If you’re reading this then I know you understand what it’s like to have a toxic boss and work in an equally uninspiring work environment!  It usually starts with the Monday morning groans on Sunday night when you begin to think about what awaits you at the start of the week.  Ugghh, not another daaaayyy you say!

If this is you, then read on.  It’s important to know how to manage a toxic boss but also knowing when and how to exit a situation that has become untenable for both your sanity and professional reputation.

Identifying And Understanding A Toxic Boss

In the beginning we start by giving them several passes but as the pattern of incompetence and bad behavior rears its head, only then do you realize the beast your dealing with is actually your boss who has the ability to make your life hell because you need to put food on the  table.  Slowly you begin to question their competence, lose respect and perhaps even feel unmotivated.  Even if you like your job, the emotional BS that you have to put up with is just too much. 

Most of the time this has to do with a need for control and respect while masking a deep level of incompetence they are deathly afraid of being discovered by their employees.  Once discovered, then the passive-aggressive and vindictive games begin because they’ve been exposed.  This voracious need for control also has to do with their inability to maintain any semblance of the control in their personal lives.  Thus the only place they can maintain control is in the workplace.  But as with their personal lives, things fall apart, eventually.

They lie and deceive their employees because their fragile egos are rarely able to handle the truth.  Because of this refusal to hear the truth, this is almost always coupled with the fact that they aren’t great communicators which results in confusion for their employees.  The information highway in the organization is typically a one way street where employees aren’t encouraged to speak up about the white elephants in the room because the only traffic that matters is the manager barking from the top down.

Managing The Beast

These issues are easy to identify if we’re working with a full deck ourselves. Trust me, you’re not crazy, but let’s discuss how to maintain your sanity while you manage the beast.

Do yourself a favor, never up the ante by trying to match their level of crazy.  Fall back.  Remain professional and never allow your emotions to get the best of you.  Allowing yourself to get emotional about their behavior will never get you anywhere productive and only give them reason to try and ruin your career.  It is up to you to manage the situation appropriately in such a way that you leave with your dignity and professional reputation in place.  Yes, woosah trips to the bathroom are necessary but crying in the bathroom is not acceptable.  Your sanity is not for sale.

Craft your plan B.  This may involve opening up the search for another job while networking within your professional contacts.  Hopefully you’ve kept in contact with coworkers and managers from previous positions because they tend to be a wealth of information and access to open positions.

Putting together a plan B also eases the feeling of being caught between a rock and a hard place.  At the end of the day, while a toxic boss has the ability to cause you great mental stress, knowing that you have the power to change the situation by crafting your exit, increases your sense of control in the situation.

Don’t take it personally.  Easier said than done!  I know I know! And while you may be thinking, this is all personal because your feelings are caught up – this is never about you.  Even if you are a horrible employee, as a manager they need to have the psychological restraint and professional aptitude to meet you where you are and figure out how to rectify the situation without being antagonizing.  As I mentioned earlier, these managers tend to have control issues in their own personal lives. Using their employees like puppets to serve their pathological incompetence is really about filling a need that only psychotherapy can fix.  Talk to friends that allow you to vent and get it all out!  Sometimes talking to people who feel your pain helps to remind you that you’re not crazy for feeling this way.

Learn how to manage your boss by soothing their ego. Now, before you tell me that you’ll never cosign the abuse, this isn’t what I am asking you to do.  Remember, this is someone that you cannot and should not be tasked to change.  Comply with their demands but always be sure when beginning a project, ascertain what it is exactly they need from you.  Make it all about them.  Give them great compliments, even if unwarranted.  This feeds their fragile ego while giving you breathing room.  There are times when you may feel like a mindless sycophant, but this is all for the maintenance of your sanity.

When Do I Know It’s Time To Leave?

Monday morning blues usually signal it’s time to do some soul searching to figure out whether this is about you or the job itself.  Do you feel challenged?  Are you motivated?  Do you have your own personal issues that contend with the demands of the job?  An honest self assessment should help you figure out whether this is more about you, the position or your boss.

