If you’re lusting after the Louis Vuitton Graffiti collection, perk up!

The guys and gals over at the Journal of Marketing conducted a study where they surveyed malls in California and came up with the following:

“A significant segment of the population does not want to be branded, preferring to be understated… and is willing to pay a premium to have ‘quiet’ goods without a brand mark.”

I mean seriously?  Who wants to be a walking billboard for a major brand?  And I just paid them to do it?  They could have just asked me.

The article also mentions:

“high-end shoppers are more in tune with “discreet markers, such as distinctive design or detailing,” than obvious brand logos….they also find that “luxury brands charge more for ‘quieter’ items with subtle logo placement and discreet appeal.”

So which one are you?  The researchers came up with the following labels for different classes of consumers:

- Patricians: “Wealthy consumers low in need for status” who “pay a premium for quiet goods, products that only their fellow patricians can recognize”

– Parvenus: “Wealthy consumers high in need for status” who “use loud luxury goods to signal to the less affluent that they are not one of them”

– Poseurs: Consumers who “emulate those who they recognize to be wealthy;” they cannot afford luxury goods but will buy counterfeit items.

- Proletarians: Consumer who are not driven by status purchases.

I’ll admit while I am not wealthy, I am a combination of Patricians and Proletarians.  I don’t buy stuff with labels all over it.  #WeOffThat I remember getting my first Louis Vuitton Speedy in high school, then the LV messenger bag in college along with another Fendi bag after graduation.  You couldn’t tell me nothin!  I was all that and then some!

Then I came down to earth in adulthood and realized that I was paying someone else to advertise their brand so I let that go a few years back.  Nowadays I don’t wear my LV bags and don’t know when I last wore them.  But I do like quality with a good price so I mix high end and low end stuff all the time.  I will shop at Lulus.com for trendy summer stuff but at higher end stores for timeless winter and career pieces.

Sorry, I can’t buy a long lasting sheath dress at Forever 21 but if they carried one I’d be on it.  I am also a Nine West girl because their shoes fit my narrow feet so well, no Jimmy Choos here LOL  Still, I admit to liking some high end brands, I just don’t like the branding all over it, major turn off for me.

Who are you in that list?  Be honest!

Some of you have asked, what are some of the reasons why we waited “so long” to have a baby.  I wasn’t clear that 4 years was long but I will indulge because Im comfy sharing this part of my life with you.  Now.

It really comes down to fear.  Growing up I lived a good part of my life watching my parents just out of control while raising me.  My mom was young at 19 years old and my dad was 20 years her senior but he was more of a stabilizer with his own issues as well.  As an adult I swore to never make the same mistakes they did, and, that in a nutshell is what has stopped me from jumping head first into motherhood.  It goes a lil deeper than that but that’s what Im OK with sharing on here for now.

Details?

Marriage

I wanted to have more time with hubby after we got married.   We had sort of a world wind courtship and engagement.  We met in August of 2004, engaged by May 2005 and married in July 2006.  And, Im totally OK with that time line.  Still, I just wanted us to have time together to get to know each other as a married couple with no children, traveling when we want doing as we please with no strings.

Of course, during that time we went through some hard times getting adjusted to each other being married and all.  They were tough times but we made it through.  So, now our marriage feels like one long honeymoon and it’s great!  I almost don’t want it to stop, kinda like a kid who doesn’t want to go to sleep, Im happy leaving the lights on LOL  But seriously, I wanted us to just wait and experience each other, especially now looking back, we learned so much about marriage and sticking things out when you both feel like quitting #realtalk.  I wouldn’t change anything about how we got together.  It happened.  We’re fine.

Finances

Childcare is my biggest gripe in this area.  Figuratively and literally.  In our development the daycare is $1600 per month for a newborn.  Do you know what I can do with $1600?  That’s roughly $20k added to our savings yearly.  But I also don’t plan to just drop the kid off at pookie n them for the sake of cheap childcare either so this is a huge issue for me.  Some of you know that I work in child welfare and the horror stories I hear and investigate daily are enough for me to quit my job and stay home myself.  We can and will have to afford $1600 but if we do that then I do and would prefer a live-in nanny at that rate.  It also means cutting back on a few things so there’s that as well.

