m just some lazy but “lucky” (to use their word) gal who gets to sit around and do nothing all day!

    As for my degree, when I originally started thinking about college and a career I planned to move and also travel as part of my career, but — looooooooooong story short — I married a guy who doesn’t want to move and who couldn’t very well follow me around the globe. At this stage, he’s pretty well locked into a job here and to pull him away from it so he can follow me would make absolutely no financial sense in our case.

    Some women might think that’s horrible, but I don’t. I love my husband and it’s a sacrifice I’m willing to make. And yeah, ok, I really don’t mind our situation now — even if it’s not what I planned. I like that I can be flexible and make my own hours, even if I don’t get a regular paycheck. If I can find some from-home work that pays well and gives me the flexibility I want, great! If not, that’s fine, too! If we did need to move for his job, I’m glad that I could do it without having to quit a job here. And, I love it when I can help him out with things whether it’s with his work or doing stuff at home or making a few extra bucks on the side.

    Fortunately, my husband really does appreciate my sacrifices. He’s not some sort of anti-feminist, old-fashioned guy who thinks women should spend their days cooking and cleaning (unless they want to, he’d probably add). If he was, I’d be in deep trouble because my domestic skills are rather pitiful, especially compared to his. Truth is, he’s a great guy and he’d support me no matter what I did, but he’s really happy about the choices that I’ve made because he wants to be able to spend time with me — time that I’m happy to be able to give him.

    Meg’s last blog post..The Fabulous! Festival for October ‘08

  • Ash

    I don’t think this discussion was meant to lump those that are looking for work, working from home, or in between jobs/in school into the ‘stay-at-home-wife’ group. I wouldn’t think anyone in the above categories qualifies as a ‘stay-at-home’ because they’re actively pursuing something. The question of this as a status symbol would more likely refer to those who choose to stay at home and do nothing because the other spouse can support the both of them.

    That being said, it does seem that those who get degrees which they can not find work using or choose to live in areas that offer no career opportunities are effectively counting on being supported. It reminds me of a teenager who can choose to work or not work during summer break…how did you plan to support yourself pre-husband when you were working on these degrees/in these fields that didn’t pay a living wage? Not judging, just curious..

  • http://www.allaboutappearances.info Meg

    Good point, JustEloped! You reminded me of one of the main reasons that my husband and I decided that I should be a SAHW. We are far from old-fashioned and anti-feminist, but we are very practical.

    The job market where I live is awful because it’s flooded with college students and recent grads, but there’s not a lot of big companies here. I have a lot of friends that are trying to find a job — skilled, hardworking friends, I might add. There’s hardly anything local available for me with my training (though I have a college degree) unless I wanted to start around minimum wage and work my way up (if I’m that lucky) over what would probably be a long time. The last time I tried that, I spent almost as much money in gas and work expenses as I made. Frankly, that’s not worth it to me or my husband. And no, we’re not interested in moving. We love it here, the cost of living is low, our family and friends are here, my husband’s job is here, etc. (not to mention that we couldn’t sell our house in the near future for anywhere near enough).

    I haven’t given up finding a job that makes a good salary, though. I’m still working on my skills and getting experience working on various projects (again, some of which I hope will make a lot more money one day). But, in the eyes of many, I’m probably just a “spoiled”, “lazy” stay-at-home wife with a few hobbies. But hey, think of it this way, the fewer people working paying jobs, the more jobs there are out there for those who really need them.

    Meg’s last blog post..The Fabulous! Festival for October ‘08

  • http://lilmsindependent.blogspot.com/ JustEloped

    Well, I’d love to have a job. But I just moved to a new area where there are no jobs, we only have (and can only afford) one car, there’s no public transportation, and my husband’s hours are erratic. Ergo, I am a stay at home wife for the time being. Which is fine by both of us. There was a time when he was a stay at home husband and I supported him, so I figure now we’re even.

    JustEloped’s last blog post..Cousin

  • http://www.foreverloyal.wordpress.com foreverloyal

    Good post Eliza.

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  • http://www.fruwiki.com Meg

    @Megan re: “…but beyond that I don’t see how anyone can sustain a sense of self-worth staying at home just for the heck of it”

    Not everyone bases their self worth on a job they get paid for. There are a lot of productive things that one can do at/from home. Plus, many “stay at home” wives spend a good deal of time outside the house. Sure, there probably are people that sit around watching t.v. all day every day, but I doubt that’s the norm.

