According to TMZ.com, Kim Kardashian will file for divorce today citing irreconcilable differences.

Ladies, are we surprised?  I hope not since it’s well known that Kris was actually scouted by E reps to be Kim’s love interest in which they would eventually “marry”.  The happily ever after part, I’m not too sure about!

But that brings us to the touchy subject of  prenuptial agreements.  Kim and Kris reportedly hammered one out prior to walking down the aisle.

Should fairly well to do woman get a prenup when getting married?  Or what if you’re just a regular Jane who has assets that she’d like to protect in the event of a divorce?  Do prenups set the stage for a divorce down the line?

I tend to think this is a smart move, especially if you aren’t sure if the marriage will last.  These days I think women who do have sizable assets should get a prenup.   Let’s face it,  we’re dealing with human beings and matters of the heart.  Anything can happen!  Sometime it’s not as simple as a marital spat, but there are marriages where larger issues present an impasse and it makes sense for both parties to go their separate ways rather than continue to live in misery.

Men get prenups all the time!  How many times have you heard of a rich guy marrying a less than financially fortunate woman who then asks her to sign a prenup?  They don’t seem to get as much flack about it since they are seen as protecting their assets.  Women who demand prenups are seen as not having the confidence that the marriage will last and all that other sappy stuff.

We get health and car insurance for a reason.  If you’re a woman of substantial means, protect yourself!

As for Kim, I wish her the best.  No doubt, she will be the subject of many harsh conversations that will undoubtedly question her respect for the sanctity of marriage, but with the payout she got for marrying Kris, I’m sure she’s sitting pretty.

For the last two weeks I’ve been dealing with a situation which required me to intervene with a couple with regard to their finances.  To say that this has been the most frustrating two weeks of my life is an understatement.  Sleepless nights.  Crazy emails back and forth.  One hand not knowing what the other is doing.  Just pure madness if you ask me.  I tend to take on my friends’ emotions so it was hard for me to listen to both sides while helping them manage the emotional and financial impact of their issues.

While I understand how difficult it can be to hammer out differences when your financial values aren’t aligned, only now did I begin to understand how it goes down in other relationships.

The couple never communicated in their almost 10 years of marriage about how they wanted to handle their money-together or apart.   Here’s a snapshot of their issues:

• The wife feels they should have everything together but the husband has always maintained separate accounts.
• The husband has no sincere interest in managing the money, just wants it deposited the rest should take care of itself. o_O
• The wife lacks some integrity in her financial dealings while the husband is opposite in this regard, still he just doesnt want to deal with it all.
• They don’t talk about how bills should be paid.  They just haphazardly get paid with little thought about how things should be done.

Do you see a common theme?

Lack of communication.

And, being in the middle of it all I wanted to rip my hair out.

As we move towards the end of this debacle, only now are they starting to learn how to communicate about money in their relationship.

As a result they’ve realized the following:

1.  Communicate early and be honest about your feelings towards money management in a marriage.  I don’t really believe in separate accounts but it works for some people.

2.  Do some introspection about how your values clash with those of your spouse/partner’s values and discuss in detail.  It may not take one conversation so be prepared for several.

3.  Understand your weaknesses.  If you realize that your spouse is weak in one area then work to balance and support them if possible.  For example, if your partner has no interest in daily money management then you must learn how.  Bills have to get paid.

One other interesting point is that while the wife usually manages the money and she prefers it this way, she was really pissed that her husband had no interest in the finances.  And, on some level I can relate to her frustration.  My husband is the same way.  He only cares about making the money, managing the minutia of our personal finances isn’t one of his strong points, though he manages millions in his day job.

And it took me a good long while to accept this fact.  I like the control I have, he gives me carte blanche, but when I don’t feel like doing it he doesn’t automatically pick it up.  I have to task him in this area to get it done.

