Guest Post: Why Every Woman Needs Mad Money
This is a guest post by Pamela Grundy, writer for Personal FInance Analyst. Personal Finance Analyst is an online community of bloggers dedicated to taking the mystery out of money and helping you to live a happier, more successful life with the money you have. I enjoyed this post and I hope you will too. Think about it as F-U money! *snicker*
When I reached dating age, a couple of centuries ago, my grandmother gave me a little coin purse with a ten dollar bill in it to take with me whenever I went out with a boy. “That’s your mad money,” she said, “Don’t spend it; just keep it tucked away in your purse so that in case you get mad, you have some money to get home on.”
I never had to use my mad money on a date, but later in life, in my mid-twenties, when I met a man whose dream it was to become an FBI agent, and he was hired and we were going to have to move to D.C., we decided to get married before we left. (I never can get things in the proper order.) I had to give notice at my factory job, where I sewed little leather camera bags with lots of Spanish speaking immigrants, Asian refugees, and Midwestern black women. My nickname at this job (it was in the 1970s) was “hippie chick.” It wasn’t a put down so much as an acknowledgment that, yes, I stuck a bit there.
To my surprise, my co-workers all took up a collection for me on my last day, and sent me off with a “Good Luck” card and this advice:
“This money is for you. Don’t tell your man about it, just put it in a little savings account in your own name so that, if things don’t work out like we all hope they do for you, you’ll have a little money to get home on.” In other words: Mad money again. I won’t lie to you, I did cry.
What I didn’t do was put the money away like they told me to do. That was foolish, because not more than I year later I had a brand new baby girl, I was living in a 15th floor flat in Rego Park, Queens, and my hubbie the fed was losing his marbles. I had to borrow money from my folks to get home on, and I stayed there until he got his act together, which only took about 20 years. Everything is fine now. He’s fine. I’m fine. The baby is will be 30 this coming February, and we now have a grandson we adore and ties us positively together even though we’ve long found other mates and other lives.
But that Mad Money sure would have come in handy.
The point is, we never know what life has in store for us, and it is not a betrayal to recognize this fact and put money aside for yourself and yourself alone. So many women think that marriage means pooling everything, all resources and possessions, all earnings. Separate accounts feel like betrayal to young lovers and newlyweds, but if you don’t maintain a sense of yourself in even the best of relationships, you eventually forget who you are and you lose the relationship too.
You may never need your Mad Money. That’s great. If that happens, you can present your man with a ten year anniversary gift he’ll never forget as long as he lives: A new pole barn, a Harley, a trip to Canada to fish for two weeks with his buddies while you go to chick flicks, get foot massages at the beauty parlor, and eat chocolate an whipped cream for dinner in front of a “What Not to Wear” marathon.
It’s healthy for couples to keep some of their hard earned money in separate accounts to use for whatever they like. And, before you tell me your life is just too expensive for that and there isn’t a dime left over to save, let me just tell you that you put the dime in first, before you pay the other bills.
You can’t buy security, but you can make yourself feel more confident and secure. Confident, secure women have healthy financial lives and happy relationships. And if by some freak of bad fortune they don’t have these things, they have Mad Money accounts to help them get back on track.
LOVED this post! It goes against some of my more traditional thoughts around couples and bank accounts but I enjoyed it nonetheless. Thoughts?
[image: LFF]
About the Author: Girls Just Wanna Have Funds is for the woman that wants to take charge of her personal finances. We value budgeting, investing, frugality and remain mindful of our spending habits. Move over and make way for women who are in control of their financial destinies and not afraid to say it. We're armed with a positive net worth and not afraid to flaunt it while breaking financial ceilings one stiletto at a time!
Sara | Jun 8, 2008 | Reply
I absolutely love this article. It is extremely good advice for star-struck new lovers/newlyweds, especially coming out of college or high school. And it applies to men too!
2million (1 comments.) | Jun 8, 2008 | Reply
I think this is great advice for man or woman. It gives you a bit of a comfort zone in a relationship regardless of who is managing the money in the relationship.
2million’s last blog post..Financial Incentives for Going Green?
That Saddity Chic (5 comments.) | Jun 8, 2008 | Reply
I made sure I had my mad/f-you money when I quit my job 2 years ago to start my own business. If I hadn’t been saving so diligently I would have been stuck there much longer. About 8 months ago this money came in handy again. I had just moved in with my fiance who lived 2 hours away. We had gotten into a heated arguement and he demanded that I move out of his house. It all worked out beteween us but I felt so secure while packing my things. There was no begging to stay because of not having my finances together. I know that anything can happen in a relationship and women need the mad money so they don’t become stuck in relationships that are compromising, unhealthy and abusive. Ladies we must have this money set aside for unforseen situations like this.
That Saddity Chic’s last blog post..Am I A Bad Blog Friend?
savvy (9 comments.) | Jun 9, 2008 | Reply
I agree that it’s healthy for spouses to have their own money to spend as they choose. However, I don’t think it should be a secret. Hubby and I have joint accounts as well as a separate accounts. At any time, either of us can access the other’s account (we added the other’s name to the individual accounts when we got married) but never actually bother to do so.
savvy’s last blog post..Money Magazine Giveaway!
CreoleInDC (13 comments.) | Jun 11, 2008 | Reply
THEY JUST SHOWED YOUR SITE ON “GOOD MORNING AMERICA!” I SAT UP IN BED AND SCREAMED! IT’S GINGER’S SITEEEEEEEEE! ROBBY RAN UPSTAIRS THINKING SOMETHING WAS WRONG! GO GINGER GO! WHOOOOOOOOOHOOOOOOOOOOO!
J dawg | Jul 8, 2008 | Reply
We just talked about this over at undertrader.com. While I like the article from the standpoint of yes women should have some money to get back home with (pre-marriage) I strongly disagree that you should have hidden money in a marriage. But I think that this is the point of an Emergency fund. If you have one premarriage and you move in with a guy who turns out to be a loon, you can use it to get back home. But after you are married if you should be moving all money together. You are married, partners, bound together as one , the symbol of the ring representing having no beginning and no end.
Jennifer | Jul 11, 2008 | Reply
It is wise to have a little extra income set aside for each partner to be able to spend/save/hoard at will. I will never understand why another drill bit is needed the same as he will never understand the need for another pair of black shoes - He can spend his money and I can spend mine as I please without question, without worry. This said, these accounts are funded after all else is taken care of.
Relationship advice that makes a difference (1 comments.) | Aug 12, 2008 | Reply
Lots of information to digest. I\’ll need some time to think about this.