    Sure, it’d be nice if everyone could make money doing what they love, but I have more than a few friends making less than $20k a year in jobs they absolutely hate. Fortunately, they don’t base their self worth on their salary on what their coworkers think. I’m sure they’d love to be able to stay home and pursue other interests. One would be a great writer if she had the time. And several would likely volunteer their time. One wants to help battered women, but doesn’t have the time. Another wants to help people who fall through the cracks of the medical system.

    As for me, I’d probably be stuck in a low-paying job that I’d hate if it weren’t for my supportive husband. As is, I am working for a startup and other projects of mine which aren’t bringing in anything more than shoe money at the moment. If I weren’t involved in those projects, I’d be spending more time gardening, writing, and perhaps learning and then making some crafts. I also enjoy helping my husband out with his projects and — while I’m not Martha Stewart by any means — I do enjoy managing the household.

    And by the way, I think the same goes for men. I’d love for my husband to stay at home and help around the house! So, I’m not really surprised that my husband likes that I’m a SAHW.

  • Belle

    \\”I also know families where both parents work, but the wife makes just enough money to cover her children’s daycare costs, and enough money to buy herself and each of the kids a couple of smoothies a week.

    She’s actually spending more money to work than she makes when you factor in work clothes and supplies, gas for the commute, car payments for a car that’s big enough to get all the kids and supplies to daycare”\\

    This type of thinking is what bothers me, and I believe is part of the reason feminism gets brought into the debate. This argument only holds if the woman makes a small salary; why assume that the woman is making so little that her salary would “barely cover” costs, but that the husband’s salary must be a) more than the wife’s and b) enough to support the whole family? I too work in a field where many people spend fortunes on transport, professional clothing & dry cleaning, expensive lunches. There’s a solution that’s much less rash than simply quitting – you take your own lunch, take public transport/carpool/telecommute when you can, you buy clothes that work for the office and the weekend, and don’t buy dry clean only items if you can help it. The “oh it costs so much to work, might as well quit” seems like no more than an easy excuse out.

  • Megan

    \\”I also know families where both parents work, but the wife makes just enough money to cover her children’s daycare costs, and enough money to buy herself and each of the kids a couple of smoothies a week.

    She’s actually spending more money to work than she makes when you factor in work clothes and supplies, gas for the commute, car payments for a car that’s big enough to get all the kids and supplies to daycare”\\

    This type of thinking really does bother me though, and I believe is part of the reason feminism gets brought into the debate. This argument only holds if the woman makes a small salary; why assume that the woman is making so little that her salary would “barely cover” costs, but that the husband’s salary must be a) more than the wife’s and b) enough to support the whole family? I too work in a field where many people spend fortunes on transport, professional clothing & dry cleaning, expensive lunches. There’s a solution that’s much less rash than simply quitting – you take your own lunch, take public transport/carpool/telecommute when you can, you buy clothes that work for the office and the weekend, and don’t buy dry clean only items if you can help it. The “oh it costs so much to work, might as well quit” seems like no more than an easy excuse out.

  • Megan

    I’m also a bit confused on why an opinion is automatically labeled a “judgment”? We all have different opinions, because we’re all doing different things. Obviously some are not going to agree with others’ choices, there’s no getting around that. We’re not talking going up to complete strangers and questioning their life choices, this is a discussion forum, varying opinions are going to fly. I’m not judging the stay-at-home-wife, but I also do not see how she can take any fulfillment from her lifestyle, which explains why I am a working wife. She in turn cannot see how I take fulfillment from my hectic workweeks. Its all the same, if its “judgment” on one side its also judgment on the other.

    For example, I have a “friend” who recently quit working to be a stay-at-home-mom. She had always prided herself on her work ethic, but wasn’t getting terribly far in terms of a career. Then she meets and marries a man who has terribly outdated Shovenistic beliefs; i.e. he refuses to work along side ANY woman, told me once to my face that I would never make any money (we’re in the same field), etc. etc., that type. Suddenly she’s a SAHM (her ex has the kids half the time, what’s the need?) and is looking down her nose at anyone who “has” to work. Point is, this so-called judgment often comes from both sides, which is why both “sides” have their reasons/opinions for not agreeing with the other.

  • Megan

    Personally I would probably LOVE staying at home for the first few days, but beyond that I don’t see how anyone can sustain a sense of self-worth staying at home just for the heck of it. Those of us with career positions AND 9 to 5 jobs all find a way to cook and get household stuff done because we HAVE to; I don’t think that’s an excuse to stay home and I certainly don’t buy that it takes and extra 40 hours minimum to do the things that everyone else has to do on top of their job. Even if/when my husband or I make enough where we could live comfortably off one salary and one could stay home it wouldn’t make sense, because if you can live off of one’s salary then that means you could be SAVING all of the others salary!! Isn’t this page about saving and frugality? What better/quicker way to save than to live off spouse #1′s $150K income while saving spouse #2′s $50 or up income?? You’re essentially “paying” for one person to stay home in opportunity cost, which is fine if that’s your thing but if money is ever tight in the future or something unexpected happens you’d have to live with knowing that you could have had X more to fall back on if the stay-at-home-spouse had worked or worked part time. All those hours on the couch don’t seem so important when you think about it like that.

