Yes, I know we’ve discussed this topic ad nauseum here and where the post first went live as a guest post at Consumerism Commentary.

In my defense of bringing this up again, I was contacted by ABCNews to discuss my views on marriage and money as it relates to the book: Smart Girls Marry Money: How Women Have Been Duped Into the Romantic Dream–And How They’re Paying For It.

And, while I think certain phrases are used mainly for shock value to pull the reader in, I generally agree with the premise.  Don’t let sensationalized romanticism be your sole guide in choosing your life partner.

If you meet a guy who has a string of debts from New York to Colorado and has no sincere intention (not wherewithal) to repay them, then run like you stole something!  Seriously, how a man treats his finances — if he is not willing to honor his debts and obligations — is an indicator of how he will treat you in the marriage.  I take this as a character flaw and not one I am willing to put up with in the marriage.  Call me what you want, but I am not that girl.

Still, I’m also not saying that you should walk into a marriage thinking that if you bring your looks and he brings his wallet then all is well and done in the land of happily ever after either.  Let’s keep it real here ladies, your looks will fade over time and he will continue to make money.  What will you do when he decides to trade you in for the latest Aston Martin?  Become an asset to your partner and not a liability, coming to the table with only your looks makes for a bad business deal in which you’re just a depreciating asset.

Real Talk.  My goal is to keep it real with you here and not fill your head with gold digging dreams of snagging a guy solely for his money and thinking that you will be nothing more than a trinket in his box of tricks. If you’re going to do this anyway, be smart about it, go to school, get some business acumen and make it a learning experience.

Too many women find themselves penniless and poor after being dumped by a wealthy partner with no real concrete plan around how they would get back on their feet.  Here’s a hint, walk in to your relationship with an education and a plan because prince charming doesn’t exist and a man is not a backup plan.

However, while I do advocate making sure you’re partner is financially viable, please don’t go into the relationship only checking this box, make sure he is loving, respectful, shares your emotional values and someone who you know you can spend your life with through thick and thin.  Love, not money gets you through hard times.

But let’s get back to the book.

Here are a few excerpts which, frankly tickles me to see this in print…. *snicker*…the authors are BOLD!  LOL

Now, while I disagree with pushing women to use their feminine wiles to snag a man solely for money, I do agree with making sure that you wont be broke and in the poor house because you decided to marry a financially irresponsible partner.

Thoughts? 

This article was originally published on Jun 8, 2009 and updated on March 10, 2012.

(image: momlogic)

Is there a perceived loss of equity and partnership because a stay at home wife/mom isn’t “pulling her financial weight”?  Given the feminist fight for equality, should women make the choice to stay at home?  Will our daughters revolt when all is said and done?

Let’s rehash this debate shall we?

Historically on this blog, and I’m sure many other sites-the stay at home mom vs stay at home wife vs working mom/wife debate has been heated and at times unbearable to watch or read.  It’s one of those debates that stirs the ire of many women who feel strongly about their decision -to stay at home or work outside of the home.

When I started writing this blog, I was a graduate student with no real personal income.  Sure, I had PT jobs here and there but nothing really consistent that brought in any significant moolah.  This made me dependent on my husband’s income during until I began working full time.  At the time, I was OKAY and quite content with being a stay at home wife, but if we’re being honest, I was also quite nervous about “not pulling my weight”.  Not because my husband said so but I had a working mom growing up so this was new to me.  I had no real responsibilities and able to come and go as I pleased.  I made friends with a few wives in our community and we’d either go shopping or hang out during the days when I wasn’t burning the midnight oil on campus.

Since then, my position has changed.

Why?  I’m not sure.  Well, let me take that back, I do.  I love working for my own money.  I enjoy making my own money. I am secure knowing that if something were to happen to the other income in our household that I’d be able to hold down the fort.

This isn’t a swipe at stay at home wives or moms because I think we’re all free to make our own decisions around what makes us happy.

Still my position remains the same for women in any situation where they aren’t bringing in money on their own.  Where is your safety net should the other income disappear?

To answer a few questions that have come up and still do even now:

Why then did I think a one person income was more secure than a two person income?

I felt this way because we lived within our means and had a 14 month emergency fund.  If his income was no longer there then we would have the emergency fund to fall back on with no problem.  Usually two income households are stretched to the limit and living outside of their means and this wasn’t the case with us.  If one person loses a job then there’s hardly any savings and the other person must shoulder the burden.  Now, this isn’t the case for all 2 income households but have you seen the average US individual savings rate lately?

