Comments on: Are We Giving Up Too Much: After A Baby Full Time Or Part?

By: Miss M

Miss M — Wed, 29 Oct 2008 21:36:40 +0000

The mommy wars scare me, I don’t have children yet but plan to someday. I will have to go back to work afterwards, I’m the main breadwinner and my other half makes poverty level wages. Does that make me unfit to be a mother, the fact that I’m highly educated and make good money. This is a problem that will become more prevalent in our society as girls continue to graduate from college at a higher rate than boys. As an earlier comment noted, if girls are simply going to drop out of the workforce why bother investing in their education. I have a college friend who never used the degree that was subsidized by the taxpayers of CA, she just wanted to be a mommy and it kinda makes me mad. I think as a country we have to value women as both mothers and workers, any society that only uses half of it’s brainpower is going to fall behind. The problem is we make women chose, career or family, rather than helping them with both. Longer and paid maternity leave, flexible schedules, better benefits for part time workers and subsidized day care would go a long way to helping families achieve a balance. Guess I need to move to Europe.

Miss M’s last blog post..Got a Sharebuilder Account? Want 2 Free Trades?

By: The Baragin Shopper Lady

The Baragin Shopper Lady — Sat, 21 Jun 2008 05:03:56 +0000

You can always make money. You can only have your child at home for 5 years. I think it’s a no brainer. I personally pick my children over money.
I work from home and have lots of friends who do. I work 10 hours a week. It pays the grocery bill and keeps us debt free. All I can ask for my love for working and my love for being a mom. I’ve had friends who’s bosses wouldn’t dream of losing them and have allowed them to work at home when they told them they were leaving to stay at home with their kids. You never know what can happen. Your kids will be blessed because no one loves them like their mom or dad (or grandma).
I believe that either Mom or Dad should be staying at home with the kids.

The Baragin Shopper Lady’s last blog post..Free Clinique Products

By: Cindy

Cindy — Tue, 17 Jun 2008 15:39:06 +0000

I’m a writer/editor for a film company and I was fortunate enough to have the opportunity to work from home two days a week after my daughter was born. She is now 19 months and it is working out very well. In a company dominated by men, they can’t imagine how I get any work done with a baby running around screaming all the time. By getting up early, working after she goes to bed, and during naptime, I have found that I actually get MORE work done on the days I’m at home than I do when I’m at the office. At the office, I have twelve men diverting my attention from editing, but at home I only have one little toddler. Any time they question my productivity or ability to get my job done, I just have to point to my accomplishments. I make sure they have no reason to doubt me and I get all my work done on time (or early). I am quickly finding out that pretty much anyone can work from home (unless you work retail). All you need is a phone and computer. And then you can cut out that hour you would normally spend taking a shower! ha ha.

Cindy’s last blog post..Edible Etsy

By: Ellie

Ellie — Wed, 11 Jun 2008 16:58:20 +0000

OK, I know this article and all comments were posted almost two months ago, but reading through the comments I felt I had to respond as well. First, I must say “right on” to most of the people on here who appreciate that this is a difficult decision for everyone involved. I only recently stumbled upon this site and am really enjoying it, so thank you. However, Graham’s posting has me all worked up! I think I would be more accepting of that type of comment if GRAHAM were the one who stopped working and would never go back.

By: Links: Wisdom, Hope, Knowledge Edition | Company Depot

Links: Wisdom, Hope, Knowledge Edition | Company Depot — Tue, 22 Apr 2008 09:00:36 +0000

[...] the last of my shampoo by watering it down… Ginger of GirlsJustWannaHaveFunds discusses mothers deciding whether or not to work after a baby. It’s funny how things change. For a while I was the one who wanted to stay at home with the [...]

By: smurfett

smurfett — Tue, 15 Apr 2008 22:22:44 +0000

Before I had my daughter, I thought I would go back to work full time after 6 weeks, or at least work from home full time soon after I give birth.

After I had my daughter, I realized that it was unrealistic to do so, for two reasons. It takes a lot of time to care for a child, and you feel pulled and guilty whenever you’re doing one and not the other. On top of that, having an actual child (as opposed to just having opinion) totally changes my outlook. Suddenly, things that didn’t seem possible before (wanting to be a SAHM) seemed like a possibility; just so I could spend more time w/ my child. The first 4-5 years of a child’s life seem so precious, esp since they grow at such a phenomenal rate.

I found the book Mommy Wars a really interesting read. I know there are people who complain about the book not giving women who *have* to work a voice, but the stories in there did show some issues everyone struggled with, and how people made peace with their decisions.

