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Hard Decisions: Sending A Family Member Money

11_i_need_money_2006

Scenario: You have a huge trip coming up that you’ve been planning for months now, but you get a phone call stating that you need to send money to a family member in order to get them out of a really bad bind.  The kind of bind that’s possibly life or death because of the stress involved if I don’t send the money.  We’re not talking chump change, but $2500.  Of course, sending the money means you won’t be able to go on your trip and possibly disappointing many people.

What would you do?

  • Sara

    It depends on the family member for me. If it is one I didn't grow up with and know, absolutely not (I have a very large extended family). But if it is one I saw on family vacations all of the time, corresponded with in school, and I know wouldn't ask me unless they didn't have anywhere else to go, I would.

    I say this because I "lended" about $1200 to a friend who I know cannot pay it back now, and maybe never. It depends on whether she can make it through grad school. Then she might be able to send me money in ten years or so after paying back loans. But I believe in her and knew the money was a gift that I could afford (ie still can pay my bills) to give that would make a real difference in her life.

  • Andrea

    Interesting, I did just that. I made loan to a cousin for 4K (interest free") to "get them back on track." They said they had problems with refinancing their mortgage. Apparently, the loan did not help and I have been begging ever since, for payments. It was a big mistake.

  • tanyetta

    I pray that I'm NEVER put in this situation and that I'll never have to put family through this situation. I feel stress coming on by just reading the blog post title!

    I know we would ONLY do this for my INLAWS!

    Good luck Ginger. Let us know how it all turned out.

  • http://momswholunch.blogspot.com ames

    What happens when they need more? the borrowers I know seem to continue the patterns that lead them to need to borrow. It sounds like she is older so what happens to end the cycle. I don't expect an answer but sometimes disaster is what makes people realize they need change.

  • http://intensedebate.com/people/Gingerlatte Gingerlatte

    I should mention, there is no chance of me getting the money back. Without going into too much details as to why, based on the circumstances, Im not getting it back and can't expect the person to give it back. They don't have the means to do so at this time and won't in the near future.

    The person Im helping out will most certainly have a stroke if I don't because the situation is just that stressful and I can't risk it.

    I've already sent the money but curious as to what you all would have done? It's a screwy situation, I even sat at the kitchen table thinking to myself, how am I going to explain this one? I sat their weighing my options KNOWING that Im not getting this money back. I'm not mad or anything as I'd do anything for this family member, but sad that it had to come to this.

    Im being vague I know LOL It's that wanting to keep certain things private again, but genuinely curious as to how you all would handle it.

  • http://momswholunch.blogspot.com AMES

    I'd ask them what they would do if I didn't have it to lend/give. I don't think you have money to lend if you have to defer something else or break promises you already made.

    Now if this was life or death medical care, I'd give it. Why can't the person in need ask 25 other relatives for $100, if its that bad then others should be chipping in? I'd start the donations out with $250.

    My mom's aunt called my mother asking for $30k to stop the state from foreclosing for a property tax lien. They were taking it the next day. She tried to guilt my mother. My mother researched and discovered that the state would defer the foreclosure and own the house when she died. My great-aunt didn't want that because she wanted to leave the house to her son. My mom knew her aunt could not pay it back. Another cousin lent it to her and put his own lien on the house.

    There are only a few folks on my maternal side with money and they would be broke if the loaned money as its asked. It hurts to say no, but you can't allow guilt to drive the decision. I actually have a great aunt who had money but is now on a fixed income because a few hundred to a nephew here, a thousand to a niece there added up. My mother had to take over her that aunts accounts because people borrowed so much

  • lizard

    If those really are the only two options, you need to do what you can have peace about, not what makes financial sense. And if you give the money, give it freely without counting on getting back–do not _loan_ money to friends and family. But I'd like to think there's another option in there: delay the trip while you save up again, take out a small loan, dip into your emergency fund, something.

  • http://www.budgetsaresexy.com Budgets are Sexy

    Ouchie mama that's a tough one. I kinda agree w/ Kevin on this one. Is it a guarantee that you would get this $ back? If so, i'd venture to saying yes to the helping out and sucking it up for a bit…but if that's doubtful, i probably wouldn't do it myself – esp. since you have a family to care for, ya know? i can't imagine that this person not getting the money would actually *die*, but you really wouldn't want that on your shoulders either….so yeah, back to this being a tough one, eh ;)

  • http://www.nannies.bz/nanny-background-checks/ Kevin

    interesting, i guess it really depends on the situation. if it is a family member you can trust and has fallen on hard luck, then i guess it would be ok, but if it was all their fault and they need a lesson i might not be so easy to sway.