Why tout breaking financial ceilings but at the same time support women who stay at home with no job?

Because I can.  Because those women can and choose to do so despite what anyone thinks.  Feminism is about choice and I what works for someone else won’t work for me and I’m OK with that.  At the end of the day women have the right to choose what situation works for them.

Is it something I would choose to do today?  No, I don’t believe so.   Since that time, I finished graduate school and I’ve spent some time in my career.  The decision I’ve come to is that my ideal would be working 15-20 hours per week if I had a child.  Right now I work long hours on site and from home.  When I have kids I’ll need more balance and at this time (child-free) I don’t know that I would want to stay at home all day with my kids.

I’m sure it’s the all encompassing dream that some moms make it out to be but I know better given my day job working in mental health.  Being a mom is a full time job with no breaks and I respect that.  Luckily, I know myself well enough to know that I’d need more of a balance with my career and raising children.

My boss is a great example of this as she owns a business and while she does most of the work from home (I run the daily operations) she gets to be at home with her children (she works from home on other projects) while we make her money.    I’m not mad at that at all!  In fact, this is my new blueprint for balance when I have children myself.

You see, while I want kids, I also know that I enjoy the financial freedom of making my own moolah.  She is living my ideal of having it all- she is a doctor, married, children, successful business and she looks pretty good doing it!    Aside:  I really admire working moms who don’t let themselves go, I want to be like them when I grow up!

I’d love to hear your position on the stay at home vs working wife/mom debate?  Has it changed at all over the years?  If so, why?  Tell us below!

Given that many around us are experiencing financial hardships, it’s not uncommon that a romantic partner would ask to borrow money.  Today’s issue centers on whether or not you should lend or borrow money from a significant other.

This can be tempting but before reach for your wallet, take these tips into consideration:

Decide:  Should You Lend? 

Is this a necessity or a luxury?  Listen to the reasons as to why your partner wants the money and determine should you be the one to lend it.  A good rule of thumb is if the bank won’t lend them money then I surely don’t have it to give.  After all, you don’t want to be known as the Bank of Jane for future loan requests.  No ma’am!

Can you trust them to repay the loan?

Is this person generally a financially responsible person?  If so, then that is a plus in their favor but you should also look at why they need the money from you if they are usually a financially responsible person.

If You Decide To Lend

Be clear that this is a loan and not a gift.  Sometimes during the course of discussing this issue,

Lend an amount that you can afford to lose.  Life happens, relationships fall apart and it’s better for you to lend with a cheerful heart than with a resentful one.  This way if the money isn’t paid back then you won’t be out an amount you couldn’t afford to lose

Get it in writing.

If you watch any judge shows then you know where this is headed.  Get it in writing!  The money should not leave your account or hands until the person has signed a promissory note stating when and how much then will pay back the loan.  If you are uncomfortable doing this then you reconsider lending the money.

The note to repay should include:

• Date of the loan
• Date the loan should be paid off
• # of payments
• Payment amount
• Late fees-if any
• Signature for both parties: lender and borrower
• Statement of borrower declaring that they are borrowing said amount and will repay according to the terms outlined in note

Here’s an example of a promissory note:

If You Decide Not To Lend

Have a conversation.  Be direct and to the point without giving too many details.  Money is a touchy subject and deciding not to lend money to a partner can possibly leave hurt feelings.  A simple, “sorry I don’t have it” should suffice.

According to TMZ.com, Kim Kardashian will file for divorce today citing irreconcilable differences.

Ladies, are we surprised?  I hope not since it’s well known that Kris was actually scouted by E reps to be Kim’s love interest in which they would eventually “marry”.  The happily ever after part, I’m not too sure about!

But that brings us to the touchy subject of  prenuptial agreements.  Kim and Kris reportedly hammered one out prior to walking down the aisle.

Should fairly well to do woman get a prenup when getting married?  Or what if you’re just a regular Jane who has assets that she’d like to protect in the event of a divorce?  Do prenups set the stage for a divorce down the line?

I tend to think this is a smart move, especially if you aren’t sure if the marriage will last.  These days I think women who do have sizable assets should get a prenup.   Let’s face it,  we’re dealing with human beings and matters of the heart.  Anything can happen!  Sometime it’s not as simple as a marital spat, but there are marriages where larger issues present an impasse and it makes sense for both parties to go their separate ways rather than continue to live in misery.