When the preoccupation with these issues litter your personal life during your off time it’s time to move on.  If you’re finding it hard to cut the strings because the offenses you’ve suffered during the week never exit your mind then it’s time to move on.  Find ways to de-stress and decompress once you exit the building.  Stop answering email during off hours and create boundaries that you adhere to when you are off the clock.

If you’re mental health is a concern, there is no question, you should leave.  Everyone’s situation is different in that we all don’t have the luxury of just picking up and leaving.  But if you find yourself depressed and anxious to the point that you’re unable to function on all cylinders then you’ve got some hard decisions to make.  Nothing is worth your peace of mind and we have one life.  This isn’t a dress rehearsal.  So where there is a will, make a way for your exit.

This is also where having multiple streams of income comes into play.  I remember Tyra Banks talking about having “screw you” money and I will never forget it.  There’s the emergency fund and then there’s “screw you” money.  That’s the money you have set aside so that if you’re in a serious bind, then you can afford to leave the job and take some time off for 1-3 months while you get your head together.  Hopefully, during that time, you can make it happen in such a way that you don’t have to go back and eventually work for yourself.

How To Leave A Bad Situation

Always try to give at least 2 weeks notice unless your job situation is so unmanageable that you must leave immediately.  If your mental health is in jeopardy then you can request leave using FMLA time and get yourself together, then give your official notice if that isn’t sufficient.

If you’re unable to give 2 weeks, then try to give 1 week or even a few days.  Unless you’re in a situation where your physical well being is at risk, then it’s always best to give proper notice.  A crappy boss is never worth your reputation.  Remember, people leave bosses, not jobs.  Bow out gracefully knowing that it’s OK to get off this batty amusement park ride.

Are You A Crappy Manager?

Now if you’re a crappy manager there’s help for you.  Brazen Careerist has a great article which discusses how to know if you’re a crappy manager.  This applies to managers, supervisors, CEOs, directors and anyone else who managers a team of employees.  It’s important to realize that the people who work for you are there to help you reach your goals.  Without them, you are nothing.  There is no business and there is no money to be made.  Treat them badly and you end up depending on someone who hates your guts and only lives to make you miserable.  If you’re a CEO behaving badly, then you’re business will forever be at the mercy of employees who hate you and eventually find ways to sabotage your efforts.

Deal with your issues now.  More than likely, if you feel any of this applies to you then it’s time to really assess whether the tug of war with the people who report to you is really necessary.  They want the same things you do :  a productive environment where respect for one another is valued while being financially successful.  Your outerworld (work) is a reflection of your inner world (how you think) and there’s a good chance that the things you think about your subordinates are really the things you feel about yourself.  There’s a way to get what you want but creating conflict only begets more conflict which frustrates you further in the workplace.  You may even blame them, but perhaps it’s time to look within.   Let go and make the adult decision to change.  As a leader, it starts with you.  And, you’ll never get what you want from your employees what you aren’t willing to do yourself.

It’s an exciting feeling when you and your partner finally decide that it’s time to start a family!  Or perhaps you fall into the “surprise!” category and it’s, “ready or not, here we go!”  As exciting as it is, it can be scary as well.  Tons of different emotions and thoughts go through your head, just like anytime you step into The Great Unknown.  The notion of pregnancy itself is daunting enough, but what about your career?  Will you be able to afford a baby?  Take a deep breath; the bottom line is you will make it work one way or another, but a little planning is always helpful.  Here are some important things to consider:

Financial

• Baby expenses – In addition to monthly expenses, there is the upfront cost of all of the gear to prepare for baby’s arrival.  Babycenter.com estimates the total upfront cost of all of the gear you’ll need at $2k.  If you’re fortunate enough to have your family or friends throw you a baby shower, that is a huge help.  Monthly expenses can vary between $150-$500 or more, depending on several factors such whether you’ll use formula, diapering choice, childcare, etc. 
• Life insurance – You will need to purchase life insurance policies as a safety net for your family; for some guidelines on how much you need, see my previous article, “Life Insurance:  How Much Does Your Family Need?”
• Health Insurance – Your health insurance policy will need to be expanded to the “family” option.  Policies can be changed mid-year for life events such as the birth or adoption of a child.
• Will – If you don’t already have one, you absolutely need one once you start your family.  As part of the process, you and your partner will need to decide who you would want to be the guardian(s) of your children if something were to happen to both of you.
• Taxes – Your new little one will bring a change in tax status.  Be aware of the various deductions available related to children; you also will have the option to change paycheck withholdings.
• Saving for college – It’s never too early to start saving for your children’s higher education; in fact, the earlier the better!  Look into the various 529 plans available. 

