web analytics

Join our community of women passionate about breaking financial ceilings!

Subscribe
Pregant Woman Work

My Wife Paying Child Support to My Ex

This article alone was enough to take me out of my blog hiatus 3 weeks early.  How do I say…. I would divorce my husband until he gained custody of the child or just be done altogether.  This woman makes it hard for the rest of us hard working chicks. And if she were really concerned with her child having a certain lifestyle then should just give up custody.

He!! no!  Can you imagine working hard in school, finally looking forward to reaping the benefits and the EX wants YOU to pay child support based on your check?  No.. Noo NO!  The ex would have to be out of her rabbit @$$ mind to think I would ever pay up.

*breathing deeply and fanning self*

Dear Miss Jia,
My wife first introduced me to your site, now I have become an official Miss Jia follower. Normally I would seek advice from those who I surround myself with but this situation is a lost cause. Recently my wife graduated top of her class earning her M.D. in Pharmacy, accepting a position with Walgreen’s. Her annual income to gross is anywhere from 75,000 to 80,000 a year. As you know when you are married, your gross income is combine to make one.
We don’t share bank accounts nor do we file our taxes together. First let me say my wife income is twice as much as I make, which I don’t have a problem with. A few weeks back I picked up my child from a neutral meeting place which has to be open to the public (Court Ordered). By no means do I converse with the mother of my child about anything unless it has to do with my child.

No, I’m not going to talk about how she is this and that. I knew how she was from the beginning. She made the comment of how she couldn’t wait to get me back in court because we are “big money” now.I am paraphrasing. So, a week or two goes by and my wife is served with official court documents requesting her appearance in Family Court. Now mind you this is my child. My wife cares for and has a healthy relationship with my daughter. My wife is being sued under that statute that my child’s mother can’t provided the type of life style that my wife and myself can provide and it isn’t fair to our daughter.

My wife is basically refusing to come to a settlement agreement and as she states she would rather go to jail than pay for my child’s mother living expenses (We both know it isn’t for the use of benefiting my daughter). Now, my wife suggests that we file for custody. I don’t want to take my daughter away from her mother but I also do not want my wife to be upset if the court rules in favor of the amount my ex is requesting (I have a feeling they’re going to rule in her favor). I do think is an excessive amount for a five year old. I feel as long as I am providing for my child and she doesn’t have to go without the daily necessities for living it shouldn’t be a problem.

This situation has caused a problem in my marriage my wife feels as she didn’t build a career for herself so my ex can benefit from her earnings. My question is does my wife have the right to be upset, or should she just accept things for the way they are because she knew what she was getting into knowing I already had a child?

————————————————-

I can’t ! LOL!  I totally feel where his wife is coming from!  I work HARD for my money and you mean to tell me that the EX now wants ME to pay child support?  No ma’am, I would sue for custody or we would divorce.  Call me selfish or whatever because it wouldn’t go down like that.  My pastor would have to soak me in holy water before I let that go down.

What say you?  Would you fight the EX in court or pay the child support for an easy life?

  • Pypsqweek

    While it seems unfair for your ex wife to go after your current wife, it boils down to whether or not your child with your ex wife will have the same lifestyle (I.e education, financial means) as the kids with your current wife. It’s not about money but support in which your wife took on when she married you.

  • Susanne

    From the first wife point of view- My ex-husband has changed jobs 3 times since our divorce seven years ago. His new wife works at Walmart. He spends every penny he makes. His parents give him LOTS of money. One summer they paid three months of child support for him.
    His check is usually a few days late, but I’ve always received it. Once, he explained that he didn’t have the money, but Jessica would get paid on Tuesday. I don’t think his wife’s paycheck (probably the whole thing) should cover my child support. I can’t imagine working retail two weeks and being expected to give it to someone else. Not all first wives are takers- some realize what the new wife is up against.

  • Lori Dautermann-Dorn

    My step child is a joy. I have taught her to tie her shoes, button her pants, sleep alone, have table manners and in general be a productive member of society. She can now swallow her own medicines, tidy up her room, brush her own teeth and engage a person in conversation. I have mothered and loved her like she was my own except….I WILL NOT HAVE MY INCOME GIVEN TO HER WELFARE SUCKING MOTHER!! My income is for my own children’s education and well being. I accepted this child as a by product of my marriage. I chose to marry this man. Not support his ex wife.

  • solomon

    Ten bucks says you pay the ex off the second you have your own baby and drop the false pretense of caring about the step child altogether.

    Don’t marry a man with a child if you don’t want to help pay for what is now your immediate family. Also were the roles reversed people would go nuts over a step father withholding money from a step child. Why would you not want his child to have every advantage possible? This is a you problem.

  • solomon

    So many people commenting on this site are selfish morons. Your child’s emotions are more important than the hole your penis goes into now. Anyone who would emotionally and financially ruin the mother of their child is a bad parent and an awful person. You are supposed to love and protect your children, not hurt someone they love and hurt them in the process. Although I bet most of these men think less of the kids because of the mother and really just want to shirk their duties anyway while looking like the victim.

    These men always claim they “want” more time with their kids. So strange how any man I’ve known who is a good father or even an okay one has zero trouble getting partial or 50 percent custody. It’s always these types who claim they want that and then have a laundry list a mile long explaining why they haven’t filed in court. “Psycho ex” is always on the top of the list and is about as believable as any of them. Usually what really happens the loser uses the sob story to get laid.