When the wife was enraged that her hubby dropped the ball on a few things, I welcomed her to the club LOL

Still, we were able to talk about how to engage him in a way that made him comfortable.  I suggested that perhaps tasking him with minor things might work.  For instance, if I am overwhelmed, there are times when I will create a list of things for my hubby to do as it relates to our money.  And he gets it done.  But if it’s something long term and consistent then he might forget.  And since I am the money nazi in our relationship (checking balances daily, categorizing transactions in Yodlee weekly, reviewing the budget monthly), I’ve learned to focus on how my strengths compliment his weaknesses.

I hope this was informative for you as it was for me.  Having this much up close and personal involvement in someone else’s finances truly helped me realize that personal finances, is really just that –> personal.

Last night Bravo premiered the newest installation of their Housewives realty series in Beverly Hills.  If you follow the Housewives series then you know there are other locations such as New York, New Jersey, Atlanta, DC and Orange County.  Admittedly, I follow all of them so I was really excited when the Beverly Hills gals stepped on the scene.

My first reaction to seeing them is that they have quite possibly drained the US supply of Botox.  Their faces were either pulled back taut or pumped so full of fillers that it looked unnatural, sorta like budding cat ladies.

But one woman caught my attention not for how she looked necessarily but for business sense in and outside of her marriage.

Gawker had this to say:

Adrienne Maloof-Nassif: Miracle of Plastic Science

She’s married to Dr. 90210 regular Dr. Paul Nassif and Maloof heiress—the family that owns the Palms, the Sacramento Kings, casinos, banks, and entertainment holdings. Expect her to be completely insane in a way that only the filthy rich and breathtakingly plastic can be.

I love that her family is independently wealthy.  Her hubby is a plastic surgeon so I’m sure he is wealthy in his own right but on these series you don’t have too many women who are independently wealthy outside of their husbands.  You don’t hear that being discussed much at all.  I’m impressed!

She also goes on to mention that she keeps everything separate from her husband, that is they don’t mingle money.  I thought that was interesting as well.  But then you listen to her further and you realize that it is a family business and given the temperamental nature of Beverly Hills/Hollywood marriages she wants to spare herself the drama should divorce be put on the table.

I love it!  I think more women should be thinking like her because if you spend more than a generation building your family’s wealth and probably realize that your marriage could take a hit, you definitely don’t want the business to become a casualty.

I know that it’s hard to think of it this way but I generally tend to look at marriage outside of love as a business.

1969 Inc., said it best when asked for her insights to marriage,

It’s like running a corporation. A business venture. You have to go into it knowing that it could fail or it could succeed beyond your wildest dreams and make you rich… If the employees don’t share the vision, believe in the vision and work together, the endeavor will fail. Some businesses will get rich. Some will barely make ends meet. Some will never make a dime. The money does not measure success. The sense of accomplishment will come from the daily struggle… the love of what you do, working together day in and day out.

If you were in Adrienne’s position, would you keep your finances separate and/or have him sign a prenup/postnup? Why or Why Not?

I got this question on another blog:

Your husband is worth $1 billion dollars a year. You find out that he has cheated on you. He offers you 20 million to stay for 2 years. Do you
a. you have morals and you leave him
b. you have morals you beat him with a club and then leave him
c. renegotiate your prenup agreement and take the 20 million

Keep in clean but be honest!

I usually don’t post celebrity stuff here but for some reason this, this right here just tickles me to no end.

Kelis claims estranged hubby Nas has left her high and dry … not offering her a penny in the wake of her impending birth … and she says she’s broke — “I have run out of money.”

Kelis filed legal papers claiming Nas isn’t paying her support, pre-natal expenses — nothing, even though she claims he is filthy rich.

Kelis is asking the judge to order Nas to pay spousal support, child support, all pregnancy-related expenses, and one-half of all medical expenses after the child is born. She also wants $3,500 for the baby nurse after the child’s birth, and $20,000 for strollers, cribs and other baby supplies.

Kelis says, “My survival is based on [Nas'] will at this time. If he does not want to pay for an expense, it does not get paid.” The couple was married in 2003. The baby is due this month.