Career

The million dollar question is whether you will go back to work after your maternity leave or become a stay at home mom.  This is a huge decision with many things to consider on either side of the fence. 

• Going Back to Work
  • Check your maternity leave policy with your HR department
  • Explore different childcare options to determine the right fit for your family
  • Consider the other costs associated with going back to work (fuel, eating meals out, wardrobe maintenance, etc.)
  • Prepare for the emotional adjustment of going back; it is helpful to have a support group of working moms at work
  • Be sure your child’s caretaker is aware of your child-raising values and methods so they are consistent (mealtime or naptime rituals, discipline, etc.)

• Becoming a Stay at Home Mom
  • Your spouse will need to be able to provide health insurance for the whole family
  • Evaluate what changes you need to make to your retirement savings to still meet your goals as a one-income household
  • Other perks from your job will you be forgoing, such as corporate discounts
  • Brainstorm ways to get involved in activities for mental and social stimulation
  • What are the options in your field for possible future career re-entry?

To help you sort through the chaos of emotions and questions when planning for parenthood, you may want to consider a baby planning service like [MOD] Momma, Inc.:  http://www.modmomma.com/  This kind of service assists you with issues like: what to expect during pregnancy, childbirth options, feeding issues, baby product choices, baby registries, child safety, childcare, transitioning back to work, and much more. 

Remember, planning is important since you won’t have the time or inclination to think about such things once you’re headfirst in the sleep-deprived, lovesick fog of new motherhood.  However, don’t overstress – you can always make necessary adjustments if something isn’t working out the way you planned.  Try to go with the flow; it is good practice for motherhood!

How to Develop a Winning Business Plan Presentation

The American Dream:  the idea that if you work hard enough, you can achieve your own personal success and prosperity in this country.  While some would argue that the American Dream isn’t what it used to be, people are still creating successful businesses every day.  It certainly isn’t easy though, and hard work is only a part of it.  Being a business owner also requires patience, persistence, commitment, creativity, flexibility and organization.  However, with any great risk comes the potential for great reward, both internally and financially.  Here is a basic guideline to get you pointed in the right direction for starting your business.

Market Research

You’ve come up with your big idea, so the next step is to do your homework to learn about your customers, competition, and general economic conditions for your line of business.  This will set the framework for your business plan and help you hone in on your customer’s needs, be better than your competitors, and mitigate marketplace risks.  You can conduct “primary” research by holding focus groups or surveys within your target market; or by visiting and observing your competitors.  “Secondary” research is market data that you can obtain online, from trade journals, or through an industry association.

Business Structure

The entity structure you choose determines how your business income will be taxed.  Here is a brief summary on the different structures:

• Sole Proprietorship – Under a sole prop, the business does not file a separate tax return as it is not a legal entity separate from the owner.  The business owner is liable for any debts incurred by the business.
• Partnership – Under a partnership, the business is owned by two or more individuals.  Although the business is not a separate entity from the owners, a tax return must be prepared for the partnership to show how profits and losses are distributed to the owners.  Any partnership owner can be held liable for all of the business’ debts.
• Limited Partnership – In a limited partnership, there are one or more general partners with control over the business and full liability as described above.  There are also limited partners, who do not have management control and whose liability is limited to their investment in the business.
• Corporation – A corporation is a legal entity separate from its owners, who are known as shareholders.  The corporation pays taxes on profits earned and if dividends are paid to the owners, these are taxed too.
• S-Corporation – An S-corp is considered a corporation, but does not pay federal income taxes.  Profits and losses are divided among shareholders who report it on their personal tax returns.  As such, the owners of the company enjoy the benefit of limited personal liability while also avoiding double taxation on profits.  The legal requirements for the formation and structure of S-corps, however, are relatively restrictive.
• Limited Liability Corporation (LLC) – An LLC also has the advantage of limited liability along with pass-through income reporting (reported only by the owner at the individual level).  The requirements for setting up LLCs are less restrictive than with S-corps, often making them attractive to single-owner businesses.