There’s also the consideration of my staying home and financially losing one income.  While hubby can support us on his income just fine, that does mean less contribution to the 401k and savings so that’s another issue we have to work out.  We’re looking into a financial planner to help us out with this one because honestly, I need a professional to help wrap my mind around the financial changes we will experience.  I’m totally being a drama queen, *nodding head* I know.

Demons/Fears

This has moreso to do with the way I was raised and a few family dynamics that I’ve worked on moving past over the years.  I have to say that my husband and his family have been instrumental in this area.  I caught myself just totally praying, thanking God that I have such an awesome guy that I can call my husband that comes along with an equally awesome family.  God knew just what I needed in a husband to speak to and heal this area of my life.  Don’t get me wrong we aren’t the Brady Bunch, but all aside, they’ve shown me that motherhood is great, possible and not some intangible thing that I could never have in it’s purest form because of my upbringing.

As I said earlier, my mom was young and my dad a rolling stone, though he did a fine job of being there for me emotionally and financially.  I guess there are things that happen when you become a mom at such a young age that as a child you experience and never quite get over, vow never to happen to you/your own children or you just jump head first disregarding all that stuff.  I’m in the middle vowing never for that to happen to me (you may recall the frenzied, regretful mess in my previous post) because I want to be settled and “complete” when all of that happens.  I don’t want to feel like my mother did, 19 with regrets, but there’s a baby…me…to consider…that holds you back.

Soooo, I know that is what’s contributed to my resistance to pull the trigger on this one because I know what it’s like to be the child on the receiving end of a mother who wasn’t quite ready for my arrival.  Now, this isn’t some rant against my mom.  We have and continue to learn how to mend our differences over the years as I am coming into the realization that she did the best she could with the tools she had at the time.  I just need to do better.

So I am and with that comes me taking baby steps since getting married.  I have been OK with that but for others they equate getting a  baby out of me like pulling teeth at the dentist.  That’s OK because as always I like it done my way and it’s worked well so far. <snicker>

Yes, I said it, I want to have a baby.  Sadly, I don’t think my family believes this to be true.  Right now, we’re on our annual vacation where close to 40 of us get together on a trip somewhere in the Caribbean.  Actually, two groups, B.I.G and I.T.S.  They are both investment groups where the women are I.T.S and the guys are B.I.G so we get together yearly to hang out, catch up, celebrate and relax.

My husband and I are the only couple, that don’t have children.  We are also the youngest at 30 and 35.  And, having been married for 4 years with a house, finished with graduate school and pretty much established in our respective fields, for them we need to have a bun in the oven, and soon.

I’ve written about this before, but this time Im not all that annoyed by the incessant questions around why we don’t have children yet.  I fully realize that having turned 30 this year, no matter how much I want to flirt with Mother Nature, I need to pi$$ or get off the pot.  #RealTalk  But this year’s trip instead of being annoyed by the questions, Ive decided to use this time to talk to the other couples who jumped right in as most in our group did.  One thing you need to know about me, my success in life is largely attributed to noting the mistakes and failures of others and avoiding that path. So if I can figure out their struggles, maybe I can get a cheat sheet or heads up?  Just sayin.

Motherhood …. is a tricky subject for me as I admit to struggling with my own demons around this issue, but I am at a point where I see the light and know that everything will be just fine.  I will adjust to the identity shift, the baby weight will come off and I will be sure to get an epidural as soon as I am wheeled into the hospital. @msjetsetter, I am no trooper in this department.

All vain issues aside, one of these light bulb moments came when I fully realized that I can’t plan motherhood the way I did marriage and graduate school, after all life does happen.  So I need to have faith that my journey to motherhood won’t leave me a regretful and frenzied mess.  I’m almost there.

So as hubby and I talk about a timeline as to when we will actually start trying to have a kid (nothing in place to stop it now, so that’s a start right?), we really need to figure out how this will all unfold.  I am planning to go back to school either this or next year so once my rotations start I will need to figure out the whole pregnancy and time off thing and how that will work in my program.