    Also, the idea of keeping up education/skill sets in your field in case you ever do have to go back to work is great in theory, but how practical is it? Even in steady fields, it can be EXTREMELY difficult to re-enter the workforce after a few months, let alone a few years. And with today’s job market who can risk that? I would much rather work hard earlier on and be able to retire early with my spouse so we could BOTH be at home and enjoy it together.

  • Beth

    You said:

    //My husband and I live on one income which makes our financial situation more secure than a two income household where if one person loses a job, the other must shoulder the burden until the other spouse obtains new employment.//

    Perhaps I’m not quite following you, but in a two-income household, if one person loses a job, they still have half their usual income. In your situation, if your husband loses his job, your household has no income at all.

    Why do you consider this a more secure situation?

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  • Sarah

    I am currently what most people think of as a stay at home wife – but I do telecommute, and I make more money staying home than I could working outside of the home in the area where I live now.

    Just because people look and “see” a stay at home wife doesn’t mean that she isn’t making money, or contributing to the family.

    I know that a lot of times when I say I telecommute people ask me if I really have a job, or if I just stay at home watching tv all day – and I’m sure that there are just as many people who don’t ask, and assume that I stay at home and watch tv all day.

    I’m also a private person, and I don’t think that I should have to explain to you how much money I make, or how I make it so that you won’t think I’m some kind of parasite living off of my husband.

    I think that most people do what’s right for them as a couple, and I do think that families with a stay at home spouse have more time together to get to know each other and reconnect, and become a better couple, or a better family.

    I also know families where both parents work, but the wife makes just enough money to cover her children’s daycare costs, and enough money to buy herself and each of the kids a couple of smoothies a week.

    She’s actually spending more money to work than she makes when you factor in work clothes and supplies, gas for the commute, car payments for a car that’s big enough to get all the kids and supplies to daycare – but it works for her.

    I on the other hand, would rather take care of my kids myself than take a job that only covered a little bit more than the costs of daycare.

    It comes down to a personal decision most of the time – there are instances where illness is involved, or people are unhireable.

    I really don’t think that it’s anyones business whether I stay at home, or work, or not, and I think most people would be a lot happier if they quit worrying about what everyone else was doing and gave more thought to their own situation.

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  • http://www.guinness416.com guinness416

    I was one of those who would have been scathing about these women a short while ago (although in my defense, I probably would have been silently scathing!). Then my better half was laid off and was essentially a house-husband for six months. And it was wonderful.

    He took care of the chores during the day so our evenings and weekends were free to spend time with friends and each other having fun, supervized some construction work at home we’d been putting off due to not having the time, bonded with some neighbours in ways that will pay off down the line, and took care of items which had been on our goals list for ages – ranging from starting a vegetable garden, switching primary banks, hosting family, getting his car tuned up and so on. (And in fairness he also worked 10-20 hours per week, albeit for less than he’s used to making; echoing some of your commenters he would have gone nuts if he had NO work to do).

    Now he’s back at work and we’re back to our work-long-hours, scramble to put dinner together every night, spend half the weekend doing chores, struggle to get home for contractors/deliveries/etc lifestyles. I know some people work a strict 9 to 5 and think this sounds mad, but when you both have an onerous professional schedule this setup can be a real stress-reliever. Your comments about wills, pre-nups, joint accounts, etc are well take though and I agree must be set in stone.

    guinness416′s last blog post..Raccoons, Red Sox and Undergear

  • Eliza

    I grew up with a ‘supermum’ of the late 1980′s – an accountant heading her own firm, who was on at least 8 charity boards, managed to run a couple of subsiduary/partnership businesses, chair and run an arts festival every year as well as take care of 3 kids. my dad’s a lawyer so he helped out when he could.

    all i can really remember is that it was crazy – everything was always rushed and dynamic and immediate – which was also part of mum’s personality.

    looking back now i find it kind of annoying – meals were always thrown together, washing was always hastily and fairly carelessly done, and the house was always kind of clean – or the bits that people could see.

    on the other hand……

    my boyfriend’s mum stayed home. she sacrificed her career in admin, and stayed home to spend every moment with her two kids. she cleaned, she cooked and everything was pretty all the time, and they certainly loved the attention and had very happy memories.