Business Plan

A business plan is crucial in the formation stage of your business.  Initially it will help you solidify the mission and goals of your business.  Later, it will be a crucial part of a loan package you’ll need if you intend to apply for financing.  Check out this presentation on how to create a deck, business plan and give a winning elevator pitch.  Additionally, there is a multitude of resources online for help in preparing a business plan.  The U.S. Small Business Administration (SBA) has a free self-paced course available here.

Filing the Paperwork

• Pick a name for your business and register it with your state government
• Get a Tax Identification Number from the IRS
• Find out about your state & local tax requirements:
• Acquire the necessary permits and licenses for your business

Business Plan –>  Slide Deck –> Elevator Pitch

Keep in mind that with the advent of technology startups, some of you may need a “deck” instead of the standard business plan.   If yours is a technology based startup, then you need a deck.   A deck simplifies your presentation in (generally) 10 slides or less and cuts to the chase when time is short for investors. This is because a business plan may seem outdated and too wordy for some investors since they review countless plans all the time.    Take a look a the business plan below and note the differences between the traditional business plan and the deck:

Once you’ve nailed down the creation of your deck, then you’re ready to move on to pitching to a venture capitalist.   This is known as an elevator pitch.  You want this to be good because he/she could love your idea enough to fund it based on your presentation and how your business aligns with their values. Those values being the potential to make them lots of money!

Are you ready?

Tell us if you’ve started your own business and if so, what tips do you have for other women putting their first deck or business plan together!

We’ve all been there, right?  The first day jitters about starting a new job hearkens back to those feelings you had about the first day of school.  In theory, they are no different.  New people to meet and a boss (professor/teacher) you’re dying to please.  If you can connect with those feelings, hopefully the following tips get you through the first day and beyond.

• Find a mentor, someone who has been where you are and able to “pull you up” when you’re feeling down.  My boss is this for me as she put me in the position to deal with the day to day that she doesn’t want to deal with but she supports me in the decisions I’ve made thus far.

• Learn the business/organization inside out.  Talk to those around you about what worked in the past and what didn’t work and then work to implement based on that feedback a good balance of what works for employees and the organization

• What keeps your boss up at night?  This is so important that I must underscore the importance of understanding and aligning yourself with this fact.  Discuss with your boss the things that concern them the most and make sure that you’re working to alleviate within your power whatever it is that remains top of mind for him/her.

• Understand and work to make your boss’ bottom line yours.  This is similar to what keeps your boss up at night, do what you need to do to make it yours as well.

• Put your stamp on everything that you do.  Do such an excellent job so that others around you know that only you could have done this since you went above and beyond what was expected.

• Seek out constructive feedback prior to your first performance review.  This way you know early what is to be expected and how to correct it before it goes down on paper in the official review

• Befriend the office assistants or anyone lowest on the totem pole.  You’d be surprised how much power they wield with the higher ups.  The worst thing you can do is walk in and get on a power trip.  Respect their job just as much as you want them to respect yours.

• Take initiative.  Do this and do it often.  Nothing is worse than having to babysit a new employee into doing the obvious because they’re still walking around like a dear in headlights during the first few days or weeks.  Now isn’t the time to flounder around in wonderment at your new space.  Jump in, hit the ground running and get to work!

• First in.  Last out.  There’s a purpose here.  Building equity with your higher ups and coworkers as a hard worker.  Show them that you have what it takes to be a hard worker that gets the job done.

• Avoid office politics.  Every office has drama right?  Some more than others and often you’ll be forced to form an opinion of someone before you’ve had a chance to experience working with them.  Do yourself a favor and avoid it.  I had to teach an employee, Employee 101:  Don’t align yourself with negative office drama.  At the end of the day, when you start being lumped in with the black sheeps by your boss, your friends won’t pay your rent should you be let go.  Be supportive, listen but shut up and mind your business.

