Are We There Yet? Baby Making Time Lines

Today I learned that my BFF is pregnant!  I am of course so happy for her and plan to be all up in and through her pregnancy living vicariously through her for the next 8 months.

As we talked about her pregnancy pains, I realized that as much as I would love to be pregnant with her (we have always talked about being pregnant together), Im still not there yet.

Still not ready to give up my freedom, not ready to give up on my plans to return to school, just not ready…yet.  But I am warming up to the idea.

Turning 29 last week seems to have put my biological clock into serious gear when last year this time it didnt mean much to me at all.  I was content with waiting and seeing how I’d feel once I finished my MA program.

Now, as you know from my last post we did set up a “time line”, but Im slowly backing away from it because Im not sure I want to commit to that anymore.  I asked my husband today how he truly feels (he says he’s content waiting until Im ready) and he told me that it might be better for me to get the grad school/career woman pursuit going and out of the way instead of going back and forth about motherhood when Im clearly not ready yet.

Then talking to a family friend who is around 40 years old with a 2 year old, he said that his wife’s boss has her own regrets about waiting so long to have kids because at 35 she cant have any more.  He also said that he’d wished he met his wife 20 years earlier because he would have more time and opportunity to have more kids with her now as they are trying for a second child.

So on one hand there’s the imperative to get started now so that I can enjoy my child while Im young, retire at a decent age and avoid the pain of chronic miscarriages and the possibility of down syndrome past age 35.  But then there’s the I love my career and want to do so much more before having children.  Meanwhile, the clock is ticking…..

It’s like a never ending musical chairs.  Once I think I’ve got this thing down, a time line that is, I change my mind and get back on my original track which is to go with what I know and am comfortable with but to be honest at my age, it’s beginning to feel like a gamble.  I wait, finish my program and then start trying to conceive and then possibly have some issues due to my age.

TMI…..Andy hit the RED X!

My OBGYN here in DC is a prominent fertility doctor and we had a talk a few months back when I had a pregnancy scare.  Yes, as in scared.  If I want to get pregnant and had issues, he’d find a way LOL  So I told him that my husband and I dont use protection ie birth control because any form of hormones make me a raging bitch and I break out horribly.  So, we’ve been living on the wild side for the duration of our marriage.  He seems to think that’s crazy and that something may be wrong since we’ve never been pregnant.  I won’t know until we start trying and I’m not ready to test that theory just yet.

So, here I am obsessing about this time line because frankly Im just not there yet.  Im getting there, warmer and warmer but not quite yet.