By now you’ve seen all the different blogs discussing Tricia Walsh Smith’s revenge served cold online via Youtube. In the video she refers to her soon to be ex as “mean, bad husband” and then refers to herself as “poor vulnerable Tricia” waiting desperately for her husband to “do the right thing”.

Do The Right Thing? Let’s take a look at that.

Her Mistakes And My Issues With Her Plea for Help

1. She married a wealthy man without combing through her pre-nup to make sure that all of her needs were met to her satisfaction. Should her soon to be ex have a stroke, the pension kicks to his bank account (which his daughters control) but she didn’t fight detail while discussing the pre-nup? Where was she provided for in the event that he’s disabled?
2. She is complaining about being evicted from her apartment in exchange for 750k and then declares “I’ve had a horrible few years…” Excuse me? She is by no means poor or destitute, but thinks that the terms of their parting is so unfair. I don’t feel sorry for her because she should have paid a lawyer to make sure that she was going to be fine should they part. And, where is her lawyer? Why doesn’t he have a muzzle on this woman?
3. Publicly declaring, on YouTube, no less, “I’m an idiot, I’m an effin idiot“. I hate to say this because I believe in the empowerment of women, but get some grace and class woman, you’re not an idiot, just misguided in the signing of your prenuptial agreement and suffering the emotional distress of a divorce. I get that, but there is no reason to air your dirty laundry for all of the world to see. She’s a successful playwright with the ability to start her life over here in the States or back in London, just do it! Pick your head up and walk away from this situation with the grace of a woman and not the tears of a child. You can do it.

4. What part of her thinks so lowly of herself to accept a marriage in which no sex was to be had? She accepted this term of the marriage? Where was her duty to herself to demand that she have someone who loves her in all aspects, including sexually. In this day and age if smoke blows, there’s fire somewhere and he did a good job of blowing smoke up her @$$.
5. She defames her husband and family through this tape which for me is the final straw. I had some semblance of pity for her until she shows us pictures of each one and then in words that only a two year old uses states his stepdaughter is a “bad, bad person”. Yes, I am a counselor in training but I can’t help but ask mental breakdown much? Really, much of this could have been averted with some meds and a good lawyer.

   End. Snarky commentary

   My advice for Mrs Walsh-Smith

   Take Care of Yourself

   It’s probably best to start seeing a therapist, if nothing else for the purpose of having someone to confide in and make sure that you’re remaining psychologically and emotionally healthy as divorce can and will take its toll on you.

   Please don’t underestimate the toll this process can have on your mind and body, take care of yourself during this time. Lastly, check out my article The Smart Woman’s Guide For The Soon To Be Divorced, it may be a bit out of your league but may offer some helpful tips.

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   ]]> http://www.girlsjustwannahavefunds.com/2008/04/tricia-walsh-smith-reason-1-why-women-should-mary-smart/feed/ http://www.girlsjustwannahavefunds.com/2008/03/the-smart-womans-guide-for-the-soon-to-be-divorced/ http://www.girlsjustwannahavefunds.com/2008/03/the-smart-womans-guide-for-the-soon-to-be-divorced/#comments Mon, 03 Mar 2008 10:00:10 +0000 Ginger http://www.girlsjustwannahavefunds.com/2008/03/the-smart-womans-guide-for-the-soon-to-be-divorced/ What do Juanita Jordan, Halle Berry and Sheila Johnson all have in common?

   All three came out on top in their respective divorce proceedings. If you’ve been under a rock and aren’t familiar with the final decisions, Juanita Jordan was paid $168 million dollars when all was said and done. You read right, $168 million dollars. After Sheila Johnson’s divorce was finalized she walked away with $670M after taxes, which several published sources report she has successfully parlayed into a portfolio in excess of one billion dollars. Due to Halle Berry’s iron clad prenup, she avoided having to support Eric Benet in their divorce.

   Are you in a situation where you’re soon to be divorced? I won’t play therapist in this post but if you’ve made up your mind but there are some things to consider. I hate to entertain this line of thought but the reality is that everyone won’t live happily ever after and we need to protect ourselves and our ASSets in the event divorce is a reality.

   Straightening out your Finances

   Gather all of your important financial papers and purchase a lock box if you haven’t already done so. Secure’ all important papers such as birth certificates, passports, retirement papers, bills, bank statements, tax returns and the like. You can also find more information about separating your finances here along with other solid divorce resource information.

   Make sure that all major financial accounts, read savings accounts are in both of your names. Many women have been screwed by their partners due to not insisting that both their names be on all major savings accounts.

   Start saving for the financial cost of the divorce. If you are able to remain in the situation and save money for the financial cost of the divorce then do so. As you will soon discover, divorces are expensive and will take its toll on you both financially and emotionally. Prepare for this by saving your money even more during this time. You will need to consider that you don’t have your spouse’s income anymore and will need to stand on your own financially and hire your own attorney which will be expensive.

   If you’re a stay at home mom/wife then now is the time to consider getting back into your career or perhaps beginning your career. Again you will need to be able to stand on your feet financially independent of your husband and create/restart your identity financially, professionally and personally.

   Iowa State University lists the following financial responsibilities

   1. Gathering information
   • Keeps legal bills down
   • Helps you learn family finances
   • Prepares you for financial decisions

   2. Negotiating property division
   • Calls for equitable distribution
   • Requires determining needs
   • Includes income tax consequences
   • Involves legal issues
   3. Managing debt
   • Calls for prompt action
   • Requires listing unpaid balances
   • Affects your credit rating

   Are there children involved?

   If so then start to prepare them for the reality of a possible divorce. Maintain an open dialogue with them and be especially open to processing any feelings they may be feeling such as anxiety and depression. Indicators may lie in falling grades, changes in behavior at school and loss of motivation for activities they were once heavily involved in.

   I know that as adults its easier to assume we know how children feel, but we don’t unless we pay close attention, please include your children’s feelings during this time in every decision you make. And please, for their sake and in order to maintain their respect moving forward, please don’t unload your ill feelings about your soon to be ex on them. They are children, let them have a choice in the matter. I won’t detail the many cases in which children are torn apart because of the selfishness of their parents during a divorce.

   Take the high and responsible road. You know where it is, don’t let your emotions get the best of you.

   Take Care of Yourself

   It’s probably best to start seeing a therapist, if nothing else for the purpose of having someone to confide in and make sure that you’re remaining psychologically and emotionally healthy as divorce can and will take its toll on you. You can often reduce the cost of this by seeing someone on your health care network, EAP-Employee Assistance Program or through your local church. If the idea of talking to a counselor doesn’t suit you then find another confidant, someone you trust who will listen to you as you open your heart about the ongoing process of separating yourself from your partner. Please don’t underestimate the toll this process can have on your mind and body, take care of yourself during this time.

   Read more at:

   Womansdivorce.com:

   • Legal Considerations For Women
   • And Money Considerations
   • Marital SeparationChildren’s Issues
   • Emotions
   • Strategies To Save MoneyDownloadable Documents
   • State Resources

   DivorceSupport.com

   The Modern Woman’s Divorce Guide

   DivorceMag.com

   I know some of you are asking, how does she know all of this? While I am happily married to the love of my life, I have had my share of bad relationships and I am a counselor in training. I quite possibly have seen and heard it all and as such I believe in being prepared. Still, no amount of preparation will shield you from the emotional toll this process will take on you. Whatever you decide, make the best decision for yourself and for any children involved.

   photo credit: banjo d
   

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