Men get prenups all the time!  How many times have you heard of a rich guy marrying a less than financially fortunate woman who then asks her to sign a prenup?  They don’t seem to get as much flack about it since they are seen as protecting their assets.  Women who demand prenups are seen as not having the confidence that the marriage will last and all that other sappy stuff.

We get health and car insurance for a reason.  If you’re a woman of substantial means, protect yourself!

As for Kim, I wish her the best.  No doubt, she will be the subject of many harsh conversations that will undoubtedly question her respect for the sanctity of marriage, but with the payout she got for marrying Kris, I’m sure she’s sitting pretty.

One of the things that always strikes me over the course of my discussions with women is how comfortable some women are with leaving the work force voluntarily which some of us know as off-ramping.

 …“Off-ramping” is when someone decides to take a ”time-out” from work, often for the purpose of childcare. -GoGirlFinance

Today’s off-ramping may be unintentional and I am not addressing women who are simply out of work due to the recession.  I am addressing women who choose to leave the work place for the above-mentioned reasons:  to have and care for children.

Research shows that women face a myriad of difficulties when deciding to return to the workforce after an extended absence.  The new term for this is ComeBack Moms who are stay at home moms transitioning back into the workplace.

(Click here for the full press release):

• 73% of women trying to return to the workforce after a voluntary timeout for childcare or other reasons have trouble finding a job.
• Those who do return lose 16% of their earning power and over a quarter report a decrease in their management responsibilities and 22% had to step down to a lower job title.
• A full 69% of women say they wouldn’t have off-ramped if their companies had offered flexible work options such as reduced-hour schedules, job sharing, part-time career tracks or short unpaid sabbaticals.
• Although 89% of off-ramped women want to resume their careers, only 40% successfully return to full-time work.

Got your attention?  Ok.  Get a job.  Start a business.  Life happens.  Husbands leave.  The Mancession is alive and well and it is unfair both to you and your partner to think that it is OK to be at home in the spirit of taking care of the children.  I agree that being home with the kids is great and does wonders for their attachment and your ability and need to see them learn and grow into their lives.  But can your wallet survive it should your husband or partner leave the picture?  This is the reality that many women are facing right now.

If you do decide to stay at home then by all means prepare for it and be smart about your strategy to return to the workforce should the need arise:

• Create a fund that you can survive on in worst case scenarios ie husband loses the job or is no longer in the picture and you need to go back to work.
• Secure part time work to keep your resume fresh and relevant
• Stay up to date with any certifications or licensures
• Go back to school
• Start that business you’ve always wanted to!

We’ve all see the same Judge Joe Brown or Judge Judy case where the ex takes the other to court about financial disputes including but not limited to bank fees, credit card bills, rent, personal loans and the like. So what’s a newly shacked couple to do?

Do they discuss the possible breakup now or do they jump in head first?

According to MSN Money:

The No. 1 hazard of living together is that it offers almost none of the financial or legal protection that marriage does… As unromantic as it sounds, most experts on the unmarried state advise those of us contemplating it to make some kind of contract, even an informal cohabitation agreement, that will protect each person’s assets and document key expectations.

Discuss your expectations now!

Sounds harsh but with so many couples finding themselves in small claims court, it is often best to get whatever financial agreements you have in writing. The reality is that the love you feel now, will not be there should the relationship fall apart.

Protect yourself.

Sit down and have a frank discussion about your finances with your significant other Decide who will pay the bills and split them in half to be equitable in the distribution. Or decide that each will pay based on their income. This opens the dialogue for expectations about who will pay what at the end of the month.

Here are a few tips on how to get started:

• The Talk
  • Start by talking to your significant other about their attitudes towards money. This can include their saving and spending habits? Are they paying their monthly obligations on time? Are they behind on anything? You really don’t want to cosign on a loan with your significant other if they are in collections for $54 or $5400.

• Fair Share
  • Decide how you want to split the bills. Will you split it down the middle (half) or will you one person pay a portion based on how much they make? Make sure that whatever you decide is fair for both sides as this can cause a rift if one is carrying most of the burden. Divide your expenses in proportion to your income.

• Emergencies
  • How will you handle emergencies? Will you have a separate emergency fund? Credit cards? Tap the 401k? These are all things that should be discussed prior to an emergency.