Yes, this is me trying to plan it all over again but it works. I don’t care if I can’t plan what happens after the baby, but I do need to plan the arrival of the baby so that I won’t feel so out of control.  It’s my last bit attempt at controlling the very last thing I can before the baby gets here.  At this point we are looking at starting to try next summer in time for delivery early spring 2012.  There’s also finances that goes into this as well, seriously, am I ready to come off $1200-$1600 per month for childcare?  That’s another post. #selfishrant

So there.  I.T.S. and B.I.G. I do want a baby.  This post is dedicated to Watson who for the second year in a row has told me to surrender to my marriage and just have a baby because he wants to see me pregnant LOL  But seriously, he and his wife have totally inspired my husband and I in this area.  Totally superhuman on autopilot and I love their approach towards life.

Maybe one day Priscilla, Watson’s wife will do a guest post on how she does it all: 4 children (1 special needs), hubby, FT job, professor and finishing up a doctoral program in nursing.  I do look at her (and the women in I.T.S) and think if they can do it, then I have nothing to fear.

Thank you ladies for being an absolute inspiration in motherhood, marriage and money.  This trip usually rakes my nerves because I do hate the “bun in the oven yet?” questions but this year talking to you gals helped me figure some things out and set me on my way   Thanks!

If you’ve been reading this blog for some time then you know that I am truly on a  quest to “have it all”.  I want the man, the house, kids, degree and picket fence all by 30, and I got started at 26.

But is this possible?  More importantly, necessary?

My take is that we’re growing up in a generation where women have the opportunity to garner far more accomplishments than their mothers and frankly this is exciting.  We’re going to college at a rate higher than men and going on to the labor force in increasing rates than in previous generations.

But at what expense?

Personally?  I am at a point where Im married, own a home, have the degree, puppy on the way and an awesome career that I love.  But at 29 it means that my clock is ticking even louder with the prospects of applying to a doctoral program which means delaying children for a few more years and continue to build my career in the mean time.  

I often vacillate between telling my husband we should get started now on children and let the chips fall as they may or just plan for 2-3 years from now once I feel I am more settled in my career.  I admit, to secretly resenting that I need to consider so much of my career when planning children.  I keep thinking about the right time and I have no idea (well I do) as to when that will be.

So after doing some reading and talking with other moms who had to contend with this decision they gave me this advice: (aside: understand I am no fly by the seat of your pants kinda gal so all this planning serves a purpose)

Temper Expectations:  You can have it all but within moderation.  Temper your expectations based on your own abilities not literally having it all because with that comes doing it all which is never fun unless you’re an Alpa Mom.

Plan, Plan, Plan:  If you’re career is important to you then plan as best as you can but do so knowing that children don’t come with a manual, index or table of contents.  Life sorta just happens that way when you have children so while you can plan for certain logistical issues lie childcare and school, there are other issues that may arise that you cannot.

Define What Success Means For You:  Notions of having it all without further examination conjures up images of a fabulous career, perfect husband and children, house/backyard/picket fence in a desirable neighborhood and an array of supportive friends and family.  The reality is that it all comes at a price as life isn’t perfect.  You may have a great career but work upwards of 60 hours a week, while managing marital problems and children who may be struggling in school with academic and behavioral issues meanwhile the mortgage is due and you’re worried about making this month’s payment.  

So you see, you can have it all but at what price?  

What is acceptable to you?  Is it maybe working less hours to have enough time for your spouse and children?  Is it having the time to focus on a new business venture which will bring in another stream of income?  This is all on your terms, define it for yourself, not based on societal expectations or the newest ad running in Vanity Fair or Real Simple.  In short?  Give up the idea that “having it all” is only attainable based upon societal definitions, define what it means to you and then work backwards to get there.

Manage The Unexpected Expectation Hangovers:  Expectation Hangovers is a term coined by Christine Hassler which means:

“group of undesirable feelings that arise when a desired result isn’t met.” Simply, things don’t turn out the way you planned and you are experiencing symptoms that are as miserable as those from a hangover from alcohol (lethargy, depression, regret, and so on).”

