Disclaimer: I generally like Steve Harvey. So if you think this is a post bashing him along the lines of “yeah girl I can’t stand him!”. Click the red X/button. I think his first book was needed because some women are just that basic and in need of simple advice to navigate the dating world. I even find some of the women who claim they don’t need it, actually do. So there’s that.
Unless you’re living under a rock then you may have noticed the recent drama with Steve Drama and his ex-wife, Mary Harvey. Without going into too much detail about their history, basically they got divorced some years ago using the same lawyer, details are pretty messy but she ended up with $1000 a month in alimony and losing full custody of their son to Steve. There are also allegations of physical and verbal abuse as well. Get all the sordid details here.
But as I read through much of the drama and became embroiled in several debates about the issue, it occured to me how important it is for us to continually pay attention to our needs while in a relationship or marriage.
Protect Yourself Financially
There is no reason EVER in 2010 that a man should be able to leave you and you not be able to bounce back on your two feet. We have access to education and women are increasingly climbing the ranks in the workplace. Stop that. Stop giving up your independence and livelihood to be able to sit at home with the kids. Yes I said it. Go back to school. Get a part time job in your field to keep your resume fresh. Life happens, be prepared for it.
I am not saying live as if you will divorce but honey, if your man became ill tomorrow or heaven forbid something happens where there is no income anymore in his end, what will you do? Get a plan because a man is not a financial plan. Women like Mary irk me for several reasons. But as it relates to this post, I just don’t ever think it is wise to give up your livelihood for him without some sort of agreement stipulating how you will be compensated should you part ways.
And yes, you’re rolling your eyes now because marriage is 100% about love and thoughts like this dare not ever enter into your mind. But when you’re sitting in front of a judge begging for spousal support then you are painfully reminded that this is indeed business.
So many don’t like to visit the business aspect of a marriage/relationship but talk to me after you give it all up and have nothing to show for if you get divorced or when the kids leave home and you’re left feeling like a discarded race horse.
Learn When to Move On
I realize that I don’t have all the pieces to the story but someone has to move on right? Let that person be you. Surrender to the BS, waive your flag and move on. Don’t walk in dog mess over and over and over again and then go blasting about it on Youtube. Find the lesson in the midst of the storm and move forward. Especially when there are minor children involved.
Pay Attention to Who You’re Sleeping With
Literally and Figueratively. So many get caught up in the good tingly feelings of love that they fail to pay attention to the red flags. God throws pebbles before he brings out the bricks for the rock heads. By then it’s always too late. If a man is cheating on and/or beating you throughout the relationship then that’s his character flaw and not yours.
Then again, yours may be that you don’t know how to recognize what true love is and leave at the first sign of trouble. We all have at one point or another made the decisions to stay with these fools. Know when to move on and learn the lesson from this relationship. Once you do that and accept that you deserve better then real love will come to you. But it can’t if you’re still caught up sleeping with the enemy.
Love Yourself First!
Lastly, ladies love yourselves first. Falling in love with YOU opens your eyes to the things that will never serve you in a manner that you need to learn and grow. Being in love is great, but loving yourself first and making him respect your standards is an even better feeling.
What are your thoughts on the Steve Harvey drama with hsi ex-wife?