Girls Just Wanna Have Funds || Personal Finance Advice Blog For Women » Divorce

Kelis To Nas: “Nas Left Me High and Dry”- My Advice To Kelis

Ginger — Wed, 17 Jun 2009 15:51:32 +0000

I usually don’t post celebrity stuff here but for some reason this, this right here just tickles me to no end.

Kelis claims estranged hubby Nas has left her high and dry … not offering her a penny in the wake of her impending birth … and she says she’s broke — “I have run out of money.”

Kelis filed legal papers claiming Nas isn’t paying her support, pre-natal expenses — nothing, even though she claims he is filthy rich.

Kelis is asking the judge to order Nas to pay spousal support, child support, all pregnancy-related expenses, and one-half of all medical expenses after the child is born. She also wants $3,500 for the baby nurse after the child’s birth, and $20,000 for strollers, cribs and other baby supplies.

Kelis says, “My survival is based on [Nas'] will at this time. If he does not want to pay for an expense, it does not get paid.” The couple was married in 2003. The baby is due this month.

Kelis says she’s entitled to maintain the lifestyle to which she became accustomed during their marriage — they have five homes, fly first class, go to fancy restaurants, and on and on. Most interesting — “There were many expensive pieces [of jewelry] such as a princess-cut diamond tennis bracelet that was recently appraised for $190,000. My engagement ring is an approximately nine-carat cushion-cut diamond solitaire. I have numerous watches…such as Cartier, Rolex, Frank Muller and Chopard.”

Her lawyer, disso-queen Laura Wasser, says in a separate declaration she’s asked Nas to ante up some $$$ for Kelis and the unborn baby but he hasn’t responded.

My advice to Kelis?

Sell it. All of it. You look out of your cotton picking mind asking your soon to be ex husband to pay for these lavish items for a baby nursery when you are flat broke. How are you broke when you admit to owning 5 homes and a slew of diamond and Cartier jewelry? Let me guess? None of that stuff is in your name?

Why didnt you have the presence of mind to stash some of that cash away for a rainy day? Start a profitable business? Women like you bother me because you go into marriage not thinking about how to stand on your own two feet should the unthinkable happen, not so much in your case because well celebrities divorce at a higher rate than the rest of us.

I don’t claim to know everything but what is posted on the Internet about your life but for goodness sakes woman, have some dignity, sell your possessions to make a comfortable life for you and your child. This begging and pleading for $20k nursery items makes you look deranged and out of touch. What you need is a financial check up and a Certified Financial Planner to help you move forward without having to worry about Nas making sure that you live the lifestyle you’re accustomed to while married. Newsflash: think about and begin to make plans around the fact that you might end up with the short end of the stick. Anything above that is just extra. Be empowered, pick up your dignity and keep it moving and you might want to think about *gasp* earning a living?

There are NBA groupies out there with better business sense and I can’t knock them. At least if they snag a baller, some come out with an education and self sustaining business. A man is not a financial plan, but if you choose to go that route, at least come out on top at the end of the dollar sign lined road.

And yes, I agree that Nas should finance the birth of his unborn child, but I don’t agree with crying broke whilst claiming ownership of expensive jewelry and engagement rings. Sell.Them.

Source

Do I Stay or Go? One Woman’s Struggle To Step Out On Her Own (Video)

Ginger — Mon, 05 Jan 2009 04:01:15 +0000

How likely are you to leave a bad marriage if you have no education or poor career prospects? I realize there may be other factors such as children, years put into the marriage and each party’s willingness to work things out.

But let’s put that aside for the moment.

I have always always said that I wouldn’t want a lack of education or financial viability without my husband to stop me from leaving should things go sour. While I value the sanctity of marriage, my sanity comes above all else and if it’s bad, I have to go. God forbid I ever get to a point where I want out, I don’t want my future to be dependent on a random divorce settlement arbitrarily determined by a judge.

If you’ve been keeping up with me on Twitter, then you know I watched the movie This Christmas at least 3 times this weekend LOL I had no idea it was that good! But a few scenes caught my eye and I immediately thought of this post because this is a message I want to drive home to women. Do not let your lack of career prospects or financial viability without your husband stop you from leaving a bad situation. If this is the case then get in a position where you have options. This also happens to be the central message of this blog, teaching women how to take charge of their finances so they are able to make decisions not bound by financial limitations.

