5 Ways Your Choice Of Life Partners Can Make Or Break Your Finances
photo credit: Harshadewa
Choosing the right long term partner takes time, patience and a sincere interest in making sure you’ve chosen the right person. After all you’ll be sharing your lives together quite possibly for the rest of your life. So it makes sense that your choice in life partners can impact your finances. But fear not, chances are, if you’re reading this blog, at least one of you has a sincere interest in improving your finances.
Saving and Investing
Consider your potential partner’s approach to saving money and investing for the long haul. Do they pay themselves first or do they spend money and then consider whatever is left over for savings? If they save at all? Do they have a firm understanding of the stock market and not simply following the herd when it comes to making wise investments?
Do they read the Barrons publication and/or subscribe to Motley Fool updates and articles?
Your partner’s habits in this area could possibly make or break your relationship and eventual nuptials. Be sure to consider their spending habits, how much they save and if they plan to invest their money wisely.
Children
How many do you want? Will you utilize a daycare, nanny or stay at home? Discuss these options as they are sure to come up once children become part of the equation. Many couples go through tough times because one partner wants to stay home and the other becomes resentful due to bearing the sole financial burden of the household.
Household Finances
What’s their approach? Will they want to pay each bill as it arrives or will they schedule all household bills via your bank’s bill pay system? Believe it or not these nuances in personal finance approaches can cause unexpected rifts and it is important that you discuss these issues early on with your potential mate.
When merging your lives together for the first time, it can be difficult due to working in a routine that’s worked for such a long time. But take a step back, try to understand what will work for your relationship and not focus on who’s in control of the money. In this manner you learn to compromise, and if nothing else, one of the more important lessons you’ll learn in marriage.
Opposing Financial Goals
Does your partner want to use savings for a business they haven’t quite researched or do you want to pay down debt? I don’t need to tell you that this can be disastrous when not approached in a sensible manner. It is best to sit your mate down and be upfront: ask the questions that are on your mind. If they are uncomfortable, work with them on it until you get the answers you need. I asked my then boyfriend about his credit early on in our relationship, I wanted no part of a man that was irresponsiblele with money with no plans to improve or change his financial situation.
Teaching someone how to budget is one thing, but marrying someone who has no intentions of remaining debt free building wealth is a financial disaster waiting to happen.
Personal Finances Interest and Involvement
Are you marrying someone who has no clue or interest in how their money is possibly working for or against them? When did they last check their bank statement? Credit card statement? Are you marrying someone who knows what bills come out on each day of the month or are you marrying someone who consistently overdrafts their checking account and sees no problem with living hand to mouth?
Make wise decisions in this area. Money is the number one reason that couples divorce, please avoid being a statistic.
Does your partner take an active role in your personal finances? What’s one area you believe he or she could improve upon with regards to your personal finances?
What you are saying is absolutely true. As soon as a couple start arguing about money then it is the beginning of the end. However rather than pick a partner with the same money views as you I’d suggest picking a partner who has no money views! Run the family purse as a dictatorship – not a committee!
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This is somewhat true… but I’d also marry someone I love. To me this is one step away from looking for someone to marry based on their income. You don’t want to get carried away with analyzing people based on money… there’s more to a person than that.
Also, look at JD from GetRichSlowly… how did he handle his moeny when he got married?
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I agree with JB. There is more to people and relationships than money. No doubt that money matters play a big role in lots of relationships, but I would hate to think that anyone would let bad money habits be a deal breaker when considering a future mate. People change.
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I think that if the partner isn’t too interested in finances, they have to respect your interest and your judgment based on your research (disagree with at times, perhaps, but respect). No couple has equal interests in everything important. But if you talk about it at first and come to an agreement that makes both partners happy…
Micah could care less about reading Motley Fool, but he’ll talk with me about things I’ve found interesting. And he let me explain to him the awesomeness of indexing and agreed that if something happened to me he’d stick with it. He’s also completely willing to work within a budget, pay off debt faster (he was already doing that on his car & credit card when we got married, which made me happy).
@JB and Frugal
I think you may misunderstand my point. Im not saying this is the only criteria but for ME this is a deal breaker. I personally dont think that a man who cannot handle his money properly is worthy of being my mate.
Love is overrated IMHO.
Love doesnt get you out of the deep regret you feel when you’ve discovered that you married someone with no interest in advancing themselves financially and for me again, it is a deal breaker.
So for instance, my husband, while he doesnt think about money in the same way that I do, he moreso thinks about how to make more of it, we balance each other in that I think of ways to spend, invest and of course make more of it…money hacks and the like..
So Im not saying not to marry for love, but honestly, when you’re married and going through hard times, you need a little more than love to carry you through.
I can love you all I want but if you’re spending our mortgage money each weekend on a hobby then that’s a deal breaker.
Being broke isnt cute lol
Common sense isnt so common.
lol you are right, Ginger being broke isn’t cute at ALL!!!
I think making sure you are on the same page about money is good, so the saying goes to insure a good/decent marriage be on the same page about, money, kids, inlaws, and religion!!
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OKAY?!? I have stories for days on alladat!!!! LOL!
Ginger’s last blog post..5 Ways Your Choice Of Life Partners Can Make Or Break Your Finances
If love is overrated and money-views are more important… isn’t your marriage more like a business than a personal relationship?
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Yes, IMHO there are aspects of a marriage that are like a business, with the majority of it being personal.