• Separate Accounts
  • Keep separate accounts. This keeps the paper trail clean around who pays what over the course of the month. Write this down so that there is no confusion about who’s responsibility it is to pay the gas bill.
• Write it down
  • It never fails when a woman takes a man to small claims court that she rarely has everything written down detailing the agreement for which she is now seeking payment.  Write it down!  Don’t kid yourself into believing that everything will be great should you decide to split.  Write it down and protect yourself in the event the relationship does not work out.

Personal finance is just that personal, and brings along with it deep rooted values about money. It is best to get that out in the open and discuss attitudes towards money early on. Spend time discussing the above mentioned with your significant other to avoid issues that may come up later. And ladies, if this is something you are unable to talk with your SO about then perhaps you should rethink the move.

Unless you’re living under a rock then you may have noticed the recent drama with Steve Drama and his ex-wife, Mary Harvey.  Without going into too much detail about their history, basically they got divorced some years ago using the same lawyer, details are pretty messy but she ended up with $1000 a month in alimony and losing full custody of their son to Steve.  There are also allegations of physical and verbal abuse as well.  Get all the sordid details here.

But as I read through much of the drama and became embroiled in several debates about the issue, it occured to me how important it is for us to continually pay attention to our needs while in a relationship or marriage.

Protect Yourself Financially

There is no reason EVER in 2010 that a man should be able to leave you and you not be able to bounce back on your two feet. We have access to education and women are increasingly climbing the ranks in the workplace.  Stop that.  Stop giving up your independence and livelihood to be able to sit at home with the kids.  Yes I said it.  Go back to school.  Get a part time job in your field to keep your resume fresh.  Life happens, be prepared for it.

I am not saying live as if you will divorce but honey, if your man became ill tomorrow or heaven forbid something happens where there is no income anymore in his end, what will you do?  Get a plan because a man is not a financial plan.  Women like Mary irk me for several reasons.  But as it relates to this post, I just don’t ever think it is wise to give up your livelihood for him without some sort of agreement stipulating how you will be compensated should you part ways.

And yes, you’re rolling your eyes now because marriage is 100% about love and thoughts like this dare not ever enter into your mind.  But when you’re sitting in front of a judge begging for spousal support then you are painfully reminded that this is indeed business.

So many don’t like to visit the business aspect of a marriage/relationship but talk to me after you give it all up and have nothing to show for if you get divorced or when the kids leave home and you’re left feeling like a discarded race horse.

Learn When to Move On

I realize that I don’t have all the pieces to the story but someone has to move on right?  Let that person be you.  Surrender to the BS, waive your flag and move on.  Don’t walk in dog mess over and over and over again and then go blasting about it on Youtube.  Find the lesson in the midst of the storm and move forward. Especially when there are minor children involved.

Pay Attention to Who You’re Sleeping With

Literally and Figueratively.  So many get caught up in the good tingly feelings of love that they fail to pay attention to the red flags.  God throws pebbles before he brings out the bricks for the rock heads.  By then it’s always too late.  If a man is cheating on and/or beating you throughout the relationship then that’s his character flaw and not yours.

Then again, yours may be that you don’t know how to recognize what true love is and leave at the first sign of trouble.  We all have at one point or another made the decisions to stay with these fools.  Know when to move on and learn the lesson from this relationship.  Once you do that and accept that you deserve better then real love will come to you.  But it can’t if you’re still caught up sleeping with the enemy.

Love Yourself First!

Lastly, ladies love yourselves first.  Falling in love with YOU opens your eyes to the things that will never serve you in a manner that you need to learn and grow.   Being in love is great, but loving yourself first and making him respect your standards is an even better feeling.

What are your thoughts on the Steve Harvey drama with hsi ex-wife?

For the last two weeks I’ve been dealing with a situation which required me to intervene with a couple with regard to their finances.  To say that this has been the most frustrating two weeks of my life is an understatement.  Sleepless nights.  Crazy emails back and forth.  One hand not knowing what the other is doing.  Just pure madness if you ask me.  I tend to take on my friends’ emotions so it was hard for me to listen to both sides while helping them manage the emotional and financial impact of their issues.

While I understand how difficult it can be to hammer out differences when your financial values aren’t aligned, only now did I begin to understand how it goes down in other relationships.

