The Downside Of The SuperWoman Syndrome: Do Men Really Want A Strong Woman?
Do men really want a strong woman or is that just something that they say until they actually have a career oriented, driven, opinionated woman in their lives?
You know who she is… she cooks, cleans, pays the bills, takes care of the kids/husband and/or herself, oversees the home, plans fabulous trips, rolls with an amazing crew and is moving up the corporate ladder or making her own way as an entrepreneur. But, her love life may be suffering as a result of her independence and strength. Her husband says she’s a workaholic, selfish and neglecting him. Her boyfriend says he isn’t a priority and he is tired of coming in second to her ambition and goals. So, what’s a woman to do? Should we work less and give more time to our personal lives?
Or, should we continue to follow our passions knowing full well our hobbies, outside interests, and our relationships with family, friends, and those we hold dear may be jeopardy.
We will talk about “The Downside of the Superwomen Syndrome” and I would love for you to join in on the discussion, Thursday, May 28, 2009 at 7:00 PM EST. I’ll be joining the show host, Danielle Ricks, and several call-in listeners when I’ll be a guest on one of the hottest on-line relationship radio shows, NowWhat! Blog Talk Radio. The program airs LIVE on www.BlogTalkRadio.com a social network that allows listeners to connect quickly and directly using an ordinary telephone line.
NowWhat! is all about women! Thursday’s show, “The Downside of the Superwomen Syndrome”, will cover issues like:
- How we define “a strong women”?
- How women can balance work and home?
- Do men really want a strong Black woman?
- How do the sacrifices women make impact us?
- What advice can we give young women entering the workforce?
I’ll be dishing it with the host, Danielle Ricks, and other callers who are interested in strong women. But, to make the show really interesting I’d like you to be a part of the discussion! There are two ways you or your
friends can get involved:
Call into the show on Thursday, April 15 at 7:00 PM EST by dialing 347.838 8493 from any phone line.
Or, join us on-line for a live chat at 7:00 PM EST by visiting the website at http://www.blogtalkradio.com/DanielleRicks. We are creating already a buzz on Facebook and Twitter surrounding this topic. You do NOT want to miss being a part of the LIVE discussion!
I believe it depends on the guy you are with. I am not married, but I have experienced dating guys who tell me that they want someone to be at home more than he is. Or, someone who "needs" them more. I think once you are married, and your spouse desires a "softer" approach, it is ok to leave the superwoman uniform in the phone booth. Allow him to be Clark Kent. It will be better for the relationship in the long run I believe. But, it is difficult the older women get I believe without being married. You get used to handling your own. It is not personal, it is just that you learn how to adapt to handling everything. When that happens, and you do meet someone, he either embraces it or gets offended. Being a superwoman can sometimes hurt you or help you. Trust me, I have experienced both.
I agree, it depends on the guy. Some guys have Ego problems & some are totally cool, because they can see the big picture. In my opinion, I think the "strong" woman thing is a cop-out for both black men & black women. Black women use the term to say that a man is intimidated by them, and black men use the term as a negative connotation to describe a black woman & why they may or may not date her.
There is definitely a balance between work, life & love, no matter what color or gender you are. It's all about finding that balance & doing whats best for you to achieve that "happiness"
I do agree with you on women using the strong women term and how it can be a turn off. What I hadnt considered was the possible intent behind it. In the black community, I think women are used to men falling short and therefore walk into relationships with low expectations. So they become off putting by letting the man know off the bat: I dont need you so dont even bother trying to step up to the plate.
I can't join the conversation but I would love to hear it… will it be saved somewhere like a podcast so I can listen to it after the fact?
Also, will there be discussion about men really wanting strong women who might not be black? Just men and women in general?
LOL this topic applies to all women, not just black women. And yes all
episodes are saved.
I don't think a lot of men fully understand what being involved with a strong, independent woman entails. Some of them will say they don't have any problem with a woman who makes more money than them, BUT I think their opinion changes once the gap between the two incomes begins to close. Or they realize that independent women, by definition, aren't reliant upon them.
Some men don't have a problem with you working hard and excelling in your career/business, but they have a problem with you not conforming with your "role" as a woman. They expect you to work, work out, cook, clean, and take care of the kids. It's too much!!! I'm not signing up for all that.