    20 odd years down the track……..

    his parents lost everything they had when his dad’s business lost it’s main supplier. my parents are well, more than wealthy (i hate saying that but it’s true). i have a great deal of respect for my mother’s business opinion, but with each year grow further away from her coldness and distance. his mother is constantly concerned over the slightest cough to the point where its highly irritating, and my boyfriend certainly doesn’t ask her advice on monetary matters or his career moves.

    20 years on my mother has so many interests it’s hard to keep up and we have no idea whether they’ve jetted off interstate for the weekend or not. bf’s mum is still holding the apron strings as tight as she can, and makes it very clear how much she wants (read: needs) us to go and see her often, as well as how much she wants grandchildren, and that she has replaced her children when they moved out of home with her dogs.

    Now, obviously i’ve managed to get two of the farthest extremes here. So what do i do?

    Well, at the moment I suppose i’m a SAHGF. My bf works while I expand my publishing business. I get asked and bagged all the time about mucking around at home and ‘getting a proper job’ – particularly from my mum. I’m also on a couple of boards and committees.

    Every day our house is spotless, and it really does look beautiful. Every day I make the most beautiful meals because its wonderful for him to come home from his (excuse the cliche) high pressured corporate job to a house where it is lovely looking, clean and tranquil. And I manage to work a good 8 hour day to boot, because we will never have a house if i don’t sort this business out.

    (Coming to the point at long last….)

    WHAT EXACTLY DO YOU WANT IN LIFE?

    What i’ve come to realise through all this is it’s YOUR life. You have to get up everyday and do what you’ve chosen to do. No-one else has to.

    Figure out what type of life you want and go and make it happen – because hell, why not? It’s not supposed to be a tragic, scratching and scraping mess – where ‘oh well, s**t happens – life’s s**t you get over it’ as my sister in law is so fond of saying.

    Life should never, ever be like that. Everything is a choice – so choose what is going to make you happy. Everyone is so inundated with responsibility and obligations they don’t realise they actually have a choice.

    Now, I personally want to have a gorgeous white country house, and a beach house. I want my bf to have a benz before he’s 30. I want my kids to experience as much as they want – sport, drama, music etc. I want my house to run beautifully and tranquilly, and be able to cook and entertain regularly. I want to stay home with my kids at least 2 days per working week, but i also want my publishing company to be a national force to be reckoned with. I want to have an actual relationship with my bf when we have kids – not the barely speaking thing many people i know have.

    I’ll do it to, but unlike our respective mothers, i’ll do it with balance, and i’ll make sure that i’m happy in the process.

    I won’t martyr myself as they did, but i will make it genuinely beautiful because I want to look back at a beautiful life lived with grace.

    It’s really quite simple – whether you’re a SAHM, a SAHW, a working mum, a working partner or just a girlfriend – if you’re happy, nine times out of 10 your partner and kids will be too.

    And really, at the end of it all, you have no one else to answer to except yourself. And i’m sure as hell never going to look back at something and regret my choices ever again.

  • http://www.foreverloyal.wordpress.com foreverloyal

    You can find plenty to do, kids or no kids.

    Boring people are bored easily.

    I’d write more but the baby just woke up fussin.

    foreverloyal’s last blog post..I Just Bought Three Pairs of Shoes off Zappos

  • http://www.cyllya.com Cyllya

    I’m a woman, and if I were going to work 40 hours a week, I’d love a stay-at-home husband. (I do currently work 40 hours a week but don’t want to, as I am aiming to have my own business. I’d rather he be the wage slave if either of us have to be. But either way I’d rather it just be one of us.)

    Technically, I have enough time to do all the really necessary house work. But after 40 hours of work, 56 hours of sleep, and about 10 hours of unpaid time I spend on my job (comute, getting ready for work), that’s only 62 hours of fragmented time a week to actually live. And I’m supposed to spend it on washing dishes, cooking, packing a lunch, doing laundry, folding laundry, scrubbing floors, and grocery shopping?! And I’m supposed to LIKE that?! Of course I don’t. I hate having to squeeze my life into the little cracks between all the maintenance work.

    Having one spouse (preferably the one good at the housework, or at least the cooking) stay at home can improve the lives of both. Since one doesn’t have to go to a job and one doesn’t have to do any housework, they both have a lot more free time! If you are the one to work full-time, imagine waking up to a cheap healthy yummy homemade breakfast every morning, having a cheap healthy yummy homemade lunch packed and ready to take to work, and having a cheap healthy yummy homemade dinner waiting for you at dinner time. No more daily expensive takeout or microwave meal from that one task alone. Ahh… such a beautiful daydream.

