(image: momlogic)

Is there a perceived loss of equity and partnership because a stay at home wife/mom isn’t “pulling her financial weight”?  Given the feminist fight for equality, should women make the choice to stay at home?  Will our daughters revolt when all is said and done?

Let’s rehash this debate shall we?

Historically on this blog, and I’m sure many other sites-the stay at home mom vs stay at home wife vs working mom/wife debate has been heated and at times unbearable to watch or read.  It’s one of those debates that stirs the ire of many women who feel strongly about their decision -to stay at home or work outside of the home.

When I started writing this blog, I was a graduate student with no real personal income.  Sure, I had PT jobs here and there but nothing really consistent that brought in any significant moolah.  This made me dependent on my husband’s income during until I began working full time.  At the time, I was OKAY and quite content with being a stay at home wife, but if we’re being honest, I was also quite nervous about “not pulling my weight”.  Not because my husband said so but I had a working mom growing up so this was new to me.  I had no real responsibilities and able to come and go as I pleased.  I made friends with a few wives in our community and we’d either go shopping or hang out during the days when I wasn’t burning the midnight oil on campus.

Since then, my position has changed.

Why?  I’m not sure.  Well, let me take that back, I do.  I love working for my own money.  I enjoy making my own money. I am secure knowing that if something were to happen to the other income in our household that I’d be able to hold down the fort.

This isn’t a swipe at stay at home wives or moms because I think we’re all free to make our own decisions around what makes us happy.

Still my position remains the same for women in any situation where they aren’t bringing in money on their own.  Where is your safety net should the other income disappear?

To answer a few questions that have come up and still do even now:

Why then did I think a one person income was more secure than a two person income?

I felt this way because we lived within our means and had a 14 month emergency fund.  If his income was no longer there then we would have the emergency fund to fall back on with no problem.  Usually two income households are stretched to the limit and living outside of their means and this wasn’t the case with us.  If one person loses a job then there’s hardly any savings and the other person must shoulder the burden.  Now, this isn’t the case for all 2 income households but have you seen the average US individual savings rate lately?

Why tout breaking financial ceilings but at the same time support women who stay at home with no job?

Because I can.  Because those women can and choose to do so despite what anyone thinks.  Feminism is about choice and I what works for someone else won’t work for me and I’m OK with that.  At the end of the day women have the right to choose what situation works for them.

Is it something I would choose to do today?  No, I don’t believe so.   Since that time, I finished graduate school and I’ve spent some time in my career.  The decision I’ve come to is that my ideal would be working 15-20 hours per week if I had a child.  Right now I work long hours on site and from home.  When I have kids I’ll need more balance and at this time (child-free) I don’t know that I would want to stay at home all day with my kids.

I’m sure it’s the all encompassing dream that some moms make it out to be but I know better given my day job working in mental health.  Being a mom is a full time job with no breaks and I respect that.  Luckily, I know myself well enough to know that I’d need more of a balance with my career and raising children.

My boss is a great example of this as she owns a business and while she does most of the work from home (I run the daily operations) she gets to be at home with her children (she works from home on other projects) while we make her money.    I’m not mad at that at all!  In fact, this is my new blueprint for balance when I have children myself.

You see, while I want kids, I also know that I enjoy the financial freedom of making my own moolah.  She is living my ideal of having it all- she is a doctor, married, children, successful business and she looks pretty good doing it!    Aside:  I really admire working moms who don’t let themselves go, I want to be like them when I grow up!

I’d love to hear your position on the stay at home vs working wife/mom debate?  Has it changed at all over the years?  If so, why?  Tell us below!

Do men really want a strong woman or is that just something that they say until they actually have a career oriented, driven, opinionated woman in their lives?

You know who she is… she cooks, cleans, pays the bills, takes care of the kids/husband and/or herself, oversees the home, plans fabulous trips, rolls with an amazing crew and is moving up the corporate ladder or making her own way as an entrepreneur. But, her love life may be suffering as a result of her independence and strength.  Her husband says she’s a workaholic, selfish and neglecting him. Her boyfriend says he isn’t a priority and he is tired of coming in second to her ambition and goals. So, what’s a woman to do?  Should we work less and give more time to our personal lives?

Or, should we continue to follow our passions knowing full well our hobbies, outside interests, and our relationships with family, friends, and those we hold dear may be jeopardy.

We will talk about “The Downside of the Superwomen Syndrome” and I would love for you to join in on the discussion, Thursday, May 28, 2009 at 7:00 PM EST. I’ll be joining the show host, Danielle Ricks, and several call-in listeners when I’ll be a guest on one of the hottest on-line relationship radio shows, NowWhat! Blog Talk Radio. The program airs LIVE on www.BlogTalkRadio.com a social network that allows listeners to connect quickly and directly using an ordinary telephone line.

NowWhat! is all about women! Thursday’s show, “The Downside of the Superwomen Syndrome”, will cover issues like:

• How we define “a strong women”?
• How women can balance work and home?
• Do men really want a strong Black woman?
• How do the sacrifices women make impact us?
• What advice can we give young women entering the workforce?

I’ll be dishing it with the host, Danielle Ricks, and other callers who are interested in strong women. But, to make the show really interesting I’d like you to be a part of the discussion! There are two ways you or your
friends can get involved:

Call into the show on Thursday, April 15 at 7:00 PM EST by dialing 347.838 8493 from any phone line.

Or, join us on-line for a live chat at 7:00 PM EST by visiting the website at http://www.blogtalkradio.com/DanielleRicks.  We are creating already a buzz on Facebook and Twitter surrounding this topic. You do NOT want to miss being a part of the LIVE discussion!