The Five Mistakes Married Women Make
The Five Mistakes Married Women Make peaked my interest as I am an advocate of women not losing themselves once they get married. Being a newlywed myself I understand the societal pressures to get married and leave it all up to your husband.
Big Mistake.
I contend that women should have as much an interest and a part in their personal finances as their partners. No matter how much you trust and love your husband, the state of your personal finances should always be a joint event. You should know how much you have in your 401k, savings, stocks, mutual funds and your current debt load.
The article highlighted the following mistakes:
1. Mistake: Handing Over the Purse Strings
Not only is ignorance NOT bliss, it can lead to the rug being pulled right from under you. As I stated earlier, do you know how much you have in savings? What about your 401k? Is the mortgage being paid on time every month? What role do you have in the finances of your household? If you don’t know then its time to re-evaluate your position and become a key player. If you do, then pass Go and collect $200. It pays to be knowledgeable in this area.
Solution: Pay Attention to the Household Finances
Both partners should attend the meetings with insurance agents, accountants, financial planners and lawyers, says Watchung, N.J.-based Kaye. Women should also look over monthly bank statements and credit-card bills. And Kaye recommends that couples make a list of all bank and brokerage accounts and insurance policies and keep it with other important documents, such as wills and medical directives.
2. Mistake: Losing Your (Financial) Identity
Who are you? Are any credit card accounts in your name? Does your credit only exist in the form of an authorized user on your partner’s accounts? That should change, and soon. While you’re married, you should still be able to maintain some sense of who you are in the credit realm, doing so hurts your ability to obtain credit down the line.
Solution: Maintain Some Individual Accounts
“You always want to maintain your own credit identity,” says Lisa Caputo, president and CEO of Women & Co., a division of Citigroup. She recommends that couples keep three bank accounts (his, hers and ours) and maintain separate credit cards.
3. Mistake: Walking Away From Your Career
I agree with this point to an extent. I fully support women becoming stay-at-home moms if that is their choice. My only advice would be to keep one foot in the door via part-time or a contract position to keep your resume updated while you are taking time off from full time work. Not just in the case of divorce, but what you choose to get back into your career after your children are grown? Maintaining some level of involvement in your career gives you some leverage when you choose to return full time. I don’t ever recommend walking away and never looking back unless you are independently wealthy.
Solution: Keep Your Skills Fresh
It might be hard to do when you’re up to your eyeballs in dirty diapers, but unless you’re independently wealthy, you should always be aware that you might someday return to the work force for one reason or another. (Kids, after all, do grow up.)So don’t lose touch completely. Try to take on consulting projects during your industry’s busy season and attend professional networking events. Even charity work can give you a leg up when you start applying for a new job. For more tips on re-entering the work force, read our story.
4. Mistake: Not Saving for Retirement
Consider that since we are living longer than men, this should be an important area for us as we navigate our finances. So many times we don’t give it a second thought if our partner is the breadwinner and think they will save enough for both in retirement. We ought to have a plan that makes sure both parties are saving collectively or that the major breadwinner is saving collectively.
Solution: Penny-Pinch Now for Your Future
Make saving for retirement a priority, says Women & Co.’s Caputo, even if it means stashing away less for your children’s college education. If you’re working, save as much as you can in your company’s retirement plan, or in an IRA. If you’re not employed, contribute to a spousal IRA, which has an annual contribution cap of $4,000 in 2006 and 2007 ($5,000 if you will be age 50 or older by the end of the year).
5. Mistake: Asking for the House During a Divorce
Another point, I am not sure I agree with in its entirety. The article states that we shouldn’t focus so much on the house only to end up not being able to manage the monthly payments and upkeep. Who says we won’t? What if you can afford to focus on retaining the house and children in the divorce. I think better advice would have been to focus your efforts on being financially stable in the aftermath and if that doesn’t mean getting the house because you can’t afford it then so be it. But I think many divorced women would rather keep the house in order to maintain a sense of stability for their children.
Solution: Get Financial Guidance
When women are going through a divorce, they need to determine which assets will help them pay their bills and reach their long-term goals. Some women might want to consult a financial planner, says Wife.org’s Wall. Too many women, says Wall, fight for the home to avoid uprooting their children, only to find that they don’t have the cash flow to pay for it.
What do you think are some common mistakes women make when getting married?