Kelis says she’s entitled to maintain the lifestyle to which she became accustomed during their marriage — they have five homes, fly first class, go to fancy restaurants, and on and on. Most interesting — “There were many expensive pieces [of jewelry] such as a princess-cut diamond tennis bracelet that was recently appraised for $190,000. My engagement ring is an approximately nine-carat cushion-cut diamond solitaire. I have numerous watches…such as Cartier, Rolex, Frank Muller and Chopard.”

Her lawyer, disso-queen Laura Wasser, says in a separate declaration she’s asked Nas to ante up some $$$ for Kelis and the unborn baby but he hasn’t responded.

My advice to Kelis?

Sell it.  All of it.  You look out of your cotton picking mind asking your soon to be ex husband to pay for these lavish items for a baby nursery when you are flat broke.  How are you broke when you admit to owning 5 homes and a slew of diamond and Cartier jewelry?  Let me guess?  None of that stuff is in your name?

Why didnt you have the presence of mind to stash some of that cash away for a rainy day?  Start a profitable business?  Women like you bother me because you go into marriage not thinking about how to stand on your own two feet should the unthinkable happen, not so much in your case because well celebrities divorce at a higher rate than the rest of us.

I don’t claim to know everything but what is posted on the Internet about your life but for goodness sakes woman, have some dignity, sell your possessions to make a comfortable life for you and your child.  This begging and pleading for $20k nursery items makes you look deranged and out of touch.  What you need is a financial check up and a Certified Financial Planner to help you move forward without having to worry about Nas making sure that you live the lifestyle you’re accustomed to while married.  Newsflash:  think about and begin to make plans around the fact that you might end up with the short end of the stick.  Anything above that is just extra.  Be empowered, pick up your dignity and keep it moving and you might want to think about *gasp* earning a living?

There are NBA groupies out there with better business sense and I can’t knock them.  At least if they snag a baller, some come out with an education and self sustaining business.  A man is not a financial plan, but if you choose to go that route, at least come out on top at the end of the dollar sign lined road.

And yes, I agree that Nas should finance the birth of his unborn child, but I don’t agree with crying broke whilst claiming ownership of expensive jewelry and engagement rings.  Sell.Them.

Source

Yes, I know we’ve discussed this topic ad nauseum here and where the post first went live as a guest post at Consumerism Commentary.

In my defense of bringing this up again, I was contacted by ABCNews to discuss my views on marriage and money as it relates to the book: Smart Girls Marry Money: How Women Have Been Duped Into the Romantic Dream–And How They’re Paying For It.

And, while I think certain phrases are used mainly for shock value to pull the reader in, I generally agree with the premise.  Don’t let sensationalized romanticism be your sole guide in choosing your life partner.

If you meet a guy who has a string of debts from New York to Colorado and has no sincere intention (not wherewithal) to repay them, then run like you stole something!  Seriously, how a man treats his finances — if he is not willing to honor his debts and obligations — is an indicator of how he will treat you in the marriage.  I take this as a character flaw and not one I am willing to put up with in the marriage.  Call me what you want, but I am not that girl.

Still, Im also not saying that you should walk into a marriage thinking that if you bring your looks and he brings his wallet then all is well and done in the land of happily ever after either.  Let’s keep it real here ladies, your looks will fade over time and he will continue to make money.  What will you do when he decides to trade you in for the latest Aston Martin?  Become an asset to your partner and not a liability, coming to the table with only your looks makes for a bad business deal in which you’re just a depreciating asset.

Real Talk.  My goal is to keep it real with you here and not fill your head with gold digging dreams of snagging a guy solely for his money and thinking that you will be nothing more than a trinket in his box of tricks. If you’re going to do this anyway, be smart about it, go to school, get some business acumen and make it a learning experience.

Too many women find themselves penniless and poor after being dumped by a wealthy partner with no real concrete plan around how they would get back on their feet.  Here’s a hint, walk in to your relationship with an education and a plan because prince charming doesn’t exist and a man is not a backup plan.

But while I do advocate making sure you’re partner is financially viable, please don’t go into the relationship only checking this box, make sure he is loving, respectful, shares your values, shares his feelings, is warm and someone who you know you can spend your life with through thick and thin.  Love, not money gets you through hard times.