Follow these tips and your first performance review is surely to go well.  Not only that but you’ll thank yourself for staying above the fray while winning the praise of your boss.

This post is first in a series discussing the many ways in which you can work from home while spending more time with children and family while pursuing other interests. Please submit your stories if you are currently working from home or have a telecommuting arrangement with your place of employment.

This article from Squidoo, Legitimate Work From Home Jobs is full of great information about opting out of the rat race and doing so as long as you have an internet connection.

Check out the following companies hiring work at home agents:

Freedom Telework

Freedom Telework has a reverse bidding structure – you should have a business license and your own equipment. You tell their clients how much you’ll charge by the minute or hour.

Alpine Access

Alpine Access hires virtual call center agents as W-2 employees. Competition for jobs is stiff, however, they are one of the most respected in the industry.

LiveOps

Liveops is another BPO firm – you’ll be an independent contractor.

Superior Telemarketing

Superior Telemarketing pays an hourly wage for their W-2 employees to work from home.

1-800-FLOWERS

1-800-FLOWERS hires in specific regions. Their work-from-home agents are W-2 employees.

West at Home

West at Home hires home-based independent contractors, and they tend to hire on a regular basis. Again, because of their popularity, there’s some real competition to get a job with them.

American Airlines

American Airlines hires home-based reservation agents across the U.S. who have a call center close to home.

Accolade Support

Accolade Support also hires home-based agents to work on a variety of client projects.

Extended Presence

Extended Presence hires outbound callers to work on their B2B campaigns.

Working Solutions

Working Solutions hires agents throughout the US and Canada. Call center projects can include order processing, reservations, enrollments, customer service, sales, market research, technical support, etc.

Things to Consider:

Fees. Some companies charge start up fees, training fees and/or equipment fees which you are responsible for since you will be working as an independent contractor in most cases. I will cover the pros and cons of this in an upcoming post. Make sure that your cost-benefit analysis puts you ahead in a fairly short amount of time. For example, I wouldn’t pay a $550 set up/equipment/training fee for a job that pays $8/hr.

Time Management. While working as an at home agent last summer, I found it became difficult to remain productive since I wasn’t commuting and my work didn’t have set deadlines attached. I had extra time on my hands and I tend to work best when I am under pressure to meet a deadline. Be mindful of any decreases in productivity as you transition into telecommuting.

Company Culture and Expectations. Pay attention to company culture and adapt, quickly. You’ll save yourself time and unnecessary frustration if you’re able to figure out whether or not you’ll fit in. While you won’t have a supervisor in your face, you will be interacting with other work from home employees typically within a forum or chat room, this is not the time to talk with co-workers about topics other than work-related issues, keep it clean and professional. This is also not the place to lodge complaints about the company, do so with your supervisor or get advice from other coworkers.

Backup Plan. Working from home is a blessing in so many ways, but it can be a nightmare if there are cutbacks due to budgetary issues or if you aren’t making the arbitrary “cut”. This happens frequently in the work from home agent field so be prepared to pursue other opportunities should this one fall through. An emergency fund is key once you make the decision to opt out of the rat race.

Reputation. Check out the company’s reputation because scams abound in this field and Ive known a few people to give up a good paying day job for a telecommuting job that seemed too good to be true. Check them out via telecommuting forums and by searching online for general information and employee experiences.

Resources:

• Rat Race Rebellion
• Work Place Like Home
• Search Tempest (Lets you search multiple states at the same time through Craigslist)

Future posts in this series will address The Pros and Cons of Working From Home An Independent Contractor, Mystery Shopping, Securing a Telecommuting Schedule with Your Boss, Freelancing and Starting a Business. If you are or have worked from home then feel free to share your experiences in the comments area.

(Photo)

This article was published on April 14, 2008 and updated on January 30, 2011.  See old comments on the original post here: work from home

I consider myself to be a student of life, however there comes a time when you realize that maybe going back to school may be the best thing for your career.  A great education is priceless but for our purposes, let’s discuss a few things you should look at when deciding to take the plunge and enter graduate school.

