And this statement was especially on point: “As for society, I think we should educate society to be more respectful, tolerant and accepting about the changes that human beings, (women in particular) go through”

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Anyhow, to answer your open queries, technically, this is the first time that this reality is given, well, a name. Like a disease that has been existing, only that no one knows what it’s called, or no one cared to name it. But now, at least these issues (”minor” as they may seem to be) are out in the open.

I think the issue of Professional Women Losing their Identities after Having a Baby is real. But as I said, no one has really talked about it. I’m not yet a mother, but I am a teacher and I felt it when I was still teaching in a school. As we all know, as a teacher, technically you become the second-mom of children during in school. When I was teaching, I felt that many people in the corporate field, doubted my capacity to do corporate work and ridiculed my decision to teach. Thing is, once you start teaching you sort of forget everything else and completely devote your time to your students or “children,” so it’s not like I outrightly defend or argue the fact that I am very capable and probably even more competent to work in the corporate field more than those who are there because of how I take responsibility seriously, you know? I guess, the belittling of people for teachers and mothers is probably due to the lack of awareness and knowledge about how hard it is to be a mom or a teacher.

It’s tempting to think that these people are ingrates and idiots to treat societal transformers that way, but indulging to that would just feed my ego in the wrong way. And so I choose not to think that way. Instead, what I do is just assert myself in the sense that I do the things I ought to do better, with more passion and love and let my record stand for myself instead of pure talk.

Right now I’m freelancing, working at home and doing commissioned work, and many still give me weird looks when I explain what I do, but to me it’s a matter of putting myself in their shoes. Sometimes ignorance really makes people say stupid and annoying things.

I think if ever, how women could address these problems of indirect discrimination is to simply prove them wrong by being the good workers that they are. I also think that professional women who’ve given birth should engage in moments of introspective reflection before getting into a professional endeavor after giving birth–just so that they will be empowered… so that they will remember who they are and what they’re worth. As for society, I think we should educate society to be more respectful, tolerant and accepting about the changes that human beings, (women in particular) go through.

Great insight btw. Thanks for the opportunity for a discussion.
Cheers!

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Angie
Founder of Six Figure Moms Club

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I have detected resentment from single or women with no children toward those who have children because as others have said - they have more ‘perks’. The no-child woman has to go to the late meeting because the other worker has to pick up someone from daycare, etc. I think some men and some women who’ve decided not to have children see ‘breeding’ women as liabilities. They think a woman with a child is more likely to miss work or miss more work than her non-parent counterparts. I can’t say they’re wrong, as I’ve seen in every working environment I’ve been in - the parenting mother does miss more work. In the one instance I’ve worked with a single father, however, he was the one having to leave early because school called, etc. It’s basically the caregiver role, and that is usually the mother, even in today’s Equality-R-Us world.

As for labeling ‘mommy blogging’ or anything like that, I’m for others who’ve said to disregard the stereotype and move on. You can’t change other people’s minds for them, and their saying one’s work is less important doesn’t make it so.

In my field in particular you are valued highly as a work horse. Having a family is seen to conflict with your “commitment” to the organization. I must admit, there are HR policies in place, but your only solace really comes from other “momfessionals.”

The inferiority complex for women may come from a few places. First, the belief that you have to try harder than everyone else because you are behind the eight ball as soon as your EI benefits run out, and after trying that hard at work still attempting to be super mom at home. Failures in either department are very traumatic, and the mixture of exhaustion and peer pressure make the whole ordeal that much more debilitating.

The biggest success, I think, for a professional turned mommy would be to accept that she has made a choice and that will come with consequences, without succumbing to the outside forces that will ultimately drag her down.

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Women today grew up getting educations, preparing for successful careers, getting good jobs, competing in the workplace, earning good incomes, and saving & investing. Suddenly they have children, and whether they continue to work or not, an identity crisis is to be expected. It’s not just about how others see them (and that will change, whether they continue to work or not). It’s also about how they see themselves.

Suddenly you’re a mom, and that is first and foremost. But you probably still want to be respected, in control of your finances, competing, making tough decisions, and even earning some money to feel like a contributor to the household finances. Suddenly instead of spending your free time researching investment opportunities - or sample sales or whatever - you find yourself frantically researching various brands of cribs. Instead of analyzing the stock market or an ad campaign (or website design or whatever), you’re analyzing the ingredient content of baby food and wondering if you should pay more for organic.

I think many women are torn between feeling demoralized and proud of their new mom-identity. And they feel guilty for having thoughts like “did I really go to college so I could clean up throw-up and change diapers all day?” It’s all totally normal - and agonizing.

But it would be the same for men, especially if men stayed home after having a baby. They’d have an identity crisis because their identities are very much wrapped up in their careers, even moreso than most women today.

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“As a single, childless person, I’ve gotten stuck with quite a bit of work thrown at my by people with kids. Kids are responsibility; I get it. Stuff comes up. Obviously, I don’t have anything important to do, because the world revolves around your kids.”

Im married with no children and I have gotten that as well. Being asked to stay late because well “you dont have any kids, so you dont have a problem right?”

Uhmm I have a life and a marriage, that’s enough. I HATE HATE HATE it when people do that to the childless. Our lives and time arent worth any less because we don’t have children.

Carry on

As a single, childless person, I’ve gotten stuck with quite a bit of work thrown at my by people with kids. Kids are responsibility; I get it. Stuff comes up. Obviously, I don’t have anything important to do, because the world revolves around your kids. Sometimes it’s dads who pawn off work on the childless, but in my experience, it’s more mothers.

In my new job, a 80-hour week world, I’m starting to think that perhaps my field and motherhood are just incompatible hats. Men don’t seem to have this kind of conflict. They just live at the office like before and keep plugging away.

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