The couple never communicated in their almost 10 years of marriage about how they wanted to handle their money-together or apart.   Here’s a snapshot of their issues:

• The wife feels they should have everything together but the husband has always maintained separate accounts.
• The husband has no sincere interest in managing the money, just wants it deposited the rest should take care of itself. o_O
• The wife lacks some integrity in her financial dealings while the husband is opposite in this regard, still he just doesnt want to deal with it all.
• They don’t talk about how bills should be paid.  They just haphazardly get paid with little thought about how things should be done.

Do you see a common theme?

Lack of communication.

And, being in the middle of it all I wanted to rip my hair out.

As we move towards the end of this debacle, only now are they starting to learn how to communicate about money in their relationship.

As a result they’ve realized the following:

1.  Communicate early and be honest about your feelings towards money management in a marriage.  I don’t really believe in separate accounts but it works for some people.

2.  Do some introspection about how your values clash with those of your spouse/partner’s values and discuss in detail.  It may not take one conversation so be prepared for several.

3.  Understand your weaknesses.  If you realize that your spouse is weak in one area then work to balance and support them if possible.  For example, if your partner has no interest in daily money management then you must learn how.  Bills have to get paid.

One other interesting point is that while the wife usually manages the money and she prefers it this way, she was really pissed that her husband had no interest in the finances.  And, on some level I can relate to her frustration.  My husband is the same way.  He only cares about making the money, managing the minutia of our personal finances isn’t one of his strong points, though he manages millions in his day job.

And it took me a good long while to accept this fact.  I like the control I have, he gives me carte blanche, but when I don’t feel like doing it he doesn’t automatically pick it up.  I have to task him in this area to get it done.

When the wife was enraged that her hubby dropped the ball on a few things, I welcomed her to the club LOL

Still, we were able to talk about how to engage him in a way that made him comfortable.  I suggested that perhaps tasking him with minor things might work.  For instance, if I am overwhelmed, there are times when I will create a list of things for my hubby to do as it relates to our money.  And he gets it done.  But if it’s something long term and consistent then he might forget.  And since I am the money nazi in our relationship (checking balances daily, categorizing transactions in Yodlee weekly, reviewing the budget monthly), I’ve learned to focus on how my strengths compliment his weaknesses.

I hope this was informative for you as it was for me.  Having this much up close and personal involvement in someone else’s finances truly helped me realize that personal finances, is really just that –> personal.

Here’s part 2 of Susan’s journey to regain her sanity and credit after she finds out that her fiance racked up thousands in credit card debt -  in her name. I have some questions for Susan in quotes but maybe readers can share some insights as well

I couldn’t believe it; I had become a deplorable statistic. I was now “one of those” inferior, inadequate people who made the pathetic resolution to gulp… declare bankruptcy.

Why weren’t you able to tell the credit card companies that you were a victim of identity theft since he used the cards and obtained the credit without your permission or knowledge?

The day of my hearing, diamond studs adorned my ears and a Raymond Weil watch garnished my bony wrist. (By this time, I was short one very expensive rock.) My petite one-hundred- and-two pound, five-foot frame donned a jet-black, freshly-pressed Ann Taylor pant suit; three-inch Calvin Klein patent leather heels; and Burberry Nova Check satchel, the designer labels and gleaming jewels a feeble attempt to disguise my humiliation and crumbling sanity.

Contrary to my fashionable look-at-me ensemble, I wanted nothing more than to be invisible. Since their arrival, I had prayed that those statements would somehow dissipate and now wished the same fate on myself.

My body language spoke for itself; arms crossed, eyes downcast, lips pursed, posture slumped. My attorney strained to hear me as I spoke in clipped, hushed tones.

While waiting my turn, I eavesdropped on others’ unfortunate situations. An AIDS patient was too ill to work and had dwindled through her life savings. A divorced father grappled with hefty child support and alimony payments and feared losing visitation rights. Another solemn-looking individual lost all of his possessions in a fire, literally escaping with just the shirt on his back.

Despite my decimated status, I established an odd comfort listening to these bleak circumstances. These people weren’t low-lifes who mooched the system because they were too lazy to earn a living. They weren’t delinquents or freeloaders or bums who slept until 4:00pm, too intoxicated to keep a job.

None of us asked to be there, or “deserved” the hand we had been dealt, but we had been given a clean slate. (Literally. My account had been expunged with the exception of a thousand dollars that I was permitted to amass.) I had my health, and the love and support of family and friends who were simply grateful that I never walked down the aisle.