About the Author: Girls Just Wanna Have Funds is for the woman that wants to take charge of her personal finances. We value budgeting, investing, frugality and remain mindful of our spending habits. Move over and make way for women who are in control of their financial destinies and not afraid to say it. We're armed with a positive net worth and not afraid to flaunt it while breaking financial ceilings one stiletto at a time!
Carol (1 comments.) | Feb 25, 2008 | Reply
For strategy and advice on returning to work after a career break, check out Back on the Career Track: A Guide for Stay-at-Home Moms Who Want to Return to Work by Carol Fishman Cohen and Vivian Steir Rabin (Warner Books, June 2007). Also see http://www.iRelaunch.com for resources for mid-career professionals in all stages of career break.
barbara stanny (1 comments.) | Feb 25, 2008 | Reply
Excellent advice. Wish every one would follow it. I’ve seen too many tragic situations where the man left and the woman was clueless!! But even if he never leaves, nothing is as empowering as financial clarity.
Keep up the great work…you’ve got a terrific blog!
Barbara Stanny, author of “PRince Charming Isn’t Coming: How Women Get Smart About Money.”
http://www.barbarstanny.com
Meg (10 comments.) | Feb 25, 2008 | Reply
Great, great advice. I agree with all five points.
Sure, if you have 4 kids in high school or younger and you want custody, then you probably want to keep the house too. Just make sure you get enough alimony/child support to make the payments (and for heaven’s sake make sure you understand what ALL household expenses entail) - or else you’ll be far better off selling the house and getting (investing) the proceeds.
And as for the career, I agree there too. If you are independently wealthy (like, not counting your husbands’ income/assets), then it doesn’t really matter, but otherwise it’s almost absurdly risky to just abandon your earning power. Kids only need full-time care for a few years. You’re likely to live to be 80-100. If I was married AND had several kids AND wanted to stay home AND it made financial sense for me to do so, I’d have my husband take out many millions in life insurance and also have a strict post-nup drafted to ensure my financial stability. You have to think like a man in that situation: you might love your kids, but you have to look out for yourself first. You want to be able to feed them in case of divorce or death of your husband, right?
Bourne B | Feb 25, 2008 | Reply
This is a terrific post! I feel you, on having one foot in the career door while taking care of your family. Although, taking care of family is priority number one, I feel that it is important to carve out a niche in life for oneself.
Remember that credit card commercial with the mom being around the baby so long that her language turned to baby talk? I could understand how someone might feel somewhat lost.
There are countless things that one can do to keep their skills sharp in the eventuality they may have to go to work.
Also, why let all those great skills that you have accumulated go to waste or remain dormant! For example, if you are a great researcher you could write a book on a historical topic that might interest you.
You could contact your favorite college or grad professor and ask them if they needed research assistance or if they would mine guiding your research efforts.
These things may not get you the big bucks but they sure are resume builders!
How about assisting your favorite local charity develop a marketing campaign or better yet, take a leadership role on the board.
By enriching your community or continuing to stimulate your mind, you can create for yourself a level of self affirmation that eliminate the feeling that you are allowing the world to pass you by.
While I was in college the valedictorian at my graduation was a women who took one course per semester between 1982 and 1997. She was a homemaker and wanted to spend time with her family but wanted to complete her college degree. I had the privilege of taking a course with her, she was very inspirational and helped to enrich my experience. Also, I assume that she was great role model for her children because she taught them that they needed to set goals for themselves no matter what life has to offer.
The bottom line is just to live life! Don’t fear that you may have to go back to work because of a so called divorce. That is not the end all or be all. Listen to your passion and carve out time to accomplish it. Once you start connecting with like minded individuals you will be surprised how opportunities begin to present themselves.
Ginger | Feb 25, 2008 | Reply
Excuse my hubby ladies, he’s rather passionate about a woman not giving up on herself after kids! *waving* XOXO
meg | Mar 22, 2008 | Reply
Totally agreeable. A woman should never lose her identity and marriage should complement her. It is good to love but its best to love oneself first.
Carla Alvarez (1 comments.) | May 15, 2008 | Reply
I agree with #3. While you don’t necessarily have to stay in the work force, it’s helpful to keep the contacts and put yourself out there in broader circles other than the neighborhood playgroup.
Carla Alvarez’s last blog post..Get Extra Marketing Mileage from Charitable Donations