    If you marry someone with kids, expect to shell out some cash. Or maybe use your brain before you enter an arrangement you don’t like. Wicked stepmother much?

    And before you start with “bitter, evil feminist” I should say I am a man and grew up the child one of these losers. P.s. He left the second wife when she got pregnant too.

  • Me

    I would get a divorce ASAP

  • lalaloo

    Just fight for custody, if she can prove that you and your wife are better providers, then the child needs to belong to someone who can afford and take care of her. By you having custody doesn’t mean your daughter can’t see her mom but it will ensure a better future and outcome for your child. Word to advise for any women that is dating a man with kids, and being older and going through H3LL myself run, run like you are on fire!!!!!!!!!!

  • InterestingTwist

    More of a twist is that I have shared parenting with my child, and have been paying a sizable amount of money to my ex for support. I do not have an issue with that, since she is my daughter and I need to support them. The question that I have is why do the courts make it so that one parent is able to be taken advantage of?

    In my case, we have been divorced for 6 years. During that time frame I have remained employed, paid alimony, paid child support, and am not in arrears. My ex has moved back in with their mother, remained (new spouse lives with mother also), completed a bachelors, continuing with a masters, refuses to get gainful employment, and fully expects me to continue paying child support.

    I only have a bachelor and do not understand why the courts are causing me to have shared parenting with split residential with an individual who is perfectly capable of working (worked during school breaks), but refuses to get gainful full time employment. At this point, I am thinking that I need to talk to the Child Support Services, but have been told that they will only go after dead-beat payers, not dead-beat payees.

    And people think that the system works?

  • cerenatee

    I’ve looked at every state and not one routinely takes into the income of the stepparent. Under very specific circumstances they will and have – such as a stepparent that has gone out of his/her way to separate the child from their biological parent – but generally no. This question is just for drama.

  • Calisto Enzonni

    I wish my wife would take my money and make me beg for it….

  • sarah32

    my husband after he has left me for about 5months and i never thought he was going to come back again because he was with another woman which he said he love so much and ever still my life have never remain the same because i love him with all my heart and my kid was not having father to call on so one day i saw a testimony on the internet after i have read about what many people have said about so many spell cast i just chosen to contact ekakaspelltemple@yahoo.com for help and his quick respond was very well appreciated by me so he ask me to do somethings which i did and after 1day i receive a call from my husband telling me that he is going to come back home tomorrow and it was just like a dream to me we have been together for 2 weeks now and we are very happy together thanks to you Ekaka you are the best.

  • Dimpled Darling

    I believe it depends on which state you reside in. But in California unfortunately when gou get married your incomes are combined and pertaining to child support it is compared to the mother’s. I would be upset too if I was your wife but it really sounds like you’re ready to give in just to shut your ex up and not really sticking up for your new wife. Your child deserves a good life but your ex doesnt realize it doesnt mean just money. Eventually things will work out but you should really he askig yourself what you did to piss off your ex. Why is she doing this to you? Maybe you could’ve worked somehung out without havig courts involved. Maybe consulting counseling and a lawyer. You definitely have a hard choice here but you need to make some sort of compromise that suits the best interest of your child.That is theone who is suffering in all this. You should all really make it about her not yourselves. This is often times something dueling parents and step-parents forget. It is about the health and well-being of the child involved. I suggest you and your wife and child seek counseling as well as suggest the mother do so too. It looks good for courts and may help you all learn to co-parent better. Also maybe setting up a IRA or savigs for your daughter’s future to show the courts that extra money is being put away for her so that her mother doesnt take it and make yourself or your new wife beneficiary.

  • sharon

    anyone here from ontario Canada? My boyfriend of 1year has been taken back to court to raise child support and she is Demanding my financial statements from all bank accounts from March 2012 to date. We dont live together, I own my own home pay my own bills, raised my own kids, he has his own house pays his own bills etc. Im worried sick why would I hand over any financials to a total stranger …. my boyfriend doesnt even have that access…….
    Sharon

  • You_used_me_now_you_pay_me

    It is possible for women to take advantage of hard working men, but what about men take advantage of hard working women? Well, my partner and I just broke up and I hardly have contact with my son. We had an agreement where I stay at home looking after the little guy while she is working to pay the bills. I have been productive by cleaning, washing, cooking and looking after our son. Perhaps, I don’t have a job but I am busy looking after everything else. My ex partner always wants to have a child as she was turning 38. I was not sure if I was ready because of finance difficulties and now that our son is a bit older she decides to pick a fight and kick me out of her house. She earns more than me and I could not work because of our babe. I am still the sole carer of our child and I want her to pay me for child support. She is an independ female that doesn’t care about anyone. As a man I have the rights to claim child support for being looking after my son all this time.