For example, right now my goal for the next five years is to get accepted to a doctoral program, have our first child and begin my career as a psychologist.  If that doesn’t happen then what?  I could still have a great career where I am right now because Im learning to enjoy each and every moment now instead of looking to the future for my happiness.  

Barring any issues with infertility, we expect to have children so I don’t foresee a problem there.  The lesson?  Manage your expectations so that no matter what happens you’ll be happy no matter where you are in life.  

What does having it all mean to you and how do you plan to get there?

(Image: Ms. Magazine)

How many times have we thought about this?  Self imposed (sometimes socially) time lines on motherhood, career, education and marriage?

I’ve always believed that women can have it all.  Still do, just in staggered moderation.  Lately, I have to admit though, going through my own struggles with this as I want it all and pretty determined t get it.

What does having it all mean to you?  Do you have it?  Are you content with where you are now in life?

To answer my own questions, I am for the most part content with my life as I’m in a pretty good place.  I admit to being a career driven woman who has her sights set on high, knowing that I can’t fail.  It’s a pretty strong drive right now and I just need to get certain things out of my system.  This of course, is the source of my indecision around starting a family.  Part of it has to do with my own issues around becoming a mother, the identity shift and timing ie becoming resentful around giving up my peak earning potential to have a baby.

Having it all in my world means a change in all of the above:

• Giving up on old childhood stuff and really moving forward to becoming the mother I want to be.
• The identity shift from being career driven, foot loose and fancy free to being a mom where my sole focus might become my child.  Not sure Im ready or how I’d feel about that.
• Giving up my peak earning and career potential to have a child.

It would seem that these are all things I would just have to let go huh?  I’m a control freak so I’m not sure how that’ll go down LOL

But, I might be on to something…ha!

What do you think?  Do you think in order to have it all I have to give up and accept the above mentioned?  Do you think having it all is a myth?

Thanks for tuning into my own brand of self imposed neurosis around this issue.  Parts 2 and 3 to come this week.

Im sure some of you already figured out that I sent the money.  Yes, I did and just know that it was for a good reason.  I did end up missing a conference where I was to present but I guess during times like this you just have to make hard decisions.

I know that I’m not ever going to see that money again so Im not worried about it, I guess this situation stands out because I do have fairly rigid rules about enabling family members in financial situations.  After talking with my husband, I realized this wasn’t what it could look like to others and so we decided to go ahead and send the money.

You see, I’m from Jamaica, originally-born and raised there.  My aunt who raised me until I came here to the States, well her son go into some trouble a few years back.  She bailed him out, however he never showed up to court.  In Jamaica, the person who bails you out goes to jail if you don’t show up to court.  So she would have went to jail for 30+ days had she not come up with the money to pay the court/bail bondsman.  She suffers from extremely high blood pressure and needless to say I couldnt risk her being sent to a jail where no rules/laws are observed and have her experience a stroke or worse.

The relationship between my cousin and I is of course, strained as Im not sure how he would rather his own mom do jail time for him instead of being present to accept the consequences of his actions.  But it is what it is and only time will tell how this situation progresses.

So there you have it!  :-)

Scenario: You have a huge trip coming up that you’ve been planning for months now, but you get a phone call stating that you need to send money to a family member in order to get them out of a really bad bind.  The kind of bind that’s possibly life or death because of the stress involved if I don’t send the money.  We’re not talking chump change, but $2500.  Of course, sending the money means you won’t be able to go on your trip and possibly disappointing many people.

What would you do?

Now that I am finished with my graduate studies everyone’s giving me THE LOOK and THE QUESTIONS.  This has to be the longest running dilemma of my life but I kid you not, with each milestone, the questions begin.

“Soooo, when are you guys planning on having children?”

“You’re going to be pregnant by the end of 2010 right?”

“You guys are waiting awfully long to have kids arent you?”

“When are you going to join the rest of us?”

“So ..is there a problem, when y’all gonna bless us with some kids!!!  What’s the hold up!?”

