Girls Just Wanna Have Funds » Motherhood http://www.girlsjustwannahavefunds.com Breaking Financial Ceilings One Stiletto At A Time! Mon, 17 Nov 2008 04:21:26 +0000 http://wordpress.org/?v=2.6 en Open Discussion: Professional Women Losing Their Identities After Baby http://www.girlsjustwannahavefunds.com/2008/09/open-discussion-professional-women-losing-their-identities-after-baby/ http://www.girlsjustwannahavefunds.com/2008/09/open-discussion-professional-women-losing-their-identities-after-baby/#comments Mon, 29 Sep 2008 04:08:36 +0000 Ginger http://www.girlsjustwannahavefunds.com/?p=712

workingmom

First comes love, then comes marriage, then comes baby in the baby carriage!  Right?  Well, not so fast.

The issue for some women after the arrival of baby seems to be:

Who am I?

What am I worth?

Am I still considered a professional and competent woman?

Are my abilities, education and experience still respected after having a baby?

Who am I outside of my work?

Last evening, while talking to a the blog owner of Six Figure Moms Club, Angie Swartz and she said that one of the recent phenomenons that she’s come across is that professional women lose confidence in their abilities once they have children.

I thought I’d pose the question to the readers to see if you could provide any insight. I hadn’t thought about that but it is a concern of mine as I make the shift from grad student to career woman and pretty soon motherhood.  I wonder if has to do with identity shifts from being a professional woman to becoming a mom and what that means in our society?

To further illustrate, while at Blogworld, one of the panelists from How to Market To Mommy Bloggers got a little irritated when they referenced her as a “mommy blogger”. I was bit confused but she explained it as the tech bloggers look down on her when she explained what she does with her blog, the reply she received was “oh, so you’re a mommy blogger…*blank stare*”…” I get that they probably said it in a condescending tone as if what she blogs about is any less important but what I don’t understand is why can’t they shake that? They are a HUGE brand in the blogosphere with companies like Graco and Huggies courting them pretty often.

Brand Sponsorship as a blogger = $$$mooolah! = Power  :-)

Now, I know you’re probably asking what does this have to do with personal finance?  Well, think about it, if a woman’s self perception is that her worth is less now that she has a baby, is she more likely to demand what she is worth as a freelancer/consultant?  Angie said in her experience, some do not.  Especially if she is now separated from her former place of employment and consulting because of the need for flexibility this type of work provides.

Lower perception of self worth as a mom = Not demanding what you’re worth in the business arena/workplace.

Why do you think there is such a negative identity shift from professional woman to mother/mom?

Have you seen this happen?

Why do you think this happens?

Have you experienced this in your own life?

Please, feel free to be open and candid in your responses.

#bwe08

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]]> http://www.girlsjustwannahavefunds.com/2008/09/open-discussion-professional-women-losing-their-identities-after-baby/feed/ Are We Giving Up Too Much: After A Baby Full Time Or Part? http://www.girlsjustwannahavefunds.com/2008/04/are-we-giving-up-too-much-after-a-baby-full-time-or-part/ http://www.girlsjustwannahavefunds.com/2008/04/are-we-giving-up-too-much-after-a-baby-full-time-or-part/#comments Mon, 07 Apr 2008 10:00:01 +0000 Ginger http://www.girlsjustwannahavefunds.com/2008/04/are-we-giving-up-too-much-after-a-baby-full-time-or-part/ This is an old post but I thought I’d bring it back with some new information gleaned from the Washington Post’s article, After A Baby, Full Time Or Part? This is something I struggle with being a newly wed with the expectation of children on the horizon. We are both just getting started in our careers so I struggle with having children and balancing my many interests while remaining 100% committed to their lives. Yes, I admit, I want to ‘have it all”.

My interest piqued in a new book written by author Leslie Bennetts: The Feminine Mistake: Are We Giving Up Too Much? She speaks to many of the concerns I have as a young married woman approaching motherhood. This is such a sensitive debate, so I wonder why the author seems to be so divisive when addressing the issue. Speaking as someone who is childless I can’t imagine the sacrifices it takes to leave your career and choose to stay at home with baby through school years or even permanently. And, as such, I believe after reading many reviews and other mom blogs about the issue, this is what’s turned many women off from even picking up the book.

Still, I think she poses really important topics that any and every woman should think about when considering staying at home to be with their children.