  • Mariagonzalez8585

    my story is a lot like this one but diffrent in a big way. and i will like your opinion on it..
     my daugther is 7yrs old, her father and i were never married, we separated about 1 year and 6mo ago. He doesn’t give me any money for her. i allow him to see her and take her on weekends whenever he wants. i haven’t taken him to child support because i believe it’s a lost cost, since he has told me he will just claim that he does not work, which is true to some extent. he has never worked a real job in his life. he is in the “music entertainment” business which pays very well, but he gets paid CASH to avoid me taking him to CS. BUT about 2mo ago he decided to get married! i dont want this girls money but i feel that this might be the only way to get him to take responsibility. i feel angery that he pays all her bills and her kids. but can not provide for his own. i go to school have a part time job live with my mom who helps me out a lot but we are just making it.. while his out traveling thinking his a super star. could i be a little jealous?? maybe or sure i am.. in my daugthers words she wants to move out with them cause when she goes over she gets everything she wants. and when shes with me we share our bedroom and i just make her do homework and i dont believe in toys only books. which makes me very sad to hear but i’m doing what i can. so  my question is should i do this? his wife doesnt make nowhere close to what he does but something is something at this point!

  • Maximus

    I am the father of two boys aged 5 and 4, and I’m divorced from their mother.  I am also now living with my girlfriend of 3 years, and my exwife seems to be the same sort of woman as your ex.  How could you even think to ask if your current wife has a right to be upset? You clearly have no spine or you would fight to your last to protect your family (that would be your 5 year old and your WIFE) I can tell you now that if my ex even dared to go after my girlfriend’s pay cheque, I’d make sure that I’m single on paper, and would make it my goal to inhibit, demoralize, and in any way possible destroy my ex emotionally, financially and I’d do it all legally.  You sound like you’ve still got one foot in her home, and one in your new home.  It’s “men” like you that make it difficult for men like me to have a proper family when our previous partners have effectively drained our blood through our wallets. I’d suggest to your new wife that she goes and finds herself a partner who will see her sacrifice, and not ask her to make unrealistic ones.  Grow a pair and stick up for your family. 

    • Lala

      Marry me. Now.

  • Dora

    How dare you ask whether she has the right to be upset ? She treats your child well she treats you well and looked past your baggage, and you dare ask that? Get back with your ex, you deserve eachother. Both of you apparently have the same mentality. Why should she be obligated to pay for your mistake, she did enough by just being with you.

  • Eyeswoleshut

    so I have a crazy situation going on..I had sex in my teens w a girl who got pregnant but told me the child was not mine..12 years later i get a call from the state of idaho saying my son (who i didnt know existed) is in a foster home cus the dead beat junkie mother got him and his siblings (not my children) taken after a raid on there home where meth and needles were found..im now waiting on DNA test results to come back cus I don’t believe the mother who’s an obvious liar..I want the state to grant custody to me but he (my alleged son) has expressed that he wants to stay with his siblings in the foster home so he can look after them which is a good sign of his character!.the state already has informed me that if hes mine then they can come after me for (current & not back) child support witch im not apposing,the only problem i have is if the state comes after my wife of 5 years & her earning’s,,we have separate bank accounts and bills etc but does anyone know if in this situation she could be held accountable for a child we both knew nothing about when we we got married?please try to refrain from the jerry springer joke..thanks

  • Pattersonlat

    im a single mother and my childrens father always says he doesnt have money cuz he has to take care of his wife and a baby that she has with another dude even though she works. my kids with him comes last i cant even get a diaper from him so im taking them both to court cuz i provide for my kids by myself n if he can tell me that hes taking care of her baby by someone else she should help pay bills in the house so he can take care of his own kids…

  • Emmanuel_black1

    This is the usual story some woman lays on her back and wants money. She can support her child herself; with contribution form the father. However, because she is a mistake really, she wants to interfere with the new relationship the man has. The only reason anyone is getting upset is she’s goping after another womans money. The scenario where a man is paying makes more money and gets new woman iis the usual. Nonetheless, when this happens a woman goes to court and asks for more? Womean want to be so independent bullshit. They are just full of spite. You can do everythign for them and when you want somethign else they want you to pay; then hide behind the facade of being a single-mom; you are not the virgin mary. You git pregnant ypour choice; had the baby your choice, and now I dont want you my choice and you are mad. Fucking loser. Sue that bitch make her broke ass get a fucking job.

  • nonofyourbees

    Just do what I did with my “husband.”  We got married by a pastor in front of friends and family with rings and everything and never filed as a legal marriage with the state.  Our state does not recognize common law marriage so it won’t matter how long we live this way.  We are right in the eyes of God and that is all that matters. His crazy ex can’t get a dime out of me, EVER and we have set up a college fund for his child. And we visit as much as the court will allow.  Keeping in mind, she never wanted to be married, she only wanted the baby.  Two weeks after they married she said, “I’ve made a mistake and left him and moved 700 miles away.  A week after that she announced she was pregnant.”  He was heart broken and devastated.  She has another older son whom she made through a one night stand in Vegas and collects five grand a month from that baby daddy, who has never even seen the boy.  To women like this children are only a tool that they use as a means of supporting themselves without having to work or do anything else.  If she had the best interest of their child in mind she would not have moved away from the area before filing the court papers and before having the baby.  She did it deliberately to keep my husband from having a relationship with his son.  So get married, keep it out of the state system, file separate taxes and go have a happy life together.  