But let’s get back to the book.

Here are a few excerpts which, frankly tickles me to see this in print…. *snicker*…the authors are BOLD!  LOL

Now, while I disagree with pushing women to use their feminine wiles to snag a man solely for money, I do agree with making sure that you wont be broke and in the poor house because you decided to marry a financially irresponsible partner.

Thoughts?  I know some of you are boiling!  LOL

How many times have we thought about this?  Self imposed (sometimes socially) time lines on motherhood, career, education and marriage?

I’ve always believed that women can have it all.  Still do, just in staggered moderation.  Lately, I have to admit though, going through my own struggles with this as I want it all and pretty determined t get it.

What does having it all mean to you?  Do you have it?  Are you content with where you are now in life?

To answer my own questions, I am for the most part content with my life as I’m in a pretty good place.  I admit to being a career driven woman who has her sights set on high, knowing that I can’t fail.  It’s a pretty strong drive right now and I just need to get certain things out of my system.  This of course, is the source of my indecision around starting a family.  Part of it has to do with my own issues around becoming a mother, the identity shift and timing ie becoming resentful around giving up my peak earning potential to have a baby.

Having it all in my world means a change in all of the above:

• Giving up on old childhood stuff and really moving forward to becoming the mother I want to be.
• The identity shift from being career driven, foot loose and fancy free to being a mom where my sole focus might become my child.  Not sure Im ready or how I’d feel about that.
• Giving up my peak earning and career potential to have a child.

It would seem that these are all things I would just have to let go huh?  I’m a control freak so I’m not sure how that’ll go down LOL

But, I might be on to something…ha!

What do you think?  Do you think in order to have it all I have to give up and accept the above mentioned?  Do you think having it all is a myth?

Thanks for tuning into my own brand of self imposed neurosis around this issue.  Parts 2 and 3 to come this week.

Totally provocative and tongue in cheek, but you get the underlying message. Choose your partners wisely.

I am not suggesting that women marry solely for money, I am after all a believer in love and commitment as a solid foundation for marriage. However, I am suggesting that women  marry partners that are financially savvy. I will detail the benefits of choosing a partner that has a solid financial plan in place and uses money as a tool and not a crutch.

Financially Savvy
Women who choose financially savvy partners fare better than their counterparts who don’t. Why? These women know that in order to have a marriage built to last that finances play a huge role in the viability of the marriage. I know it sounds like we’re discussing a corporate merger but there are elements of marriage that resemble a business.  Think about it, how many people can’t afford to separate because they can’t afford it?  We want financial freedom, well we have to choose a partner who knows what that means.

Personal finance issues are the leading cause of divorce and in order to live happily ever after, you must be on the same page as far as your finances are concerned. No, if, ands or buts about it.

So what makes these women smarter?

Aligned Financial Values
When smart women meet a partner, while wooed by good looks and the smooth talk, they are interested in how their potential partners spend money. Does he have an emergency fund? Is he current on their monthly bills such as the car payment and rent/mortgage? Does he spend more than he earns? They’re listening keenly to understand how their potential mates relate to money. Is it a tool? Is it a crutch? They know the difference and conduct business accordingly. Should the potential mate fall into the category of the above mentioned then it’s time to say good-bye or work out a plan to get him financially fit. After all, who wants a man who isn’t interested in learning how to manage his money effectively? They are in it for the long haul, not a few cheap dates.

Motivated by Money to Create the Life They Want
Smart women are up to date on the latest issues in personal finance. They understand rate chasing, investing for the long haul and understand that while they may have substantial savings, practice and embrace frugality. They look for similar if not the same qualities in their potential mates. Smart women want to be able to relate not only on a romantic level, but also on issues regarding personal finance.

A Man with a Plan
Who wants a man with no financial plan in place? I certainly don’t. Where does he see himself in 2 years? 5 years? 10 years? Is he thinking long or short term? That answer will determine the course of the relationship. Ideally he should be able to think past next month’s car payment and have a financial plan for the current year. This an expectation for smart women, not a hope or a dream, but something they demand and require in a potential mate.

