Smart Women Marry Rich: Big Blue Eyes Or Big Green Bankroll?
Yes, I know we’ve discussed this topic ad nauseum here and where the post first went live as a guest post at Consumerism Commentary.
In my defense of bringing this up again, I was contacted by ABCNews to discuss my views on marriage and money as it relates to the book: Smart Girls Marry Money: How Women Have Been Duped Into the Romantic Dream–And How They’re Paying For It.
And, while I think certain phrases are used mainly for shock value to pull the reader in, I generally agree with the premise. Don’t let sensationalized romanticism be your sole guide in choosing your life partner.
If you meet a guy who has a string of debts from New York to Colorado and has no sincere intention (not wherewithal) to repay them, then run like you stole something! Seriously, how a man treats his finances — if he is not willing to honor his debts and obligations — is an indicator of how he will treat you in the marriage. I take this as a character flaw and not one I am willing to put up with in the marriage. Call me what you want, but I am not that girl.
Still, Im also not saying that you should walk into a marriage thinking that if you bring your looks and he brings his wallet then all is well and done in the land of happily ever after either. Let’s keep it real here ladies, your looks will fade over time and he will continue to make money. What will you do when he decides to trade you in for the latest Aston Martin? Become an asset to your partner and not a liability, coming to the table with only your looks makes for a bad business deal in which you’re just a depreciating asset.
Real Talk. My goal is to keep it real with you here and not fill your head with gold digging dreams of snagging a guy solely for his money and thinking that you will be nothing more than a trinket in his box of tricks. If you’re going to do this anyway, be smart about it, go to school, get some business acumen and make it a learning experience.
Too many women find themselves penniless and poor after being dumped by a wealthy partner with no real concrete plan around how they would get back on their feet. Here’s a hint, walk in to your relationship with an education and a plan because prince charming doesn’t exist and a man is not a backup plan.
But while I do advocate making sure you’re partner is financially viable, please don’t go into the relationship only checking this box, make sure he is loving, respectful, shares your values, shares his feelings, is warm and someone who you know you can spend your life with through thick and thin. Love, not money gets you through hard times.
But let’s get back to the book.
Here are a few excerpts which, frankly tickles me to see this in print…. *snicker*…the authors are BOLD! LOL
Now, while I disagree with pushing women to use their feminine wiles to snag a man solely for money, I do agree with making sure that you wont be broke and in the poor house because you decided to marry a financially irresponsible partner.
Thoughts? I know some of you are boiling! LOL
If I've said it once, I've said it a thousand times – no matter how well a girl can do for herself, if she marries a guy with no money/ambition/earning's potential, prepare for a hard life.
I made a HUGE mistake in marrying my husband before he had all this crap together. But we got pregnant while we were both in school (me with the 4.0 gpa on my way to becoming a lawyer, and him, barely hanging on with C's and no idea what he wanted to be.) When I got pregnant, He promised me it would all be okay and that he'd be able finish up school, get a job, and we'd be taken care of. Well, a year later, he's flunked out of school, and I'm going back to work 5 weeks after a c-section. I've been working full time at a job I loathe, going to school full time (with my 4.0 gpa) and running a second business on the side to make money for us. But all I ever wanted to do stay home with my kids while I finished school (which is taking twice as long now because I can't take the course load I'd like.) (continued to next comment)
getting to do it all might mean having to do it all… — wow… that is an amazing statement. An Indian lady commenting on marriage in america once told me that its a little known but deeply engrained way that men work. Its like men are solids, women are liquids. You take away the container holding a woman in a certain way, she just flows into something else. You break down the foundation of a solid… it can't stand anymore unless someone builds it again. If a man doesn't have to do what hes supposed to, he will do nothing. (maybe thats true for all people but…)
should have married better? dunno the guy buy it could be stuff just went sour for the time being. The deciding factor in if you should have married better is not what happened, but what he will do about it. If he mans up, doesn't just feel depressed about his mistakes or shortcomings, and makes himself useful and finds his groove that is substantial enough… Then you married fine. But maybe you married hastily because of baby… and actually… that makes me think (not to piss you off but to keep it real in general) becareful who you go making babies with… dont have sex with someone you would hate to marry (not saying you need to want him to propose.. just saying if there are already red flags and flashing lights… dont go there)… you could have avoided this by not marrying (not that you could see the future..and this would still make things complicated with baby and all) but also if you did it with a different guy. and the way you talk about him… well hopefully its just venting…and you have a BIG right to be bitter but if you want things to get better youll have some attitude to suck up