  • Dadplusfour

    This entire argument is gender biased, its a group of women crying about being forced into a situation of being financial responsible for step kids. Now look at it from another perspective, I am a single father of four girls, all four of my daughters live with me. I took physical custody of them after the divorce, and still paid alimony to my ex for 24 months. Aside from low paying part time employment at a retail store, my ex was not making any money. I opted to not pursue child support at the time because she was having a hard enough time paying her bills, she was suppose to finishing nursing school so she could get a decent paying job though. Of course now, instead of finishing school she is pregnant and getting married again. So where does that leave me? I am suppose to just bite the bullet and never receive any financial support for my kids from her? She gets to be a stay at home mom, never hold a job, so she ducks being financially responsible for her kids? To me this scenario is unacceptable, after she gets married I will pursue child support, and her new husband should be help responsible. Why should my ex be allowed to completely escape what she owes to her kids, and if she has no income that responsible should fall on whoever is responsible for her. If roles were reversed and I was the jobless parent no paying the ex, I would be labeled ‘dead beat’ and fifty other derogatory names, but since i’m the man and she is the women, its alright for her to just move on with her life with no thought towards the financial needs of her children. For years women have pressed to treated as equals to men in the business world, now you find out that its a two way street and you whine about how ludicrous the situation is. Its the 21st century now, the ‘I’m not responsible because I’m a women” defense does not work anymore, you have to take the good with the bad. Women, welcome to your manhood.

    • http://www.girlsjustwannahaveufunds.com/ Ginger-GirlsJustWannaHaveFunds

      Touche-this is a site that focuses on women and money so yes there is a bias.

      That said, it was your choice to take custody of your 4 girls.  Please don’t take this as an offense but you don’t get kudos for doing so-that’s your job as dad.  Now, while I am not privy to the inner dealings which lead to your decision to take on the financial and physical responsibility, this is a responsibility that you took on willfully.

      If you are having a problem as the single dad providing for them then perhaps it’s time to allow them to live with her so that she can provide for them as well.  But my crystal ball tells me that your next argument will be that you don’t want to pay her child support.

      • Muliche

        you miss the real point its she is living for free and so on

        • Ami Flournoy

          Excuse me but has anyone actually sought legal advice.  I have and in the state of CA if you are not the biological parent if the child being requested to pay support for, then in most circumstances, your income will not be examined, imputed, or evaluated.  It only matters in tax purposes.  And anyways, if you are married legally or not, and the children spend any amount of time with either parent, at some point the step parent will be and has been contributing in numerous ways.  I know many women in this situation, including myself.  I have no problem on my own contributing what I can to help support my step daughters, despite the fact that my boyfriends ex wife was fired and can’t find employment for plus one year.  However I am not really in agreement with her being able bodied and not working while I work two jobs to support my own child plus both of hers.  It is not fair to anyone.  Money is evil but a necessity to life to have the basics.  I just don’t like someone else determining the amount for me.  I have not heard anyone mention anything about what the laws are in their states.  And it is always best to seek legal advice from family law lawyers.  They will help in filing the correct paperwork and explain the process of child support in detail with you.  You may have to pay a little, well more than a little, but in the end it has saved my sanity. 

    • http://fabulous-boobies.blogspot.com/ Nic Nac Paddywack

      I missed the part where her new husband has a responsibility to you and the kids that the two of you made. He doesn’t. You should sue for child support. You should have in the beginning. I always tell my friends with kids, the child support is not for you. It is for your kids. Leaving that money on the table is taking food out of their mouths. Why do it? She probably would not have had to pay much, but she would have had to contribute to their lives financially, just as you did. Now, you sound as bitter as so many women do when their ex moves on and they realize that they are stuck with a life that doesn’t seem fair.

      Go to court. Rectify your child support situation. Stop feeling sorry for yourself and your kids. And leave that man out of it. He is ready and willing (I’m assuming) to take financial responsibility for HIS family. His new wife and their child. Why do you think it is your obligation to mess that up for him simply because you did not do your job for YOUR family? You made a choice to do her a favor by paying child support for children you were raising. Instead of that, you should have simply paid her spousal support because in essence that is what you did. She wasn’t raising the kids, you were. IMO you handled this poorly and now you’re mad that someone else may reap benefits you think you’ve earned. Sorry. You messed up. Go fix it in court. But take care of your own children. Let that woman and her new husband have a happy life. Your children will be better off in the end.

  • Winner

    Yeah the ladies have had things given to them by the courts for so long that they think men are supposed to pay child support for them to buy things and have fun. Well I'm glad to say that alot of men are getting custody of children these days cause most moms are worthless sacks of crap. I'm a father with custody and my ex wasn't even ordered to pay child support. I have spent 2 1/2 years in court fighting to get child support from my kids loser mom. I'm glad to say that yesterday I finally won!!!!! Since she claims to be a "jobless student" she is ordered to pay based on minimum wage.

    And FYI……most states don't consider the step parents income when ordering child support. Only the biological parents. I personally think this article is bogus. My ex married a dude that makes over $100,000 a year and her child support is calculated on her income. It wouldn't be right for that dude to pay me child support based on his income! Heck………..I should pay him for marrying my ex and getting her crazy A$$ out of my hair! LOL

    • http://www.girlsjustwannahaveufunds.com/ Ginger-GirlsJustWannaHaveFunds

      Child support laws vary state to state hence the difference in calculations.