  • Have you calculated how much you’re retirement account will suffer?
  • Do you have a plan for re-entering the workforce years later?
  • How will you keep up skills & contacts?
  • Have you calculated not only the lost income, but the lower pay you’ll most likely earn when you go back, vs. what you would have earned had you stayed in the work force w/out interruption?
  • Do you have a written understanding with your husband about support in the event of the divorce?
  • Does he acknowledge the financial risk you are taking?

This is where my quest for balance comes into play. Is it possible for us to balance motherhood and career at the same time and give each equal attention while maintaining our sanity? We have to consider our careers, being a committed mom, potential financial setbacks by not working and even possibly divorce if things don’t work out.

There are women who choose to work from home via flexible schedules and there are some who start home businesses or even go back to school while raising their children so I know that it’s possible. This issue just seems to be laden with so many possibilities its hard to figure out from my stand point how things will all work itself out. My husband is very supportive of my decision to stay at home and actually prefers it, my issue lies in how this will all work itself out.

As I move forward in my life and career these are the questions that come to mind as we make the decision on when to have kids. I want to be there for them and to see each waking moment but at what cost down the line? Life happens right? I think most of the sources of information tend to be one-sided and I think its important to have information about the pros and cons of staying home or working or even both.

This is where the Washington Post’s article, After A Baby, Full Time Or Part? chimes in as they also make some really good points for both mothers to be women post baby deciding on whether or not to re-enter the workforce. The article specifically hones in on how to negotiate for pay, benefits, and work out finances post-baby:

  • Remember what you are worth, think about the things you want and need and ask for them. Start big and negotiate down if the company isn’t willing or able to meet your desires.
  • Emphasize what you’re saving the company by going part time and taking a smaller salary
  • If you can’t get full benefits, aim for proportional benefits. For instance, if you work an 80 percent schedule with 80% of your salary then you could get 80% of your benefits
  • Look for alternatives and be creative. If your company can’t pay for your health insurance, offer to stay on the plan but pay the employer contribution-if that’s cheaper than paying for coverage on your own.
  • Challenge employers who may be reluctant to allow a part time schedule. You may for instance offer to be available via email and or phone in exchange for leaving work at 3pm to greet your children coming home from school.
  • Offer a trial period, people are more comfortable agreeing to something on a three-month time frame rather than a year. If gives you time to pilot and see if it will work. It usually does.

If you’re mom, how soon after the birth of baby did you return to work?

If you did not return to work then how did you come to that decision?

Do you have any regrets?

Resources:

  • www.womenwork.org
  • cvworkingfamilies.org
  • mom-entum.com
  • mommytrackd.com
  • dcworkingmoms.com

Books all Working Moms Should Read

The Price of Motherhood: Why the Most Important Job in the World is Still the Least Valued The Price of Motherhood: Why the Most Important Job in the World is Still the Least Valued by Ann Crittenden
Buy used from: $9.07

Learn about the economics behind motherhood.
The Mommy Myth : The Idealization of Motherhood and How It Has Undermined All Women The Mommy Myth : The Idealization of Motherhood and How It Has Undermined All Women by Susan Douglas
Buy used from: $6.62

This book will help you give up society’s ideal of the ‘perfect mom.’
Perfect Madness: Motherhead in the Age of Anxiety Perfect Madness: Motherhead in the Age of Anxiety by Judith Warner
Buy new: $5.99 / Used from: $4.94

Another book to help you give up the guilt.

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]]> http://www.girlsjustwannahavefunds.com/2008/04/are-we-giving-up-too-much-after-a-baby-full-time-or-part/feed/ When is it all too much? http://www.girlsjustwannahavefunds.com/2007/08/when-is-it-all-too-much/ http://www.girlsjustwannahavefunds.com/2007/08/when-is-it-all-too-much/#comments Wed, 29 Aug 2007 00:51:48 +0000 Ginger http://www.girlsjustwannahavefunds.com/2007/08/29/when-is-it-all-too-much/ Is it really worth it?  I ask myself that as my husband just came out of 2 years of graduate school with his second masters degree.  It wasn’t easy on our relationship but in some ways easier since we are/were both graduate students.  I will finish up my last year this year and still contemplating more schooling.  I keep thinking, will I have time for our children?  What kind of mother will I be?  Driven, with little time for family or family oriented who puts career second?  I am having this conversation daily with a co worker who is about to have her 1st child and like me is finishing up her second masters and is struggling with whether or not she wants to be home, work part time or full time.  I think no matter the decision we are giving up a lot.  Its a sacrifice and one has to decide between being the shrewd career woman and/or the doting mother and wife.  I think either way we can’t have it all.  I recently came to this conclusion after watching yet another show on Oprah about the mommy wars.  You know, both sides square off and tell each other why they are so horrible for making the decisions they’ve made thus far about career and family.