To which we reply, “in due time, we’re on our own time line…“  It doesn’t help that I am planning to apply to a doctoral program and am now met with frowns and questions around how I plan to make it all happen.  I honestly want to tell people to mind their frigging business! This is my womb, not yours!  It’s bad enough that I have the burden of sacrificing the time in my life where I reach my highest earning potential.

There are days when I think we should have gotten pregnant in our first year and there are days when I’m happy that we are waiting.  Then there are days when I think I should just leave it all up to happenstance but if you know me, and know me well, then you know I can’t live life like that.  Everything needs to be planned down to the last detail.  My mom and I were discussing possible nanny options just in case I do get pregnant during the program because I have no plans on quitting half way through.  Enough women have gone down this path for me to know that it is possible.  And, she gave me a few people that I’d be able to consider when the time comes.  I don’t foresee doing this all by myself.  I’m even toying with getting pregnant with twins to lessen the amount of time I’d be pregnant as I’m not looking forward to going through childbirth more than once?

Aside: Do any of you obsess about this as much as I do?

As I plan out the next 3-5 years of my life (and yes you should be too) I need to think about whether or not we should start having children this year but I risk being pregnant during my program interview OR giving birth right before the interview and neither are preferable options for me.  Why can’t I be pregnant on the program interview?  Well, do you think a major corporation would hire a woman who is 6 months pregnant?  Nope!  It’s sad, that being pregnant would make professors and adcomms question my ability to be committed to the program and that they aren’t more flexible in this regard.  But these are the hands I’ve been dealt as a woman so Im learning to roll with the punches.

I dare not ask or make the statement “they wouldn’t ask my husband how the kids will be taken cared of or if he would still be as committed to his job..”  And that’s because as women we are looked upon as primary caregivers because well, we carry the kid for 9 months! I’m totally fine with that, believe it or not.

2009 is the first year I will have FREE of graduate school, working in a field I love and being able to spend more free time with my husband.  We met in graduate school and I just feel that I want more time as a free spirited married couple with no obligations other than to pay our bills on time, so that’s part of it as well.  But in 2010 I will need to figure out how and when we will pull off having our first child.  At this point, I think the best option will be to have a baby in my first year as I hear that is the easiest because of the lighter course load or get pregnant now and have the baby before interviews are slated to begin in 2010.

Decisions, decisions.

Any advice for me and what I should do?  Have any of you been in this situation where you had to balance educational and career endeavors with family planning?

This month the PF Bloggers are writing about Family Finance History in our monthly writing project.

Looking back I would say that my immediate family has been pretty responsible with money.  My mom was and is an avid saver and actually bought her home with 20% down a few years ago in NYC.  Yah, the responsible one   My dad was definitely the frugal one in the bunch and never failed to sit me down in the dairy aisle explaining to me why Kraft sliced cheese wasn’t worth the extra money.  I’ll never forget the day he sat me down in the aisle comparing ingredients and showing me that its all the same except for the packaging.  Neat right?  One of my favorite memories.

My uncle, I’m not too sure about.  He does own a 2 million dollar home but has waded in and out of credit card debt and likes expensive toys.  I reckon he must be able to afford it since he is currently debt free with the exception of his mortgage.  I have a date to pick his brain about his latest strategy needless to say. 

Now, I do have family from the country who just think money grows on trees.  They don’t really want to work for it, get and education to learn how to use it or take lessons from others on how to spend it.  I and other members of my family who live here in the States just get multiple phone calls asking for money at least once a month.  I’ve cut off a few cousins and told them not to call me anymore after burning through a wad of cash on my last visit.

That mentality is what drives me today.  I don’t want to be broke and dependent on anyone for money to survive or put food on the table.  I am not sure what enables one set of kids to think differently about money when they were all raised under the same roof but my mom has a totally different approach to money and how it operates in her life than do her siblings.  Much like my brother and I.  Anyone who knows me in real life knows that I am motivated by money and Im thinking constantly on ho to make more of it because I want to live a life with the only limits being those I impost upon myself.  My brother on the other hand is complacent with his relationship with money.  Mostly because he has yet to implement the tools given to him by our parents and lil ole me!