  • brittney

    Here is the reason i havnt gotten marrried to the father of my 1 and 2 year old. We live in CA but baby momma and 10 year old live in KY. My boy friend and i are full time students on county help and they wont move the case out here. she has raised the child support several times and one time after i spent 2000 dollars to fly him out here for the summer and take him to disney ect. Now she wants more and we have nothing. to make maters worse the state came in and found her with drugs that she brags about and smokes in the car with him yet they didnt do more than slap her on the wrist and raise our child support. I dont wont know what to do, i realy want to mary him but i am scared they will come after me seeing as that he is in the rear.I never knew there could be so many vindictive people out there that dont care about the kids just themselves.

    • Ginger

      I would not marry him. That's way too much baggage to take on with one person alone. She has illegal activity and you'll never be financially free of her and the shenanigans. Cut your losses and move on.

  • Dadsneedjustice

    My fiance has been fighting for his kids for the longest, but the courts keep siding with his sorry BM. I think that's crazy that a spouse has to contribute to his/her spouse's child support. My fiance's BM uses the money on herself and clubbing, then we're left getting phone calls from the daycare program, dentist, and doctors stating she's not paying the bills for the kids. I'll be damn if I'm giving her anything of mine, especially because we don't get along. I didn't go to college to help her. I guess we'll have spend more money for a better lawyer.

  • Rogelio

    The courts don't care whose feelings get hurt and they don't care about what's fair. All they care about is the child and they will very likely force the pharmacist / wife to pay her husband's child support in this case. Is it fair? Hell no, but too bad, the pharm / wife should have considered this possibility before she married her husband….his debts are now her debts.

    And one other thing. This kind of unfair crap happens to men all the time in similar situations and I don't hear a lot of women crying about it until they get a taste of the shaft for a change!

  • RUBIA

    to all the BM comments put your self in the WIFE position. turn the tables around. if your husband has a child and you need to support him, his baby and the ex.
    So if you could do it great if you wouldnt than stop attacking the WIFES. At lease she cares enough for the child. She is not the MOM nor she will ever been.
    She wasnt there when you decided to have the kid. Be realiatic..

    • real talk

      If I knew the situation and I had to pay he would have to pay me out of his check whateva the take from me while maintaining out life also lol smh he better get two jobs

  • SSS

    I cannot imagine supporting someone else's kid. I can't even imagine having a kid and supporting IT! Ugh.

  • CheckMate

    and that money should go to the child's rent, utilities, clothes, childcare, food, gas for activities, activities, health, current schooling, and towards college…am I forgetting anything. Do you get my point.

  • CheckMate

    I am in the same situation, I love my mate and his children, they are an extention of him. If they hurt he hurts I hurt. I do what I gotta do to make sure nobody hurts. After all it takes a village to raise a child.

    Think about the child, just think about her. Dont think about the BM because the funny thing about truth is it always finds away to slip on out into the light and that baby is gonna ask questions about things. You focus on the child not on how to prevent the unpreventable. You dont want it to even be a chance that the baby wonders why daddy fought mommy on something positive for me. Instead you want the babty to know that daddy did everything possible to support her. God only knows what the BM could say to the baby. Going to court will provide you with hard facts that you paid what you were ordered to pay. Checkmate .

  • CheckMate

    You had a child with a woman and you are not there on a daily basis.
    Your child needs and wants things.
    Your wife made vows.
    Your only problem is the women you pick.
    Your BM may or may not really need this extra money no one knows for sure…..You picked her so you must do the respectable thing and suck it up. Prior Planning Prevents Piss Poor Performance. Doesnt matter now how the baby came about she is here now and she needs to be cared for period.
    Your WIFE seems shallow because she is making good money, she knew the situation before she married you and now that the BM is exersicing the right to care for your child …she considers leaving you high and dry…wooooooow. She needs to suck it up if she truely loves you and she values her vows.

    • melissa

      Are you smoking? I would never paid my husband's child support. Its up to his BM and him to figure it out and make it work.

    • pickles

      SPERM DONOR!!! THAT’S WHAT YOUR CALLED SINGLE AND ALONE WITH ONLY THE THRONE YOU CREATE IN YOUR MIND LAZY PATHETIC PAY UP YOUR SUPPORT OR THE COURT WILL FORCE YOU TO GO TO JAIL. YOU LOVE THE LOVE MAKING AND CREATING YOUR MISTAKES AND THEN TURN AROUND AND SAY UR WIFE CAN PAY FOR IT? I THINK YOU BETTER CALL TYRONEEEE!

  • CheckMate

    Helllllllllloooooo, For better or for worse, thick and thin, death do us part. What type of society do we live in where you take a vow and re-nig over the root of all evil money. In my humble opinion, your wife knew the situation before she said I do. You have a child and she needs to be cared for period. If the mother of your child is a little crazy….well choices have equal and opposite consequences. We all know that your debt is your partners debt. Take all the ego out of the situation, its simple.

    • pickles

      Nope even if we’re married my debt is not your debt get up and get a job and pay ur dues and stop being lazy. If not go to jail….

  • loving mother

    No doubt the biological mother in this account is worthless. However, I have questions about the father, also. He states that as long as his child has "daily necessities" that is all the that he should be obligated to. At no time does he state that he wants the very best for his child that he can provide. At no point does he say that he would rather sacrifice luxuries himself in order to do more for his child. It is a shame that NO ONE in this situation has normal parental insticts and is trying to figure out how they can do more for this child instead of finding ways to do as little as possible.

  • Lidd

    What if the new wife is supporting the deadbeat because he doesn’t want to pay child support… what do you do then?