    The person who can’t stay home for two days without being incredibly bored… Oh my gosh, get a life! Get a hobby! Start a home business! Volunteer! Do something with the dog that he’d actually appreciate!

    My boyfriend lost his job a bit ago and has had enough trouble finding a new one that he’s thinking of moving in with me. I offered him free rent in exchange for doing the housework, but he doesn’t want to be a “freeloading boyfriend.” :( Well, I suppose I can use the money he pays me for rent to hire someone…

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  • Bill in NC

    Mom was a stay at home parent, but just a few years after the divorce she became seriously ill.

    Living on alimony she did not have enough work credits to be eligible for SS disability (she did not live long enough to collect SS retirement based on her ex-husband’s earnings)

    SS disability qualifies you for Medicare within 24 months (less time for certain nasty diseases)

    Generally, to remain eligible for SS disability you need 20 credits (out of a possible 40) over the prior 10 years.

    One credit is earned in 2008 for each $1,050 in earned income.

    Surely even the busiest SAHP can earn 2 credits over the course of a year and thus keep some minimum disability insurance?

  • Andrew

    Let me offer my perspective as the husband of a SAHW. I get a tremendous amount of fulfillment in being able to provide a life for my wife where she doesn’t have to work. I believe that she appreciates the freedom that she has and is truly able to enjoy her life more without having to worry about the stresses of a job.

    She finds plenty of things to do to productively occupy her time, such as training dressage show horses for competition and teaching children how to ride horses.

    The benefits to me include that she has plenty of time to take care of nearly all household duties while I’m working, leaving us more free time to spend together. And due to this arrangement she is able to pay more attention to me and is probably more pleasant to be around than she would be if she was stressing out about work stuff.

    I’m 25, she’s 22. My mom has never worked so this arrangement seems very natural to me. Her mom was a single mother who worked all the time, so it’s taken some time for her to be comfortable with her self-worth not being defined by having a successful job. We are also blessed to be in a position where financial stress is not an issue – that would probably make the SAHW arrangement slightly less ideal.

    • http://www.smittenbybritain.com/ SmittenbyBritain

      It’s nice to hear from you Andrew. My husband feels the same way you do. He takes pride in providing for the family. He likes that I’m home to take care of business around the house and to help take care of mine and his aging parents. That’s another factor that hasn’t been mentioned. For many of us, once our children reach adulthood, our parents are at the age when they begin experiencing health problems and need help with care.

  • Tina

    I agree, I think the judgment of another woman’s choice is really what leaves me wondering why so many women actually CARE?

  • http://sensetosave.com Kacie

    I’m a SAHW and soon to be SAHM. I do some freelance work from home that brings in a decent income, but for the most part, I consider myself to be a homemaker.

    I’m able to do things during the day so that my evenings and weekends are totally free. My husband and I can just relax and enjoy each other’s company and he doesn’t have to worry about a thing. No errands to run, no chores to do.

    When I was working outside the home, both of us were exhausted, and we hated having to do all the housework after a long day of work.

    Our arrangement works well for our family, and it makes me mad when people make nasty comments. I don’t tell others how to live, so why should I be judged?

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  • SD

    Why is everyone so down on wives who don’t work? It sounds like jealousy to me, most women can’t afford to stay home these days. I wish I could. I’d love to have time to read, play with my kids, garden, visit with family and not have to deal with the stress of working full time and plus everything else. I doubt I’d be bored, there is so much to do. Unless you have no life outside of your job.

    • http://www.smittenbybritain.com/ SmittenbyBritain

      Agreed!

  • http://www.allaboutappearances.info Meg

    @LivingAlmostLarge,
    But would you stay at home before having kids — or if you didn’t even plan to have kids? That seems to be the issue for some people.

    Personally, I don’t see anything wrong with it per se. Whatever works! And I’d love for my husband to one day be a stay at home spouse, lol. But of course, any spouse who stays at home needs to be prepared financially in case something happens to the other spouse.

    Meg’s last blog post..Your guide to a fun (and cheap) vacation in Gainesville, Florida

  • http://www.livingalmostlarge.com LivingAlmostLarge

    What’s the big deal? I probably will have multiple graduate degrees and stay at home with our children. And we can afford to.

    Now it depends on the couple. My brother has a SAHM and he works outrageous hours. There is no way she can work when he works so many shifts. Same with my cousin in the military.

    There are reasons behind everything.

