Waiting To Have A Baby Because Of Finances
Our parents had children in their teens and early twenties, now women are having children in their early thirties to late forties. Some might ask what are the pros and cons of such a decision. Why are women choosing to have children later on in life? Isn’t this considered selfish? Is it better off for the child to have an older parent vs. someone younger and perhaps closer in age?
My reponse? Do whatever works for you. If you like it, I love it. I’d love to hear your perspectives on this issue so read on.
As women we often get the “so when are you getting married?…..when are you guys buying a home?……baby on the way?……you do know we want grandchildren right?”…I don’t know about the rest of you, but we certainly get the last set of questions relating to children each and every time we go home to visit.
This weekend was no different. We went to my husband’s fraternity annual BBQ and his uncle took us aside to ask if everything was ok because he doesn’t see anything baking in the oven. Now, while I know he did this in jest, it still annoys me a bit. Why? Because I really do resent the notion that as soon as we are married we need to start having children. There’s so much left for me to do with regards to my career and personal goals so I am not quite there yet. I admit to being in full career woman mode right now.
When we do tell our family members that we are in the process of paying down debt (and our goal is to be consumer debt free by December 2008) they laugh and tell us how they had children within their first year, they struggled, but they are ok now.
That is exactly my point. I don’t want to struggle.
I waited to go to college and get an education.
I waited to find the right partner to settle down with.
I waited to buy a home where they can play outside
I can certainly wait to have children when the time is right.
While I am a control freak, I fully realize you can’t plan for parenting but I can do my best to make sure we are prepared financially. Truly, I am not used to struggling financially, so I don’t want our children born into a situation where we are struggling to feed and take care of them.
We are fresh out of graduate school, still enjoying carefree evenings and spontaneous weekends. And, we’re totally cool with that, not in a rush to give that up just yet. Sure, if it happened we’d be delighted, but right now? We have a plan, and we’re OK with that.
I find that women often wait to have children for the following reasons:
- Finances
- Waiting for the right partner
- Career concerns, wanting to achieve a certain level within their careers before settling down to have children
- Fertility issues
The list could go on Im sure, but after talking to a few of my friends, this seems to be the general consensus. Here are some of the pros and cons from member on Askville @ Amazon.com:
Pros of having children young
- * You (may) be more energetic with keeping up with your children (I don’t know, I don’t think mid-30’s is really over the hill).
- * You are younger, and therefore have better odds of being alive and in good health well into your children’s (and grandchildren’s) lives.
- * Your children should be long out of college, and established in their lives before you start thinking of retirement (i.e., you don’t have to worry about the competing $$$ needs of college and retirement at the same time).
- * If you’re looking to have a big family, you’ll likely have the time to do it.
Cons of having children young
- * You wouldn’t have the support of existing close friends raising children at the same time.
- * You probably aren’t as financially stable/secure in your career as someone who is older.
Pros of having children later
- * More financial security, more time pre-kids to have saved the money to do things like buy a house. Once you have kids, your disposable income takes a big hit!
- * More years of experience in your career/job. A proven, established track record might give you more flexibility in your job after a child is born. For example, you might have a strong enough client base to become a contractor, or your employer might be willing to let you work part-time from home, etc. Basically, concessions that might not be as readily available to someone new to the work-force.
- * More life experience and maturity to bring to your parenting
- * Less of a risk that you’ll have regrets of things you didn’t do. Hopefully by your thirties you’ll have had the chance to do your “big thing”, like travel to Europe or go skydiving. Less of a chance you’ll feel “tied down” by children.
- * Probably at least some of your friends/family members have already had children of their own…a great source of advice and hand-me-downs.
Cons of having children later
- * Increased risk of encountering fertility problems
- * Increased risk of having become accustomed to a lifestyle that is incompatible with children. For example, if you’ve spent the last five years popping out for $200 meals at 9pm on a minute’s notice, that’s not going to fly once you have kids!
- * Increased risk of facing health problems/death while your children are young (or relatively young, like still in their 20’s or 30’s).
- * The later you have children, the closer together their college and your retirement (and related costs of both) become.
I totally agree with the posters sentiments in that I don’t think that either choice is good, better, less or more selfish, it is more about that person’s ideals and their willingness to commit to this new stage of their lives.
What are your thoughts? How do you feel about women waiting longer to have children? Do you think if could help or hurt them financially?
[...] Original post by Ginger [...]
It’s an individual choice. There’s no right or wrong in this. As you’ve outlined, there are plenty of pros and cons to both. I had my first child at 23, and my second 3 years after. It was financially difficult for us, but I blame that more on the career situation we were in (my husband was active duty military and we lived overseas in a location with a very high cost of living) more than I do having the kids. Now they are teenagers and I feel young enough to still have time to pursue my wants in life that I had put on the proverbial back burner when they were little. I don’t know if that’s the best way, but it’s my way. I hopefully will live long enough to meet my grandchildren, and to give my children the guidance and support they will need as adults. I lost my mother was I was 32, and even though she was fairly young at her death, I often wonder about mothers and fathers having first-time babies in their late 40s and 50s because of this. But really, for every solution, another problem is typically created. I can’t say one way is any better than the other.
I’m in this situation now–waiting to have children because of finances, well that and just not feeling ready to settle down. I’m 25, been married for 2 years, and we just don’t feel the need to rush and would prefer to achieve certain life goals before having children.
We both graduated in June so financially speaking, planning a child now is a foolish decision. My husband has been working two jobs to support us, and I won’t be planning a pregnancy until I’m in the workforce and qualify for full maternity benefits.
My sister got married young as well (at 22) and started her family right away without worrying about finances and thinks we have a lack of faith because we would like a home of our own and a vehicle before getting pregnant. I don’t think those are unreasonable goals!