  • Dee

    I am with YOU Mandy… How little some women think of them selves…

  • Dee

    Well, this is what I would do DIVORCE YOU… She knew she was getting married w/ a man who had a child, but she was NOT marrying your EX-wife. Your wife has EVERY right to leave you. She worked hard for her career, so a lazy person, can just come and collect a check. Youe EX wife should be ashamed of her self…. What a LOOSER she is…..

  • http://intensedebate.com/people/kricket19 kricket19

    In california child support is only detemine by your income (parent) the only thing that a spouse is used for is the tax braquette nothing more. So relax you will pay not her and maybe you guys should keep all things money separate.

  • Sheila

    Pitiful women. Make your own money and take care of YOUR child with YOUR own money. It's only his income u should count, not hers. You are pathetic.

    • Ami Flournoy

      When you went to school for 6 years and took additional years of continuing education to get and achieve license to praction independently, and have a good decent paying job, or two jobs at that in the economy we live in currently, hell yah, it is my money, and so is his money.  It is our money together really, but my income should not ever be considered as part of income  calculated to pay for children that I didn’t procreate or biologically have responsibility in creating.  I am and have already been contributing to the step children’s well being/basic necessities, as well as little luxuries I can afford so your calling me pathetic, is judgemental, harsh and down right ignorant.  Watch your words carefully when you make such sweeping statements about things you clearly seem to know very little about. 

      • Ami Flournoy

        Oops must have misread the quote, sorry, but to those whom do feel that the non bio parent should be forced to pay, it is unfair to force financial burden, when you are in most circumstances already paying in some form or another support in daycare, livign expenses, school fees, extracurricular activities, which are all in best interest of child.  I find it sad that women feel the need to have to broad cast these in court and be unable to work out in mediation.  Get something stipulated and call it a day, go over finances and work i out, its cheaper, and if you are both level headed, then you can easily work it out, very rare but it is doable.

  • The wife in TX

    @ Toyia.. Hell yeah its wrong… She had absolutely nothing to do with her husband cheating with you.. So therefore honey, take your frustration out on the fella and not the wife because ultimately, you are also on the hook for not investigating a little further before giving it up.

    • Ann Marie Miller

      No, that's right. Of course she should pay child support to you. A man and woman are joined together as one in a marriage, therefore, when he cheats on her, both of their incomes should count, as one.
      And he should leave her, and be a full time father to your child. We live in a Christian society.

      • Katy

        Let me get this straight, the father and his wife should both pay support, but the father should leave his wife to raise the child with the mother. So the wife is paying support for her ex-husband’s child? Not only does this proposed arrangement lack any semblance of logic, but the assertion that this has anything to do with living in a “Christian society” is outrageous.

        Wow. Just wow. I couldn't disagree more.

      • CheckMate

        when he cheated on the wife that was grounds for divoced (in the bible). if she choose to stay then she has to say it with me people "suck it up". CHOICES the word of a lifetime.

    • CheckMate

      There is an innocent baby, forget the adults they grown and rusty. better choices next time for all involved. You dont know if the wife knew her husband was a cheater and stuck around after the fact all I know is the baby needs forget the grown folk. BABY people think about the BABY.

  • TOYA

    LET ME ASK A QUESTION I HAVE A BABY WITH A GUY AND MY BABY IS NOW 10 MONTHS I JUST FOUND OUT HE IS MARRIED IS IT WRONG FOR ME TO WANT BOTH OF THEM TO PAY CHILD SUPPORT

    • Mandy

      Hell yes it's wrong! There is just no respect for women who try to take another women's money that has NOTHING to do with your child. Why involve his wife's income? It's your child, hot hers. Its not HER fault she makes more money than you.

      • Mommy of2 step mommy of2

        It’s funny how BM’s always tell the step parent to stay out of it when it come to parenting the child. But it’s now ok to take their money?? So now the step mother should be able to tell the BM how to raise her children if she now has to pay child support. Money Hungry women give us good MOMMIES and women BAD names. I am a women that doesn’t get the child support owned and the step parent that help my husband that pays 1200.00 a month for his 2 children. So what is it?? Step parents stay out of it and leave it to the parents?? But they want us to now pay!!! SO MESSED UP!!! I would NEVER want my son’s step mother to pay child support for my son. That’s for his Dad to to. For you to think that our wife is wrong for being upset after ALL HER hard work is just wrong!!

    • CheckMate

      Nope think about thebaby, baby cant take carre of self. Grown folks can.

    • Melissa

      You already know the answer to this.

    • pickles

      He can pay not her why should she pay for a child you and he created? what if she has more kids than u do? are u still willing to take her money too?

  • Earl

    ok! Now what if the mother doesn't work and realy never have plus two of her kids are with their father and another child is with his father with a chance to have have forth child in his care, now that she owe's child support and cant work, I need to know If i have to pay her child support since we are getting married and I am the only income that would be in our house hold. Please some one help me with this, I reeally need to know A.S.A.P

    • Katy

      Earl,

      I depends on the laws of your state. I have heard of cases where the parent who was supposed to pay support claimed they had no income (either they didn't work or it was under the table) so that parent's spouse was ordered to pay based on the idea that they were supporting the household. I would recommend getting in touch with a family law attorney immediately! Most first time consultations are free, so start calling around!

      Good Luck!