Please dont stay in a bad situation because you feel that you can’t make it on your own.

But I realize there are women who feel this way and I’d like to hear from you. If you are or were in this situation, what drives your decision outside of love and children to stay? We are having a discussion about this on Twitter so feel free to jump in:

How likely are you to leave a bad marriage if you have no education or poor career prospects? (Read from the bottom up)

	sundaycosmetics @gingerlatte@adonyaWong I have 0 tolerance for anyone who “assumes” I won’t make it. Oh NO The devil is a liar. Feel a sermon comin’ 13 minutes ago from web in reply to Gingerlatte
	sundaycosmetics @Gingerlatte @AdonyaWong That’s right! I learned to pray and STEP real quick. As an entrepreneur/person – I BLOCK the negativity 16 minutes ago from web in reply to Gingerlatte

AdonyaWong @gingerlatte I have friends who stay in unhealthy spots because they think they can’t do any better. Me? Scared or not, I wouldn’t stay. 25 minutes ago from TweetDeck in reply to Gingerlatte

	tjonsek @gingerlatte i think it does make a diff. espec if they haven’t had a job in awhile. could be terrifying. 32 minutes ago from TweetDeck in reply to Gingerlatte
	glennette @Gingerlatte Chances r slim 2 none, unless spouse is physical. 33 minutes ago from TweetDeck in reply to Gingerlatte

	tjonsek @gingerlatte yep. i remember at 1st before education & good job I was married & 2 scared 2 leave. thought i couldn’t take care of myself. 35 minutes ago from TweetDeck in reply to Gingerlatte
	AdonyaWong @Gingerlatte I’ll take the leap of faith for a thousand, Alex! Staying in a crappy marriage/relationship is not an option. 35 minutes ago from web in reply to Gingerlatte

Question? What advice do you have for women in this predicament?

Check the video. Disclaimer: By the way I do not advocate violence or destruction of property. But it is rather funny! LOL This is for all the Jazmine Sullivans out there:

Tricia Walsh Smith: Reason #1 Why Women Should Marry Smart

Ginger — Wed, 16 Apr 2008 15:40:04 +0000

By now you’ve seen all the different blogs discussing Tricia Walsh Smith’s revenge served cold online via Youtube. In the video she refers to her soon to be ex as “mean, bad husband” and then refers to herself as “poor vulnerable Tricia” waiting desperately for her husband to “do the right thing”.

Do The Right Thing? Let’s take a look at that.

Her Mistakes And My Issues With Her Plea for Help

She married a wealthy man without combing through her pre-nup to make sure that all of her needs were met to her satisfaction. Should her soon to be ex have a stroke, the pension kicks to his bank account (which his daughters control) but she didn’t fight detail while discussing the pre-nup? Where was she provided for in the event that he’s disabled?

She is complaining about being evicted from her apartment in exchange for 750k and then declares “I’ve had a horrible few years…” Excuse me? She is by no means poor or destitute, but thinks that the terms of their parting is so unfair. I don’t feel sorry for her because she should have paid a lawyer to make sure that she was going to be fine should they part. And, where is her lawyer? Why doesn’t he have a muzzle on this woman?

Publicly declaring, on YouTube, no less, “I’m an idiot, I’m an effin idiot“. I hate to say this because I believe in the empowerment of women, but get some grace and class woman, you’re not an idiot, just misguided in the signing of your prenuptial agreement and suffering the emotional distress of a divorce. I get that, but there is no reason to air your dirty laundry for all of the world to see. She’s a successful playwright with the ability to start her life over here in the States or back in London, just do it! Pick your head up and walk away from this situation with the grace of a woman and not the tears of a child. You can do it.
What part of her thinks so lowly of herself to accept a marriage in which no sex was to be had? She accepted this term of the marriage? Where was her duty to herself to demand that she have someone who loves her in all aspects, including sexually. In this day and age if smoke blows, there’s fire somewhere and he did a good job of blowing smoke up her @$$.