I think it's important to do what's best for you. Most women can't have it all. Unfortunately, that same assertive and unrelenting behavior that serves as the driving force behind your professional success could come across as combative in a relationship.
I go back and forth about the topic of "having it all". I firmly believe that we can have it all, just not all at one time. This involves careful planning and proper introspection when it comes to romantic relationships and of course balance. I will write a follow post on Monday.
I personally believe that I have it all right now, but it's all about careful planning and introspection. My husband had to know from jump street, whether or not he could deal with my future plans and vice versa, because this is a partnership. We cant acquiesce to get into the relationship and then change once we have the brass ring. We don't have kids yet, but that will come in a few years. Then I will continue on with other educational and career pursuits. I think one issue with having it all is women thinking that you either have to do it by 30 or have it all at one time. For most it just isnt possible so we have to be honest and incorporate balance into our lives.
Now as this relates to the Superwoman Syndrome, I tend to think that while we're playing this role at work, we need to learn how to put on the lace gloves at home and leave the iron fist at the work place.
It helps us superwomen date men who are used to seeing strong women their life. Or at least see men and women who are good partners. I am a superwoman – my paycheck is larger, my potential for income long term continues to be much higher, and he would move with me and be stay at home dad if we need to move somewhere he can't get a job (like overseas) if my job allows for such opportunity when we have children. He truly isn't bothered by it at all – it has taken me several years to figure this out. I love to cook, so I am cooking at home all of the time, though he cleans up after me. We split chores we both hate, so neither is suffering alone.
This really depends on the guy. There are many men who can't handle a strong, independent woman and the reasons vary. Some of it may be he is simply insecure in a lot of ways. But, some of it is just the values he was raised on. Our civilization was built on the foundation that man took care of woman. And, to some degree, a man may feel he is less of a man if he is not supporting the woman, or if she is making more money then he is. It is a very rare man indeed who is perfectly happy to accept a woman the way she is, and still continue to do his personal best in the workforce. The reality is that the majority of men go one of two ways, either they get upset and it causes problems in the relationship, or they turn into moochers.
I think the best thing a couple in this situation can do is talk it out. Figure out what's important to them and really consider it from each others point of view. If there is open communication, a couple can find a solution that works for their specific situation. Personally, I'm not superwoman and I don't try to be. There are things I want to achieve in my life professionally and I would hope that someone I'm with will be understanding of that. However, I don't think I should have to change my life and goals to assuage an ego. That's just me, though.
Men like feminine women, not women who display male attributes. Ego has nothing to do with it, attraction does.
A woman's career, bankroll, job title, hours worked… none of these make a woman more attractive to a man. In many cases, it seems like we are dating men with female bodyparts.
We are hardwired to be attracted to fertility signals. Women are hardwired to be attracted to status, height and power. Millions of years of evolution and survival made us that way.
Of course there are random exceptions. Few and far between, but I'm sure we'll see tons of them here.
"A woman's career, bankroll, job title, hours worked… none of these make a woman more attractive to a man"
Not sure what rock you decided to crawl out from underneath but whenever you want to meet my husband and have a drink sometime let me know. I have a career, educated and hold a senior position with my company, not to mention beautiful. Nonetheless, I am way more than tits, ass and a pretty face.
Just sounds like you're more intimidated by a woman who is more than the typical housewife. We're in 2009, feel free to catch up
He's just telling the truth. What is objectionable in what he wrote? Woman themselves say that men are turned off by women who are high achievers. It's something they complain about and criticize men for. So how can you condemn him for saying what women themselves say? Are you denying that men are more attracted to women with physical assets than monetary assets or education? Maybe you also think men read Playboy magazine for the articles. You're accusing him of being intimidated by successful women. Well, duh! Isn't that exactly what women have always said about men? And haven't women also always said that men are more interested in a woman's looks than her accomplishments? So how can you criticize him for saying exactly what women are saying?
As for your insult about women who are "housewives" It might interest you to know that there are millions of women today in 2009 who are housewives and also a couple of hundred thousand men who are househusbands. They are taking care of their homes and families, and really do not deserve to be insulted by superior, holier than thou comments. Thank you.
This is very interesting, I had had no idea this was going on, thanks for the tip!