That said… sorry that all that happened to you. And no one can even say you are wanting to much, you just want to live well enough… I think this is an example of the principle its easier to pull someone down than pull someone up… and applies for both sexes because I think there are plenty of stories of men pulled down by women (probably not blogged or voiced as often) as a man, I am sad that this man has failed you. And I hope things turn around for you. Although your name "feministbreeder" rubs me the wrong way (although its all about connotation, and personal perspective/context) I hope the lady I settle down with would have the mindset you expressed in this comment, to finish school instead of being an edu-bum, to help play a vital role in being with the children and HELP raise them well in this crooked society, and to have solid career goals and at the same time be fine with a part time job (somewhat of an indication to me you are not lazy, but care about other things besides just materialism and status… and lets keep it real those things are still attractive to have in life… or else people wouldnt want them… but not the most important)
And I say this because I am not the kind of guy that wants a stay at home mom- woman stay in the kitchen kind of relationship… I am the kind of guy that loves family, raised in a good one, has major goals in life, but one that tops the list is to be a great husband and father and do what I can for my kids… and then I look at the world of women and see a lot less women than I would hope to see that care about love-family-kids-real-life vs career/money/status in a similar ratio that I do.
The point is that I should have married better. I am so green-eyed jealous of other mothers who are able to stay home with their children, or JUST work a part time job, or JUST finish school. I have to do it ALL, and it's slowly killing me.
…(continued from previous)
At the rate I'm going, I won't have my law degree for another 6 years — but I would have been a 2L this year if my plans hadn't been screwed by the college drop-out husband. Yeah, I'm bitter.
I don't care how smart and together a girl is, your money cannot make up for his lack thereof. Not once you have children and you need time at home to recover (and no American ladies, there is no paid maternity leave out there for you – just 12 short weeks of unpaid leave – whaddayou think this is, Canada?)
Girl I think I love you already!
Haaa haa… yeah, come see me when you wanna bitch about "doing it ALL". I've always said that I don't think the feminists of the 70's realized that GETTING to do it all might mean HAVING to do it all.
I can't say that I love you but… I sympathize… In my head I'm thinking to your husband… WTF! Man what are you doing???? Please lady, tell me he has plans to move forward… please… makes me sad to see that. I really hope for your sake, and the sake of your marriage, that he turns this from a road block into a detour that will be insignificant in the future… I really hope… you didn't say but I hope he can at least finish something and get a freakin job! maybe he should become a Certified financial planner so he can at least manage whatever money you have well…
getting to do it all might mean having to do it all… — wow… that is an amazing statement. An Indian lady commenting on marriage in america once told me that its a little known but deeply engrained way that men work. Its like men are solids, women are liquids. You take away the container holding a woman in a certain way, she just flows into something else. You break down the foundation of a solid… it can't stand anymore unless someone builds it again. If a man doesn't have to do what hes supposed to, he will do nothing. (maybe thats true for all people but…)
should have married better? dunno the guy buy it could be stuff just went sour for the time being. The deciding factor in if you should have married better is not what happened, but what he will do about it. If he mans up, doesn't just feel depressed about his mistakes or shortcomings, and makes himself useful and finds his groove that is substantial enough… Then you married fine. But maybe you married hastily because of baby… and actually… that makes me think (not to piss you off but to keep it real in general) becareful who you go making babies with… dont have sex with someone you would hate to marry (not saying you need to want him to propose.. just saying if there are already red flags and flashing lights… dont go there)… you could have avoided this by not marrying (not that you could see the future..and this would still make things complicated with baby and all) but also if you did it with a different guy.