  • http://www.yesiamcheap.com Cheapskate Sandy

    It's enough to make me never want to consider marriage. I'd file for legal separation STAT and counter sue that…woman (dang that was hard to write) saying divorce is pending. EFF THAT. People go postal over stuff like that. I wonder, who's going to pay the the wife's student loans? Huh? Pharmacy school isn't cheap.

    • CheckMate

      dont say I do ever

  • Katy

    Please keep in mind that there is no accountability for how child support payments are spent by the receiving party. Therefore, there is no guarantee that the child will benefit from an increase.

  • http://www.blousehouse.com/ James

    It's amazing that people only think about the the parents and their new husbands and wives and not the children involved. This money is going to help raise the child. Stop thinking about yourself and your feelings for a minute and think of the well being of the child at hand here.

    • Anonymous

      The well being of the child is in question. The ingrate should be happy with what she gets. Not running to get paid so she doesn’t have to work, because that is exactly what that is about. People like her gives women a bad name. So many single mothers out there doing what they can to raise their child(ren) and make do with what they have. Selfish people like her wants what other people work hard for and to get it they will “rob” to get it. Get a grip, go to school (if you must) and be woman. Show your child to be independent and not a leech.

    • Aislinn

      Right, because this mother obviously needs all that "big money" for her child. If the mother is so concerned that she is unable to care for her child then she needs to give the child to her father who can. What the child needs is a responsible mother who has a job and takes care of her life rather than someone who thinks everyone owes her something.

      • Dee

        I am with you Aislinn 150%…. The mother should be ashamed of her self.

    • Mandy

      I hate when people say think about the child. You think the mother is actually thinking about the child? That's BS. She's thinking of herself and how to get more money! Plus, it's still not the responsibility of the new wife! It's different when you're being FORCED to give money. If the new wife is forced to pay, then why not pay for everybody's damn kids? What's the difference? They're all NOT hers!

      • CheckMate

        no onee knows we can all speculate, know this you give from your heart you cant go wrong, if the BM doesnt do right by the child its gonna bite her in the butt , but if the child really needs this extra money the father are gonna have some explaing to do so thinking of the child is the smartest thing to do.

        when we tithe do we tithe from the heart or do we say aww im not giving any money cause its gonna go to the preacher or im not donating money because I dont know where its going.

        Give from the heart and have faith, faint not.
        CheckMate

    • Financially freaked

      I wish i could say that felt like that were true, but the mother of my boyfriends children lets the son stay with him and the daughter lives with her but is always pawned off on somebody else! She's getting CS for two kids when one only lives with her and the daughter is not using anything in the household because she is never there! She's at a friends or the grandmothers house everyday, spending days and weeks at a time out. Guaranteed though, she always has her hair and nails done and has on ridiculously expensive clothes. Did I mention she"s not working? I know that if that were my child, she would have been enriched and having an absolute ball this past summer…instead of having to still ask her dad for money, something to eat etc. when her mom does buy her something its a $200 leather jacket that gets left wherever the girl leaves it! When instead she could have been in a dance camp, different museums on the weekends, movies, the zoo, Midevil times…you name it. That ex-wife of his is a irresposible spender and doesnt care where her kids are or what they do, as long as she gets that check!

      I figure that i have toiled, studied and struggled too long to pay another womans way…directly or indirectly. Child support is SUPPOSED to be for the kids, but its kind of hard to see your future husbands or husbands moneys flying out the window and yours being looked at under a microscope for the best of Coach, Gucci, and Prada. If i saw strides for a more enriched, exposed childhood being laid before this child, i may well make a donation too. Its the lazy, gold-digging, hoodrich moms out there that make marrying a divorcee or man with children hard.

  • http://intensedebate.com/people/evrydaymnmalist evrydaymnmalist

    Fight, naturally.

    That is total crap. He is the one on the hook for his kid. As a step mother, she can help out with gifts and provide love and all that… but the biological parents have a financial responsibility

    Never in a billion years would I imagine that someone else would pony up money for my kid when she has no relation other than by marriage to the child

  • Andrea

    Why does it have to be all this drama behind who you (the woman) chose to have a child with? You know what time it is, charge it to the game, and move on with your life. What ever the situation, the biological parents need to work it out without adversely affecting the lives of others. What happens if the baby daddy and his wife want to have children? Now they're held hostage by the baby mama. I don't think that child suport was intended to be a used as a tool for terrorism. And why should she divorce her husband after the life she's built?

  • http://www.debtmediators.com.au Bankruptcy Ben

    Sounds like bullsh*& to me. Childsupport is assessed on the biological parents income not their combined family income. However if it was I would divorce and live in sperate homes and just spend the night.

  • http://www.powersedge.com/ Nathan

    Child support is a good thing if the parent responsible pays like they should. Often times this is not true and just creates more turmoil in an already troubled relationship.

  • Katy

    **Sorry! My reply was too long and had to be broken into segments. I inadvertently posted them backwards!

  • Katy

    Well said, Ginterlatte! The root of the issue it that those two are the ones who produced the child, it is up to them to take care of it.

    I’d like to take a moment to address a few of dogatemyfinances comments.

    I also live in a community property state (though not Texas). Perhaps we have different ideas of what community property is, but my understanding is that it speaks to what is acquired during the course of the marriage and is used as a barometer only where the couple is concerned (debt, death, etc.). Child support is something that only concerns the father, not the new wife.