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  • Angie

    It always interests me when I read posts about the debate between staying at home and working. I went to a 4 year college and got a degree (and a husband). When we first married, I both wanted and needed to work. 5 years later when our son was born, I was in a position to stay at home because I felt that would be best while we had babies. Now that the kids are in school, I tried going back to work but things at home suffered. I love working, but my kids were getting stressed when I rushed them out the door so that I could get to work on time. I was getting stressed because I’m a type-A personality who wants to do everything perfectly, and my poor husband was stuck in the middle. He wanted to support me working because it’s what I wanted to do, but he was shouldering a lot of extra work at home because I would work all day and then have evening staff meetings, PTA meetings, etc. etc. We found that in order for our family to function, it works best when I’m at home. Even though we both grew up with working moms, we’ve found that the more relaxed pace of having a home-made dinner on the table at the same time every night and a de-cluttered house is worth the financial sacrifices we are making.

    Now, while my kids are gone, I find that cleaning the house isn’t as much drudgery as it was before I fully realized my options. I can sit down at the computer and research ways to help our finances. I can take care of my family (including parents and grandparents) when I’m needed. I can volunteer at the school or our church. And when I’m more relaxed, our whole family benefits.

    For our family, this works – not because I’m lazy or unwilling to work and make sacrifices for the family, but because I’m finally open to the idea that NOT working is the better sacrifice for all of us.

    • http://www.smittenbybritain.com/ SmittenbyBritain

      That’s right. Sometimes it’s a quality of life choice!

  • Pingback: Get Rich Or Die Trying » Blog Archive » Posts Of Interest

  • http://www.allaboutappearances.info Meg

    @Laura and CLA,

    Just FYI, the current issue (as I understand it) isn’t so much about stay at home *moms* as it is about stay at home wives without kids. Granted, people are still arguing over the SAHM vs. working mom choice. However, people I know or know of who are perfectly fine with SAHMs (and even prefer that to working moms) have no tolerance for stay at home wives and consider us all lazy, freeloaders.

    Then factor in that many who are old-fashioned enough to want women to stay home would probably rather us get pregnant than get a job and aren’t fans of being intentionally childfree (no offense to you or any other people with children — we’re just not ready or interested presently).

    Meg’s last blog post..Your guide to a fun (and cheap) vacation in Gainesville, Florida

  • cla

    Wow, I am amazed at the emotional stres people get inot over someone else’s life choices!

    I’m a stay at home mom – ducking from the rotten tomatoes

    I have several degrees – I practiced tax law at a big city law firm – I LOATHED it – I didn’t pay for my original law degree as I had a full academic scholarship but I did pay, in part, for a graduate tax law degree [financed in part by my law firm while I was there - I paid for the remainder myself when I left - but it was just 1 semester's worth]

    I tried some other jobs that made use of my education that were less painful but still completely unsatisfying and ‘jobs’ rather than careers [despite their being careers for others]

    After we had children I stayed put – we make about the same as we did when we both worked only now – for much of the time we made far less and I can tell you what I learned during that time:

    1. I can live the same life on much less money when I’m not paying for commuting, workclohtes, dry cleaning, lunches, convenience items etc – not judging but it makes my CHOICE easier
    2. My husband likes me being at home with the kids – we’d talked about it before we married AND before we had kids so there has been no betrayal of expectations -I read more than one comment of late about how it’s not enough to take care of your kids full time – is is not a job to take care of other people’s kids full time? I’m the ultimate do it yourselfer
    3. Do I have time on my hands sometimes? Sure i do – I did when I worked too – there were lumches and phone calls – does no working woman ever kill time online? they must or there wouldn’t be so much vituperative commentary in cyberspace about stay at home wives!
    4. But my time [and education] can be well used at home: I have been on charity boards, run the PTA, supported political candidates and helped my community in many ways since I’ve been home – now that my youngest is going to kindergarten I anticipate doing even more of that ‘work.’

    So that’s my two cents – I don’t really think much about what other folks might think, but I thought I’d share how OUR choices have gone just to respond to some of what I read

  • http://www.allaboutappearances.info Meg

    P.S. Another good reason not to judge others is that many people suffer from chronic illnesses and that may greatly influence whether someone decides to stay home or work outside the home. You really never know, either, unless that person wants you to know about their illness (which is not always the case for many reasons). Many illnesses are completely invisible and some people are great at faking being ‘normal’ — especially as some illnesses vary in intensity from day to day and even moment to moment.