That said… sorry that all that happened to you. And no one can even say you are wanting to much, you just want to live well enough… I think this is an example of the principle its easier to pull someone down than pull someone up… and applies for both sexes because I think there are plenty of stories of men pulled down by women (probably not blogged or voiced as often) as a man, I am sad that this man has failed you. And I hope things turn around for you. Although your name "feministbreeder" rubs me the wrong way (although its all about connotation, and personal perspective/context) I hope the lady I settle down with would have the mindset you expressed in this comment, to finish school instead of being an edu-bum, to help play a vital role in being with the children and HELP raise them well in this crooked society, and to have solid career goals and at the same time be fine with a part time job (somewhat of an indication to me you are not lazy, but care about other things besides just materialism and status… and lets keep it real those things are still attractive to have in life… or else people wouldnt want them… but not the most important)
And I say this because I am not the kind of guy that wants a stay at home mom- woman stay in the kitchen kind of relationship… I am the kind of guy that loves family, raised in a good one, has major goals in life, but one that tops the list is to be a great husband and father and do what I can for my kids… and then I look at the world of women and see a lot less women than I would hope to see that care about love-family-kids-real-life vs career/money/status in a similar ratio that I do.
Well, I think that today's society encourages women to be that way. It is like, if have on a lot of makeup, shapely and able to hold an OK conversation, you are in like Flynn. Having smarts are not really being supported I feel that some women are still looking for a "savior" and are not trying to have their own plan before entering the relationship. Have your own and then when it is time to meet someone, it will be a great partnership instead it being a sole proprietorship (sp).
I think that we are all encouraged from the time that we are little girls to want to be the princess who is saved by the prince and lives happily ever after. And I think that there is a part of that ideal that stays with us even when we are old enough to know better logically.
While I don't want to give up on happy endings, I think it is up to every woman as an individual to make her own happily ever after come true. We have to take control of our financial future and not count on a man or a marriage to be the answer. 90% of all women will have sole responsibility fo their finances within their lifetime… yet 79% of all women have not planned for it. We are far to smart to let our Disney dreams dictate our financial future.
aka "every man for himself!" lol… SMH…. sad sad world… but I see why some women gotta do what some women gotta do… still… wish it was better… maybe im just too idealistic….
If you expect to always pay your monthly bill in full, your best choice may be a credit card that has no annual fee and offers a longer grace period.
I definitely agree with you on that Michelle.
We are very well capable of taking control of our financial future. As a matter of fact, I believe women make better financial decisions than men. Most women have better credit scores than men do.
I think there are more smart money women than smart money men… but I also think there are many many women that make bad decisions financially as well. Two parts go into financial decision making. Making good decisions, and avoiding bad decisions. My theory on these statistics is that women are better at making good decisions, but worse at avoiding bad decisions, howver, those bad decisions tend to be smaller things than a guy buying a new 50,000 car (to impress a woman..
) I also think that many women are forced by life to be more responsible with their money than men, since more women are single parents, or may have left a marriage economically damaged. One last factor is that you practice spending more… and would't anyone get good at their habit? 
My mother had an observation that seems to be even truer today than when she said it 50 years ago:
"Any woman who marries for money ends up earning every cent of it. She'll be the victim of economic terrorism for the rest of her life."
I don't necessarily agree with the fact that a woman who marries for money will become a victim–not if she knows what she's doing. If a woman engages in this type of behavior, an ironclad prenup is in order, not to mention, she must exhibit financial acumen on her own behalf. Prada bags are great, but when that's all you leave with, you are certainly foolish…
Totally agree!! Do so only if you know what you're doing.
[...] Ginger @ Girls Just Wanna Have Funds reminds women that marriage isn’t just about romanticism. This has been a topic of much debate lately, but what it comes down to is this. While love is [...]