That said, I will have at least one child before the age of 30 regardless of our financial situation. My parents were 41 and 58 when I was born, and I love them, but take it from a child of older parents: have your children while you’re young if at all possible! You don’t want to miss out on your grandkids lives!
We are 26, married 2 years and we don’t feel like it’s the right time for us to start a family (although we both are huge ‘family people’ and dream about starting a family). We are enjoying being married and loving our life as it is, without feeling like something is missing. This is astounding to some of our family and friends. But since we didn’t picture having children until we’re 30 there’s no conflicting feeling for us. I take no judgment on those who have children young or wait. I believe a family is a huge blessing and responsibility regardless of what age you start. Make the decision between the two of you – those are the only two votes that should count.
Love the blog, hope to come back and read more soon. As for the topic, I am 25 with no children, I plan to be financially stable and married when I have children. I grew up having a single mom and she struggled. Some people want to have children early but I can assure everybody in my circle I am not one of them. But I know the pressure can be surmounting when you get older, My best friend is 29 single and I am 100% sure when she gets married her first priority will be to have a child.
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I was really disturbed by your uncle’s comment to you. How incredibly rude! What if you were having problems? His comment would surely be hurtful, though unintentional. It’s nobody’s business and nobody’s place to ask when anyone is planning (or not planning) to have children.
My husband and I are 23 and we are expecting our first child at the end of this year. We feel incredibly comfortable with our financial situation–our only debt is a small car loan and we are close to having a 6-month emergency fund in place.
We’ve been living on one income for almost a year now. My husband brings home the main paycheck and I do small freelance things.
We feel as ready as we’ll ever be. It kind of stinks because none of my close friends have children. Heck, most of my close friends aren’t married.
This comment is already getting too long, so I’ll just wrap it up by saying it’s a personal decision and people need to stay out of others’ business.
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[...] Ginger over at Girls Just Wanna Have Funds had an interesting post on waiting to have a baby until your finances are in order. While the post [...]
I disagree with this one line: “I fully realize you can’t plan for parenting.”
Actually, yes you can. Planned Parenthood is a whole organization dedicated to such a thing.
I get you’re trying to say though especially when people come up with the “There’s no perfect time to have a baby” thing to which I say, “Yes there is, when you’re not busted-ass broke.” When a couple says they want to be financially sound before having a child, why is that met with hostility and push-back? Especially from people that had kids while they struggled financially (and continue to do so)? Probably because misery loves company. Deciding when to have a child is not exactly like trying to time the stock market. We know when the ideal time period is for men and women reproduce. We have birth control to help us do that when it’s appropriate for us. This is one of the few times in history when women ever had the chance to decide when to have kids, if they even want to, thanks to the Pill and entering the workforce to make our own money. So yeah, compared to other generations it seems a little strange, however this is how it should be, in my opinion. I believe people that want to have children should be able to have the time build a strong financial base before doing so. And that should be celebrated, not brushed off and met with insults of women being “selfish,” etc.
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@ Velvet-”“There’s no perfect time to have a baby” thing to which I say, “Yes there is, when you’re not busted-ass broke.”
PRICELESS!!! LOL!
Honestly we could afford to have a child now. Without struggle financially at all. We have a home big enough for a child, we have $25k in student loans but not a huge deal, pretty decent retirement $100k+ savings, paid for cars, 20%+ home equity, saving the maximum in retirement and have very nice savings accounts, married almost 4 years and we can survive on one income.
What’s the hold up? Well our time. DH is working full time and part-time MBA. I’m full time graduate school and I do everything. Sometimes it’s not financial.
It’s reprehensible that someone would ask if you are trying. It’s offensive when so many women struggle with infertility or miscarriages. I never ask because while I am sure many of our friends are “trying” at 29-35, if they are having troubles reminding them would be AWFUL.
And by the way, the perfect time to have a baby would be when you are ready. Meaning don’t have a kid to trap a man. Don’t have a kid to “fix” a relationship. Don’t have a kid for fun, don’t have a kid accidentally.
Actually both want to have children with or without money. I see so many people “accidentally” getting pregnant I wonder why? Get real. It’s not an accident when you use nothing or improperly use BC.
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@ LAL-I agree. TOTALLY. I may get called judgmental but I dont understand getting pregnant by accident.
And I admire your financials, ideally, that is where I’d like to be when we have our children. But with our student loans totalling near 200k TOGETHER we have a ways to go.
I am in my late 30s and having troubles conceiving. My husband and I didn’t decide to wait; it just sort of happened. I’m not questioning your choice to delay. Just want people out there to STOP asking people that intrusive question (when are you having kids?) because some people just aren’t able to and it’s painful.
[...] And GirlsJustWannaHaveFunds discusses Waiting to Have a Baby because of Finances [...]
We purposely waited to become parents because we didn’t want to repeat our own parent’s mistakes. We grew up with workaholic, struggling young parents and quite frankly, that stunk.
My husband and I adopted our daughter when we were 40. Our adoption decision was based upon personal choice, not infertility issues. Since we always knew we would adopt, my biological clock didn’t feel like a ticking time bomb. We waited until we could afford to commit to parenting 100% full-time, together. The wait has been worth it for our family.
As you know from my blog’s mantra, “Financially free, our family hasn’t set an alarm clock in years. Whether it be work, parenting or play, we wake with the sun, eager to spend each new day doing whatever we choose.”
I realize we sort of took this choice to an extreme. I don’t think it has to be an all or nothing thing – it’s just what worked best for my husband and I.
I can certainly relate to all those nosy questions and pushy comments. We dealt with them for almost 20 years… Keep confident in your personal decision and conviction and people will lay off eventually.
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I’ve never given this a try, but I think it’s about time I do.