Another thing I always find interesting is that usually it’s the woman who wants to stay at home after the kid is born. How come no men says they want to stay at home and ask their spouse/partner to support them? If we had more men who want to do childcare, maybe more laws could be changed to benefit everyone.

By: Beth

Beth — Tue, 15 Apr 2008 21:24:03 +0000

JJ - I see your logic but there are two problems: #1 we are seeing that it is not just women who “opt out,” it can be men, and I believe we will see more men opt out and fewer women as it comes to more of an equilibrium. #2 is that even if a college educated parent is out of the workforce for 10+ years, there are still many many years after that for that person to use his/her college education. My own mother had 5 kids and was out of the workforce for 18 years but now, at age 63 she has about 23 years of working behind her and she will probably continue to work until at least age 70 since she loves what she does. I think 23 years of work made her college (and graduate) education worth it despite 18 years out of the workforce.

By: jj

jj — Tue, 15 Apr 2008 18:22:12 +0000

I also wonder about the ramifications of women opting out. If this trend continues and tuition continues to increase at a very high rate, then the next logical step is to discourage daughters from going to college or at least favor a son in terms of financing a college education. After all if a woman will likely work 5-10 years before quitting, a college degree isn’t worth it. I know many women who are still paying off loans after quitting the workforce. The degree definitely wasn’t worth it.

By: Beth

Beth — Tue, 15 Apr 2008 16:58:34 +0000

I attended a work meeting 2 weeks after my first child was born. One of the guys in the meeting gave me some advice on breastfeeding and how to change dirty diapers in the middle of the night. It was funny. I began my consulting business after only 2 years of full-time work after college when I became pregnant with my first. I have been consulting now for 7 years and I love it. I probably put in anywhere from 10-40 hours per week of paid work and I am writing a book as well. My daughter is in half-day kindergarten and my son is in daycare from 9-4 3 days per week. I absolutely love to work so there just is no other alternative for me. My husband does all the child and house care on the weekends and evenings while I work and write. We have next to no life outside of work and home but that is fine for us for now. We will make more friends later when our kids are both in full-time school. My husband stayed home with our second for a year and half after he was born (we saved up for this) and it was totally worth it. By the way: nothing beats a husband who understands first-hand how difficult it is to care for a baby!!!

Now, given my background, you might think I am anti-stay at home moms but I am not. I know many stay at home moms who really do find a ton of meaning in their work, they work super hard, know their kids better than I do mine, manage their families finances better than I do mine, and are happy. It is a valid and wonderful choice just as working is. (Your children will not suffer from too much time with mom, for sure!)

By: Alexandria

Alexandria — Tue, 15 Apr 2008 13:00:35 +0000

I think all important things to consider. I don’t think personally I could give up my career and stay home.

I went back to work when my first child was 8 weeks old - certainly no regrets. My husband stays home with the kids and it really works for us.

When I read this I think this is a sign of the times that people are having children much later. We had our first child at 25 which was quite sweet as we worked post-college jobs a few years and saved up some real money. BUT we weren’t very far in any career track that taking a break would be a huge setback. I loved my job and was paid quite well. My husband was miserable and got laid off. He wanted kids far more than I. It just made sense for us. He can restart his career in his mid 30s. I hardly feel like we have had much financial setback. How many people do I know haven’t finish college at that age? Yes, he has sacrificed in a sense. But now he is working at his hobbies, trying to turn that into a business, and is far happier. You don’t know how many times I told him to quit his job and follow his heart before. This has given him much more courage to do so.

Likewise, I know few traditional 2-income families. Most of my friends work opposite shifts, FT/PT combos, or have extended family support. I think the more you are willing to think outside the box, the more likely you’ll find what works for you. IDeally we would both like to work part-time. (Spouse wants more time outside the home; I wish I had a little more time with the kids). So that is what we work towards. I think we’ll make it in a few years. (Kids are 5 & 3 now).

I don’t really understand what most working moms go through. Most of my friends do way too much or are worried about the quality of their children’s care. I have someone taking care of the house and kids and I know they are well taken care of. & then of course my SAHM friends struggle with their own issues. I feel I have the best of both worlds.

It bothers me how anyone’s choices are so villified in this debate. We value a spouse who stays home. I’m a working mom. We put our kids in part-time daycare (for them just as much for us). I get it from all sides. There is value in each of these choices. What’s most important is what is best for both you and your child. & as you see it often takes compromise and sacrifice. No easy answer.