[...] Ginger @ Girls Just Wanna Have Funds reminds women that marriage isn’t just about romanticism. This has been a topic of much debate lately, but what it comes down to is this. While love is [...]
Being a woman is EXHAUSTING. Trying to find the time to manage my career, get my MBA, work out, take my unemployed friends to dinner and a movie to cheer them up, trying to court men with a high net worth and making sure I look hot before I'm 30 is hard work.
I'm ready to retire already
This is what I still am trying to understand… why do women want it all so badly? want it all and want the best are two different things… some say women have been duped by romanticisim… I say they have been even more duped by Independent-women-have-it-all-Get-every-need/want- satisfied-ism… its like you do this to make you happy.. but in the end… it doesnt! I hope you dont feel like retiring from success… I hope somehow you are fulfilled… but sometimes I just don't get some of the paradoxes women create… they want their man to be the "breadwinner" but they want to have a major career etc… and expect family life to be ok… family life has needs… and bottomline, just like a bill, those needs need to be met or things wont work and if both people are out and about its not happening…
The smart thing for a man to do would be to marry rich as well. Just a thought.
As a man with money, i find it equally unattractive to marry a woman that has no money and hopes to sit at home, one day. I 100% aggree with the economic terrorism comment. Nothing in life is free, and if you are just a woman after money, be prepared to give in other regards. The tradeoff is up to you. Remember, your beauty does fade, as does the handsomeness of most men.
I guess the other question this brings up is why not just become an escort or a high price callgirl if all you want in the end is money? Point being that there are many ways to find money without ruining someone else's life as well.
because thats not all a woman wants… but… I think women should almost… ALMOST… seriously consider that… if you are money hungry… save yourself and many other people and any potential kids that could have been created the trouble of an illegitimate or ill-formed relationship. If you want what you want… go for it… but don't deceive a good person to get there… let that person (applies for both men and women) find another "good person" on their level. and some may say "its also the other persons fault for not realizing" but come on people… we don't always make the smartest decisions love wise so cut the crap at the beginning and head and heart ache will be reduced
continued….
Anyway, sorry to burst your bubble, but most men recognize a woman that wants primarily money. And most men are willing to accept it for a set of "economic terrorism" demands and attitude. Good luck to all you savvy women – hope you realize what you are getting yourself into. 50% divorce rate and money grubbing – wonder what percentage of divorces are the result of something like that. Hope the money grubbing women don't have money grubbing kids – somehow, darwin's laws should prevent that, but it's probably just the opposite.
I'm sorry to say also that everyone that has a career, mba, works out, and has kids needs to make tradeoffs.
Guess this society has become way too materialistic.
i guess to each their own. i realized that darwin's laws do apply – incompatible people marry, divorce, have screwed up kids (to some extent) and those kids then perpetuate the same cycle until the generations self destruct, etc. polarization of wealth distribution over the years – now if only someone would do a research paper on that!
You seem to be a worthy subject, let the trials begin. Haha
to the blog post in general.. wow…. to gingers final comment… i couldn't agree more… I really wish more people become more financially responsible and competent, I feel it should be mandatory just like english math and science… and with all due respect to science… financial education I believe had more general importance than taking a physics or chemistry course in high school or college. I wish there was a place like… a Personal Finance school that had classes for different age groups… kinda like an extra curricular type thing… to have education for all ages…
but yea… women… be smart… and if you gotta leave a man because he isn't smart… do it… but after at least helping him see the door to financial education as well. (so that maybe he might become a better man for the next woman… maybe…)
[...] Smart Women Marry Rich: Big Blue Eyes Or Big Green Bankroll? [...]
The thing is most rich men trade in their WIVES once they get old and ugly, for newer models, and rich men are smart they have good lawyers so they can leave you basically homeless, while he is with a young 20 year old blonde babe. Thats when you will realize that you should’ve married someone who would love you forever, im not saying he has to be poor. Im saying that Love is important other wise he is more likely to cheat on you, divorce you for the next hot babe. Think about it.
Prenupt.