  • Katy

    I absolutely feel for single mothers struggling to make ends met. That is indeed a rough life and I can only hope they take advantage of any and all social services available to them. However, that is not the case in my situation nor the letter writer’s. Single mothers are women who are raising children by themselves with minimal to no help from outside sources. I think we also agree that there are many men who do not pay to support their children or attempt to spend time with them. These men are disgusting. However, I take issue with the assertion that “those men will hide all the pennies they can.” Perhaps I misunderstood, but it seems like a very broad and imbalanced generalization about fathers who aren’t with their children’s mothers. There are plenty of men who pay their fair share, not only in child support, but in expenses when the child is with them (in my husband’s case that includes food, clothing, half of uninsured medical expenses, day care, travel, etc.)

  • Katy

    Finally, I don’t understand the idea that if it’s “a couple hundred bucks” then it’s fine. This is ludicrous. It’s the wife’s money, no matter how the cookie crumbles. The child’s mother did not try to gain increased support at the time the father married. She probably didn’t allow a temporary reduction in support based on the fact that they new wife was in school either. It’s also not as if the father hasn’t been paying and this is the only way to compel him to do so. The bottom line is that she has found to perfect way to be spiteful and get more money at the same time.

    If the mother was actually concerned about providing a better life for the child, she would either give the father custody or go back to school to increase her own income.

  • http://www.cushingco.com/ Brian

    It is sad that relationships have to mix like this. I wish people would just not get divorced or even married if they don't want to stick with someone.

  • http://www.dogatemyfinances.com dogatemyfinances

    In Texas, the amount is usually a percentage of your income, and in a community property state, her income is your income. In Texas, the increase in income would really mean a lot to the mother.

    I'm usually on the other side of this, and these women are struggling to get by and those men will hide all the pennies they can. Honestly, I find it very hard to be mad at the mother without some NUMBERS. If we are talking about a couple hundred bucks, then I am totally with the mother.

  • http://Momswholunch.blogspot.com Ames

    If she divorces him she may owe spousal support. If they were married while she earned the degree he has an interest in her future earnings.

    She is in a mess. She will either pay the child, divorce and pay her ex and if she remarries her new hubby might begrudge her work efforts supporting another man. Maybe she should not work then the support will remain the same.

    I’d hate to live with a parent whose primary purpose for keeping me is money or avoiding paying money. The girl could potentially cost more to house than to parent by check. Will she require child care? Is she in the difficult teenage years?

    I think the wife walked in with her eyes open. She should quit whining and open her checkbook because she will be paying someone.

  • http://www.1milliondollarchallenge.blogspot.com 1milchallenge

    There is no way in hell I would pay anything to an ex. I work for MY money and it is not to provide a lifestyle for HER.

    I would be fighting for custody of the daughter. Does the father really want the daughter being brought up by someone who has no morals and will teach her how to “work the system”? No! Well, he shouldn’t. Obviously his new wife is a better example and would be better for the daughter.

    Keeping kids with their mothers is not always beneficial for the child. If the mother wants the sort of lifestyle the father and wife can provide, the daughter should live with them, not her.

    Saying that, I would’ve checked what the laws were regarding this before I got married and possibly not married. I not sure if I would divorce or not. I’d have to be in that situation before deciding, but I would not pay a cent.

    Hope it all works out for them.

    Really like your blog btw, just found it! :)
    .-= 1milchallenge´s last blog ..Give away reminder =-.

  • Katy

    Marriage is hard. Marrying a man with a child is even harder and things are only complicated even more by adding a crazy BioMom to the mix. I absolutely side with the wife. I would die before I would pay child support to my stepson's mother. And, yes, I did check to see if my income could be used in determining child support before we married. Fortunately for me, our state only takes the parents into account. If that hadn't been the case, I wouldn't have married him (don't worried…he agreed.)

    If their situation is anything like mine, they need to fight for every single right. If you don't, you might as well just give BM the keys because she's in the drivers seat now. They need to hire a lawyer and file for custody.

    I wish her the best of luck!!

  • http://crystal.earth-byte.com Crystal

    I would absolutely not pay, and yes I would divorce as well. I'd also keep transcripts of everything and give them to the daughter when she's old enough so she can see what a conniving bitch her mother is.

    • Angie

      Well, if we take the emotion out of it and just think of the situation.  I know many men who marry women who have 2, 3, or 4 even more children, and they take care of those children.  Yes, it sucks to have to give the BMs money, and you would think it is between the two of them, but men have to and now women must do it to.  

      If you love your husband, and it’s is important to be “married” to him, them you would give him all of your money, well just consider that you are giving it to your husband.    

      This site has helped me because I am in the same situation, I love him, but dealing with two BMs and both are hateful.  I realize the courts don’t care about the fact that they are evil people, just that he pays.  I would not mind paying if it was reasonable, not so much of my income that they don’t have to work.  I would be more than willing to assist with $1,000.00 a month ($500.00 for each child), but they wouldn’t stop there. 

      If the kids were with me, I would take care of them the way I took care of my son (who is now in college), but it’s too much to have to deal with the evil mothers.  So I am leaning toward being an eternal girlfriend thanks to this site.  Wow.  Even if you are a significant other in CA the courts could come after you.

    Twitter not configured.