    Meg’s last blog post..Your guide to a fun (and cheap) vacation in Gainesville, Florida

  • http://www.allaboutappearances.info Meg

    I’ve been a stay at home wife of sorts since moving in with my husband. It started because I was going to college After graduation, I decided to take some time to develop some additional skills and see what I wanted to do for a career. While I didn’t consider it as a job option, I ended up blogging first for myself and then for a startup — which has now turned into more than blogging. Nowadays, I “work” but it’s a startup and I don’t have a real income at this point and it’s a work at home situation.

    Some people might see that as different, i.e. stay-at-home versus work-at-home. However, until I have a living income coming in, it’s easy to see what I do as a hobby — not that I don’t take it seriously, but I’ve had others dismiss it as ‘not a real job’.

    I think it’s important to mention, though, because I don’t think being a stay-at-home wife means just cooking and cleaning all day. Different people have different hobbies to keep them busy, and many can be very productive. I don’t do much in the way of cooking or cleaning, honestly, but I don’t just watch t.v. all day (not without a computer in front of me at least). I work for the startup, I garden, I care for our chickens, I look into ways for us to save money, live greener, simplify our lives, etc. And that’s not to mention things that I do specifically for my husband ; )

    As for my husband, he loves the arrangement. We both hope that I can eventually bring in a decent income and pad my resume in case I need it, but he really appreciates my skills and advice among other things.

    Plus, it’s nice that we don’t have to pay for another vehicle and gas and all the other things that come along with working outside the house.

    Meg’s last blog post..Your guide to a fun (and cheap) vacation in Gainesville, Florida

  • http://anitrasplace.net mikki AKA AnitraClark

    I aspire to be a stay at home mom. It the most unselfish thing you can do for your children. I mean I was raised by a single mother lucky to see her at all, thankfully I turned out fine, but sometimes you miss out on being with your kids seeing them grow because you have to work so much.

    I will support it like I support eating chocolate when my menstrual comes!!

    mikki AKA AnitraClark’s last blog post..The Girls Gone Shopping 7 Day Challenge!

  • Morgan

    The bottom line remains: how does one person’s life choices affect another’s when one is not directly involved? The point should be focused on applauding the fact that we, as women, have the ability to choose our lifestyle, not hyper-judgmental bigotry. If it works for the individuals, the couple and/or the family, more power to them. It doesn’t affect the way I choose to live my life either way.

  • http://wealthisgood.blogspot.com Meg

    I think it’s important to look at things from the husband’s perspective as well. Don’t you think he’d love to have the option of not working? If you are raising kids it’s one thing; in that case I totally support the idea of having one spouse (either one) not working. But if a wife is simply choosing not to work while her husband works full time, that isn’t fair – and it may very well be classified as “laziness,” “mooching” or “golddigging” in certain circumstances.

    Both partners should pull their fair share of the weight in the marriage – whether that means earning income, managing a household, raising kids, managing investments, or what have you.

    Meg’s last blog post..Surprise Promotion!

    • Jasmin

      And that effects you…….how, exactly? You’ll get no brownie points from me for your Puritan work ethic. Are you a husband, Meg? I think you are a woman transferring your disdain for SAHW onto some theoretical “husband.”

      If all of these working women’s paychecks are making their husbands so happy, why is the divorce rate among two earner households so high? Why do statistics show that thw women in these two earner households are increasingly unhappy?

      It is a wonderful thing when a man can afford for his wife not to work if she wishes. Few SAHW without children lead vapid, empty lives. We actively volunteer, we can work from home if we choose to, and we are able to create beautiful, calm environments that men rarely want to leave. I run part of our investment portfolio, and I’ve made a considerable amount of money for us doing so. I also came into the marriage with my own money.

      More often than not , we are also well provided for in case of death or divorce.

      My question is why so many working woman posting here are so hostile towards the lifestyle choices of people who have no affect on you? In doing this you reveal more about yourself.

      There are intangible assets that people bring to marriage. Sadly, many women today value themselves only in terms of their ability to earn and to breed.

  • Rory

    I agree with you Ginger, I am totally OK with the idea of SAHWs and SAHMs if that’s what works best for a couple, provided that the woman makes sure she has a back-up plan in case circumstances were to change. It is about having the choice to do whatever makes you happy. If two people are happy with their work arrangements, why should so many other people be judgemental? Who WOULDN’T want to have free time to persue their interests, hobbies, charity work, or whatever their heart desires? I wonder if all the trash talking is really a case of jealousy?

    • Merry Clark

      it’s not jealousy. It’s disappointment in the wasted potential…

      • KC

        It’s none of your business. Why should you care about anyone else’s potential?

        I think you just think you’re intelligent and you feel better judging others. When really, you just look like an idiot.