Cost

This one is obvious.  How much will it cost you to return to school for the total time in school?  Will you take out loans or have you saved to cover all costs associated with returning to graduate school.  Make sure that you understand the real cost of graduate school.  Real costs: loans + interest, living expenses, books, tuition etc.  Don’t just look at the tuition and call it a day.

Relevance + Market Demand

When researching what to major in while in graduate school, look at the current market relevance as that will determine how much your chosen field is in demand.  For example, here in the DC Metro area, degrees in Nonprofit Management, Information Technology, Project Management and Psychology/Social Work are all in high demand.  Check the local job search engines and you’ll see plenty of positions in those fields in this area.   This is because the federal government lives here so there are more than a few contracting corporations to fuel the job market for the previously mentioned fields.   Based on where you live or plan on living after graduation, ask yourself, – will that local economy support your chosen field?

Starting Salary –> Mid Career Salary

What is the median and starting salary for your chosen field?  The best way to figure this out isn’t to Google it but talk to people currently in your field to get a sense of what the going rates are right now.  Sites like Glass Door and The Vault tend to give median averages which don’t tell the whole story.  Do your research by talking to people about current salaries right out of graduate school and mid career salaries.

Experience of Past and Current Students

This is really important!  When you talk to current and past students, discuss how they were treated by the administration and whether or not they felt that the quality of the education is commensurate with what they paid for.  I’ve always had good reviews from students so I am lucky in that regard.  However, when I checked online reviews of the schools I researched I would often get a different picture, especially for some of the for profit schools.

Years To Achieve Return On Investment

Consider the following:

• Lost years of productivity while in graduate school working part time or not at all
• Loan amounts vs starting salary
• Total amount paid back for loans vs starting salary and length of time expected in career

Is it worth it?  Crunch the numbers based on your financial situation and then decide whether or not it makes financial sense.

LinkedIn

This has been a gold mine of connections for me in that I was able to connect with so many people in my field to discuss their experiences in school, current career options around salaries and job prospects.  You’d be surprised how much people are willing to tell you as someone coming behind them in the field.  How did I get in touch with them?  I simply performed a search and most wrote back.  I even met with one woman for coffee as she told me about her experience in her PhD program.  She warned me against going back to school for a degree I do not need and it was the best advice, ever.

My Story

I spent about 2 years since the completion of my Masters degree researching doctoral programs trying to decide if it was in my best interest to do so.  As some of you may know, I am a licensed psychotherapist by trade and within my field over the last 5-10 years there’s been some significant encroachment of mid level professionals like myself upon the domain of doctoral level professionals.  In my state, we are can now perform assessments and other tasks that were once only the domain of doctorate level therapists.   So it was important for me to understand whether or not a doctorate was actually crucial to the advancement of my career.

It isn’t.

Teaching is something I was told that I would not be able to do without a doctorate, yet if I wanted to I could go back to my graduate program and teach there as an adjunct.  And, while I was accepted to a few programs, shelling out $80-$120k in extra student loans for a $5k annual difference in pay wasn’t worth it for me.  Insurance companies pay out $5-$10 more to doctoral level therapists and that sealed it.  I  also had to consider the years I would spend in school (4-7) and the lost opportunity for full time income during that time as well as the harsh reality that the increase in salary and total amount paid in student loans isn’t worth the “prestige” of having a doctorate.

This is a conversation I have at least once a month with the interns at my job as well as potential new hires fresh out of doctoral school.  They often regret the decision to go back to school as they were fed stories of prestige and promises of having dominion over mid-level professionals like myself.  Taking the time out to research this was one of the best things I did and I don’t regret it one bit.  Currently, I am now researching a career in cyber terrorism as it is something I actually moved to this area for right out of graduate school.  We’ll see where it takes me as I want to make sure the money I put out will be worth it.

(image: momlogic)

Is there a perceived loss of equity and partnership because a stay at home wife/mom isn’t “pulling her financial weight”?  Given the feminist fight for equality, should women make the choice to stay at home?  Will our daughters revolt when all is said and done?