I surprised myself with a hefty dose of motivation and enthusiasm in the plan to resurrect my psyche. I landed a job that paid me more than any other position ever had, and although I could have treated myself to an occasional splurge, I opted to deposit almost every dollar that wasn’t geared towards the basics – rent, utilities, pet care, groceries and transportation –into an automatic online transfer. A few thousand dollars transitioned from direct deposit into savings every month.

Hoarding money became a hobby, a goal, an obsession – an addiction of my own. Despite living in the country’s most expensive city, I saved and sacrificed out of necessity and penance. I couldn’t afford – and felt I didn’t deserve – luxuries and extravagance. I slithered past Barnes & Noble and instead applied for a library card. I manicured my own nails. Outdoor runs replaced a gym membership. Coupons were cut. Cereal was consumed at 8:00am and again at 8:00pm. My cable package was downgraded, only keeping
HBO to sustain my fill of “Entourage”. With the ‘B’ word stamped on my credit report, I paid cash for everything and even followed the rule of writing down every penny I spent.

I still have the ‘B’ word stamped on my credit report (and will for the next few years) and learned lessons about trust the hard way, but am proud to say that although I am by no means
wealthy, I am smarter about money (and relationships!) now than I have ever been. In an odd twist, I eventually had to learn to let go of money – to spend it, enjoy it and stop punishing myself. But despite this back-and-forth tug-of-war with my personal finances, I know one thing for sure – my thrifty lifestyle repaired my bank account, my heart and perhaps most important, my self-esteem.

Today’s guest post comes from Susan Gernhart who writes about her journey to regain her credit and peace of mind after surrendering to the fact that her fiance’s struggle with drugs would never take a back seat to their relationship.  But that’s not all, read her story to find out.  This is part 1.

What do I have in common with Sandra Bullock, Elin Nordegren and Anne Hathaway? All four of us were duped by our significant others, completely unaware of their “secret lives”. When I learned of Michael’s emotional and financial deception, I felt like biggest chump in the world. I was angry at him and furious at myself for being so naïve and gullible.

Talk about a bad day. Five years ago, I ended my relationship with my fiancé, kicking him out of my New York City Upper West Side one-bedroom apartment, after realizing (finally!) that his relationship with cocaine would always take precedence over the one he had with me. We were two dueling mistresses caught in an emotional, hard-fought battle for his affection and devotion. Eventually, the powerful, tantalizing white powder proved victorious.

I trudged down to the lobby eyeing the rows of communal mailboxes, eyes puffy, nose red, tresses tangled. I looked – and felt – as though I had been through a war. I could finally bid adieu to the ominous cloud that had hovered over me the past year. My bruised ego would eventually mend after several rounds of happy hours with my girls, shopping sprees, Hershey kisses and grueling runs in Central Park.

After hearing the key’s faint click, I jammed my tanned, polished hand inside the tiny metal cube. I sifted through the stack while waiting for the elevator to take me to my 12th floor sanctuary, 800 square feet of precious Manhattan real estate boasting a tranquilizing view of the Hudson River. Among my weekly mainstays – a J. Crew catalog, Val-Pak coupons and People magazine – sat a thick stack of foreign envelopes. Thanks to their generous point system, American Express was my sole credit card of choice. There was no reason for MasterCard, Visa and Discover to send me “Statement Enclosed”-branded mail.

I hastened my pace and burst through my apartment door, a premonition of unwanted, unwelcome news lurking inside those white rectangular time bombs. Hands trembling, I haphazardly sliced each one open with a ballpoint pen, their jagged edges a visual reminder of my frayed heart.

“The statements – pages upon pages of alien purchases – reflected countless cash withdrawals, gambling website fees, airline tickets, and much more. I pieced it all together within seconds; not only had Michael opened up multiple cards in my name, but had charged his work travel expenses to me while pocketing the reimbursement checks.

And there it was – a $25,000 transaction to Diva Diamonds. It was official. I had bought my own engagement ring.”

I looked down at the four-carat Asscher-cut sparkler, wishing it – and the mound of calculations– would vanish. I fought the urge to hurl my new dishes at the wall, but resisted since damaging the apartment would only result in charges which I now couldn’t afford. Instead, I pummeled my fist on the (Susan-purchased) cherry wood table, forcing my 10-pound Maltese to seek refuge under the bed. My aching hand temporarily distracted me from the misery and torment I felt everywhere else.

Check back tomorrow for part 2! Feel free to ask Susan any questions in the comments!