  • Rita

    Here’s an interesting spin… I have a stay-at-home HUSBAND, and I love it! We’re in our 40s and our only child is grown and on her own. A year ago I landed a job in which I earn more than both my husband and I did together previously. After slagging away in a job he hated for 17 years to make a living, my musician husband now has the ability to stay at home and write and record music. He is very happy to finally be able to tap into his creativity. Plus, when he has writer’s block, he cleans the house, does the laundry, buys groceries, etc. It’s a wonderful arrangement for both of us. And I feel somewhat fulfilled that I am able to provide a comfortable living for both of us. But no one around us seems to understand. I am repeatedly faced with sneering questions: “Does he have a job yet? Well, is he even LOOKING???” I get the distinct impression that people think I’m married to a lazy louse. But it sure is nice to come home to a hot meal and a clean house at the end of the day. I just wish we would have been able to do this when our daughter was young.

  • Rita

    Here’s an interesting spin… I have a stay-at-home HUSBAND, and I love it! We’re in our 40s and our only child is grown and on her own. A year ago I landed a job in which I earn more than both my husband and I did together previously. After slagging away in a job he hated for 17 years to make a living, my musician husband now has the ability to stay at home and write and record music. He is very happy to finally be able to tap into his creativity. Plus, when he has writer’s block, he cleans the house, does the laundry, buys groceries, etc. It’s a wonderful arrangment for both of us. And I feel somewhat fulfilled that I am able to provide a comfortable living for both of us. But no one around us seems to understand. I am repeatedly faced with sneering questions: “Does he have a job yet? Well, is he even LOOKING???” I get the distinct impression that people think I’m married to a lazy louse. But it sure is nice to come home to a hot meal and a clean house at the end of the day. I just wish we would have been able to do this when our daughter was young.

    • http://www.smittenbybritain.com/ SmittenbyBritain

      Good for you! We are in the same boat, except I’m the one staying at home and pursuing my own business.

  • Ashley @ Wide Open Wallet

    My old boss had a stay at home wife. I never thought twice about it. He was the owner of the company and made excellent money. I don’t know what she did all day but they certainly didn’t need her income. If she doesn’t want to work why should she?

    On the other hand, I would be bored as toast if I was home all day with no kids. If I were in her situation I would have been involved with the company.

  • ~Y

    I'm amazed at the people who don't think being at home is a full-time job in and of itself, with or without kids.

    At the end of the day, I say it's up to the couple to decide what's best for them. It's always been my dream to be at home after my babies come, and I'm glad to know that this is a viable option for me.

  • MC

    I’m with Laura in that I can’t help comparing a hypothetical situation to my own. I run the house like a fairly well-oiled machine, and I work-full time, am a full-time grad student, and have 2 teenage kids. I think I’d enjoy being a stay at home wife for about 3 months or so, but then I would get bored and would venture out to something more engaging that paying bills, cleaning toilets, blogging, or decorating. I’ve been a stay at home mom on/off before, and my optimum choice for work has been part-time work, full-time mom. If a woman wants to go to school for years and not use her education in the end, so be it though. It’s a great back up plan, and we all need one of those.

    But admittedly I wonder, as your coworker did, why go to the trouble and expense of the education if one isn’t going to put it to use, especially if it’s in something one doesn’t feel passionate about? And if one feels passionate about it, wouldn’t they use the degree they’ve worked so hard to get? If I’m independently wealthy and have the time, sure, why not learn about all the subjects I’ve always wanted to know about. But then again, I can probably do that without being the degree warpath. I can’t get a woman for wanting to learn, and if she wants to stay at home as a wife, that’s OK too. Feminism is about choices, and women should have the same choices men do. I don’t have to understand them, they just need to be there.

  • http://www.getrichordietrying.us JB

    I don’t really think these women are freeloaders. I think they are doing what works for them as a couple. As a husband, I wish my wife could stay at home and do whatever she wanted (especially while she’s pregnant), but we’re not quite there yet – and it makes me a feel a little inadequate since she still has to work.

    JB’s last blog post..Dave Ramsey’s Extended Baby Steps

    • peter

      No you’re not inadequate, its just circumstances, only when you have children it will be for there sake that a parent is at home.

  • http://absolutlyfit.blogspot.com Laura

    I can’t say that SAHMs don’t do anything, and I certainly think it’s great to be able to take care of your children full-time, but I have to say… I genuinely don’t understand how it can take so long to clean the house, cook meals, etc. I do all that WHILE working, so to me, the extra time would just mean time to read, go online, work out – things I enjoy, but that aren’t really a job.

    Laura’s last blog post..Surviving the sucky middle miles

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