Let’s rehash this debate shall we?

Historically on this blog, and I’m sure many other sites-the stay at home mom vs stay at home wife vs working mom/wife debate has been heated and at times unbearable to watch or read.  It’s one of those debates that stirs the ire of many women who feel strongly about their decision -to stay at home or work outside of the home.

When I started writing this blog, I was a graduate student with no real personal income.  Sure, I had PT jobs here and there but nothing really consistent that brought in any significant moolah.  This made me dependent on my husband’s income during until I began working full time.  At the time, I was OKAY and quite content with being a stay at home wife, but if we’re being honest, I was also quite nervous about “not pulling my weight”.  Not because my husband said so but I had a working mom growing up so this was new to me.  I had no real responsibilities and able to come and go as I pleased.  I made friends with a few wives in our community and we’d either go shopping or hang out during the days when I wasn’t burning the midnight oil on campus.

Since then, my position has changed.

Why?  I’m not sure.  Well, let me take that back, I do.  I love working for my own money.  I enjoy making my own money. I am secure knowing that if something were to happen to the other income in our household that I’d be able to hold down the fort.

This isn’t a swipe at stay at home wives or moms because I think we’re all free to make our own decisions around what makes us happy.

Still my position remains the same for women in any situation where they aren’t bringing in money on their own.  Where is your safety net should the other income disappear?

To answer a few questions that have come up and still do even now:

Why then did I think a one person income was more secure than a two person income?

I felt this way because we lived within our means and had a 14 month emergency fund.  If his income was no longer there then we would have the emergency fund to fall back on with no problem.  Usually two income households are stretched to the limit and living outside of their means and this wasn’t the case with us.  If one person loses a job then there’s hardly any savings and the other person must shoulder the burden.  Now, this isn’t the case for all 2 income households but have you seen the average US individual savings rate lately?

Why tout breaking financial ceilings but at the same time support women who stay at home with no job?

Because I can.  Because those women can and choose to do so despite what anyone thinks.  Feminism is about choice and I what works for someone else won’t work for me and I’m OK with that.  At the end of the day women have the right to choose what situation works for them.

Is it something I would choose to do today?  No, I don’t believe so.   Since that time, I finished graduate school and I’ve spent some time in my career.  The decision I’ve come to is that my ideal would be working 15-20 hours per week if I had a child.  Right now I work long hours on site and from home.  When I have kids I’ll need more balance and at this time (child-free) I don’t know that I would want to stay at home all day with my kids.

I’m sure it’s the all encompassing dream that some moms make it out to be but I know better given my day job working in mental health.  Being a mom is a full time job with no breaks and I respect that.  Luckily, I know myself well enough to know that I’d need more of a balance with my career and raising children.

My boss is a great example of this as she owns a business and while she does most of the work from home (I run the daily operations) she gets to be at home with her children (she works from home on other projects) while we make her money.    I’m not mad at that at all!  In fact, this is my new blueprint for balance when I have children myself.

You see, while I want kids, I also know that I enjoy the financial freedom of making my own moolah.  She is living my ideal of having it all- she is a doctor, married, children, successful business and she looks pretty good doing it!    Aside:  I really admire working moms who don’t let themselves go, I want to be like them when I grow up!

I’d love to hear your position on the stay at home vs working wife/mom debate?  Has it changed at all over the years?  If so, why?  Tell us below!

In today’s economy, we’re tempted to build our expected salary based upon our own needs, wants, bills, expenses and then sometimes based on our skills and experience.  However, the reality is that your personal lifestyle choices and needs are not at the responsibility of your employer and I’ll tell you why.

Your Choices.  Figure Out How To Fund Them.

During interviews, a frequent discussion is the cost of transportation, student loan bills and any other expense that may come up.  I’m here to tell you never to bring those up during the course of an interview as that is the least of your employer’s concerns.  If the salary doesn’t meet your expectations then thank the interviewer politely and walk out or figure out how to make it work for your budget.  Perhaps, you can get a second job where you supplement your income to make ends meet.  However, your employer cares more about their bottom line and you should too if you want to get the job.

