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Check His Credit: The Fallout And My Response

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Earlier this week the post, Reason #423 Why You Should Check His Credit went live on this site.  What followed was angry commentary from men who were no less than PISSED that I advocate that a women be financially knowledgeable about a man’s finances before saying I DO.

First, let me clear a few things up about this blog:

 

  • This blog is obviously written by a woman, and that would be me, Ginger.  It is written by a woman for women on the topics of personal finance and everything that goes along with it.  Why?  I find that women are often left out of the equation when discussing this topic as issues that pertain to them are seldomly addressed.  Therefore articles are written from my perspective.
  • My intent here is not to compete with Money Magazine, Kiplingers, et. al.  or any other personal finance blogs for that matter.  I leave the laser analysis of current financial news up to them.  I provide commentary, advice and discussions on articles within the realm of personal finance that affect women.  This blog is written in my voice and has Ginger stamped all over it.  
  • Yes, one of my mantras is that women should ask to check their mate’s credit report before walking down the aisle.  Why?  This prevents issues down the line and everything is laid on the table so that each partner can make an informed decision.  Marriage is much more than butterflies and a wedding.
Ive received emails from men resenting the latter of the above-mentioned points because they think:
  1. Women have no right to ask about their financials
  2. Women doing this are often going behind their mate’s back (I have NEVAH advocated secrecy in checking his credit)
  3. They are bothered by women wanting to know about their finances and knowing more than they should
  4. One email said that his GF would never know anything about his finances, even after they are married.
  5. Another guy said he was just altogether bothered by the idea of women being “empowered financially” because he is still paying alimony.
What is it about women learning about money in ways that it will empower them that makes men so uncomfortable?  Why all the backlash? 

Anyone who has read this blog knows that I don’t advocate secrecy and therefore the credit check should happen with the knowledge of each partner and if one refuses then that would be a red flag for me.  I am not that desperate to unknowingly marry my good credit with a potential bankruptcy, not gonna happen.  I am serious about my money, and you should be too!

Why do I discuss this?  Because women tend to discount themselves and their value in relationships.  They often think that since the man (sometimes) makes more that they should have the right to ask such questions OR they just want the ring, let’s be honest.  Some of us are also socialized to believe that men go out make the money and invest it while we are to sit at home and spend it.  But in 2009 that’s all changing.

If you’re a guy and you read this blog, great, but don’t expect me to offer you cookies and warm milk while I massage your ego.  I am by no means anti-man or whatever you call it, but I am PRO-WOMAN in that I believe women should be armed with financial information that will help them break glass/financial ceilings one stiletto at a time.  If you have a problem with that, then you are more than welcome to unsubscribe, but this blog and it’s readers will go on.

*kirtsy*
  • http://guiafallout.blogspot.com/ Fallout 3

    Interesting, thanks

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  • http://www.0apr-creditcard.com/0-interest-credit-cards 0 interest credit

    hahaha, hope a man doesn't be a victim in this case…

  • http://affordableinsurancerate.com lina

    I totally agree with you on this post! I can't believe some guys especially #4 good luck to ever decides to marry a man like that. Yes I agree its good to sit down and look at each others finances the good and bad. financial issues are one of the top ten leading in divorces cases.

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  • http://intensedebate.com/people/Gingerlatte Gingerlatte

    Thanks Jill! I appreciate the feedback!

  • Jill

    I agree and love your blog. I just found it recently but I think you've been extremely open, helpful, and positive about your goal to help and empower women financially. Such an important goal these days and I love your point of view too.

    And from personal experience, don't wait til marriage check the credit before you move in! No one wants to be stuck with "repossessed" furniture from rent-a-center

  • http://websites-for-sale.e-unlimited.net/established-websites-for-sale/ Established websites

    I totally agree, you should be transparent with your financial affairs, surely you have a right to some privacy and thing you don't want to share with your spouse, but finances are not one of them. Established websites for sale

  • http://www.budgetsaresexy.com J. Money

    I like it when you get all fired up – your passion comes out even more :) Although, I will say I was hoping for that warm milk and cookies…maybe next time.

    • http://intensedebate.com/people/Gingerlatte Gingerlatte

      Hehehe, I'll bring you some milk and cookies at the next happy hour LOL

  • http://251319.blogspot.com/ Rhona

    Excellent! I don't understand mens or societies fears of women empowering themselves myself. Very strange but as you said, this is 2009 and things are changing…for both sexes. Horray!

  • tc>

    I'm a guy, in a long-term (20+ years) marriage. I think exchanging credit reports and other financial data with somebody you're about to intertwine with (in several senses) makes a lot of sense. It goes both ways, though. Women are not immune from making bad financial decisions. (I think I may have seen suggestions to that effect on this very blog.)

    Women are also not immune from being wealthy, from inheriting wealth, or owning significant assets. Disclosing all of this information, regardless of gender, seems like an awfully good idea. I wouldn't make it a topic for a third date, but I also wouldn't put it off much past "popping the question." It may be that if you found a problem you'd agree to call it off, or you might have a workout plan, or you might go ahead anyway. But you'll go into it knowing what to expect.

    tc>

  • Lizard

    She should absolutely find out about his credit. But it goes both ways. He should also find out about hers.

    Maybe guys are more defensive about this because in divorce court, they've historically gotten the short end of the financial stick.

  • http://intensedebate.com/people/ActsofFaithBlog ActsofFaithBlog

    It's a BIG red flag for many hidden issues if a man doesn't want transparency in a relationship. This is DBR (damaged beyond recognition) dysfunctional behavior!

  • http://mrandmrspettingill.blogspot.com Nicol

    If your credit history is a secret… what other things are you keeping secret? A relationship/marriage should be based on honesty, and being able to talk freely and openly about each other's past, present, and future. If your guy is hiding something, be prepared for many more letdowns in your future. This scenario can be fixed, but the "secret keeper" must figure out how to gain trust.

  • http://crystal.earth-byte.com Crystal Groves

    My boyfriend of 4 years and I talk very openly about finances. He doesn’t always talk about his financial history, but we talk about plans and debt very well.

    I’d never marry a guy who wasn’t open about his finances. I expect a plan during -and- after the wedding. Whether he was in debt or not (preferably debt-free, but not necessarily a stickler if it’s the right guy) is all a part of that “plan”.

    For the nay-sayers, they need to face it that women need to be independent on their own, even in a relationship. It’s a partnership afterall, and both are bringing something to the table. I don’t advocate being sneaky about it, but damn be honest.

    Crystal Groves’s last blog post..Twitter Weekly Updates for 2009-08-16