Again JB, you’re taking this out of context. Love is and should be the basis of any marriage. However, what works for me is a man who is able to manage his finances effectively. I cannot and will not accept any less from my partner and he has always exceeded my expectations in this area, especially since we balance each other in the area of personal finances.
I understand that most of us get caught up in the fairy tale of marriage thinking that love is the ONLY thing needed. It’s not. I say that definitively. Marriage is work and for me one of my deal breakers is someone who does not have the wherewithall to make sure that I am financially secure. If yu’re running the streets, gambling, spending money you dont have etc etc then I want nothing of you.
Here’s a link to a blog post that says it all for me:
http://nineteen69.wordpress.com/2007/11/20/1969-inc/
““1969, what is marriage really like? I am about to walk down that path and I need a married person’s insight.”
It’s like running a corporation. A business venture. You have to go into it knowing that it could fail or it could succeed beyond your wildest dreams and make you rich.
The company is only as strong as it’s employees. When they lose focus on the big picture…..problems arise. The only way to solve the problems are to sit down, have each side air out their differences and resolve the issues through negotiations. The parties will need to compromise when necessary, admit when they are wrong or recognize when the other employee has a better plan and accept it.
Things can run smoothly but you always have to deal with outside forces that can threaten to halt production. It could come from family, friends, job, stress, kids, money…..you have to be ready to face these issues as a united team. Always keeping problems out in the open and discussing them with the team. Celebrating successes and learning from failures. Never being defeated because one idea didn’t work. Moving forward always and getting excited and motivated by the next idea.
If the employees don’t share the vision, believe in the vision and work together…..the endeavor will fail.
If the employees start discussing their business with outside forces or competitors……it opens themselves up for takeovers, leaves their company vulnerable.
Some businesses will get rich. Some will barely make ends meet. Some will never make a dime. The money does not measure success. The sense of accomplishment will come from the daily struggle…..the love of what you do, working together day in and day out.
If you’re really blessed, you will raise others to one day follow in your footsteps with a sound business acumen and a plan that you taught them. They will have all of the knowledge to go forth and start their own companies and be successful in their own right.
Good luck on starting your company!”
Taken from 1969 Inc.
The key is your partner’s values and culture. Does your partner share your values when it comes to money? Do they have the same culture of spending, investing and creating wealth? They better, or you are headed for conflict.
There are only a handful of things that money isn’t an important part of, so you need to be in the same ballpark when it comes to how you value money.
This is especially important if your life partner becomes your spouse because marriage is a LEGAL estate. It’s easy to separate finances when they don’t legally stick to you, but when they do, then there can be trouble if you haven’t made a good assessment of your partner’s values and culture.
Clair
What’s that old saying? Marry the first time for love, the second time for money? I hold very true to that. I was married at 18 and not very financially savvy. When I moved away from home to be with my now ex-husband, we overspent so much money that we ended up $3000 in debt.
He was in the Navy, and I eventually moved home to spend time with my father who had a stroke and was going to lose his job and be on disability. I took that time to realize the flaws in my financial thinking and turned myself around. I got a job at $8/hour which supported my father and I (barely) and decided to leave my husband. Which is a good thing because he is currently in financial turmoil, and I am currently buying a house, have an emergency fund, started my retirement funds, and almost paid off my first car.
I certainly don’t plan to support anyone else, especially not a man who doesn’t have a steady job. He doesn’t have to make a lot of money, but he certainly needs to contribute his share. I could never date or hold a relationship with a guy who can’t keep a job. It may sound shallow but it’s one of my #1 requirements now.
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Lady Tawodi:
There is absolutely nothing “shallow” about your #1 requirement. You are being responsible and you have expectations that others “attached” to you will behave the same (if they intend to stay attached).
Like all the rest of us, you are a product of your experiences, and there is nothing wrong with that. I steer clear of people that are irresponsible or have expectations that others will bail them out.
My ex put me behind the financial power curve in 1998 to the tune of about $130K because I wasn’t nearly as “shallow” as I should have been. I had to start my own business to pull myself out of deep debt.
It took me 7 years, but I made tremendous strides to put myself back on top of the game, complete with a revitalized playbook of “shallow” principles and requirements for life and a life partner.
Today I have a wonderful sweetheart that shares many of my values. I self-retired at age 49, and now live debt free. I still run my own home-based consulting business, and my sweetheart is doing the same.
If there was only one piece of advice that I could give to everyone for use in any circumstance, it would be this: When making important decisions, first think with your head, then with your heart, and then go back and use your head again before you make a decision.
Good fortune to all,
Clair
That is great advice Claire, sounds like you have been there and know the perils in choosing an ill fated partner and what it can do to your finances.
Thank you Claire! I know a woman who married a man who was extemely financially irresponsible even though he was well-educated and made good money.
It took her years to repair her credit and get out of debt, but she’s doing okay now.
But without her to offset his poor choices, he is a huge MESS.
Head FIRST, people, marriage is NOT a game.
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Ginger – this post of yours is very timely. I have just come out of a long term relationship and when looking back on it,
a lot of the thingseverything you mentioned are so very true.Naturalself’s last blog post..Free Network Monitoring Software
Very, very timely indeed. If you cannot trust your partner fiscally, or trust him/her to make sound decisions when it comes to finances, nothing good will ever come of it. My mama always told me to ask for a mans credit score when falling in love, and after a few failed attempts at love, I now see why.
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