Increase Your Value By Highlighting Your Skills And Experience.

Focus on discussing what made them consider you the top candidate for the job.  Ask outright, why do you want to hire me?  Once they lay it out on the table for you, add the icing by discussing in depth how you plan to utilize those skill sets.  This helps to portray you as a valuable team player who understands their worth.  As someone who understands their worth and it’s value to the company, you are more likely to have you needs met this way.

Focus On Their Bottomline and Use It To your Advantage

Discuss n depth, the bottom line and how you can help them get there.  When in salary negotiations, the concern is how you fit in with their goals and whether you can help them get there.  It is a mistake to go in solely concerned abour how you will make ends meet if the salary does not meet your expectations.  After all, being on the brink of another recession, beggars cannot be choosers and we simply must make it work or be without work.

How do you like negotiating your salary?  Is it hard?  Do you look forward to it?  What tips can you share with us in the comments?

Over the last year, one of my main challenges in the workplace has been learning how to manage difficult personalities.  I’m hoping most you can relate to this since it’s something I hear about all the time and having experienced this I understand how hard it can be.

In my line of work we tend to talk about feelings, all day, everyday.  My husband teases that we do too much of this but it is the crux of what we do.  But he does make a good point.  That being we need to draw a line between feelings and business as we can’t let our feelings and the need to process them cloud major business decisions.  Still, we have to find a balance between how we feel about someone and getting through the business of the day.

I could go through a slew of tips and tricks to manage, trick and outsmart your worst and most hated enemy in the workplace.  But, frankly, they all boil down to one thing.  Managing your level of reactivity to those coworkers who work your last rotten nerve.

Having read a few books by Deepak Chopra, specifically, The Seven Spiritual Laws Of Success and just being an overall fan of his work I remember a tweet and I think it really changed how I interacted with people.

Those who are defensive and reactive find it impossible to have healthy relationships

And, just like that I did some introspection and managed to change how I reacted to the offenses and more importantly for the purposes of this blog, the difficult personalities I deal with on a daily basis be it coworkers or clients.  I’m not perfect, no where near it, but I am truly more conscious of myself in difficult situations.  Plus, it’s an energy drainer to deal with people like this.  My aura is nothing to be messed with.

Is It Worth It?

Sometimes we have to ask ourselves is it really necessary to react to everything a coworker does, even it you know it is meant to spite or hurt you?  Now, before you launch into “I’m not a punk…I’ll put them in your place” blah blah blah, think about what’s at stake and who is watching your reaction to that irksome coworker?  No one can steal your peace, but you don’t have to give it away by reacting to each and everything issue that comes up.  Trust when I say that your boss is watching how you handle yourself and more importantly your enemy at work.  Stop giving them the reaction they want and the thrill of seeing you seethe will subside along with the need to be petty.

Everyone reacts at some time with defensiveness in order to protect themselves: It’s universal. Those who are defensive and reactive find it impossible to have healthy relationships. Once you are aware of what sparks your own defensiveness and that of others, you can make the choice to act and react differently.

Must You React In Kind?

The need to react to others in a negative manner is often about ourselves more so than it is about the actions of the other person.  Once they have you by your proverbial neck, entangled in a nasty exchange you’ve lost as you’ve given them your peace and power.  This person more often than not is struggling with something that has very little if nothing to do with you.  Muster up a bit of compassion and note how you react differently moving forward.

Compassion:  The Answer

I could tell you stories of how this has worked for me in the last few months but I won’t go there least of all  give you specifics.

But, I will say that things changed once I realized the bigger picture.  That is, the person who had the major axe to grind needed more compassion from me than disgust.  While I was frustrated on a daily basis, deep down I felt this person’s pain which predated the interactions with me.  I was merely a symptom and once I embraced that my interactions became easier.  It was easier to focus on the mechanics of our differences rather than the emotional part of me that wanted to scream every time they did something wrong.

And, like that, that one quote really changed my perspective.  Hopefully it does something for you as well.  Knowing this, hopefully it empowers you to react differently to offenses knowing that this is more about you and maintaining your peace than it will ever be about them.