My current relationship with money as a young twenty something is shaped mainly because of how my mother made sure to save at least 40% of her take home pay.  My dad being uber frugal and knowing where his money went.  I’ve seen my  mom save for big ticket items and be miserly and dare I say cheap on smaller items.  I’ve always admired her respect for money and never making it her master and while I have a ways to go with that, it’s taught me serious lessons about money.  but my less then fortunate family drives my money mentality as well, I can’t imagine being dependent on others simply because I refuse to learn for  myself.  In looking at my past and family histoory with money I can clearly see how its shaped who I am financially today.

What’s your family history with money?  Have you learned any important lessons?

photo credit: tempophage

Over the last few days I’ve been forced to think about possible continuing care options given my father in law’s recent stroke and seizure over the weekend. We were not prepared to deal with a major illness in that it required care after leaving the hospital. As adult children the thought of long term care is a daunting one at least it was for me.

Retiring Early and Losing Independence Due to Major Illness or Disability
My father in law (FIL) was forced out of his job due to his illness so he had no choice but to take the severance and wait for Social Security to kick in which it did this year. This no doubt led to his subsequent depression and isolation from friends and family as having a job at his age contributed to his sense of livelihood and independence.

I have often wondered why would any one want to work after the legal age of retirement but I fully understand the reasoning now. While visiting with him yesterday I had a chance to see and understand how deeply committed he is to remaining independent in certain aspects of his life. I think we could/should have paid more attention to his health once he retired but he always assured us that he was fine and life would go on. He continued to look for work and of course let his health slip by not following the appropriate diet recommendation for his diabetes and hypertension.

Senior Adult Individual Health Insurance
Is there even such a thing? After several talks with my spouse’s group plan administrator we figured that adding my FIL would not be an option. I will go through his Employee Assistance Program to see what options they may have to assist us in this transition. We also came across these programs while researching our options to supplement his Medicaid coverage from About.com:

Maryland Health Insurance Plan (MHIP)
MHIP offers coverage to individuals who are unable to purchase an individual health insurance policy because they have pre-existing health conditions. It also covers “HIPAA-eligible” individuals as described above. The MHIP website has information on their eligibility requirements, current premium rates, and a fact sheet which details the benefits available under their program here.

Maryland Health Insurance Plan
10455 Mill Run Circle
Mail Stop RR-291
Owings Mills, MD 21117-9185
Phone: 443-738-0667 OR 1-888-444-9016

Maryland Senior Health Insurance Assistance Program(SHIP)
SHIP provides free one-on-one counseling for Medicare beneficiaries with questions about any aspect of Medicare, including the new Part D prescription drug benefit, or Medigap coverage.

Medicaid
Medicaid is a government program designed to help the poor and indigent obtain health care services. Pregnant women and children under age 19 who meet certain income requirements may be eligible for Medicaid coverage, along with aged, blind, and disabled individuals. For more information about Maryland’s Medicaid program, including eligibility requirements, contact Maryland Medicaid at the number listed below.

Maryland Medicaid
Phone:1.800.492.5231 or (410) 767-5800

Ive already been in contact with the SHIP program and awaiting word from the administrator on how we may move forward.

Finding Important Documents In An Emergency

Get a lockbox. If your parents don’t have one, buy one for them. The time will come when you’ll need all important documents and this keeps everything in one place. This is especially important as we scrambled to find their important documents as neither kept them in a lock box. This included insurance, medical (allergies, current medications, medical histories), final wishes documents etc. You’d be surprised how much you don’t know when in a quasi-emergency situation when one or all of these documents are needed and you don’t know where to find them.

We don’t live in the same state as our parents so we had no idea where to find anything outside of talking to family members who pieced together information as we passed it on to the doctors and dealt with the insurance company. For the love and sanity of your children please put all important documents in an accessible lockbox, preferably fireproof.

This is an ongoing process so I will be writing about what we finally decide to do with regards to his care depending on the results of a few tests and what happens after he is released from the hospital today.