She defames her husband and family through this tape which for me is the final straw. I had some semblance of pity for her until she shows us pictures of each one and then in words that only a two year old uses states his stepdaughter is a “bad, bad person”. Yes, I am a counselor in training but I can’t help but ask mental breakdown much? Really, much of this could have been averted with some meds and a good lawyer.
End. Snarky commentary

My advice for Mrs Walsh-Smith

Take Care of Yourself

Itâ€™s probably best to start seeing a therapist, if nothing else for the purpose of having someone to confide in and make sure that youâ€™re remaining psychologically and emotionally healthy as divorce can and will take its toll on you.

Please donâ€™t underestimate the toll this process can have on your mind and body, take care of yourself during this time. Lastly, check out my article The Smart Woman’s Guide For The Soon To Be Divorced, it may be a bit out of your league but may offer some helpful tips.

The Smart Woman’s Guide for the Soon to be Divorced

Ginger — Mon, 03 Mar 2008 10:00:10 +0000

What do Juanita Jordan, Halle Berry and Sheila Johnson all have in common?

All three came out on top in their respective divorce proceedings. If you’ve been under a rock and aren’t familiar with the final decisions, Juanita Jordan was paid $168 million dollars when all was said and done. You read right, $168 million dollars. After Sheila Johnson’s divorce was finalized she walked away with $670M after taxes, which several published sources report she has successfully parlayed into a portfolio in excess of one billion dollars. Due to Halle Berry’s iron clad prenup, she avoided having to support Eric Benet in their divorce.

Are you in a situation where you’re soon to be divorced? I won’t play therapist in this post but if you’ve made up your mind but there are some things to consider. I hate to entertain this line of thought but the reality is that everyone won’t live happily ever after and we need to protect ourselves and our ASSets in the event divorce is a reality.

Straightening out your Finances

Gather all of your important financial papers and purchase a lock box if you haven’t already done so. Secure’ all important papers such as birth certificates, passports, retirement papers, bills, bank statements, tax returns and the like. You can also find more information about separating your finances here along with other solid divorce resource information.

Make sure that all major financial accounts, read savings accounts are in both of your names. Many women have been screwed by their partners due to not insisting that both their names be on all major savings accounts.

Start saving for the financial cost of the divorce. If you are able to remain in the situation and save money for the financial cost of the divorce then do so. As you will soon discover, divorces are expensive and will take its toll on you both financially and emotionally. Prepare for this by saving your money even more during this time. You will need to consider that you don’t have your spouse’s income anymore and will need to stand on your own financially and hire your own attorney which will be expensive.

If you’re a stay at home mom/wife then now is the time to consider getting back into your career or perhaps beginning your career. Again you will need to be able to stand on your feet financially independent of your husband and create/restart your identity financially, professionally and personally.

Iowa State University lists the following financial responsibilities

1. Gathering information
â€¢ Keeps legal bills down
â€¢ Helps you learn family finances
â€¢ Prepares you for financial decisions

2. Negotiating property division
â€¢ Calls for equitable distribution
â€¢ Requires determining needs
â€¢ Includes income tax consequences
â€¢ Involves legal issues
3. Managing debt
â€¢ Calls for prompt action
â€¢ Requires listing unpaid balances
â€¢ Affects your credit rating

Are there children involved?

If so then start to prepare them for the reality of a possible divorce. Maintain an open dialogue with them and be especially open to processing any feelings they may be feeling such as anxiety and depression. Indicators may lie in falling grades, changes in behavior at school and loss of motivation for activities they were once heavily involved in.

I know that as adults its easier to assume we know how children feel, but we don’t unless we pay close attention, please include your children’s feelings during this time in every decision you make. And please, for their sake and in order to maintain their respect moving forward, please don’t unload your ill feelings about your soon to be ex on them. They are children, let them have a choice in the matter. I won’t detail the many cases in which children are torn apart because of the selfishness of their parents during a divorce.

Take the high and responsible road. You know where it is, don’t let your emotions get the best of you.

Take Care of Yourself

It’s probably best to start seeing a therapist, if nothing else for the purpose of having someone to confide in and make sure that you’re remaining psychologically and emotionally healthy as divorce can and will take its toll on you. You can often reduce the cost of this by seeing someone on your health care network, EAP-Employee Assistance Program or through your local church. If the idea of talking to a counselor doesn’t suit you then find another confidant, someone you trust who will listen to you as you open your heart about the ongoing process of separating yourself from your partner. Please don’t underestimate the toll this process can have on your mind and body, take care of yourself during this time.