Take a few minutes to let it all sink in. Gone are the days when gold diggers were secretly envied because they were able to go for the gusto and stifle high pitched screams during musty sex with a shriveled up oil tycoon. Smart women can marry for money, and guess what!?  It’s ok!  Move over and make way for women who are in control of their financial destinies and not afraid to say it. They are armed with a positive net worth and not afraid to flaunt it.  They are breaking financial ceilings one stiletto at a time!

Are you a smart woman?

The significant other of an acquaintance passed away and while I sent my condolences I couldn’t help but wonder how she would move through financially this year.  I kept thinking did he have life insurance?  Were they a two income household?  Did she depend on him to help her with paying the bills?  Of course these things run trough MY mind right?  I am praying that in this economy that she will be OK.

I turned to hubby and asked about our life insurance and I feel we should have more.  We don’t have children or any significant responsibilities so it’s not something I’ve ever really felt compelled to look into outside of what we have now.  But with talks of babies on the horizon and owning a home I want to make sure that we have everything in place.

So what do we get?  Term?  Whole? Universal?  How about the kind where we get some of our money back after a certain time?  Hubby has a medical condition, how will that factor into the monthly cost?  What policy gives us the maximum benefit with minimum monthly installment?  Can life insurance be used for retirement as the policy builds cash value?

Bankrate gives us the rundown here:

Term insurance – The simplest form of insurance. You purchase coverage for a specific price for a specified period. If you die during that time, your beneficiary receives the value of the policy. There is no investment component.

Whole life — Similar to term, but you purchase the policy to cover your “whole life” not just a set period. Premiums remain level throughout the life of the policy, and the company invests at least a portion of your premiums. Some firms share investment proceeds with policyholders in the form of a dividend. Many companies will offer “a relatively low guaranteed rate of return,” but in reality pay at a rate in excess of the guarantee.

Universal life — You decide how much you want to put in over and above a minimum premium. The company chooses the investment vehicle, which is generally restricted to bonds and mortgages. The investment and the returns go into a cash-value account, which you can use against premiums or allow to build. With some policies, sometimes called Type I or Type A, the cash account goes toward the face value of the policy on the death of the policyholder. With a second variety, sometimes called Type II or Type B, the beneficiary receives the face value of the policy plus all or most of the cash account. While Type II is meant to provide a partial hedge against inflation, it demands higher premiums as you get older than Type I.

A variation of a universal policy, often called universal variable life, allows policyholders to choose investment vehicles.

Variable life — With a variable policy, there is usually a wider selection of investment products, including stock funds. As with a universal policy, returns on investments can offset the cost of premiums or build in the account. And depending on the type of policy, the beneficiaries will either receive the face value of the policy or the face value plus all or part of the cash account.

Why should women be concerned?

From New York Life: Many women have either no or too little life insurance. Historically, women were almost never adequately insured. We all have different life situations so what does it mean to us?

• If you’re part of a two-income family: Today, 61 percent of married women bring home a paycheck (compared to just 23 percent in 1950). Husbands and wives are economic partners. Today’s two-income families depend on both pay checks to make ends meet.(Figures for 1995. Source: Washington Post 1/22/97) If anything happened to you — and the income you generate — would your family be able remain in their home? Would your children be able to achieve their education goals? Would your family suffer a severe financial loss? Adequate life insurance can replace your income, remove uncertainty and help guarantee your family’s financial security.
• If you’re a single woman heading a house-hold: Chances are that you have little if any life insurance, according to industry studies — in spite of the fact that you have major financial responsibilities. Of all life insurance policies sold in 1997, only 4 percent were purchased by divorced or widowed women.(“The Women’s Market: Myth & Reality,” LIMRA International, 1999) As a single parent, you may be the sole breadwinner, responsible for the support and care of your children. Your need for life insurance is even more crucial than in dual-parent households, which will have another source of income if one parent dies.
• If you’re a full-time home maker: Far from a dying breed, nearly two out of every five married women are full-time mothers and home makers. This is just as much a partnership as the two-income family in that it takes the efforts of both to make the household function. Your services, while in many respects beyond value, are worth tens of thousands of dollars a year. How would your husband and children manage without you?
• If you’re a single woman: Whether you’re single-never-married or divorced-no-kids-at-home, your need for life insurance may be even greater than for married women. That is because being single isn’t always the same as being without responsibilities. You may have loans. Plus, should anything happen to you, there will be final expenses, which can run into the tens of thousands of dollars. These obligations — which could fall on parents and other loved ones — can be met with life insurance. Just as important, life insurance purchased today can protect your future insurability as you get older. If you eventually marry, your coverage will help protect your husband and, possibly, children. If you choose to remain single, your life insurance can accumulate cash value to help provide a secure retirement for yourself. A cash value life insurance policy can help you accumulate funds on a tax-advantaged basis to supplement your other retirement income.