I’m torn.  I want it all.  I want to be the consummate mother, wife, career woman, entrepreneur, you name it I want it.  There’s a fine line that must be respected or else you run the risk of tipping the scales.  And if you do, is it so bad?  I want to witness every waking moment with our children and I want to know that I worked hard to give them the best.  I also want to protect them from the harsh realities of our world the best that I can.  Still, I know that I have to keep ME in mind.  I still want to put my education and experience to good use, not stay at home, be bored and possibly take myself out of the running within my chosen field.

Decisions, decisions.   Im sure DH isn’t thinking about this at all!  LOL!  How great it must me to be a man!

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]]> http://www.girlsjustwannahavefunds.com/2007/08/when-is-it-all-too-much/feed/ Are We Giving Up Too Much: After A Baby Full Time Or Part? http://www.girlsjustwannahavefunds.com/2007/06/are-we-giving-up-too-much/ http://www.girlsjustwannahavefunds.com/2007/06/are-we-giving-up-too-much/#comments Sat, 16 Jun 2007 12:15:34 +0000 Ginger http://www.girlsjustwannahavefunds.com/2007/06/16/are-we-giving-up-too-much/ This is an old post but I thought I’d bring it back with some new information gleaned from the Washington Post’s article,After A Baby, Full Time Or Part?” “ This is something I struggle with being a newly wed with the expectation of children on the horizon. We are both just getting started in our careers so I struggle with having children and balancing my many interests while remaining 100% committed to their lives.  Yes, I admit, I want to ‘have it all”.

My interest piqued in a new book written by author Leslie Bennetts: “The Feminine Mistake: Are We Giving Up Too Much?” She speaks to many of the concerns I have as a young married woman approaching motherhood. This is such a sensitive debate, so I wonder why the author seems to be so divisive when addressing the issue. Speaking as someone who is childless I can’t imagine the sacrifices it takes to leave your career and choose to stay at home with baby through school years or even permanently. And, as such, I believe after reading many reviews and other mom blogs about the issue, this is what’s turned many women off from even picking up the book.

Still, I think she poses really important topics that any and every woman should think about when considering staying at home to be with their children.

  • Have you calculated how much you’re retirement account will suffer?
  • Do you have a plan for re-entering the workforce years later?
  • How will you keep up skills & contacts?
  • Have you calculated not only the lost income, but the lower pay you’ll most likely earn when you go back, vs. what you would have earned had you stayed in the work force w/out interruption?
  • Do you have a written understanding with your husband about support in the event of the divorce? Does he acknowledge the financial risk you are taking?

This is where my quest for balance chimes in. Is it possible for us to balance motherhood and career at the same time and give each equal attention while maintaining our sanity? There are women who choose to work from home via flexible schedules and there are some who start home businesses or even go back to school while raising their children.

As I move forward in my life and career these are the questions that come to mind as we make the decision on when to have kids. I want to be there for them and to see each waking moment but at what cost down the line? Life happens right? I think most of the sources of information tend to be one-sided and I think its important to have information about the pros and cons of staying home or working or even both.

This is where the Washington Post’s article, After A Baby, Full Time Or Part?” chimes in as they also make some really good points for both mothers to be women post baby deciding on whether or not to re-enter the workforce. The article specifically hones in on how to negotiate for pay, benefits, and work out finances post-baby:

  • Remember what you are worth, think about the things you want and need and ask for them. Start big and negotiate down if the company isn’t willing or able to meet your desires.
  • Emphasize what you’re saving the company by going part time and taking a smaller salary
  • If you can’t get full benefits, aim for proportional benefits. For instance, if you work an 80 percent schedule with 80% of your salary then you could get 80% of your benefits
  • Look for alternatives and be creative. If your company can’t pay for your health insurance, offer to stay on the plan but pay the employer contribution-if that’s cheaper than paying for coverage on your own.
  • Challenge employers who may be reluctant to allow a part time schedule. You may for instance offer to be available via email and or phone in exchange for leaving work at 3pm to greet your children coming home from school.
  • Offer a trial period, people are more comfortable agreeing to something on a three-month time frame rather than a year. If gives you time to pilot and see if it will work. It usually does.

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