I’m sure the woman I spoke of at the beginning of this post didn’t think the death of her loved one would happen so soon or suddenly.  Death is never something we want to think about happening to those we love but in our wisdom we should make sure that we’re prepared for it nonetheless.

How likely are you to leave a bad marriage if you have no education or poor career prospects? I realize there may be other factors such as children, years put into the marriage and each party’s willingness to work things out.

But let’s put that aside for the moment.

I have always always said that I wouldn’t want a lack of education or financial viability without my husband to stop me from leaving should things go sour.  While I value the sanctity of marriage, my sanity comes above all else and if it’s bad, I have to go.  God forbid I ever get to a point where I want out, I don’t want my future to be dependent on a random divorce settlement arbitrarily determined by a judge.

If you’ve been keeping up with me on Twitter, then you know I watched the movie This Christmas at least 3 times this weekend LOL  I had no idea it was that good!  But a few scenes caught my eye and I immediately thought of this post because this is a message I want to drive home to women.  Do not let your lack of career prospects or financial viability without your husband stop you from leaving a bad situation.  If this is the case then get in a position where you have options.  This also happens to be the central message of this blog, teaching women how to take charge of their finances so they are able to make decisions not bound by  financial limitations.

Please dont stay in a bad situation because you feel that you can’t make it on your own.

But I realize there are women who feel this way and I’d like to hear from you.  If you are or were in this situation, what drives your decision outside of love and children to stay?  We are having a discussion about this on Twitter so feel free to jump in:

How likely are you to leave a bad marriage if you have no education or poor career prospects? (Read from the bottom up)

	sundaycosmetics @gingerlatte@adonyaWong I have 0 tolerance for anyone who “assumes” I won’t make it. Oh NO The devil is a liar. Feel a sermon comin’ 13 minutes ago from web in reply to Gingerlatte
	sundaycosmetics @Gingerlatte @AdonyaWong That’s right! I learned to pray and STEP real quick. As an entrepreneur/person – I BLOCK the negativity 16 minutes ago from web in reply to Gingerlatte

AdonyaWong @gingerlatte I have friends who stay in unhealthy spots because they think they can’t do any better. Me? Scared or not, I wouldn’t stay. 25 minutes ago from TweetDeck in reply to Gingerlatte

	tjonsek @gingerlatte i think it does make a diff. espec if they haven’t had a job in awhile. could be terrifying. 32 minutes ago from TweetDeck in reply to Gingerlatte
	glennette @Gingerlatte Chances r slim 2 none, unless spouse is physical. 33 minutes ago from TweetDeck in reply to Gingerlatte

	tjonsek @gingerlatte yep. i remember at 1st before education & good job I was married & 2 scared 2 leave. thought i couldn’t take care of myself. 35 minutes ago from TweetDeck in reply to Gingerlatte
	AdonyaWong @Gingerlatte I’ll take the leap of faith for a thousand, Alex! Staying in a crappy marriage/relationship is not an option. 35 minutes ago from web in reply to Gingerlatte

Question?  What advice do you have for women in this predicament?

Check the video. Disclaimer: By the way I do not advocate violence or destruction of property. But it is rather funny! LOL This is for all the Jazmine Sullivans out there: